I'm a mess-please anyone help me

[Chip]

Nikita, you need to bring yourself down off all those benzos as they all have different half lives and you are probably being kept awake by them.

I know that it's not going to be easy but if you want your sleep back then try to swap them for just Valium and then you can try to start a taper.

I just hope you can find a doctor or clinic to help you with this. I have done it myself and they started me on 13 x 5 mg Valium and reduced it by 1 tablet every 3 days but my habit was tiny and you will have to go far slower.

[Snoop]

As a user who has had to kick both a healthy Heroin Habit & high dose MMT in the clink (jail) on separate occassions.... I'd take the H kick ANY DAY OF THE WEEK and TWICE on Sundays.

I totally feel you on the sleeplessness and EVERY other slow burning symptom of the kick.... I dosed myself stupid on a Self-Surrender (5x's 120mg doses and 8mg Xanax)

Didn't recall shit of the first two days processing in... But when the kick started up a few days later, I didn't get a wink of sleep for about 17 days straight (no BS)

I began to become restless in my 6x8, which I shared with 3 other 'otherwise' healthy dudes who despised me... Who could blame them.

I kept falling out, crashing my big ass into everything. It was really really bad. Really bad.

The fucking "doctor", I guess you'd call these goons. Finally saw me and put me on a MEGA DOSE of THORAZINE!!!

Omg, it knocked me down, but not OUT.

Made it worse in soooo many ways.

I guess what I'm getting at is..... God be with you.

Long ass MD kicks should be grounds for a Silver Star or some kinda shiney medal.

Good luck and be well... And go easy on yourself.

Its just part of it.

[Zoops]

Nikita, you need to bring yourself down off all those benzos as they all have different half lives and you are probably being kept awake by them.

I know that it's not going to be easy but if you want your sleep back then try to swap them for just Valium and then you can try to start a taper.

I just hope you can find a doctor or clinic to help you with this. I have done it myself and they started me on 13 x 5 mg Valium and reduced it by 1 tablet every 3 days but my habit was tiny and you will have to go far slower.

I hadn't really given it too much thought, but this is probably one of the best pieces of advice you'll get, Nikita.

Why are you on all those different benzos? They really don't have unique effects, just different half-lives. So, while you're coming off of one, the other is kicking in and so on. You're probably in w/d from one, while you're half-dosed on the other, so you're in a constant state of not having quite enough benzos in your system to feel o.k. and sleep.

You didn't notice this before because you were on methadone also, which is a pretty powerful drug. But now, without the methadone in your body, you're more sensitive to this benzo roller coaster you're doing to yourself.

Your doctors need to get you on ONE benzo, Valium (diazepam) is a good one, because it has a very long half-life.

I think this would go a LONG way to helping you to sleep.

(that and give melatonin a try too).

[nikita70 (OP)]

(...)
Long ass MD kicks should be grounds for a Silver Star or some kinda shiney medal.
(...)
Its just part of it.

@Snoop ,

you (and the other Heroes who got into a fight with it and has beaten, no matter of one's own accord or being forced to do it) definitely deserve the GOLDEN STAR, not just a silver one (unless you prefer rather silver than gold, as I  do  ),
or maybe some Golden Poppy' would be more properly here if you want.

Hereby, I decorate You with a Golden Star/or Poppy.

@chipper ,

I fully realize that these damned pills might cause difficulties/complications which are way way worse than anything else I have to deal with right now.
Were it not, I'd be probably in a relatively good shape at this moment, or at least not so much concerned for the future so much, as I realize how long roughly road is still ahead of me.

I used to be on relatively low doses (like Clonazepam 2mg/day, Estazolam 2mg/day) before I threw myself into this transitioning.
Still, since I'm completely alone with all this shit (my bf left for just few days, feels to me like infinity right now) I need this temporary support.

I think I'm going to start drop them down (at least these "extra items" like midazolam and especially phenobarbital (what is an ultimate solution to me),
right after my bf comes back.

Thank you. 

@Zoops

I know, Zoops, I know.
To shed some more light on it and clarify things
BASICALLY, I am on 1 Clonazepam 2mg/day plus
1 Estazolam 2mg/day , too.
That's how my previous "groundwork" was, before I started to switch.
I'm on them years long and NEVER EVER have increased the dose.

However, since I'm switching, I added 1x midazolam 15 and 1x phenobarbital 100, cos the "groundwork" didn't work, as I'm addicted to them.
I DON'T take massive amounts, never anindulge myself in it.

My sleep is getting better last days, still, I realize I "owe" it to those additional pills, 'cos clonazepam and estazolam doesn't have any "input"/"contribution" to beating my  switching' induced insomnia.

Much love.

