dopetalk does not endorse any advertised product nor does it accept any liability for it's use or misuse

This website has run out of funding so feel free to contribute if you can afford it (see footer)

Author Topic: People that don't understand  (Read 3798 times)

Offline whiteheat (OP)

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Jun 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 89
  • Reputation Power: 8
  • whiteheat is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:August 07, 2019, 07:06:35 PM
  • Welcome to our community forum ...
People that don't understand
« on: January 26, 2016, 08:51:43 PM »
So I'm pretty much homeless..just sleep at moms house.. Just got my license back today be out soon !! But sometimes explaining my drug addiction and\or social anxiety seems almost worthless.  I live with very closed minded older "rednecks".  How does anyone who is VERY open deal within this type of situation?  I happened to lose my job\car\license within a month on a benzo binge.....and now I'm 30 back at moms and damn the mental Price of ignorance.  They believe social anxiety is an excuse blah blah hate blacks and gays.  I am very open and DO have social anxiety leading to my year's of opioid use.  How do I deal with the ignorance??  I don't get some people that won't open that thing called their mind
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Online Chip

  • Server Admin
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Join Date: Dec 2014
  • Location: Australia
  • Posts: 6502
  • Reputation Power: 0
  • Chip has hidden their reputation power
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:Today at 06:05:24 AM
  • Deeply Confused Learner
  • Profession: IT Engineer
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2016, 09:11:47 PM »
it took me a long time to realize that we are feared, to be avoided and seen as untrustworthy by many.

we constantly face this problem and I don't see any quick way around it.

That's why we have a forum such as this so we can at least be free to express ourselves and our addictions, without fear of retribution or isolation.

being gay was once illegal.

let's hope that one day we can be all legal too.

but until then, try to see it from their perspective and don't do anything that may prove them right.

I try to put relationships above my addiction and that's the best I can do ... may it work for you too.

good luck with your accommodation.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
I do not condone or support any illegal activities. All information is for theoretical discussion and wonder.
All activities discussed are considered fictional and hypothetical. Information of all discussion has been derived from online research and in the spirit of personal Freedom.

Offline Illadelph215

  • Whiskey bent and hellbound
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • SA_Chat+
  • **
  • Join Date: Sep 2015
  • Location: Philly
  • Posts: 573
  • Reputation Power: 37
  • Illadelph215 is working their way up.Illadelph215 is working their way up.Illadelph215 is working their way up.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:June 03, 2020, 11:49:19 AM
  • Our Community
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2016, 10:35:47 PM »
Honestly man my advice would be to remove yourself from the negativity in the house as soon as you possibly can. Buckle down now, set goals and keep moving forward with them. Once you can afford to be by yourself or with whom you please, I'm sure you will find yourself a lot happier and the relationship between your parents will most likely improve as well. Just my advice, take it as you will as it's easier said then done and I don't know all the details in your life. Good luck man, keep your head up.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
There is no future, there is no past. In the present, nothing lasts.

Offline Jega

  • My height is 3.7m to the 10th power the average radius of a hydrogen atom
  • Global Moderator
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • SA_Chat+
  • **
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location: At the interface of my keyboard
  • Posts: 1195
  • Reputation Power: 30
  • Jega is working their way up.Jega is working their way up.Jega is working their way up.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:June 21, 2018, 03:41:56 AM
  • Screwed if I ever wake up in Vegas
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2016, 11:18:00 PM »
Hello,

We're pretty close to the same age and I have extreme anxiety issues as well. Some of that is manifested as social anxiety, something I’ve been dealing with since early grade school before the extreme panic attacks that I lost the ability to control about a year or two ago. I've also lost quite a lot, had a lot of disarray in my life in the past on benzo binges so I have some experience on that. More experience than I wish I had. I also sleep in a one bedroom apartment with my disabled father. I don't have the bedroom. My point in all of this is I can speak to a lot of the issues you're facing.

