Alcohol addiction: It's hard

[George (OP)]

I've been addicted  to many things, but alcohol is the hardest.... its fucking hard........ 

wish i had some fucking money and medical insurance for the comedown, but it's not happening.

YOU GO ALONE.

its fucking hard 

[Z]

Hang in there.  The hard part of alcohol for me was the availability.  Its just so pervasive in our culture.  I wish there was more help available for everyone.

[Dopeless Hopefiend]

George, do you have access to any benzos? They can really help with alcohol withdrawal. Hang in there man, I agree booze can be a real motherfucker.

[MoeMentim]

Yeah, I'm drinking every night & really don't want to.  I've been to aa meetings the last 3 days.  I've had long periods of sobriety in aa before, have nothing against the 12 steps or the total abstinence philosophy but my experience of alcohol is pretty different post-heroin.  I have some level of control in how much i drink that I've never had before.  I have awful depression & anxiety, i take some psych meds but wish i could trust myself with benzos.  If I could take as prescribed I bet I'd stop drinking.  More likely I'd use a months script in a week & drink the rest of the month.  Don't have anyone close enough to give the script to so they could give me a day's dose at a time. 

  If I could just "hit bottom" I might be motivated enough, but still the need (depression/anxiety) would remain...  I wish this shit drug was illegal & either opiates weren't or modern medicine would come up with something that works as well as opies on depression.

[DreamerOnTheRun]

Very lucky to have avoided alcoholism thus far myself.  With how bad my benzo tolerance is, it really surprises me.  Anyway, if you do end up attempting to stick to a strict prescribed benzo regiment, I strongly suggest sticking with ones with a longer half-life (Klonopin, Valium) and stay away from the very hard-hitting/short-acting ones (Xanax, Ativan).  The short-acting ones have the potential to feel more like having a couple of drinks the making it more tempting to overuse.  Just my opinion.

[radioactive_man]

I get it man.

Alcoholism has kicked my mother fucking ass.

It makes me miss junk.

Hang in there man.

[George (OP)]

Might as well go full-on steam of consciousness, continuous typing style, as I've made an ass of myself on this board more times than I can remember, so what have I to lose    :

Anyway. Good points to all previous posters. I didn't really mean to make a big deal of it, but yes it's quite hard at all times. I don't think alcohol is the hardest as I said, but probably the most deadly (except for the drug war sponsored smack). I've tried to quit many times before but I'm trying a new approach (it never works but we learn something new each time, yes?): I'm going to try to drink only once a month, only on special occasions, ideally.

You see, I've never met anyone who drinks like I do. There are some out there of course. I don't buy into that whole "abstinence is the only answer" proposition of the 12 steppers, no. I'm sort of socially isolated, I just need some weed and to keep trying, maybe some pharmaceutical-grade pills that make you itchy, but that's about it. Alcohol: destroyer of lives, reaper of worlds.

I'm not productive at all when I'm either drinking or coming down all of the time. It's time for change. Time to move on with life. Think my brain is wired to potentiate alcohol to the max, because the way I consume it and act while on it is similar to how I am on dextro or meth amphetamine.

Anyway. I'm going to read this soon, maybe cut a sentence, I'll try not to though, minimal edits or it's not steam-of-consciousness. I have no illusions about my addiction though, which is great, cause I've met plenty of people worse off than I am who do. So hopefully, I can manage things a little better from now on 

[MoeMentim]

really is time to quit.  I got fired, not due to alcohol, not given a reason really & they say they'll give me a good reference.  There's a few dynamics at this place that aren't normal or shouldn't be at least.  Anyhow, I'm really forcing myself to do the necessary stuff to try not to become homeless (ie unemployment, food stamps, rent assistance). I suffer from anxiety & depression and it's hard, occasionally impossible but it cycles so when I'm feeling ok I do what i can.  I've had a few nights lately that I haven't drank & aside from one blackout night via white russians.  If I stick with beer that never happens, but quitting is what I need & want to do. 

Saw my primary provider 2 days ago & he prescribed me something to help curb alcohol cravings, can't remember the name (think it starts with a C if anyone knows what it might be) but the script is $90 so I left the pharm empty handed.  I drink more than $90 a month so if it actually worked I'd save.  suspicious of it working for me cause I don't have cravings, I have anxiety & depression & need relief.  I am on a few psych meds & usually get a brief respite whenever we change something up but it usually doesn't last long.

He also prescribed an inhaler because I'm wheezing like crazy from smoking so much, that was $300.  WTF?

[DreamerOnTheRun]

MoeMentim are you prescribed any kind of benzo?  If your depression manifests into anxiety & panic-attacks like mine does, you could really really benefit from something.  I know a lot of us, myself very much included, talk about "liking" & enjoying benzos in high doses and shit, but when taken responsibly and not abused they can still really really help people with similar issues.  There's certain times I know I couldn't have functioned out in public without them.  Just something to think about, research, maybe talk to your doctor about it.

[MoeMentim]

I'm not on a benzo but have given that some thought.  If I had someone living with me that could give me them as prescribed I'd be considering it more seriously.  Two main concerns are my previous history of using benzos recreationally & I don't want to become dependant on anything with serious withdrawl potential.  (I've never drank steadily enough to get withdrawls. 

But check this shit out, I got back on medicaid after losing my job (actually never cancelled it 2 1/2 years ago when I got my job & other insurance, found out when i went to my old primary care provider.  I took my old card to the pharm & guess what?  The $90 script for acamprosate costed me $1 & the $300 inhaler cost me $3.  Wahoo!  I picked up a 12 pack of 7up & an 1/8 of Afghan/Triangle for the next few nights. 

[nick]

Stopping is so subjective that there's no real advice to give,but know it's possible to stop drinking-I'm an alcoholic and I've not had a drink in nearly nine years now.

Much luck with it guys.