I keep abusing my takehomes

[Chip (OP)]

yes, i'm still up to my old tricks.

it really hits home when people talk about addiction.

i can be totally stupid when it comes to my own comfort and misery.

shit, now i have to go out and line something else up for the shortfall.

it just seems like i'm not learning ... just wanted to share ... it also seems like i'm not happy unless i mess around with my doses.

at least it's only 22.5 mg but it still hurts.

[Jega]

It's nice to know there are others in the same situation. For me it's benzos for Panic Disorder. Withen a week of being discharged from the hospital a supply designed to last 3 weeks is gone in a couple days and im back going to ER's and urgent cares for a small script for 6 1g pills. It's a shitty life when you really do need the pills.

[Sand and Water]

My (legal) addiction to cigarettes seems so small compared to you (Chipper & Jega), but its the only habit I've never, ever been able to get away from.  I'm sorry you are both struggling right now. I hope it starts to get a little easier each & every day. Sending you both big positive thoughts, karma & whatever else helps.

[Z]

Are you still injecting them chipper?

I asked my doctor to cut my down from weeklies to 3x a week because of drinking more methadone then i should.  So far so good, but going three times sucks.

Sometimes I think I intentionally did it so I would have an excuse to go get some dilaydid or heroin.  Bad bad boy.

[Chip (OP)]

yeah, i am still injecting them but talk about slim pickings !

maybe that's what it's going to take - no IV options will change things and i'm almost there.

i'm just upset at my ability to deceive myself ... i should be doing better.

[OxyOpanaAlphaOmega]

I hope your able to get a handle on it

I know how hard it is personally

Just try and do the best you can, and really try

Best wishes!

OOAO

[Lolleedee]

Well, at least I just found out I am in good company!  I get 6 take-homes, which I have tried almost everything (except NOT taking them and returning to daily clinic pick-ups) to not take more than I am supposed to.

First, I had one of those locking box things with a key.  I gave the key to my husband to hold for safe keeping...which was great..the key was safe, but my bottles were not as I quickly figured out how to open said lock with nothing but sheer determination and a bent paper clip!

Then my husband bought one of those heavy duty personal safes with a combination lock.  That too was easily defeated with the help of a Youtube video entitled "how to break into a combination lock safe"!

After all that I was sincerely thinking about changing my career from dental hygienist to cat burglar!

For the final act I started going to the clinic early before he went to work and surrendering my bottles to him to hold...great idea, but me, always thinking ahead, filled up a water bottle with green food coloring(the clinic adds green colored water to take-homes) and on the way home I would knock back a few, replace with same colored water and hubby was none the wiser...until I would be sick with two days til pickup!

Unfortunately, i haven't come up with any way to NOT do it yet.  I am seriously debating going back on daily pickups again to avoid all this shit.

I still think if my dose was raised I might do a bit beter.  I have even split my dose, but I still feel undermedicated...I have a meeting with the doctor this week, so we will see.  I still have a ton of drug cravings and I have read that sometimes the dose of methadone to combat drug hunger can be a lot higher than the dosage needed to stop withdrawal.

so, after all that long winded drivel, I just wanted to say I am in the same boat!  Really comforting, huh? lol

[Griffin]

 I luckily learned my lesson by running out early and now that I don't feel anything at all from my dose even when I was on 280 I got nothing from it so theres just no fun to be had from dipping into the cookie jar. Plus now I only get one take-home a week instead of getting 2 weeks at a time so I really don't have the option of going through it. I wish the honeymoon phase would never end I miss it terribly! I am now trying to figure out how to stop the benzos. I had my doctor prescribe the lowest dose so that it only last a few days so I don't become dependent again, but now I am trying to stop them all together and I can't its just to easy to goto the dr or call in the refill and pay a dollar for a few days of carelessness and good sleep.



Griffin

[nick]

Don't we all !!!!

[Opi-ette]

I can't count how many times I've made the same mistake over and over.
I guess after the first time, I can't call it a "mistake" anymore.

[Smacky-Doodle 2.0]

It's DEFINITELY  a problem for me too.  In fact I have 2 days a week, that I take absolutely nothing just so I can double my dose on the weekend.  This is getting harder and harder to do, because its a PAIN IN THE ASS to get increases at my clinic, they want you to beg for them and jump thru various hoops just for a measly 5mg increase, and my current dose isn't holding me on the days I take the actual prescribed amount.

So what do you do, Chipper, on the days that you are out?  Just white-knuckle it like I do, or is there anything I could try to ease the pain?

[Chip (OP)]

I beg my buddy for Morphine ... if I can pay then I do so and usually do.

then there's OTC 15 mg. Codeine and acetaminophen but usually M.

[Zoops]

Hey chipper, what do you do with those codeine 15mg/APAP pills?

CWE them? Hey can't you make desomorphine out of codeine, iodine, gasoline and some other shit, then just shoot the crude reaction mixture? I heard something about that once...

Try doing that!

[Chip (OP)]

I just eat 'em ... now methinks I have just been sold a bunch of croc.

[Griffin]

For everyone who does use there take homes early or if you happen to go a day or two missing your dose. I have noticed that it doesn't really effect me the day of if I miss one day but 2-3 days later even after I dose I usually feel a little bit down or under the weather? Anyone else notice this at all or is it all in my head? If I miss 2 days I definitely notice it the second day but 2-3 days after I start dosing again I feel I have no energy and get a little down. My counselor said it is because of the way the half life works and that your levels are on a certain stable level after you've been on MMT a while and when you miss a dose you have enough in your system to get through that day but it drops your level a little bit and you feel the effects a few days later. I was seeing if that is what you guys were feeling or if you had noticed it at all.


Griffin