"Oh by the way, I'm physically dependent on morphine."

[AllNightLong]

Now i'm not saying everytime meet a chick you throw all your baggage on the table and see what happens.  No then we all would be fucked, but when the time is right you will know and say what you need to say. I would wait till I'm comfortable with the person before laying that shit out. A few months of talking and hanging out, and maybe dating....   Then lay that shit out, but make sure they can be honest with you about their past. Who knows she could of had a sex addiction and chrsted on every person she dated and struggles with relationships? 

This.  What Lucid said above.

I definitely think you should be honest.  But I also think there's a time to be honest, and a time to withhold information.  Drug addiction and being dependent on morphine isn't a first date topic.  Wait until you develop a rapport with the person.  Know that you can trust them, and they you.  Make sure you know their past transgressions.  When you find the right person, they'll understand and be open to your struggles.

Absolutely not a first date topic.  That is like asking if she wants to get married or have kids after the first date.  I think it is only right to bring it up at the right time, otherwise you are taking yourself out of consideration before you are even being considered. 

This seems to me to kind of being like telling someone if you have an STD on the first date.  Sure, they want to know but if you aren't fucking is it important to tell them on your first date?  Probably not, so I would keep that info in my pocket until it is time to tell them.  Don't get me wrong I wouldn't keep it a secret for ever but there is a right time for everything.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

yea, my so called friend is a raging dick, especially after a few brews
(and a few snorts of the magical white ego powder)
but after tripping out yesterday i cant really say i care

as shitty as it makes me feel, i think you all are right
it isnt something you want to hide from someone you care about or even love
but there isnt much chance someone will grow to care about me
let alone allow themselves to love me
if i spill the beans while letting the cat out of the bag on the first date

for a long time i idolized the skill and persistence of George Costanza
being able to comfortably live a life that was completely fabricated
or that at least glossed over the really shitty stuff
there was a long time where the emotions of others had no effect on me
to the point i was worried i might be pschopathic
im still learning to love others and try and be fair to everyone's emotions
but i feel like this is taking me in the wrong direction

even considering that, i have to say i would be much happier if i could be OPEN about who i really am
we as a world society, specifically in the west, and no place more than America
the message on repeat these days is that everyone deserves tolerance for their life choices
regardless of how they choose to live their life
regardless of what makes them different

im not trying to suggest being a drug addict saddles you with the same problems
as ethnic minorities, or gender minorities, or sexual orientation minorities
but it is not without its own challenges
the chief result of which is being viewed as different, wrong, and in the eyes of many, a dangerous criminals


hanna: in florida you cant be pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt,
but you can receive an $80 ticket if pulled over for something else while not wearing it
in Florida, once they have you pulled over, they are gonna do as they please
my county has a huge sheriffs office, lots of canines on duty (9 at any time i think), and loves to use them
paraphrenalia laws are typical, but as a white guy ive never once been charged with anything
despite numerous times handing over bags of bud and vicodin
in high school i actually had a cop let me keep my grinder (after emptying it)

sk8phaze: your words are exactly how i feel, except in a more clear way

[Z]

I think the timing matters less than who you are telling.  Some people will never be okay with it, and they tend to be the ones who will say you lied, or you should have said it earlier.  It might be true, but if you said it right away then they wouldn't be with you either.  They just wouldn't feel emotionally invested in you.

Fuck her man.  You deserve better.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

I think the timing matters less than who you are telling.  Some people will never be okay with it, and they tend to be the ones who will say you lied, or you should have said it earlier.  It might be true, but if you said it right away then they wouldn't be with you either.  They just wouldn't feel emotionally invested in you.

Fuck her man.  You deserve better.

Im not so sure I'd say "fuck her"
she is deeply worried about her little brother's addiction to xanax
and has experienced first hand a lot of the problems associated with
caring for someone who doesn't care for themselves

I badly want to be loved and accepted for exactly who I am
but how can you love someone who doesn't love themself?

[Riddick">Riddick]

I think the timing matters less than who you are telling.  Some people will never be okay with it, and they tend to be the ones who will say you lied, or you should have said it earlier.  It might be true, but if you said it right away then they wouldn't be with you either.  They just wouldn't feel emotionally invested in you.

Fuck her man.  You deserve better.

Im not so sure I'd say "fuck her"
she is deeply worried about her little brother's addiction to xanax
and has experienced first hand a lot of the problems associated with
caring for someone who doesn't care for themselves

I badly want to be loved and accepted for exactly who I am
but how can you love someone who doesn't love themself?

How can you not? Some people look for that shit. You seem like a pretty caring person, Im sure youll be alright. Just keep at it.

[Thoms]

Addictions a bitch man just try and put one foot in her shoes and hopefully she will do the same.

[Junkette]

I dunno, since I consider myself some type of activist and warrior for justice...everyone I know, knows what time it is out the gate. Life is short and I'd rather save them and myself the time of getting all attached then one day over morning coffee have to throw in the whole "by the way, I've been addicted to opiates since ~19 and physically dependent since 27".

