Grants for Rehab?

[theSWPK (OP)]

I only had 1 shot at rehab from the family, and I fucking blew it.
The whole time i was there i saved money sent to me and gamed the system to be released early. I lasted maybe 6 hours back home before I stole a car and got high (for fuck's sake it was chemical rapture).

I've met a few people that either go a state grant to go to rehab or the rehab gave them a freebie.

I need to be reprogrammed.
I'm ruining my life. My every waking moment is dedicated to getting and using dope.
6 years of use has left me unable to imagine a life without dope.

Anyone know any rehabs that do this kind of thing?

I'm thinking of trying the mission in new orleans, but i've heard bad things.

[MoeMentim]

Are you opposed to a Christian - based rehab?  Lots of them are free, just not easy to find as they don't advertise because they don't make money from the deal.  I went to a year long working farm rehab in Colorado.  I only found out about it because my sister knew someone who worked there.  When I say "working farm" I mean more like a "play farm" - they sell a few beef cows now & then but the whole thing runs entirely on contributions.  The point of the "work" done by participants is not profit and trust me, as far as "work" goes it's insanely relaxed.  Easiest work of my adult life, but necessary for lots who are coming off years of homelessness or getting out of long term incarceration, etc...  Not everyone there is strictly for drugs/alcohol. 

  Shortly (as soon as i get my overtime fridays back from my workplace) I'm going to be there every friday teaching (or trying at least) some guys how to weld just because I miss the place so much.  Unique place.  If you (or anyone else) wants more info PM me.  There are other places like this around the country but it'll take more than a google search to find them probably. 

[Z]

It's a sad state of affairs for addicts in the us it seems.  Politicians talk out of both sides of their mouths about drug addicts.  Out of one side thy are parroting that we are in the midst of an opiate crisis that needs to be dealt with by any means necessary.  Then out of the oter side they cut what social spending exists and fight against common sense measures like narcan and rehabs that are proven to save lives and change them.

I question if you need to be reprogrammed.  I think that you probably need to make a decision and then act on it.  We all relapse.  I don't think that there is an addict anywhere who hasn't.  Sure, stealing a car to fund it is a little extreme.  Still, you just have to stand up and get yourself going in the direction that you want to.

Nobody is so broken that they can't relearn how to live life.  Coping and succeeding are fucking hard, let alone trying to find happiness while doing it.

I don't have any advice or knowledge, but hang in there man.  You can make the changes that you want in your life, and I can guarantee that you are worth the work.

[theSWPK (OP)]

I am opposed to Christian rehabs due to how most of them have very poor detox programs. Programs that consist of praying the pain away where people put their hands on you to heal you... lots of those around.
I also would go mad from the preaching. I'm irreligious.

To clarify on stealing a car, I just took the keys to my mom's car while she was asleep and got back before she woke.

[Z]

Yeah, that's not really stealing a car in my eyes.

[Lolleedee]

*WARNING...THIS IS WAAAAY FUCKING LONGER THAN I WANTED IT TO BE!  WHOEVER READS THE WHOLE THING SHOULD GET A PRIZE!*


I'm so sorry that you are struggling!  I have been where you are...more times then I care to remember.  I tried everything...I did therapy, NA/AA doing 90 meetings in 90 days and followed every suggestion they gave me, I went to inpatient detox four times and rehab twice (one for 30 days and one for 90 days). I tried Suboxone and failed miserably!  My life was a fucking train wreck and I felt helpless to stop it!

Then I did what I said I would never do and I went to a methadone clinic....and it changed my life!  I know a lot of people aren't big fans of methadone, but for me it was almost a miracle!  I was finally not on the roller coaster of getting sick and trying desperately to get well.  I suddenly was never sick and my cravings all but disappeared.  I wasn't spending all my money on dope and I remember being amazed one day shortly after I started the clinic, when I went to the gas station and instead of paying for three dollars worth of gas in quarters and dimes, I had actual paper money!!!  Not only did I have actual paper money, but after I filled (yes, filled!) my tank, there was even paper money left in my wallet!  Holy shit...such a little thing, but it felt amazing!!!

