Short-term detox vs. Rehab vs. just moving the fuck away from dope dealers??

[gnossos (OP)]

I'm ready for this to stop. I know my husband is too, we both have agreed its totally out of control. It's not any one particular drug either, we're just sick of having to focus so much energy every single fucking waking moment of our lives on doing all we can to distort our reality.

In the words of the late, great Elliott Smith...

Distorted reality's now a necessity - to be free.

[/b][/size][/color]

<a href="

">"Distorted reality's now a necessity / to be free."[/url]

I really have appreciated the advice/criticism you all have given me over the years, so I'm just trying to see what you all think. Here's what I see my options as right now:
[colorbox]
1. Sell everything we can, get in the car, and just fucking go. Get away from the shit, and at least we'll be free of it until we find connects in a new place. (A lot of my junkie friends tend to do this, just dip out when shit gets outta hand).

It worked for us before for all of 1 month when we moved to Atlanta (where we went to GET OUR DOPE.. to get clean). lol. Wonder why that didn't work out?

2. Short-term detox. I did it before, so I know all it's really good for is just stopping you if you can't do it yourself, but I know I just went right back to it when I got out last time, so...

3. Maybe stay with some sober friends? There's a couple we know who used to be just as fucked up as us, and they cleaned up on their own. Been getting a lotta good advice from them.. Problem is, their place happens to be our crack house, even though they don't do it (they let us party there).

4. Move back into my parents garage and just let the hubby lose his job so we just won't have the cash to fund this habit. That's where we were when we first met and it was some of the best times of our lives, regardless of how miserably dopesick we always were...
[/size]

[/colorbox]
Anyway, I have taken to heart what you all have said about in-patient/long-term rehab. I guess just because I'd never tried it, I wanted to think it was a magic fix, but I know it's not.

I just wanna jump in the car now and take the fuck off.
[/font][/size][/list][/font][/size][/list]

[Lolleedee]

I'm sorry to hear that you guys are struggling.  Most of us here know the desperation of addiction when we are hitting the wall with it.

Please don't take what I am about to say as a personal attack on you or in any way putting you down.  It is just an observation from someone who has been there and has more than a decade more of life experience.

Every plan you mentioned is going to fail because everywhere you go, there you are!  It sounds great in theory to "start over" and go somewhere where you have a "clean slate", but the common denominator in this addiction catastrophe is you...and you bring yourself wherever you go!

Until you start working on yourself...healing from past traumas, dealing with depression/anxiety, addressing self-esteem and family issues, examining how you deal with the world around you, the dope is going to follow you.  You have to get a solid recovery foundation going or all your attempts to get clean will be just that...attemps.

Have you ever tried any support groups type stuff?  I didn't do well with NA/AA, but I found SMART recovery (non 12 step based on cognitive behavioral therapy aka. science!) to be helpful.  There are also a slew of others such as LifeRing, SOS(secular organizations for sobriety) WFS (women for sobriety) and I am sure there are others.  Therapy is also great!  I personally love having a neutral party who's job it is to listen to my diatribes and help me sort out healthy ways to deal with life!

What about MAT?  Maybe medication would help.  I have found methadone to be the ONLY thing that has helped me.  It keeps my mind and body from screaming for the drugs and has allowed me to be comfortable enough to do the real introspective work that needed to be done.  Learning to live without using has been really hard, I am not going to lie.  However, my life has done a complete 180 and I am very grateful for that.  I struggled to get clean for many, many years.  I did in-patient more than a few times, detox, IOP and 12 step meetings every day.  I could never get passed the cravings.  When I went the MAT route, I was able to make changes swiftly and the growth I have made in the last three plus years have been amazing even to me.

I think we all have this magical thinking that if we can just get clean life will be infinitely better, but the fact is when you first put down the drugs, it sucks so damn bad!  Why do you think relapse rates are so high?  It isn't because everyone feels great, that's for sure.  Detox is but the beginning...then there is the dreaded PAWS, which I haven't seen anyone escape after getting clean.  Then there is facing the mess your life has become due to your addiction without the buffer of numbing out and getting high.  If getting clean was the problem, detox would be the answer.  It is the staying clean that is the challenge!

Anywho, maybe it is time to start working on you...and you do not have to be clean to walk into a therapists office or a meeting.  Recovery can begin before you put the drugs down.  You can talk about doing this or that, but recovery won't begin until you stop talking about it and start acting on it!

I wish you all the best!  Addiction sucks!