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Author Topic: I'm done  (Read 7664 times)

Offline thetalkingasshole (OP)

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I'm done
« on: January 16, 2016, 02:25:02 PM »
There is nothing left that brings me joy or happiness at this point
nothing left to even make me feel like life MIGHT at some point be worth it for me
I just try and try and try and just fall deeper and deeper

This site, and especially all you memebets have helped me to make it this far in life
to not be ashamed of who I am, a real love for each other, and understanding
but that can only take you so far

I'm sorry
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As I grew up, I opened my eyes and saw the real world, and I began to laugh, and I haven't stopped since

Offline dizzle

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2016, 02:34:48 PM »
hey man. chill out.


I've been there. I know how shitty it can feel to feel hopeless, but I PROMISE you'll look back on this point years from now and realize it was a blip on the radar, thats it. Problems are fixable, mistakes can be corrected, there's a lot to live for, don't do anything rash, please!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Z

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2016, 04:33:21 PM »
If you think things are horrible and couldn't possibly get worse, then you should look at the positive side of that.  Things can only get better from here.  Are there concrete goals that you want to happen, but don't know how to start moving towards the place you want to be in?  Do you need some help figuring out how to achieve your dreams?


When things have felt hopeless for me I found it helps to start with small easy to achieve goals.  The kind of thing that you can't help but accomplish.  Just getting a bit of success under your belt really helps to change your viewpoint on things.  Start with simple stuff like I will go out and do "X" today.  Maybe talk to 5 girls that look interesting.  Nothing much.  Just say hi and see how it goes.  You get it?


Then you can start incorporating goals that are harder, but that get you going more towards where you want to be.  If you tell me what you want I can help you figure out some ways to achieve that.


The problem with suicide is that it's so final.  It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I can understand the frustration and the draw, believe me I can.  It's just not worth it.  Don't go doing anything rash please. 
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Offline Illadelph215

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2016, 05:24:48 PM »
Hey man, I hope you just posted this out of pure frustration and anger and you've had time to think about it. I don't know you well but ever since joining I've seen and read your posts and enjoyed them. Just to this site you are a big contribution and we all appreciate your input and voice. Please don't be stupid and do something you can never take back. I and a lot of other people on here would be crushed without you a part of this site and that's just on here! Picture the amount of people IRL. You can always talk to me or plenty of others on here who would love to help or just lend an ear. Please get back to us bud.
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There is no future, there is no past. In the present, nothing lasts.

Offline Snoop

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2016, 06:19:19 PM »
Brother, I know we don't keep up with each other much here.

But dude, I can tell that you've been in pain lately... Not physically. But the anguish is palpable. And I feel genuine concern for ya.

When I was your age... I just discharged from the service, lived on the streets of SF and Oakland for a spell. Then caught my first Prison Term. All between the ages of 23-25.

I was so despondent at the time... I didn't think shit could get any worse. Looking down the barrel of a 36 month term. Hopelessly hooked on Heroin. And NOT looking forward to ANY of it.

I came out the other side of it though... And u will also. Just keep going. Keep fighting. Fuck negative people that make you feel badly about yourself. That goes for women and 'so called friends' too.

This lifestyle loans its fair share of depression and self loathing. Try to remember that. A lot of this shit is just in your head.

Not that it makes it any less real... But it helps to know. I think.

Sometimes when I get that way, I force myself to do SOMETHING.Anything that will make me think differently. Read books, Punch the Living Fuck outta my Punching Bag, play with the dogs, focus on my kid.

Focus on something other than how badly you're feeling.

Also.... Happiness comes from within. Someone else can't MAKE you happy. Sure, they can give u a sense of belonging. But ultimately it's going to come from within.

Drugs can mask your feelings. Give us a false sense of security. Take us away from it all....

But those feelings are doing pushups in the parking lot, waiting for you when the ride is over.

That's important to remember also... We can  run, but we can't hide for long.

I really hope you pull through all of  this.

Sounds cliche, I know... But Life is too Short man. It really really is.

U need an ear... Shoot me an email dude.