Then I found that I no longer was lying to everyone because I had nothing to lie about anymore!  I didn't have to lie about where I had been or who I was with.  I didn't have to lie about things I stole, money included, because I no longer had to hustle to pay for my drug habit!  I was suddenly showing up (on time, no less!!) for life and I slowly began to earn back the trust of family and friends. I am seeing a therapist.  She is actually at my clinic, but she isn't just a basic drug and alcohol counselor, she has a PhD in psych, so she is very qualified.

I have tried therapy before, but never got as far as I have this time.  It is much easier for me to work on myself and my psych issues when my head isn't screaming for dope.  I always felt like my head was "noisey".  I always had self-deprecating chatter and tons of anxiety running through my brain non-stop that I couldn't sit and deal with therapy.  Now I am actually enjoying it and learning a great deal about myself in the process!

I remember after I was stable on my dose..maybe about a month after I started.  I had a very realistic drug dream...the kind that leaves you visibly shaken when you wake up.  In the dream I was in withdrawal and had vomit just pouring out of my mouth.  I was hurting and in the dream I was running around looking for even a crumb of gear...anything to get well.  I woke up with my heart pounding and I was shaking.   It took me a few minutes to get my bearings and I realized that I wasn't sick and that I didn't ever have to be again...and I cried in relief with real tears.

I might wind up being a lifer and quite frankly I don't care. 1 Everything is better and my life is on an upward trajectory.  I feel calm, my anxiety is gone and my receptors are happily saturated! )  Iam so grateful that I don't have to suffer any more withdrawals.  I sound like a gushing school girl with a crush on methadone!

Again, I know it isn't for everyone, but for me it was the absolute life (and soul) saver!  My only regret is that I waited so long...I don't know if you would be willing to try it..or if you already have.  Also, this is my second time on methadone.  I tried it about ten years ago and I didn't do well on it then.   At that time,  I tried to keep my dose too low, so I actually did myself a disservice by not allowing it to work the way it was intended to.  I listened to people say "what goes up,must comedown" and "liquid handcuffs" and a bunch of other shit and so my dose was never adequate enough to keep ALL withdrawal symptoms at bay AND MOST IMPORTANTLY  stop the cravings!  This time, I listened to my body and now I am comfortable, content and enjoying life again! Like I said it saved my life and my soul!

I hope you find what you need to get yourself in a better place!  We are all here rooting for you!!

[Specter]

I agree with you Z-- the only way to do this is to make a decision and act on it.

Your intentions have to be clear/known before you even start the process... Which is going to be hell unless you are properly detoxed.  And I know that you know this because I can tell your experience with this disease.  I've read all your posts in the thread about what we consume daily and that Oxymorphone habit with INSANE levels of Gabapentin to help push you through. WD's for GABA are gonna suck as well at the levels you eat them. 

Ya know after that -- you'll be fine.  They usually won't give out much info over the phone on course of treatment, comfort meds BUT if I was you I'd press and try to find one that you know will actually help you out and listen to you so you can be detoxed correctly based on your usage and not just out of a chart.

There is a free one around where I live but you hit it on the head as far as detox goes.... And it was HELL for me.  The max they would give anyone is 150mg daily of Tramadol.  Obviously for a 500+ mg per day oxycodone habit.... Well let's just say the first few days I didn't feel well.

I was an idiot though honestly-- the first one I went to I knew I wasn't gonna be successful with the attitude I had going in...  I got out in 21 days.

As soon as they got my cell phone out of the safe I turned it on and went straight to my dealers number.  He texted me about 500 times wondering if I died (probably the first time in history he was on the other end of blowing me up repeatedly LOL) because he was missing that $500 every single day.

This rehab was 2.5 hours from my house but only 2 hours from my dealer and his city is on the way home.  Well my girl at the time and my mom dropped me off at rehab because they didn't want my car there knowing I could just jump in the car and go home BUT without my car there I pretty much had to wait to be released correctly.  They won't give you a ride if you leave against medical advice.  Long story short I stopped at the ATM at the rehab got $500 out and met my dealer at a Taco Bell in the hood in the rehab's van with a counselor driving.

I told my dealer exactly what was going on so I said bro you're actually gonna have to fucking be on time for once in your life ...... LOL and he was actually on time.

We still laugh about that shit to this day-- him being on time that is...  Even when he's on time he's 5 minutes late.  What the fuck is it with drug dealers and being late.

