Telling the family part 2

[Griffin (OP)]

So I got to travel to see my family, I missed my flight and had to wait until 130 for another flight. The site said get there an hour before your flight I got there at 630 for my 8 flight and I didn't get to my terminal unitl 7:55 so I missed it eve though it was right there I could see it, it had just been disconnected already. They put me on standby and there was no room because on the next one but I got on the 1:30 flight and made it here. I had taken my flight benzo at 630 so the flight wasn't pleasant but it was only an hour and a half.

My whole family thinks I got off methadone when I got arrested last year, I made it 4 months clean before getting back on it. I was lucky that I got my takeouts approved, so I don't have to goto the clinic here every day because I don't have a car. I remember why I didn't tell them I got back on it, but feel bad lying to their faces. They don't get it at all, and I am thankful I live a full state away, I forget about that until I visit that me and my family don't really get a long great. My brothers are idiots, and my parents are hands off parents and don't understand my addiction.

They tell me how much better I look, and I know one reason my dad didn't like the methadone because last time I saw him the first time he saw me after getting on MMT I took a bunch of my moms xanax and was nodding out and speaking slow during dinner. They all compliment me on being clean and I just want to tell them I am back on it I hate lying to their face it sucks, but I don't want all the shit that comes with it and there is a lot of shit that comes  with telling them.

I don't know I guess I just wanted a place to rant, my visit hasn't gone very great, and I feel like I am going to goto jail when I get back, because I lied to get here. I told my PO that my community service was done when it isn't because she wouldn't let me go other wise and its been 2 years since I have been back because I got arrested for the done DUI last year when I came and saw them.

None of my family made time for me which I thought they would of, my mom is working extra, and one of her friends came into town so she is going out of town with him this weekend. She is staying with her boyfriend, and is planning on doing shit with him instead of me. I guess I was just expecting them to want to hang out with me or do something since I haven't been back in 2 years, and everyone except my dad acts like we are super close on the phone.

My dad I can't have a conversation for longer than 5 minutes on the phone so i am not surprised he didn't make time. He is going on a trip today through Saturday so he picked me up from the airport had dinner with me and will probably see my again Sunday before I leave. He has my dog which was one of the biggest reasons for coming, because I can't have her at my house in Denver, and instead of letting me stay at his house and be with the dog, or letting me take the dog, he put her at a dog sitters for 3 days. I will only see here Sunday after yesterday.

I am staying at my moms place which is a complete wreck, she stays with her boyfriend. So I am staying at her apartment with my brother who lives here and she is staying at her boyfriends house. My brother is a complete slob and has trashed the place. He has a job now which is an improvement because he has only had one other job in his life that he had for 5 months and he is 28.

 He and I don't really get along but its cheaper than a hotel. I am more pissed I couldn't keep that dog I should of got a ride from uber this morning and picked her up and got a hotel, but I was tired and don't have the money to blow. This trip is setting up to suck I guess I had big expectations, and am whiny that I am not the center of the universe, this thread probably makes me sound like a bitch complaining about all my first world problems.

Back to the point I guess I am just not going to tell them about the MMT. I might when I leave so that they know I am normal on it, and then when I go back they can just learn to deal with it, and I will refuse to let them mention getting off it on our monthly phone chats. My stupid clinic just put in a policy that requires me to have a family counseling session to get weeklies and bi weeklies which I am up for next week. They tell the family member about MMT, how to handle your dose and keep it safe and out of the hands of everyone, and safe dosing practices it's now a requirement.

So I may tell them when I leave that way I don't have to hear about it hear when I am here, and so that I can get that done, and I wont have to lie about it. I am not sure about that yet though.

[Z]

I hate family visits too.  Mine aren't quite as rough as yours though it sounds like.  I would fight the temptation to tell them about the methadone.  Just sit there in the smug satisfaction that they don't know nearly as much as they think they do.


Hopefully you can see your dog.  Maybe you can get a ride out to the puppy sitters and see her for a bit.


