About My Final Days of Injecting ...

[Chip (OP)]

If you don't know me from Opiophile then let me introduce myself as a user.

I started injecting at the age of 16 and have had many breaks and many runs in my 53 years of age.

Now, i chose to make a combination of Methadone and Dexamphetamine or whatever stimulants i could find, my drug of choice for close to two decades -- that meant large barrels, fatter sharps and butterflies; a bad prospect for any upstanding vein.

Now i refuse to use my groin, my neck or my feet. I'm saving those spots for blood draws or possible hospitalisation because you never know.

Today, I spent an hour scanning for a vein and yes, i got it but i have to give injecting up because, apart from having little to no options, it's become all about getting the shot in and less about the drug- it defies logic but that's where i find myself at now.

I would be very interested to hear from anyone who has succesfully ystopped IV'ing, for whatever reason, because i need to change my inner dialog.

It must be madness but yet here i am.

[candy]

Hey Chipper,

I was able to successfully stop injecting with the help of Methadone 10 years ago.
I had no veins to work with and before stopping had been using my feet, legs, neck, but never the groin.

I would spend an hour or more just trying to find a vein. It was awful and I felt so ashamed sitting in my bathroom bloody and bruised while my kids waited patiently for me to come out of the bathroom. You can only poop for so long.

This comes at an interesting time for me as I just went through a hellish experience going in for an MRI with contrast, which means being poked.
Those techs that inject the contract could only use my arms and even then were limited on where they could inject.

I am no looking at 3 large bruised areas and while they got the contrast in, it just wasn't in a vein.

My point to all this, I wish I would have known the future before I started injecting. I didn't think about getting older and now having to deal with medical issues, I only cared about one thing and that was injecting my dope.

I recently started to see veins come back in my legs and what is my first thought, " I could hit that!"

You are not the only one to feel the way you do. I felt the same way, just getting the shot in.

What changed for me was my kids and I knew I could not continue to put myself through the daily hell of trying to find a vein so I could get high. I spent more time in the bathroom than I did all day with my kids and that was a sad fucking place to be in.
It must of been dumb luck, but they had just opened up a Methadone clinic not far from where I had lived and I just decided to go back on methadone again.

Like you, I had been through the cycle of being on and off dope and on and off Methadone.
I don't know what it will take for you to stop, but maybe changing the route of administration (ROA) would help. That would be my first suggestion to you.

Eventually, you are going to run out of options. That is just the sad fact my friend of injecting drugs.

What is your bottom line? It would be nice to hear from others that have given up the needle.

[smfadmin]

it's like losing a very close friend, i'm in some form of grief despite my body cheering.

thanks for keeping it real.

[St. Theresa]

Man alive, chipper... You've obviously been a champion at harm reduction to of had such a long run at the needle. I think you just admitting it's over to yourself and to us here is going to put some accountability on you stopping.  You know what damage has been done, and you know that any further damage could end up really bad, and I believe you're smart enought to not put yourself thru the "really bad".

Great post and advice as usual, candy...


Chipper, I  have less time using than you but I can relate to you, for  the last few years I try to limit my use to "special" occasions. That's what worked for me and how I was using. I break out the points maybe 3-4 times a year and use them for no more than 3 days at a time, rotating and such. Even then I feel the same shame and hopelessness at times and feel like I've gone too far.  I've gone years without using the needle but I romanticized it as well and still do.

It's not easy. And you've been at this so long it's part of you. Do you think you're methadone and dex will keep you well? How will you use now and do you think you'll be stable with out injecting? What are your plans on how you'll stop iv use?

Sorry I just asked you all those questions lol, just curious, cause this is kind of a big deal I hope the best for you and wish you all the luck in the world

[Queenofdenial]

For those of you embarrassed about injecting. DON'T BE!!!
Here is my little story of the day:
About 30 some odd years ago when I was severely anorexic(5'10" and 90lbs) I used to "go down" a lot. Meaning I would pass out and end up in the hospital.
Every time I went in, they would ask me if I was an IV drug user. I would tell them "no" but they never believed me. They could not find veins because all of mine would collapse into themselves. I used to have to point out the big vein in my groin.
  Anyway, just goes to show you, they always think people are IV drug users and label them as such. Like it is a bad thing?

Nothing like having several nurses raming 4 inch needles all over your body, trying to find a damn vein. And then there were the blood gasses....
Just remembering and rambling now.
Sorry.
                              ~QoD

[St. Theresa]

Qod...thank you for that...I have to say I have no clue what "blood gasses" are and now I'm gonna google it, but im a little terrified to..

[Chip (OP)]

I had a friend whose stomach exploded - yes, all over the inside of an ambulance.

I wonder if that's what blood gases are (?)

[Sand and Water]

Candy please correct me if I read this wrong, but drawing for a blood gas is done to determine CO2 & other levels such as oxygen. The info can be needed for many reasons (just a couple examples: patients w/diabetes or whose pulmonary function is compromised or when acidosis or other Ph imbalances are a concern.

Based on the levels from this, the Dr can then determine an appropriate treatment plan. It's an arterial draw vs venous (vein), so is it not an 'easy stick', and Ive been told it hurts far more than regular blood draws.

[makita]

I had a friend whose stomach exploded - yes, all over the inside of an ambulance.

I wonder if that's what blood gases are (?)

What??? Ok that story needs to be told. 

[Chip (OP)]

you should see his stomach - all his muscles ruptured as he had two infections that met eachother and his stomach burst.

it's 100% true. he is now has a huge belly and disengages with his old life.

it's a very rare thing and it happened right inside the ambulance.

if you have any questions then I can pass them on.

[makita]

Two infections as in, two abscesses? (is he an IVDU?)  Jesus.  Im just wondering what actually happened medically since usually infections dont result in that kind of violent thing I'm picturing, that would rupture muscles. 

[Chip (OP)]

he was an injector, yes.

i will ask him exactly how it went down ... and will get back to this thread. may take a while, though.

[Taytoechip]

being more than 200 days since my last injection i occasionally will look down at my arms and have like mental flashbacks of the hours spent poking over and over the same areas towards the end of my most recent habit.
amazingly ive healed up quite well though. i still have a major scar on each arm right in the middle crook, like the classic iv spot each a little less than a cm long. so its not super noticeable. but i'm sure it will be there for many many years to come

[Z]

I wish you the best with stopping the injections chipper.  It can definitely be it's own beast.  My best advice is to get rid of ALL the needles, dirty and clean, and just don't allow yourself to buy more.  It can be hard at first, but you quickly develop a resolve to keep with it.

I have stopped a few times.    As the scars fade, the shorts and t-shirts come out of hiding, and your self confidence increases you will feel so much better about it.  Especially with methadone.  It will increase your stability.  You will just feel better overall.

I will add that having needles around made relapses a lot easier.  Without it seems like one more obstacle to keep you going on the right track.  Putting down the needles was key to my current good position in the addiction spectrum.

I know you can do this man.  Drop me a line if you need any help, or for whatever reason at all.

[nick]

I have a friend who's been a heavy injector since the early seventies and he still uses the same vein,in the same spot he started with-fucking sickening,huh.

From someone else who's raging against the dying of his circulatory system.