I stop things now, will this post and you help me doing it?

[Sonary (OP)]

Hi every one. Hope your' ok.

 Just quickly introduce myself, before explain purpose of this topic.  I will introduce me really on the forum later, sorry for that and for my English level:)

I'm a French person 33 year old, sort of drug addict psychonaut since 15 year.

 I have take big decision yesterday when I realized what I was doing,  as blind, during the 3 last month.  I'have change,  hurting people around me, cheat and lie to me,  prisoner of myself. 

I relapse   IV administration way. 

Normaly I stop that 2 years ago before.
Now,  injecting regularly   buprenorphine,  ritaline or cocaine
 
By this topic, I will (try to)  post daily:
"I  dont mainline anything today   "
and what else I want to text.
I begin tomorrow.

Purpose is to help me to keep my decision right,  sharing truly with you my thought, actions or anything.
And I don't want lie to you.

If you want follow me, give advise, info or anything,  you are very welcome.

Is it a good idea? Could this really  help me?


Some things:

Say me what you think, if it's ok and in the good topic. 
My posts will begin tomorrow and everyday next.
The rule : I can't lie.
I promise to do that for me first  and it will be ok too for all my relations.
Why? I see my bad twin take over my body and mind during this 3month,  destroying me from inside, and lot things around, dancing madly with the death.  My entourage was worried, my girlfriend was cheated and she don't  understand what happen.
I already try to stop that 3 weeks ago but for someone not me and I have no success, no one dust of my will power. I don't do it during 6 hour.
I choose to begin stop tomorrow morning and describe objectives before, not too much, not far.
First time step: Stop IV of anything. I can continue taking drugs, but unfortunately, no more soon and no money for me mow :/
Second time, two weeks later,  change my behavior with toxic who'is now compulsive and out of my control. Decrease dosage.
We see the rest later.

I go to sleep soon, post this text before. I'm a little bit afraid of my first stopping day in few hours. I'will be exhausted and painful soon.

But I will do it.
I want trust me as I did it before

Thank you for reading! 

Have a nice day,
Bye

[Thoms]

Welcome to the board. Are you just trying to drop the spike or using all together? I know needle fever is a big thing. The good thing is snorting buperinorphine does the same as shooting it as far as I could ever tell. Good luck with dropping the shit though!

[Sonary (OP)]

Thank you,
and thanks for advice.
I'm trying stop the spike starting today, only this objectif during 2 weeks.

I authorize myself to take any drugs I want during this period but stop for true the intravenous way. (But fact is : I don't have money, no drugs (only mianserine for 1week), no friends in 15miles around so take what I want seems to be not easy ^^)

If I success to maintain  that goal this two weeks,  I will begin after to moderate my consumption of drugs,  stop any compulsive way and take medical drugs as prescripted during two weeks too.

If I fail during the two first weeks, I really need, I think,  total support, in clinic or rehab...

So now the methylphenidate is still in my blood for  6 hours maybe, buprenorphine until 12hour (1 just keep a small line for later).   I don't have tobacco.
No medics (legal way)  before 3weeks, and difficult environment to access any drugs.
I am a little distressed.
I go now with my last 1.5€ buy one hopeless drink, take fresh and cold air by the way and go back in this small room that someone lend to me.

[Z]

Salut mec.  Welcome  to our corner.  Stopping injecting is a great start, and it'll make reducing your dose easier.  Quitting maintenance meds that you abuse is hard.

Did you start using with subutex?  So you get high from it?

Posting will help with being accountable.  The more you do the more people will join in probably.

Ici c'est evident sue c'est anglais, mais tu peut la faire en grenouille au besoin.

[Sonary (OP)]

I don't mainline (is it the good expression?) anything since I wake up.
 The real 24 hours first day is so begin now
Have a good night and thanks to you

Answer for Z : I start using IV first time  6 years ago with cocaine, using with heroine during one year, stop with subutex injected (I know it was not the good way but...) during 2or3 years. Stop it with a big travel and inject a second period cocaine during almost 3years compulsively. Stop it during 2years and restart 3month ago, bupe & cocaine. But for the first time, I definite the cycle and understand how I start them. I'll explain my plain toxic life in my presentation  I think, soon.

[Sonary (OP)]

I don't mainline antything today. Drink two glass of wine and 150mg of tramadol...

[Sonary (OP)]

Not sure why I'm doing that. I loved living in the illusion I build. Reality is a sad and fool neverending mascarade where my choice are not mine.

[Sonary (OP)]

I just now preparing my next fall.

[dizzle]

Man no joke there was a time I was so addicted to the needle I shot water.


yep.




truth is the needle is hard to quit, until your body makes you quit, I've got like 5 veins left, and if I hit them too many times in a small period of time they go bye bye. Then I'll have 4 good veins.


then 3.


you see where I'm going.




I've made myself get to the point where I only get high once a week, this way my veins get a rest, and I can actually feel the dope.


the rest of the time I'm on methadone.

[Snoop]

I've shot stupid H2o also.... And I've shot stupid Benadryl.

What else??? Hmmmm....

I've shot stupid Methadone. Oh yeah. That one.

Stupid stupid stupid.

But needle fever is for real. It took awhile and a lot of broke days, but I overcame it.

Finally.

Like many here with years consecutive use, I have precious few places I can even hit consistently. Or at all anymore.

[Sonary (OP)]

My arteries and 2 vein left.
I don't no why this fight is best.
If part of mine suicide slowly myself,
Maybe cause nowhere my mind be safe.
I wanna dozat,  but  I don't want
Tomorrow 12 I go, do what stop I can't

[Sonary (OP)]

Maybe for hope,  I have to stop, saying my thinking with low vocabulary,  cause people reading this line think, 4u 3nd me nothing things remain.

[Sonary (OP)]

Trying stop what?  Impossible.
My life,  as rat  in a bubble.

[bonedust]

^^^Ugh Snoops I shot benadryl too (once was more than enough) . It was terrible. I felt like I was gonna die for a good half hour. Did your body involuntarily exhale like mine did, like you got the wind knocked outta you when it hit? It was beyond bizarre, scary, pointless and so stupid.

And Sonary, hang in there man.

[Sonary (OP)]

Blop,
60mg of methyphenidate and 4mg of jupe.
I looooose,
 but I try to slow down,
It was a good expérience trying to stop,
I don't made 0% mistake at this.
So baaaad.