lets start this shit off right. how to be a better father.

[Thoms (OP)]

Yeah I talk to the older one about things like that and I know they care about me like I do them, I struggle with my self esteem and it shows in this thread but things are actually going pretty damn good now. I mean I've come to accept I will make mistakes and so will they and over time we will grow together. The boys both look up to me and honestly I look up to the both of them. I'll continue to learn and more than being a better father I will do my best to become a better person, to keep striving and let the little shit fall to the side. I'll do my best to forgive and forget. I need to slow down on the drugs and interact with them on their level. Much thanks for the input guys.

I know the men's forum wasn't a greatly popular idea and there isn't much traffic here but I hope we can get the most out of it. I know that me and hero are in a little bit of a different boat as both our better halves are on the board so I don't know... Hell in babbling now..

[DeadCat]

*chirp* *chirp*

Anyways, I have struggled with this.  I only do drugs when the kids are asleep, and someone sober is around.  It didn't used to be like that, and my relationships suffered immensely.  I am still rebuilding three years later.

I think that if you are worried about being a good father then you are probably doing a good job.  Kids are pretty simple at heart.  They want to be loved, encouraged, and feel safe.  I set aside time for a one on one once a week.  Playing Mario, cards, going to the park.  I let them pick.[/q]

I try to guide them and lead through showing what a man is.  I don't always get it perfectly, but I think for the most part they appreciate and understand.

Being "clean" is not a prerequisite for being a good father. Not leting your choice to do drugs interfere with doing right by your kids (boys or girls ) is. When  they are old enough,(maturity, not age) they will be faced with the same choices we were, probaly with more dangerous drugs and possibly in a more reppressive world. I'd think a good father prepares his children to use ther mins to make goood choices not just putting the fear of god in them should they get high.

When they are mature enough, by sharing your own experiencees and stuggles (not glamorizing them of course) may save them a world of hurt or, if they do get innvolved they will know they can come to you if they need help.

My dad split just before I turnd 13. My mon worked full time to support us. I was a latchkey kid and along as was my littl sister. One of my bigget regets is that
I didn't have a father around to prepare me to be an adult man. I can only wonder how much different my life would have been had I had, during teen years a father around to teach about responsibilities, lthings we do have consequences, even how to aska girl on a date.If he had had a dpe habit and told me about it and the many complications choosing that lifestyle causes I woud have ben A LOT more careful although I probably would have at least tried them all that's what kids do. They can't learn form YOUR mistakes.

Just love them and be there for them , ven when they aren't clarly asking for you to andgood things will happen. As long as you are basically a good person and let them see the person you ARE not the "father" you think you "should" be you will have givne them a big leg up in the world.