Asking for help :): I dowloaded a spell checker! Easier to read now!

[6-mam (OP)]

Sorry guys for the continued bullshit and talking about myself on the chat/threads over and over. I really don’t have anyone else to talk with about or Discuss or get/give advice, actually anything drug addiction related period, on the things I put into my bloodstream. Not anyone who understands and has been even close to experiencing the life we live and the great and horrible times we have.  It’s both my choice and my addiction, I’m sure you guys understand and hear it all the time blah blah sorry I’m high.

Anyway, I may ask some one for help with helping me slow down and put some breaks on my increasing usage, as I’ve decided I’m going to far and I’m getting more helpless and addicted to the needle and heroin.

Oh I remember exactly what I was going to say, I know I need a break know because I didn’t get much euphoria from this nice speedball I just did. My ears were a ringing and my heart was a beating and it sounded kind of like I was underwater and I’m pretty sure I was at the limit of what would be a pleasurable dose. I think I’ve done and used up/ messed up my dopamine in a way where I’m not feeling any. And when I just try and go back to some booze and a movie I’m seriously just constantly eat then fall asleep. Not from opiates just general lack of energy desire or response to positive stimuli unrelated to injested chemicals. No interest in sex, no pleasure from orgasms. It feels like I’m missing dopamine from my brain, even like I said, from this nice speedball.
Yeah yeah you say, welcome to the club? Well I’ve always been a slower less dependant user. Chipping to be able to still get high. Well I can get that euphoria anymore and unjust spent over 80 BUCKS I needed to save because I have no job now, 
I may need someone’s help. Like a sponsor, someone who will give advice and talk to me and help me occupy my time and not get annoyed with me. Like a friend who understands and wants to help me and is willing to talk maybe everyday for a few weeks until I get back to norma?
Anyone willing to do that? Be my sponsor/big sibling / willing to get closer to me as a friend to help me slow it down? Usually when I get past the few weeks it takes to get my brain reset I can will myself to slow it down, but right now I’m having trouble

Thank you for reading

[Mr.pooper]

What do you consider "back to normal"?

[6-mam (OP)]

To where I can be fine not getting fucked up on heroin everyday, or at least be happy doing something else like watching a movie without it. I use seeds for maintenance and was fine and had enough self control to only occasionally get fucked up not to long ago. Even when I tried lady H I didn't feel the need to only be happy with her company. I need a trial separation with her, to reflect and grow, and figure out if I want to take things to the next level. I do love her though, with all my heart.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I should have said it 6 times instead of 5. I can’t get high anymore because I get high All the time, I have no dopamine or its upregulated to much where I don't have fun doing normal things. Correct me if I'm wrong about it being upregulated.

[nurse_K]

You are very brave for putting yourself out like that, and asking for help.
I hope that someone on the forum chimes in.
I really hope that someone here responds. If there is no response, feel free to message me. I am a nurse, working with harm reduction in my own settings - but English ( and the american system) is not my strongest - so you would no doubt be better off with someone else. But if I can be of any help - let me know.

[Chip]

@nurse_K, you are a legend ! good on you for reaching out.

@6-mam, if you can, just go back to seeds for week or two (and stop/taper off the meth - it isn't helping with mood fluctuations), to get back to your old baseline. I understand if you can't do that, i really do but you're going too hard right now and you have a big tolerance AND that's a bitch !

i know you are in a dark place you if you can do this then you will feel better about yourself -- it's a start

wishing you strength.

[bignasty]

To where I can be fine not getting fucked up on heroin everyday, or at least be happy doing something else like watching a movie without it. I use seeds for maintenance and was fine and had enough self control to only occasionally get fucked up not to long ago. Even when I tried lady H I didn't feel the need to only be happy with her company. I need a trial separation with her, to reflect and grow, and figure out if I want to take things to the next level. I do love her though, with all my heart.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I should have said it 6 times instead of 5. I can’t get high anymore because I get high All the time, I have no dopamine or its upregulated to much where I don't have fun doing normal things. Correct me if I'm wrong about it being upregulated.

I'm in the same boat as you so we might be able to help each other out. My GF is in rehab across the country and my kid is staying with his grandparents so I'm all alone and using WAY too much IMO. I need to get it under control before my GF and kid come home AND before I get my tax refund so I won't use it all on dope.
My GF probably won't wanna hang around very long if I'm nodding out in front of her after she's just getting clean. I think she'll be ok with me being on methadone as long as I'm not mixing my kpins too much for a nod and/or doin h on top of my dose from the clinic. I also wanna quit so my kid won't ever remember his dad being asleep on the couch in the middle of the day when I should be playing with him.
Message me if you'd like. I could use the support also.

[syykkogrl]

@6-mam I'm new on THIS forum, but I've been on others similar for a while, and I felt so touched by your pleas for help. 

Anyway, I may ask some one for help with helping me slow down and put some breaks on my increasing usage, as I’ve decided I’m going to far and I’m getting more helpless and addicted to the needle and heroin.

