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Author Topic: Just wanted to say hey, been a rough month for me.  (Read 2670 times)

Offline DreamerOnTheRun (OP)

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Just wanted to say hey, been a rough month for me.
« on: August 08, 2016, 04:35:52 AM »
Its been a while since I've visited the forum so I just wanted to say hey, see how you guys were doing and let anyone who might care know I'm still alive.  Not sarcastically.  Without going into detail (again) about my whole story I've needed multiple surgeries primarily a total joint replacement on both sides of my jaw (Temporomandibular joint, TMJ as in the body part, far worse than what ppl associate TMJ the acro w/) and unfortunetly I need all my teeth transplanted.  Which is kinda, no really fucked considering I've never even used meth in my life.  They think it was just a condition I was born w/ where my teeth never developed enamel.  Anyway I had all of my teeth removed @ 30 fucking years old.  I can't GEF transplants yet because of my jaw condition, they wanna do that first to make sure its nice and sturdy for them to drill posts in.  Between detoxing from dosing HEAVY the week after the surgery on Dilaudid & Xanax I lost my mind, literally.  Schizophrenia runs in my family and I was def slipping, more like diving head first, into that abyss.  For a good 72 hours I was hallucinating talking to myself not knowing where I was or who I was for that matter.  I just locked myself in my room for days.  Luckily someone who had an idea what was up stopped by with a dilaudid and a couple bars and I was able to sleep for the first time in 7 days (no exaggeration).  Sleep deprivation is NO joke, its obvious why its used as a form of torture.  I don't ever want to lose my mind like that again.  It was like I ate a half oz of fire shrooms mixed with a whole blotter of acid and tossed in some pcp or someshit to make everything terrifying.  I thought I was dying, if I had a loaded pistol in my room I'm sure I wouldn't be typing and telling you guys this. So one surgery down, at least 2 more to go but I can't even guess when that'll be.  Fucking American healthxaret system that doesnt exist for the middle or lower class.  But, I'm alive.  Pretty broke and dope sick and in agony everyday pretty much.  but alive.  Next goal is to see a pain management Dr. But with my pale akin my track marks and scars are as visible as landing strips so i m praying she's compassionate and understands I'm not just trying to get high, but I also don't wanna get my hopes up.  I just can't afford this $30/8mg dilaudid.  No dependable legit dope in sight.  I'm struggling, struggling hard.  I really hate to just bitch and bitch and bitxh but if I can't here where can I can't ya'know?

Well, I hope you guys are generally doing better than I have been lately.  Just did my last Dilly and idk when or how I'm gonna get my next so I better try and sleep while I can.  I really wish someone in the Tampa Bay area could point me in the direction of a compassionate pain Dr but I'll just keep wishing.  Not a religious man but my "prayers" and thoughts are with all you guys (and girls).  Keep on keepin' on.  Much love. - Dreamer
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Offline Chip

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Re: Just wanted to say hey, been a rough month for me.
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2016, 05:19:25 AM »
Fucking hell, what a rough trip !!

Stay strong brother, unload any time you want.

Much luck to you for those two remaining surgeries.

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Offline Griffin

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Re: Just wanted to say hey, been a rough month for me.
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2016, 02:34:23 AM »
Wow that's horrible, good luck with everything, have you thought about mmt for pain management if you can't find a doctor?

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