Now my father is extremely supportive of me. As much as he can be. He can plainly see what happens when my anxiety gets out of control and moves from mental symptoms to mental and intense physical symptoms. Social anxiety isn't quite like that but having tried to move past social anxiety for decades I can honestly say nothing helps more than medication. And no it's not a cop-out. Nothing has helped my social anxiety more than Gabapentin or Opiates and to a point benzodiazepines though when it comes to social anxiety, for me, I find them best as an adjunct to one of the first two.

If you lost your job and your possible references from that job, I am sorry to hear that but the more you dwell on it the harder it will seem, and frankly be, to move past it. If you can't find another job for various reasons, find a good cause like a local food bank and volunteer! They always need help, it will keep you from having an unexplained dead spot on your resume, and you can build new work references!

I'm sorry your parents are not supportive of you at a time of your life when you really need them to be. There really is nothing you can do to change a mental attitude they have honed among themselves over the last 60 years. The best you can do is try to manage it as best you can. And you know your parents, I don't, but I will say don't try to change their opinion, try and manage their opinions. Both in their perceptions and how their attitude affects you. Both are equally important.

You always have us to talk too and you're among friends here who understand the situation you currently find yourself in.

Take a deep breath. I know life seems bleak. I know at times it seems there is no hope. But when you are down and out there is nowhere to go then to get better! And I know it sounds like a line, and it's hard advice to follow. I know that personally because I have a very hard time remembering that myself. following that advice myself. That doesn't make it wrong. Many times I find myself extremely depressed. But I find a way to eat, to get some rest, to get through the day, and every now and then the next day is better than the day before.

Build on the positives. Don't dwell on the negatives. We're here for you.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Narkotikon

  • Honest
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • SA_Chat+
  • **
  • Join Date: Jun 2015
  • Location: USA
  • Posts: 1193
  • Reputation Power: 50
  • Narkotikon has got loads of potential.Narkotikon has got loads of potential.Narkotikon has got loads of potential.Narkotikon has got loads of potential.Narkotikon has got loads of potential.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:March 28, 2016, 11:31:11 PM
  • Keeping Them Honest
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2016, 02:59:52 AM »
I'm really sorry you're in this situation. It always sucks when your parents aren't supportive, and especially when their outlooks are radically different than your own. They're unable to be the kind of parents you want and need. That leaves you feeling misunderstood, unloved, unsupported, and even unwanted.

I echo what others said about not trying to change them, especially since they're older and so set in their beliefs. Could they change? Sure. But is it likely if they don't want to? No.

So trying to reason with them or change them isn't going to work. You'll end up in a pattern of feeling like you're talking to an unmovable, brick wall. It will only hurt and frustrate you. You'll also likely be angry and depressed because of it. To them such futile actions will just reinforce their beliefs that you're a bad, deviant, fuckup. It won't end well.

If you're going to stay there, you'll have to manage them. You'll also need to accept the fact that you'll most likely never have the type of relationship you want with them. Be sad about it, mourn it, but don't let that defeat you. Move on from it.

To manage them, go about your life, doing things the way you want to do them. Just don't be disrespectful, agressive, or even passive-aggressive about it. For instance, if you want to listen to music they don't like, do so, but not loudly, and preferably with headphones.

Don't give them anymore reasons to criticize you. Will they still complain about your music? Yes. But they won't be complaining about the volume or having to hear it themselves. Do things like that, as they pertain to your situation.

I also suggest getting out of the house to give yourself a break. Even if it's just for a few hours. This will give you, and them, alone time and breathing room. It's also helpful to go somewhere when you're arguing. Instead of staying there and engaging in the argument, even if you're right, it's better to leave to diffuse and manage the situation.

You could stay there and engage them. You might prove your points and feel like you're pointing out their idiocy. You might even think you've won. But at what cost? They won't think you've won. They won't feel stupid. They won't admit that you're right. It's not in their nature.