At the same time it is a bit easier for me because I can hide behind my physical "disability" and blame it on that...I got lucky with my fiance...she's extremely open minded and although not an addict is pro-drug, whether it's for "fun" or "necessity".

This country is full of ignorance and prejudice due to the War On Drugs, race baiting, and class warfare. You've got these WASP mfers who think that only poor people on welfare use drugs and I'm all over here yelling "Poor people can't afford drugs you fucking tool bags".

So yea, keep your head up. Peoples perceptions are starting to soften...keep yourself open and anything can happen.

[Z]

I think the timing matters less than who you are telling.  Some people will never be okay with it, and they tend to be the ones who will say you lied, or you should have said it earlier.  It might be true, but if you said it right away then they wouldn't be with you either.  They just wouldn't feel emotionally invested in you.

Fuck her man.  You deserve better.

Im not so sure I'd say "fuck her"
she is deeply worried about her little brother's addiction to xanax
and has experienced first hand a lot of the problems associated with
caring for someone who doesn't care for themselves

I badly want to be loved and accepted for exactly who I am
but how can you love someone who doesn't love themself?

Fuck her is a bit harsh.  Maybe she will come around, or maybe forget her (better choice of words, no?).  Whatever you do please don't try to compromise yourself to show that you are different.  It doesn't usually end well.

[Thoms]

I just wanna say im a lucky, lucky man. But off course two addicts makes for two people needing\wanting\feining for morphines and pins and needles.

[Riddick">Riddick]

I just wanna say im a lucky, lucky man. But off course two addicts makes for two people needing\wanting\feining for morphines and pins and needles.

On motherfucking point.

[Mr.pooper]

Met my girl in rehab when I had 90 days clean. She continued to use for a few months(6 months to be exact) before she got completely clean from opiates. She has over 2 years clean now off of opiates, Myself 3 years clean(as of today I just noticed).

She has been without a doubt the best thing for me. Since our first time meeting was in rehab, I had no need to hide that I was/am a raging drug addict. We had the same DOC. It is always nice when I'm struggling somedays, she can recognize and relate, and vice versa for her.

I'm always circling drug jokes in my head, she gets them! I'm always circling with unhealthy thoughts related to my junkie self that will not die, she gets it! I out loud say man I wanna fat shot right now, and she gets it! (That I want a shot, not actually get it for me lol) But its free of judgement and I am able to be myself(junkie minded), without really having to hide anything.

Now I am in no delusion. Either of us could relapse at anytime. And this could all end in a terrible tragedy.
But in my opinion I could never be with a "Normy", I've found trying to force "love" with normys always just ends in hurt for myself. Because when I wanted so badly for someone to love me, I would find any reason to convince myself any person was the right one for me. Once I stopped looking for "them". It seemed like "they" found me.

Never be ashamed of being an addict. Never care what others think. "Those people" need to check their privillage.

[Thoms]

Hell she was taliking about her btother and benzos. Seems like wtf lets throw this out there. I say better to let em know and not waste your time.

[makita]

+1 to everything Junkette said.  This is how I play it too and so far, so good.  I put shit about harm reduction right in my okcupid profile.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

So luckily I have a chance to try my new strategy of not blowing it right off the bat
I met someone on tinder (of all fucking places!)
who is hands down, an objectively good, caring, empathetic woman
intelligent,, strong willed, highly motivated and emotionally determined
and she happens to think I am The Kingdadddyshiznaztee

We talked on the phone for 3hrs+ the last three nights
and are planning to go to the opening night hockey game, among other things

Best part is, she is unwilling to do a "friends with benefits" (useless phrase)
So I will not be used like some meat
to be tossed aside when someone more desirable comes along

She said my voice reassures her and makes her comfortable (weird?)
And that I am incredibly smart and sexy (DEF weird)

I think that if things keep going at this pace,
I will still be weaning off by the time we get together
I think yhen and only then will I tell her
even still I might just transition completely to kratom and ween with that
so as to avoid having to use while together

I really appreciate everything you all have had to say
if she is as empathetic and compassionate as she seems
when the time comesm, if it comes, she will be still see me how she does now

[The Ryan]

I just turned 25, been physically addicted since I was 16.

I am beginning to feel like I will never be able to have a successful relationship with anyone who isn't as much of a die-hard, fucked up, train wreck of a junkie as myself.

But even with another junkie, I will try to find ways in my head to be able to do more of the drugs than her, I'll hide getting high when she isn't around, shit like that.

I think I'm just married to mind or mood altering chemicals, and it will stay that way forever.

My first love, my longest love, and the only one who will never leave me. If only she didn't drain me of all my cash, and magically appeared in front of me when I was dope sick/craving, well then I'd be the happiest fucking guy on the planet.

[Chip]

I wouldn't want my partner to use - it's too conflicting.

keep looking around, you'll get lucky later if you persist.