I'm gonna try this melatonin, if it's only within my range. (if not I'm going to bother you  ) 

 

[Daughter of Dionysus]

@nikita70
I'm sorry doll
But I don't have much advice
To offer
That would help you
Get some much needed sleep

I will say one thing
There is no fucking way in hell
I'd give up benzos
If I were in your shoes
That's just me tho

I wish you the best of luck
And hope you get some real sleep soon

I have to say
Props to you
For doing something constructive
In the midst of wds
I never could

[DeadCat]

Nikita-

Is it possible to just quit 1 of these drugs at a time instead of ALL at once? Maybe I missed it if you said this situation was being forces on you and not your choice like you had one supplier and that ended?

[chemicalchart]

Chiming in support of DOD and Deadcat's advice. I think earlier posters also said it in so many words. To NOT try to kick benzos or even reduce your benzo dosage but to transition to an equivalent dose of a SINGLE benzo, preferably valium. But keep your benzo intake steady until you're well down the road with your MMT WD.   

[nikita70 (OP)]

@nikita70
I'm sorry doll
But I don't have much advice
To offer
That would help you
Get some much needed sleep

(...)

I have to say
Props to you
For doing something constructive
In the midst of wds
I never could

@Daughter of Dionysus ,

This is not true that you don't have anything to offer or so, by no means, really. Even if you don't give me any particular advice, You ARE here for me, right now, at this moment, when I'm in need, I mean your presence itself is helpful enough, as I find myself feeling soooo lonely, confused and at the verge of panic...
Nevermind. Self-pity doesn't help.

I got into this inner, personal fight, and since it has already gone so far (14 days), I don't want to fuck it up,
evenings/nights are the worst, I'm finding myself losing my grip, which is poor enough in this state,
if you get me.
I need something to have to "cling" to...to go through the next one... time interval. It lasts infinity. Definitely the longest days in my life, especially since my "partner" just left...
 
As for the "doing something constructive", it's funny coincidence, cos I JUST right now beat myself for not having guts enough for doing this.
Searching internet. Watching so many creativity. I realize it's FAKE and in many (mostly) ways, just glitter and razzle-dazzle (hey Raz, btw, if you're lurking somewhere, over there ), but still... Young gals... Healthy... Digital Beauty...but still...
 
Thus, you hit the nail to the head, 

Thank you, Sis, if I may...
(have you ever watched OITNB serie?
"Don't sistah me, bitch")

@DeadCat ,

Hello,
nice to heard from you, you nomad. Still in Colombian'/South America' pandemonium?

You are partially right-I got kinda forced to do it.
Since the new so called "doc" in MMT took the helm, so to said, and changed/turned the previous, not perfectly, bit still liveable rules
into some tragifarsa or so,
it became simple impossible/unbearable and pretty humiliating to stay there at the clinic.

People used to joke, kinda humor noir, that Obama didn't make a mistake or slip of a tongue saying about POLISH DEATH' CAMPS,
on the contrary, it was like some dark prophecy, as the past got confused with the future,
because there's one existing in Poland, Krakow,
MMT, BLOKHAUS UZ (abreviation for a Polish word for describing addiction).

However, my ability to convey things must be pretty much diminished, so confused and blurry, cos I'm not so insane to kick two habits at once,
I'm not even going CT,
since I'm on bupe 14/15th day, on the contrary, my problem is I'm taking few different kind of benzos and they seem to work pretty poor to me,
plus, this insomnia makes me I'm oh-sooo-tired and deadbeat and paranoid. You know the game for sure.
Completely alone in my flat
with cat
(still not dead  )

Thank a lot for your concern, it always means a lot to me and helps me to... just survive.

@chemicalchart ,

thank you,
this is EXACTLY what I'm going to do, as my partner will back home in few day (in the middle of the next week, I believe).
I definitely need to make myself stable on one of them, not 3 different ones plus phenobarbital,
this is just for an ad hoc basis, just to make it as rainy days. Temporary, I hope.   

[Z]

Hang in there Nikita.  Lots o love for you here, and I'm hoping that you're feeling better and pulling through.

Personally I would try taking away one benzo and seeing what effect it has.  If nothing then take it (or stay off it) and try removing another one.  Slow and steady so that you don't hurt yourself.  I couldn't stand the thought of something bad happening to our polish dynamo.

Hopefully things settle down for you and you start feeling human again.

[Chip]

... the Phenobarbital can last up to two days and if you have enough you can use it to taper provided you stop using the others.

The Midazolam is also another potent benzo so don't take them nightly.

Nikita, you're playing with fire with those two alone and  the more you add them to the mix, the higher the risk of seizure if you are caught out.

You don't want to be the next Michael Jackson of Poland, either.

[dougrounds]

alcohol, nikita.

its gonna be hard to get it down, but alcohol aways helped me.

god methadone w/ds are the worst... i feel for you.

alcohol and benzos...