Oh I remember exactly what I was going to say, I know I need a break know because I didn’t get much euphoria from this nice speedball I just did. My ears were a ringing and my heart was a beating and it sounded kind of like I was underwater and I’m pretty sure I was at the limit of what would be a pleasurable dose. I think I’ve done and used up/ messed up my dopamine in a way where I’m not feeling any. And when I just try and go back to some booze and a movie I’m seriously just constantly eat then fall asleep. Not from opiates just general lack of energy desire or response to positive stimuli unrelated to injested chemicals. No interest in sex, no pleasure from orgasms. It feels like I’m missing dopamine from my brain, even like I said, from this nice speedball.

Anyone willing to do that? Be my sponsor/big sibling / willing to get closer to me as a friend to help me slow it down? Usually when I get past the few weeks it takes to get my brain reset I can will myself to slow it down, but right now I’m having trouble

Okay, so here's my two cents' worth on your current problem, and I sincerely hope that it helps you. You're right about needing to stop (at least for a while) if you're not even getting high anymore.  A break to detox and cleanse your system is exactly what you need, especially if you ever intend on getting high again-not that I'm recommending that you quit just to start again, by any means. 
You need to expect that you will feel lethargic, sleepy, and unmotivated for a while.  Unfortunately, that's just the nature of the beast.  Opiate withdrawals can be a real B$$$#, so you may want to taper down your usage just to avoid the brunt of them, or try a methadone clinic, if you'd rather take that route.  In my personal opinion, those clinics are basically just legal, licensed drug dealers whose main purpose is to take you OFF of a street drug and get you hooked ON a prescription drug with just as much potential for addiction.  From first hand experience with my sister and a few other people that I know, it seems that all they do there is get you to keep paying THEM for your fix every day instead of your street dealer, which doesn't help you learn how to overcome the addiction, it just replaces it with another addictive substance. Having said that, the best thing that you can do is exactly what you are doing. Identify that there is a problem and it needs your attention and reach out for people to aid you in forgetting about Lady H for a while.

To address what you said about your dopamine levels, if you have been using meth regularly, then you definitely have a disruption in the dopamine/serotonin levels and receptors as a result of prolonged use.  It is not uncommon for meth addicts to go through depression as they detox, and often need an anti-depressant for many, many months in order to assist the brain in getting its' chemistry back in working order.  I've read that it can take up to a year to repair the damage done to the brain from meth (YIKES!).  You have to go into this expecting to feel down and low, tired and cranky, and just plain BLAH for a period of time.  You will have to find people to fill in that space where SHE once kept you company, and celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how tiny or trivial it may seem, with your friends/helpers.  This will help you to "re-train" your brain, for lack of a better phrase, to find happiness and laughter and fulfillment again in the simpler things in life again.  Find people who will be happy to assist you with this and won't find it silly or make snide comments that may deter you from your goal. If I can help you at all, please feel free to get in touch with me.
One more thing that I can add is that there are supplements that you can take OTC that help with replacing dopamine levels and assist receptors in your brain with resuming proper functions, like L-Theanine.  If you are interested in learning more about these, please message me and I'll be happy to find all of my information and forward it to you.  I aided someone very dear to me when he needed to quit smoking/shooting crystal, and I went to exuberant lengths to keep him as comfortable as possible during the first week or two. 
Hang in there, hun. You CAN do this. And, again, if you want any additional information about other supplements/vitamins that will help, or even just a list of foods that actually help your body produce what it needs to replenish lost dopamine, serotonin, and increase norepinephrine, which can be helpful with your moods. 
I do hope this was of some help to you, and I implore you to contact me if you feel you need someone to talk to or want any other information.  If I am able to, I will make every effort to help you in any way that I can. 

[traplord69]

Awesome post ^^ thats a big part of what this forum is about and very heart warming.  Also 6-mam I'm pulling for you dude, you'll get through this

[6-mam (OP)]

I'm sorry I just now noticed I claimed I downloaded a spell checker, but I didn't even spell downloaded right!!!

I give up hahaha!

Sorry I had to say that before I replied to other messages. Its just to funny.

[6-mam (OP)]

It means so much to me the love I'm feeling from you guys. It makes me feel like a stronger person knowing I have friends who care and are willing to listen to me whine and complain about how shifty life is. We all have shit lives but we all need someone who's there for us.

I will speak more tomorrow I'm already way to tired and need to sleep.


Good night!!!

[FlorAtive]

Reading through this thread just made me EVEN MORE happy that I joined this forum!! I've already gotten some meaningful help from the regulars so far and I definitely hope you've found your desired help and baseline since last posting in this thread. You've been awesome to me and hope I can return the favor in the future any way I can. This place is going to be my only outlet for peeps who understand this craziness that we like-minded people deal with. So I imagine I'll make myself comfortable and settle on in. Learning the rules and regs will take me some time. Damn I hope you're doing better man.