Everything gonna be alright.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2016, 06:21:59 PM by Snoop »
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Offline adamn1t

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #5 on: January 16, 2016, 06:24:17 PM »
There is nothing left that brings me joy or happiness at this point
nothing left to even make me feel like life MIGHT at some point be worth it for me

Hey man i might not know you very well but i know exactly how you feel, trust me i do. Ive literally said that exact same thing to myself countless times. All i know is that these are just emotions. Just chemical reactions in the brain that are not working in your favor. I suggest eating a meal, even if you feel you cant eat just shove anything down. Then sleep. Thats what I do, it helps in short term.
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Offline Snoop

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2016, 06:35:47 PM »
HALT:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

I remember this from some NA meeting once upon a time.

If you're down and out.... Take care of these four things.

Eat something. Relax your thoughts. Talk to a friend, your mom/dad/friend. Get some rest.

It's not the ANSWER to it all... But it's a start.

Anything worthwhile or worth having takes time. And all journeys start with just one single step.

Chin up, Chest out.

Overcome.

This pain will be useful to you one day.

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Offline Sand and Water

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2016, 07:36:11 PM »
TTA--Im so so sorry. Please please, try to take all the good advice above--especially be sure to try to eat (i know you're prolly not hungry, but its a crucial part of starting to feel less horrible). Depression is a lying, sneaky bastard.  It's almost like ya keep having to get back in the ring for another round & you're already running on fumes :(

We're here for you, but is there *anyone* IRL you can talk to?  I don't mean a hookup, I mean like someone you trust to just let some of this out to?  It may sound silly, but if there isn't, would you consider calling a suicide/crisis line?  Sometimes just a human voice validating you aren't alone & just being *heard* can really help. We have a section Chipper started if you feel up to talking there too, but if not, it's ok. Just please don't isolate & stay in your own head too much.

I care & many others too. You're NOT alone or any of the other "bad" things that crappy voice in your head is telling you. You're smart, funny & have a TON to offer. It takes incredible STRENGTH to hang on & please keep trying cuz you are so worth it.   

Give a holler to any of us you feel comfy talking with ANYTIME--praying & sending you the best vibes possible. Please check back in as you can ok?  Much love
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

Offline Chip

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2016, 07:41:48 PM »
firstly, please do not take any action.

secondly, try to understand and accept that the world is in a perpetual state of flux ... all you have to do is your best until situations change - and they always do.

my own issues are to with lonliness and coping with unemployment - so I understand your misery.

but I also believe in what I preach and from time to time, I force myself to go out and look for work, fun and companionship ... and it mostly works to different degrees long as you are persistent.

please don't underestimate your worth as you are a very popular member here - and this is a tough crowd.

listen to all the great advice already given here and please do not give up.

PLEASE ! you have a great personality and you need to be present and have to give others both the opportunity and time to discover that.
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I do not condone or support any illegal activities. All information is for theoretical discussion and wonder.
All activities discussed are considered fictional and hypothetical. Information of all discussion has been derived from online research and in the spirit of personal Freedom.

Offline candy

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2016, 08:10:17 PM »
Hey man,
I am so sorry you are feeling the way you do.
As some members have already posted, many of us with addiction and depression have felt the way you are feeling right now.

I myself have felt like I just could not go on another day. I just wanted to end all the pain I was feeling, and the guilt I had for hurting my kids and making life harder for them.  I just wanted to feel normal, whatever that is, but I really felt I might make that move. 

It was so hard to let my bf know I wanted to end my own life. Then, my brother tries to hang himself, and seeing him hanging there almost to the point of death was so difficult and made me re-access my choices in life. Did I want my kids or bf to find me dead? No, not after my nephew, sister, and I pulled my brother down.

I think the key to finding a better option to dealing with this depression is to reach out to the members on this board who you feel close to. But first, you must find help in some way. I am not sure where you live, but I believe we have a national number to call if you are feeling suicidal.

I would be so happy to talk with you. Please take some time to think about what everyone has said.
If you would like to talk on the phone, send me a message and I will give you my phone number.
No one should feel lonely or hopelessness and not have someone to talk to who knows how you are feeling.

Please reach out to someone.
I am here!

