those dreams !

[Chip (OP)]

as some of you know, I am pretty much normal.

I seldom use Meth and haven't used opiates for ages.

I now work a job, it's tough and pays poorly.

i am no longer injecting after almost 4 decades of it.

do I feel normal? no way.

every day I think about getting on, many times a day.

I drink more.

but at night, in my dreams, I'm using full on. it's weird.

be careful what you get into because even if you think you get over it, the nightly theatre of the mind pulls you back in.

I just don't really know what I am any more.

addiction will always be with you.

watch what you do for ye will revisit it.

take heed.

[Indy]

Well I guess normal is relative, if you've been on drugs more than you haven't, isn't that your "normal"? Normal doesn't mean good though, and that goes both ways.

As for dreams of using, oh yeah, I think we all can relate. I remember having dreams of shooting dope when I was sick or clean, long before I ever did so. Strangely despite PST being my drug of choice for over a decade, I can't remember having dreams about chugging a cup of it or shaking up a bag of seeds and water. Instead I'll have a dream where I find like $40 in my pocket and realize I can buy seeds with it (these days i buy online but for a long time that wasn't the case), or I'll even simply dream about remembering that I have extra cash. I think maybe this says something about the rush I used to get from simply knowing I was going to get right.

Oh and this is kind of a platitude but the grass is always greener on the other side, when we're using we think clean life is amazing, then when we get clean we constantly build up using in our heads. I think a lot of the time its just a convenient thing to blame our problems on, thinking "I would be happy if I could just get off this shit" or "I just can't do clean life, I'm happier as a junkie", when a lot of the time, our problems can persist or be solved whether we're clean or using, but it takes a lot of effort, vigilance and probably more introspection that many of us, myself included, are comfortable with.

[Thoms]

Real chemicals do real changes after all man:( sorry that the dreams are hitting you like that. I know I had a dream where I was chewing after almost a year(fuck I really don't remember) the other night. I dipped for for like 15 years. I try so hard to teach my boy that a habit like that can sneak up on you before you know it. Just look at jerking off..... that shit is an epidemic. I blame the doctors. Maybe Purdue should pay for it... or be made to produce an abuse proof dong. Meh whatev..

[MoeMentim]

4 years on (excluding a few "chips") & i still look at my veins every day.

[FlorAtive]

I'm at 10 weeks clean from heavy opiate use including IV FuranylFentanyl at a grand a week for a few months and plenty of H and morphine IV for years before that. I relate to everything said so far, except needing that tamper proof dong. Thomas, I laughed pretty good at that.
All I dream about now is finding morph 60s and popping em through my normal dreams as if it was everyday life.. And then those hellacious using dreams are filled with the acquisition of crack or soft and trying to cook it to make hard.. Hard was such a rare thing for me that the dreams are making me want it as a main DOC. wtf. I wake up hoping to God that it's in my pocket or that it's just a phone call away.. And then reality sets in and I remember that I threw away my phone, my contacts, left my girl of 10 years, and shipped myself off into the middle of nowhere to get clean. Fuck me. Dreams are all I got... And a late ass shipment of first time seeds. UPS needs to invent a tamper proof dong before I use it as a tool in their forsaken faces. *Slewing every curse word in my dictionary until I sleep from here on out.*
And my veins looook geewwdd. Mmmmmm.

[Thoms]

I do my best to keep shit light most of the time. Good knows the life we live is on the dark side a whole lot of the time.

[Griffin]

I hate drug dreams whilst clean, usually they are really bad during w/d and the first month and then just occasionally not that I've made it long enough to know, but figure they won't go away. Thoms that's so funny about the dipping dreams me and my dad both dip and both get dreams where we start spitting in our sleeping when we quit.

The last drug dream that I remember vividly was when I was going through one of the most physically brutal w/d and fell asleep for about 2 hours around the 4th or 5th day and had a dream that I had gotten high at my parents house where I grew up, and I slipped into the creek we used to fish at and I was too fucked up that I drowned. It took a while to get to the death/wake up too it was horrid being stuck under water to intoxicated to get my head above.

I had some in jail this last go round, those were really shitty cause it makes it that much harder to sleep once you wake up. I forgot how many days I went without sleep when I got sick, it was insane then it was a little bit of sleep every other night. Few things worse then being up for days in jail while sick, alone in a cold cell waiting on the sun to come up so you can have an idea of the time as you roll around the bed restlessly.

[LadyKalma]

Since I'm not using except for once in awhile and just having kratom daily now, I have crazy dreams every night. In a way I love it cause it's my break from not using life, at least if there's another dimension that exists for real, over there I'm still out looking for it, like it should be, lol. I even get to shoot it and have seen myself shoot it, disembodied from myself in a dream before, that's the best part.

For me, if its a dream where I actually make it to the use of the drugs, its effective at making some sort of endorphin rush happen in real life too.
The strange part is with these using dreams, I keep on waking up extremely turned on from them? Like, I may have some pleasure wires crossed up there maybe?

[Chip (OP)]

well, i finally found out a way to hit pause on those damned dreams; i went out and found the very shit i kept dreaming about and now i haven't slept much at all for a while, on top of that.

there is no escape for me.

sleep tight.