I could see the satisfaction in telling them at the end.  Oh, by the way ...  If you fight it then maybe it will go better with them in the future.  It sounds stupid to have to pretend with family, but I think that at some level we all do it.  Hang in there man.

[Reezy]

I'd say, try to look at it as a personal win. Like, in their eyes you are never going to do anything good while taking drugs such as methadone, and they probably look at it the same as heroin "just another fix" when they will never understand that it is your medication that keeps you whole for now. Just think, "haha, they think I'm completely sober, thats funny, I can do this, i'm maintaining and overcoming."

I'm telling you, I get so much compliments from all around, family, PO, old friends. If I told them "hey, yea i'm dependant on phenibut, Tianeptine, alcohol, dabble with really potent legal opioids closed to the potency of heroin, but as youve noticed I've been doing really great and my attitude has changed for the better, things are looking up and i am not as depressed or anxious as i used to be"  I can garuntee their views will change even if you keep doing good like before telling them. People tend to be so hardwired when they get hit with something against their belief system their mentality changes and certain actions will be redefined as a negative result of your drug use.

[Snout]

I read all your posts, I find them very interesting. But, I am a bit confused. A few months ago , when you were posting about your legal issues, you mentioned several times that you were geographically separated from your family and you were missing out on their support. I guess I figured that when you were together they were supportive, now I'm not getting that impression.
      Don't tell your family that you are on the done if they think you are off it. Keep that to your self. It always amuses me when people see what they want to see. They think you are off methadone, so you get compliments about how great you look. Or, in my experience, they find out you are not clean, and then they are like "your skin seems grey, I can tell you are using." They can't tell shit 99% of the time.
     

[Wildcat]

Griffin, you are an adult, you don't have to share ANYTHING with your family. Especially since your relationship
with them seems quite dysfunctional.  It's none of their business.  You have nothing to prove or disprove to anyone but yourself.

About the clinic "family" thing to get your take homes; tell them you have been enstranged from them for some
time-I'm sure there has to be other people there who don't have families. I can't see them forcing contact with
a situation that is so unhealthy for you.

We sure can't pick our relatives, lol, can we?  I know it must have hurt, you coming home after 2 years, and
everybody had plans that didn't include you.  People can be so selfish; it's especially fucked-up when it's your
family-but really, are you that surprised by their behaviors?  They criticize you, but look at them........

You said you have a lot of buddies there, when you were talking about the problems with your car, in your other thread, go see them-maybe you could spend your time with friends and not stay at your mom's shitty apartment.

Focus on you and not them.

I hope you have fun in spite of your family-don't let them live your life for you by them telling you what they think is good or not good for you.

Its none of their business.  The less you tell them the better.

Sincerely.

[makita]

Griffin, you are an adult, you don't have to share ANYTHING with your family. Especially since your relationship
with them seems quite dysfunctional.  It's none of their business.  You have nothing to prove or disprove to anyone but yourself.

About the clinic "family" thing to get your take homes; tell them you have been enstranged from them for some
time-I'm sure there has to be other people there who don't have families. I can't see them forcing contact with
a situation that is so unhealthy for you.

+1!  It is none of their business.  Your guilt and urge to confess probably comes from an internalized belief that their value system is the "right" one, even though part of you knows its not right for you.  You can acknowledge the self doubt and mixed feelings about drug use (even methadone) without letting it be a reason to tell them and make your life even harder.  You have the right, ESPECIALLY with dysfunctional families who don't support you in healthy ways, to take care of yourself however you need to.  Sometimes distance and limited info is the way to do that.  It sucks because you prob want to be closer to them, but given their rigid beliefs and inability to understand or empathize with opiate dependence, its not gonna happen (not around this issue at least). 

And I agree about the clinic family issue, its probably a policy more based on methadone safety for people who live with their families, to reduce their liability and prevent people stealing and ODing on takehomes.