Candy
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Harm Reduction...
Enables choices, possibilities, and opportunities without imposing change.

Offline Tony

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2016, 10:33:26 PM »
To the OP,

I don't post much these days. I have a lot of stuff going on and I have lots of fatigue and depression is rearing it's ugly head.

We are not close but I remember you from the Phile and always read your posts. I enjoy your posts a lot.

I hate to see you feeling so rotten that you may be considering not choosing life. I have been there as have most
of the folks that have posted in this thread. I am going to take some liberties and go out on a limb. Only because
this is a huge thing and I want you to make it till you feel better. As someone already said, if you wait, this time of
feeling better will come for sure.

First off, you are a smart and very likable young guy. This means a lot. You have lots of time to turn your situation around and have the brains and
natural abilities to do it. No one knows for sure if there is an afterlife. But one thing is sure. This life is done. The finality of this is huge. So I appeal to
your wisdom. Please don't do something that has such a great magnitude to end pain that will most likely pass in a short time. Brother, I believe that
even though this world can be a huge shitpot, in fact there is love. It is sometimes easy to believe that it's not true, but you are loved. Someone loves
you man. Even if you are alone in this world you have people right here on this site that care for you as a friend and brother in arms. You probably either
have or will have a wife and kids. These people will love and depend on you. It can make life worthwhile. I say give it time and it will happen.

One thing that helps me when I am in a dark mood is to think of folks that are worse off than me. Little kids that are hungry and alone. People that are in
prison and over in Syria starving cause ISIS treats then as sex slaves and infidels because they were born the " wrong" religion according to them. Hell,
you I am sure are in a bad state. No doubt. But please try to think of folks that have it worse and think of how, that maybe, just maybe, if you can hang on
for the time it takes to let this darkness pass, you will be able to feel that life is worth it.

Good luck man. And fight the good fight. I believe in you.   

Peace,

Tony 2016
   
           



   

       
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Offline Griffin

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2016, 04:25:40 PM »
Shit gets better, it definitely hits the fan sometimes and it sucks dealing with but no matter what it always gets better you just gotta keep you head up. I went through a shit year pretty much the whole year last year, and I felt pretty hopeless and depressed my self confidence and self esteem were shit and it sucked hard, but you have a ton of good things going for you and you don't even know or realize it.

It definitely helps to talk about it for real, I bitched about pretty much everything that was happening last year on here and hearing everyones support and advice was very helpful. You definitely have people to talk to who care about you, you just gotta keep trucking, eventually it will get better. You just can't give up cause there is way to much shit to live for and do.

You are in your prime, and even though you might not feel like it or think about it and you worry that maybe the monotany and not doing anything is wasting away your life but it's not. There is like a million fucking things you still gotta do, you gote vote for bernie saunders, and smoke a fat joint on a mountain, and gnr is making a comeback show, there is a ton of cool shit that you need to do and you have a purpose you are a good dude.

Have you even seen the new star wars homie? Cause on the interwebs theres a website that you can stream it on for free you don't even have to download it and its pretty good quality like i am pretty sure the guy who filmed it in the theatre had like an iphone 6 at least... and he had hands like a surgeon.

Main thing I am saying is you are important and you got some important shit to do maybe not today or this year but you will fulfill that purpose whether its just helping the kid down the block take a different path so he isnt in and out of prison his whole life or becoming the president so i can have me some pharma H and some opanas you are needed.

You are way to young and way to cool to be put up the gloves so don't. You should goto the humor thread and goto the link someone posted that are emails from an asshole they are hilarious most definitely going to brighten your day. If you need anyone to talk to message me I'm your age i wont say i know what struggles you are dealing with or how to fix them but i will say that I have had some struggles myself and it never seemed like it would change or get better and it did pretty significantly and talking to people is something that made that happen.
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Offline Zoops

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2016, 05:28:00 PM »
Shit man, just reading this outpouring to you ought to be enough to change your mood a little bit. If it was me, I'd be all like "people like me dammit!" So don't give up. Because that's exactly what you're talking about, just giving up, throwing in the towel, over some small stuff most likely.

I doubt you're responsible for any genocide or even one family losing its home. I doubt you have even killed a kitty cat before.

