I stop things now, will this post and you help me doing it?

[Sonary (OP)]

Blop,
60mg of methyphenidate and 4mg of jupe.
I looooose,
 but I try to slow down,
It was a good expérience trying to stop,
I don't made 0% mistake at this.
So baaaad.

[LadyKalma]

Hey man, welcome. Even if you messed up you still have reduced your usage, and you should be proud. I look foreword to hearing more about what this kind of life is like in your part of the world.

[Z]

You can still stop.  Don't let one fuck up slow you down when it's going so well.

[Sonary (OP)]

So, my veins remain seems grateful to me cause I think about them health . Just take one take per day. Bupe, just to limit side effects of limiting my blood toxic level. I no I'll not stop definitely something or another one in two weeks but I change my  mind about autodestructhing, not a big but a step to wellness. Ok for me. Thank you all to support me this week. I'll continue, another path, on the same way.. Maybe evolute the point of this post to make it different.
Peace, live and laugh.

[Sonary (OP)]

Intox a cation,  thats  hell a troll is.

[dillydudeEL14]

Hey good for you man. I gave up on trying to get clean. I can’t do it. Maybe one day but not now. I admire your dedication.

[Mr.pooper]

Welcome to our dysfunctional family.

Relapse is part of recovery. You still have all those days clean, you didnt lose anything. You just restarted a date.

Try something simple and easy to commit too first. Do 10 push-ups every morning first thing when you get up out of bed. Commit to this for a week. Ideally try for a month. Build that discipline and self control little by little. Set small obtainable short term goals that you are almost 100% going to accomplish if you put in the effort. Also it will help increase your health, and put on some muscle. (which pops veins out hahaha...im unhealthy.)

[Chip]

i always thought that if you can't straighten out then at least lose the guilt.

a license to go nuts but a philosophy that i adopted.

... whatever gets you through the day -- it's not easy being straight so you might as well go easy on your conscience.

[Sonary (OP)]

Hi everyone!
Hope your fine.
Now, I'm in hospital, far from my loves, maybe lost my arm, maybe lost my life, streptococcus A eating my fleshes, staphylococcus aureus eating my power. Methylphenidate high dosage (120 to 240mg/day)  and PICC-line in my neck to my heart for antibiotics 8 time in 24hours  make my organism works fine for now and I still keep hope to lost nothing. Hope this message do something good to someone but for me, messages like this one I ever reed never make me stop. If I survive intact, this time, I'll now why I'll  dont compulsive shoot anymore.
Love is da way.
Keep balance, stay focus, preserve peace'n ur life.
We are all fucking immortals but once by life.

[Thoms]

Best of luck man. I hope things turn out okay and that you keep all your limbs and shit. Chipper had some really seriously fucked up shit with his foot but the hospital helped him kick that. See what I did there?? Maybe this will help you on your way to recovery. Even if it doesn’t, that’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. The only thing that has to happen for absolutely everyone that gets clean is that they have to be alive. So as long as you are alive you have that chance to get clean man. Best of luck once again.

[Z]

Hang in there man.  Hopefully you come through it better.

[Mr.pooper]

i always thought that if you can't straighten out then at least lose the guilt.

a license to go nuts but a philosophy that i adopted.

... whatever gets you through the day -- it's not easy being straight so you might as well go easy on your conscience.

I agree. OWN THAT SHIT. I find its the lying that usually damages the relationships the most. That loss of trust is detrimental. Sure their might be some hurt feelings about using, but those will heal rather quickly, and can be worked on together. But once trust is lost, its hard to get back. if ever.

Im either clean and sober, or Mr.Pooper the Heroin addict. No shame. Ill introduce myself as that when people im meeting say who they are along with their career. for example, Some random guy says "hey there,im Greg, Private first class" and ill respond with "Mr.Pooper, Heroin addict, unemployed and aint lookin."


I always thought it was pathetic when i was in out patient rehab, and grown men would go to speak anD cry "OMG, I RELAPSED!!!!WHY ME???NOOOO!!"....its usually the same people every other week. using isnt the end of the road or life. Just have to find a balance and maintain. Not to say there wont be consequences. Health issues are very real for chronic drugs users. Hope you make a speedy recovery Sonary . What do u compulsively shoot the most?

[Chip]

... Methylphenidate high dosage (120 to 240mg/day) ...

Sonary, i hope you get through this quickly - the antibiotics should work well.

I was wondering why you are on such a high MPH dose ? I have never heard of such a large number.

[Sonary (OP)]

Agree with you,  I'm not guilty, but people around me don't. Mostly think I'm week, bad or mad man and they wondering why I'm using drugs again and again.
I'm using psychoactives plants,  chemicals or drugs since almost 20 years and  pationated of medicinal plants since I was child.
When I choose to use needles, it turn in a compulsive habit relatively quickly ...
I smoked heroine during some years, stop it, took it again and shoot up it, then  stoped it with buprenorphine I used during 3 years in intravenous .
I went to Philippines and Indonesia to stop that usage with a friend,  and we reduced  dosage to nothing, with crystal meth, kratom and lot of alcohol to help. This trip lasted  3 months . 
When  I came back in France, I worked at Spain border and found good and cheap cocaine plan I used almost 4 years, intravenous way, with 4 to  5 month break by years to rebuilt my veins. At the end, I'v loosed my girlfriend and quit my job to go back in the town I lived before.
Here, I stop cocaine. Just using LSD massively and alcohol, but that make me broked my femoral neck, exploded one heel,  cracked in powder the other one and torned my hand. So I gone to the hospital who put me under morphine  for long time (I also tried  fentanyl during this stay) and I was released in society with only one tramadol medical prescription. 3 month later, my doctor estimated that I didn't  need it anymore and just stop the prescription,  unfortunately  forgetting that  I needed a weaning for reduce opiates slowly. I went directly to buy some "bupe-shit" in the street, then poor cocaine what I injected until those two last weeks .
MPH was prescripted to me 4 month ago by a psychiatrist that a nurse recommended to me during my hospital journey. I'm sure sort of hyperactive and she sayed to me MPH could help me.
Of course  it help but I inject this  as all methamphetamine and derivatives I used before. I've  saw addictologist and related to him my toxic story. He turned  my ritaline prescription to concerta (LP non injectable MPH), doubling dosage ( 60 to 112mg/day, but the 2nd doctor who made wrote prescription misunderstood the call of the  addictologist and double it  again to 224mg...) and sayed me I maybe need methadone to quit bad bupe usage. I will normally  see him again in one week for the meta prescription but I'm in a hospital 400 kilometers far from him.
This night  my abscess has  perforated releasing  enough juice to fill up adriatic sea. Thank's to antibiotics, I think the hole will finally clog during next weeks if I don't screw up  .
 I apologize if I made to anyone who read my hopeless word's,  a bad day .
Now, I'm thinking I'll don't lose anything except, in a pinch,  time. 
Thanks for reading and replies.
Have a nice day...
😊
(If you want correct my grammar and orthograph in private message your welcome ^^)

[Chip]

IMHO, a shot of 50+ mg of MPH is the best rush and feeling i have ever experience.

Pity it isn't long or sustainable.

I have been hospitalised at least 4 times and come very close to death also.

I have also spent much time of almost every IV antibiotic so don't feel that you are doing this alone.

it comes with the territory.

sincerely wishing you a "speedy" recovery with the best possible outcome.

after a recent hospitalisation i gave up the needle forever so it can be done if that is any help to you.

[Sonary (OP)]

Thank's a lot