A tweaker cut my daughters throat...

[BamaPainGurl (OP)]

Literally! She stopped by today and I was angry at her, until I saw her bandages. So she tells me a bare bones version hoping I wouldn't figure out who it was. I knew right away. The guy she lives with gets very paranoid on ice or meth or whatever it is. He took her to Georgia, "got lost" in the country and grabbed her by the hair, snatched her head back and took a box cutter to her throat. Screaming he was gonna kill the snitch. I raised her old school, she would never snitch.

I cleaned and changed her bandages today. They couldn't close the wound, afraid because so many hours had passed they might close up infection in it. So she essentially has a 3/4 in deep gash across her throat. It was the grace of God the blade wasn't long enough to reach a jugular.

 He denied her medical care till the next day (so he could come down)and made her make up a story. She told the er she got too close to a bar fight. She insisted on going back tonight until she can go stay with my mom. She hates living here, but also doesn't want Joss to see the wounds. He also destroyed all the phones so she couldn't call the police (or her family)! I doubt I will sleep until she is away from this psycho and he is under the jail or the ground. Either one will do.

I'm afraid if I do anything before then he will finish what he started. He obviously doesn't have any trouble hurting her. Sorry if this is jumping around. I'm going nuts sitting here wanting to kill this guy but I have to take care of the kids here and she wants me to keep Joss (her daughter) safe. I'm screaming inside my head over and over. It's one thing to worry about having to bury your drug addicted child, quite another to see evidence that there is a clear chance I will have to. 

[makita]

Oh my god.  That is fucking insane and terrifying.  I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this and I hope she is able to get away from him and get his ass in jail where it belongs. 

Is she still a minor or an adult? 

There are battered women's shelters that dont give out their location for this very reason.  But I get that she is very sucked into the abuse cycle.  I don't know what I would do if I were you, it's horrifying to think about. 

I hope you at least can take care of yourself and have people you can talk to who can support you through this.  If not, maybe think about calling a crisis line or something, just to help vent and calm down--there are numbers in the Who You Gonna Call section on suicide, and you can call them for other crisis situations besides that.  Its a good opportunity to unburden yourself and help calm down during this period of massive fear and uncertainty.  Keep in mind if you do that you should avoid saying anything that implies you might hurt him as they are usually mandated reporters (even though the calls are anonymous). 

All the hugs and good thoughts, BPG.

[Zoops]

Wow that's off the charts crazy as shit. Has this guy been arrested yet? Will she testify against him that he did this to her? (not snitching in my opinion if you've been damn near killed by someone - "snitching" is more like when you have knowledge of someone's criminal activity and you go and tell or tell to get a reduced sentence - like in a drugs possession case - "where did you get the drugs from?")

He abducted her and tried to kill her? That's like 20 years type of time right there. How old is your daughter.

[Morfy]

Wow Bama-PG,

That is horrible, but so glad she wasn't hurt worse.  Yeah, if that asshole will do something like that for no reason (drug-induced paranoia), he is capable of any horrendous act, basically at any time.

Sounds like you are getting your daughter to a safe place and although we all have certain reservations about getting law enforcement involved--that pertains to NON-VIOLENT acts by consenting adults who chose to use chemicals that are less than legal to possess.

When it comes to violent crime; its okay to drop a dime.

I don't know what I would do in your situation, I would be tempted to shoot (& kill) this violent maniac, just before calling 911.  With the violence that he has already committed, I'd be hard-pressed to think the district attorney (or whatever you have where you live) would press charges against you, if you stopped him from doing any more harm to your family.

Again, one couldn't go "hunt-down" this maniac for what he did; but if he showed-up at your place looking for your daughter...., it would seem more than justified.

I am no lawyer, and I give you no advice.  But this situation isn't going to end well for someone; make sure it isn't you or your family.

[Specter]

Wow man I am so sorry this happened to your daughter.  How old is she?  Is she feeling any better?  When exactly did this happen?

That's fucking attempted murder he should get a nice 10-15 (to life) year bid for what he did...controlling her by destroying all phones, etc will add to the charges.  If she wants to actually get rid of him a simple phone call to the police should take care of it.  Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if the ER called the police.  Nurses are pretty good at knowing when you're lying... that's just what I heard I have no personal experience trying to lie to nurses  ...

Please do not act on this on your own!!!  I am not a parent so I can't even pretend I know what it feels like to have a child and even worse have a child where a man on drugs slit her throat.  IF you go after him you will also be spending time behind bars and I know your daughter would much rather have you in her life than have you in prison.  I am sure most males instant reaction is to take care of this POS right away but please please please think before you do anything!!!!

[suboxstitute]

He needs to be arrested and in jail ... sometimes the most dangerous time for women is right when they decide to leave, but it will not get better.  Of course, you know that.

She must have been so terrified; I am so sorry you have to go through this.  Is there ANY way she could go to a safe house/womens' shelter?  Next time she will not be so "lucky".  Seriously this guy needs to be arrested yesterday. 

[Lolleedee]

I AM so sorry your daughter (and you!) are going through this!  I agree with what was said above.  I personally would reach out to a battered women's shelter NOW!  Situations like this have a way of turning tragic quickly.  Also, take some precautions for yourself if this piece of shit knows where you live.  He might go off on you if he thinks you are helping to hide her and are keeping her from him.

Simple things can help keep you safe long enough to call and get help.  Make sure your cell phone is fully charged and with you AT ALL TIMES.  Keep the power cord in your purse or another bag you can grab quickly if you have to make a run for it.

LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE HOME.  Creeps like this have no problem breaking into a house to look for your daughter, or to threaten you into disclosing her location. 