My point is, you haven't done anything to deserve to do to yourself what you're thinking of doing.

You said you don't have anything in life to look forward to. That might be true, but life has a way of constantly changing. My situation now is different than it was a year ago. Sure, I still deal with the substance abuse "issues," and I'm still the same person, but my situations and my moods are different than a year ago. I know from reading your posts over the years (damn... years, wow) that you've gone through quite a few changes - going on the road, getting some different jobs, different drugs, girls, a bunch of stuff. And I seem to recall you from time to time admitting having fun. It's not like you're just sitting around doing nothing. So, your life will change from how it is today, and therefore you can't say that "you don't have anything to look forward too."

Shit, and I also count myself among those who enjoy your posts. I laughed out loud before at stuff you've written, several times. And that's saying something, not like all these two-bit junkboxes on here (hahaha).

The only thing that really concerns me with you right now is that you've been talking about using meth recently, and I suspect that 's where this depression is coming from. So put the damn meth down , son!

And PM me if you want. I know it's not really worth a whole hell of a lot to someone who is in the grips of suicidal depression, but there's a whole lot of people on here that don't want to see you gone.

I have a homework assignment that is guaranteed to make you feel better: use your special drug-seeking powers to find some of that morphine you like to use and take a big-ass dose, maybe have a drink and call a lady (if you tell her about your feeling blue, they eat that shit up if you didn't already know) and enjoy life for a minute or two.

Man I really hope you're reading all this love people have for you right now.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2016, 05:30:13 PM by Zoops »
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"The future ain't what it used to be."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
- Yogi Berra

"Drugs are so fucking good....that they'll ruin your life."
- Louis C.K.

Offline thetalkingasshole (OP)

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2016, 05:31:32 PM »
i did try and act
and somehow it didnt work
i think the xanax i tried to use was fake because it had no effect

i have no plans of trying again
but i also am in no better of a place current;y
i appreciate so much you all have had to say here
but i think im not going to post much for a little while

you can email, i think, so if you feel the need to then go ahead
i cant promise i will respond but it helps a little to know that people
people ive never met, many ive never had a real conversation with
would take the time to share their thoughts

im sorry for making this thread and just being such a stupid asshole to you all

its nice to know that there are some people in this world who can empathize
and even show real concern for my well-being
but i am still alone in my life, still homeless, still addicted

i just need at least one person in my real life who could offer me some real love
not a love of getting high with me, or scoring from me
i just dont see how a change is possible

meetings, forcing myself to go out and meet people
eating four times or more a day, exercising
developing interests in hockey and world affairs and politics
none of it moves me out of my car, none of it heps me earn a living wage
none of it helps me to find a way to get throug life without needing opiates
« Last Edit: January 17, 2016, 05:35:22 PM by thetalkingasshole »
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As I grew up, I opened my eyes and saw the real world, and I began to laugh, and I haven't stopped since

Offline Specter

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Re: I'm done
« Reply #14 on: January 17, 2016, 08:53:32 PM »
Can you get yourself some help? Rehab an option?

Dude I had a great job for my area making way more money than one should need and 3 weeks from getting married when my life came crashing down.  I spent several hundred thousand dollars and lost absolutely everything.  I was the same way-- literally nothing got me off my ass unless it was to procure narcotics.  Finally I couldn't fucking deal with it anymore and went to rehab.  I didn't want to go infact I hated the first few days of it maybe the first week of it... Then I just stuck it out did the work did the BS too and tried to smile.  It wasn't fun but 28 days later I felt like a new person.

I have feelings again, I care about shit again-- that's not drugs.  I still think about it, I still miss it but I don't fucking miss feeling like you're feeling right now.  This is cliche as fuck but nobody can help you but you-- I truly mean that. 

I truly wish you the best because this shit absolutely fucking sucks.  I'm thinking what the fuck do people do when they don't do drugs or drink-- especially on the weekend.  I will say though that I've tried this game every fucking way you can try it and I always end up miserable.  I'm not some fucking person that will sit here and tell you that you can't do what you want-- but I couldn't break that spell until I had 3 weeks of clean time in me.
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