After ten minutes of my incoherent rambling-- just know-- get detoxed correctly if it's the only thing you do correctly!!!  BUT you HAVE TO COMMIT AND STICK TO A PLAN!!  Good luck brotha.

[Chip]

I think the success rate for Meth addicts to successfully graduate from rehab and live a fulfilling life, for example, is less than 2%.

not very encouraging whatsoever ... i wonder how it is for opiate users ?

i personally would never consider rehab and never have.

[Im an asshole]

I was there. Keep a gun to blow your brains out or grow a set

[Dopeless Hopefiend]

I was there. Keep a gun to blow your brains out or grow a set

What in the actual fuck? I don't know if you're trying to be funny, have no social skills, or are just trying to be a dick, but you're certainly living up to your handle aren't you? Maybe being brand new to a forum you might want to consider not being an ass & saying stupid shit like that to long time members that are actually trying to get some help. For fucks sake.

[Chip]

I was there. Keep a gun to blow your brains out or grow a set

What in the actual fuck? I don't know if you're trying to be funny, have no social skills, or are just trying to be a dick, but you're certainly living up to your handle aren't you? Maybe being brand new to a forum you might want to consider not being an ass & saying stupid shit like that to long time members that are actually trying to get some help. For fucks sake.

He's trying to say that it was a very unpleasant experience unless you toughen right up and are serious about your recovery.

Kind of abrasive but not too over the top yet. Interesting guy, i wonder what'll come up next ?

[Dopeless Hopefiend]

I was there. Keep a gun to blow your brains out or grow a set

What in the actual fuck? I don't know if you're trying to be funny, have no social skills, or are just trying to be a dick, but you're certainly living up to your handle aren't you? Maybe being brand new to a forum you might want to consider not being an ass & saying stupid shit like that to long time members that are actually trying to get some help. For fucks sake.

He's trying to say that it was a very unpleasant experience unless you toughen right up and are serious about your recovery.

Kind of abrasive but not too over the top yet. Interesting guy, i wonder what'll come up next ?

Maybe I took him too literally. I thought he was basically calling swpk a pussy. And the whole might as well blow your head off thing just rubbed me the wrong way. Someone who is contemplating/trying to get clean is usually already in a bad fucking place mentally. Shit I can remember many times i didn't care if the hit I was about to do took me out or not or waking up and being disappointed I was still alive. So, whatever. If I overreacted, my apologies I just thought it was a pretty insensitive thing to say.

[theSWPK (OP)]

Well considering he's implying I haven't yet "grown a set" it comes across as if he's calling me a pussy. I'll give the guy the benefit of the doubt incase he's socially inept or somrthing. But dude, you really don't go around and say shit like that. Are we sure this guy isn't just a novelty trolling account with that username?

Anyway:
Loll, I have tried methadone before and I fucking loved it. The stability was amazing and the lack of will to do my DOC was awesome. I really want to go back to the clinic, but due to my suspended license and broken down vehicle, I can't make it there.

Specter, what on earth did you tell the counselor you were doing to pull that shit off???

Dopeless Hopefiend, thanks for looking out.

I'm an asshole, what say you?

[Z]

He won't respond.  Banned for being Riddick I think.  Dude keeps coming back.  He really likes us for some reason.

[Lolleedee]

That sucks that the treatment that works for you is out of reach.  Is there any chance that you can qualify for Medicaid?  The reason I ask is because there are some people at the clinic I go to who have Medicaid and it pays for transportation to and from the clinic (and other doctor's appointments as well).  If that's not an option, I would call the clinic and see if they have any type of ride share program for clients.

One more thing, and I'm sure this differs by state, but because here (n.j) there are very few clinics in the northern part of the state, they have the ability, at their discretion, to start weekly take-homes almost immediately if they have no transportation and live far from the clinic.(it has to be over an hour each way for them to consider it).  It rarely happens, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

The only other thing is to beg anyone you can for help!  Desperate times call for desperate measures!  Would it be possible to trade a ride for work?  Maybe someone would be willing to take you if you would do yard work, or painting or dog-walking or any other of a million things in exchange.  Just a though.

I'm going to keep thinking on this one because you deserve to have the treatment that you know works!  Maybe we can all get our collective, junked-out heads together and come up with a viable option!