Father refuses to eat and I'm running out of options ...

[Lolleedee]

Sorry for all that you and your family are going through.  Here is a link that you might find helpful.

https://www.crossroadshospice.com/healthcare-professionals-resources/palliative-care-blog/2014/july/20/why-it-s-ok-for-your-loved-one-to-stop-eating-and-drinking-on-hospice/

I know your Dad isn't on hospice, but i think it applies here.  It is very natural (though disturbing for us loved ones) for those who are elderly, sick and close to death to refuse food and fluids.  Usually, this refusal is an attempt for them to be comfortable.  Forcing food and fluids can be very uncomfortable for someone who is in the process of dying.

I just gave the link as information.  Whatever you choose to do has to be right for your family.  I just wanted to give the information.  When my husband's father was dying, he eventually refused food and fluid and while I am sure it hastened his death, he was much more comfortable and being he was still able to communicate, we knew he felt better when food and fluids were stopped (to clarify, his feeding tube was removed and his iv was removed...he would still accept a small sip of water here and there...mostly to wash down the liquid morphine)

I'm sorry for what you are going through.  Losing loved ones is the most painful part of being human!

[DeadCat]

First, sorry you are going through this.

I do have a concern with something you said though. You mentioned "dementia."  If the dementia is making him incompetent to make decisions about his care is it possible he would change his mind if the deentia was treated first? Or is it a side efect of not eating?

I get that he may have just had enough and is ready to go and respect that choice, I'd just want to know it is his real choice and not just the dementia talking, or he just wants out of pain and might want to fight if the pain was gone.

Also, can his dentist refit his dentures so that eating could be easier and less a challenge, thining that every little bit more he eats will encourage him to eat more. Food might have just lost it's taste too. When my grandfather was going through chemo he couldn't taste anything and would eat a few bites of anything but never finished because "everything taated like mud."

I can't encourage you to give him your drugs but if you are considering it the way I would do it is let him know what they are and how strong it is and it might kill him and then just leave it where he can find. Don't hand dose him yourself or even hand him the drugs. IF he has been warned against taking them and then takes them himself I THINK you would be in a much safer legal state.

Clearly I hope he can recover and squeeze some more happiness from whatever time he may have left.

[Chip (OP)]

He is now back in hospital and we have accepted his wish to die. It is not the dementia as he has indicated this intention to mom before he got sick.

He suffered a recent heart attack and will be put into palliative care depending on his pending assessment.

I wish I had better news but he is bed ridden and really wants this.

[Lolleedee]

Sorry to hear this, Chipper.  Sometimes letting go is the ultimate act of love......

[DeadCat]

I'm sorry you are going through this. The older WE get the more people we lose. You've never been alive a day without him there. I know how hard it is to make the transition.

[Chip (OP)]

thanks, guys !

we have given this a lot more thought and are now planning to get him into a proper aged-care facility and out of the hospital.

if he wants to give up on us then that's his prerogative now but we will do our best by him ... despite his good physical health, the dementia will still make it miserable for him, over time.

[Chip (OP)]

Sorry for all that you and your family are going through.  Here is a link that you might find helpful.

https://www.crossroadshospice.com/healthcare-professionals-resources/palliative-care-blog/2014/july/20/why-it-s-ok-for-your-loved-one-to-stop-eating-and-drinking-on-hospice/

{snip}

Thank you for that excellent link, i feel better now.