If you have a legal firearm, keep it ready.  Hopefully you will never need it, but if a situation goes bad quickly you won't have time to say "wait...let me get my gun and load it!"

When going out to your car, have your keys out and ready so you can get in quickly.  Lock the door AS SOON AS YOU GET IN.  This way if he tried to ambush you, he won't be able to open the door and drag you out.  This way you could just pull out quickly and if you happen to run over him...all the better!

I would try to convince her to file a restraining order. That way if her comes near either you or your daughter and granddaughter you have some recourse to get his sorry ass thrown in jail.

It is true that the most dangerous time is immediately after a woman leaves, but there are ways to minimize the risk.  I'm sure a social worker at a women's shelter can offer you more advice than I can.  However if she chooses to stay it is inevitable that she will, at the very least; be assaulted again..he has proven he is violent. Unfortunately it is not uncommon for these situations to end in murder.

Please...call for help now!!!  Be safe!  We are here for you!

[monkey business]

Yeah, this shit is absolutely insane. You need to get her away from that dude ASAP.

Step 1.) Get your daughter (and her daughter too) somewhere safe where that psycho dude wouldn't be able to find them.

Step 2.) Call the police and tell them exactly what happened.

Step 3.) File a restraining order so dude can't get near you again if he happens to somehow not end up in jail.

I know this is a difficult and stressful experience to deal with, but you need to act NOW before something even worse happens to your daughter.

Good luck.

[Sand and Water]

Oh my god, as a parent there a few worse nightmares. Everybody had great advice--if i missed this, my apologies. Can you also set up a "go bag" to give her to hide (if she ends up returning to him) with a bit of cash, a small prepay cell etc that she can get access to FAST to call you, a friend/taxi etc? 

Violence almost always escalates (not trying to worry you more) and if you can give her the tools to free herself, it may make her believe she can get out. Also, if he "goes off" again, any chance the police can hold him for a due to being a danger to himself and others? That could buy her some time. I understand her reluctance--it wasn't til looong after I got out of the abuse that I could see it clearly. It was hell on my parents too . Thanking god you're there for her and Joss. Y'all are in my prayers. Please keep us posted.

[Dhedmo]

Is there ANY way she could go to a safe house/womens' shelter?  Next time she will not be so "lucky".  Seriously this guy needs to be arrested yesterday.

That's what safe houses are for.
Sounds like you don't know where to go: Start by typing "how to find a women's safe house" (add your daughter's zip, or that of a town you're more comfortable with that tweakie wouldn't guess)
She'll get treatment, a lot of good leads, and eventually find whee she needs to be.

This is terrible news, Bamapaingurl.

You're right. He'll need to go someplace to think about it for years and years on Uncle's dime.
The resources above should be able to help advice; they deal with so many women who have been conditioned not to tell on their abusers.

She needs to get medical help, a safe place, distance, legal advice.
Then and only then, she can, from a safe distance, wish tweaklad happy motoring:

[nick]

Jesus!! You should have called the cops and refused go let your daughter go anywhere near him again.

[St. Theresa]

I'm so sorry for you bama ...

Everyone is giving sound caring advice but since you are in a similar situation that my mom is in I know how hard it is.

It's not as simple as calling the cops, especially if the victim is still living with him and won't leave also the cops can't make her or arrest him unless she files a report or makes a formal complaint. Plus she may not want to call them because she doesn't want to in incriminate herself.

My sister gets her ass beat weekly by her fat drunk slob of a bf and is constantly trying to off herself or starting fights. She won't leave him or call the cops and my mom doesn't want cops anywhere near her because they don't do jack shit but judge you and maybe even cause more bullshit by arresting my sister.


It's a nightmare and I really hope your girl gets the fuck away from that guy bastard. 

Keep it together and just be there for joss...you're in my prayers.

[BamaPainGurl (OP)]

Nick, and everyone else,
   Thanks for all the great advice! My daughter is 25 and still in the grips of active addiction herself. So, scared though she and I might be, I couldn't make her stay anywhere. She knows from past experience that I will rent her a hotel room far enough away that she won't be found and I have a hi-point 45 that I'm sure could keep her safe long enough to get in the car. But, she won't. I've been in a very nasty relationship like this one she is in and it took 3 years and 5 murder attempts for me to wise up. This guy she us with appears to be a lot more motivated to get the job done.

 I think she thinks she is tough enough to live through anything. I know better but can't convince her of anything. I can't give her cash for obvious reasons and the phones I've already given her with the bills paid are in the garbage now. I feel very useless and as if I am just waiting for the inevitable. She may have a death wish. And in that situation,what do I do? I don't even know where she lives. She has succeeded in pushing me out of her life too well now.

Now my mind is flirting with worst case scenarios due to no information or way to reach out to her. Can only stay so busy, body refuses to keep up. And I agree he will do time, just don't know what for yet, attempted or pre meditated first degree?

Thanks st.T that's it in a nutshell. 

[nick]

She's obviously suffering from battered spouse syndrome .Throw addiction in and she's not going to listen.

I rarely say this,but calling the cops(poor as police response often is  to domestic abuse) would be the way to go. This isn't someone giving your daughter a beating,this sounds frighteningly like attempted murder.It's not just the cut throat,it's this happening in a remote place with no witnesses. This was pre-planned,attempted murder.

I'd call the cops and worry about my relationship with my daughter later.

bUT, this is you choice alone-much luck to both you and your daughter with whatever you decide. 

[Lolleedee]

I've got to agree with Nick here.  While it may seem harsh and unmotherly, jail is probably the safest place for her.  You can repair your relationship later..but if he kills her you will never have the chance...