They're only going to be even angrier. And the argument will most likely compound their messed up perceptions about you. It's not worth it in the grand scheme of things. You've got to be smart about this. You've got to use your mind. Hell, that'll give you an advantage, because they're obviously not. You need to choose your battles.

Instead of all that, get out of the house. It doesn't necessarily take money. Take a walk. Listen to music in your car. Go to the library if you're able. Go to a café and get a cheap cup of coffee. When you're there you'll be able to use their free wifi. Take a pleasure drive if you can afford it. Go to a friend's house if you can. Just do something to get out of the house. It'll at least help to safeguard your sanity.

And if you absolutely can't leave, or even when you have left, you can always come on here to get some company and support when needed. Being online in general can be a way to cope. It provides an escape, and an outlet to talk with likeminded people.

Don't give up hope. Things will not always be this way. If anything, as sadistic as it is, you can get some comfort in the knowledge that, since they're older, they're more likely to die before you. Their death can be your escape. Just don't go to the extreme and kill them yourself. LOL

Good luck with it. And obviously try to make plans for a permanent change. Stuff like moving out, getting your own apartment, or looking for roommates. Trying to look for a job, or a volunteer opportunity, is good advice too. Also necessary if you eventually want to move out.

Whatever you do, don't buy into their negative perceptions about you. And don't try to change them or engage them in pointless arguments. Don't participate in the insanity. Learn to manage them. That's how you'll get some peace of mind. Again, good luck.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Transparency is necessary to ensure decent staff members get elected. Members need to know when staff are misbehaving, so members can be informed voters.

Offline Zoops

  • Filius non bonum de canis femina.
  • Deceased
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Join Date: May 2015
  • Location: Nodsville-on-Patawomeck, Virginia, USA
  • Posts: 1729
  • Reputation Power: 58
  • Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 29, 2017, 04:49:02 AM
  • Keeping the wolves at bay with a sharp stick.
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2016, 04:14:09 PM »
yeah, I hear ya bud.

Best thing to do is just not discuss things like that (your drug use, views on gays and such) with your redneck family. All it does is create discord instead of harmony. I found that by not mentioning certain things or bringing up certain topics, I get along pretty well with my family.

I come from a loooong line of rednecks on my father's side, but my dad is definitely pretty open-minded. He has mellowed out an awful lot in his older age. I mean since I went to prison, my dad has become very open-minded about the whole issue of people getting locked up (wrongly) for victimless crimes. And this is a die-hard conservative, Republican as they come, type of guy.

Shit, even my mother, who at one point would have said that she would prefer it if I was completely 100% abstinent from all drugs, has recently come round when since was able to see my level of functioning on opiates versus my "unmedicated" state (PST is the only opiate I will actually cop to using with her at the present time, and it's what I use 99% of the time, a little H thrown in here and there, but my experience with opiates is quite extensive - in the past). To the point where she actually wants me to stay on poppy seeds. And I've discussed it with her, talking frankly about the morphine content in seeds and shit too, so she's not uneducated about what's really in that stuff.

That being said, I still do not talk politics with mom. She is 100% behind Hillary for president and thinks it would solve all our country's woes if she were elected, about which I shudder to think.

My point is that even though it may seem unlikely that your family will change their views, it can happen. I certainly didn't have much to do with it. I don't think you can talk someone into seeing things the way you see them, no matter how intelligent and well-though-out your arguments are, but if you just act accordingly, sometimes they can see for themselves and change their way of thinking.

Take-home from this is just don't talk about certain things with them, if it creates problems.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2016, 04:17:10 PM by Zoops »
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
"The future ain't what it used to be."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
- Yogi Berra

"Drugs are so fucking good....that they'll ruin your life."
- Louis C.K.

Offline puppy

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • SA_Chat+
  • **
  • Join Date: May 2015
  • Location: Virginia
  • Posts: 213
  • Reputation Power: 18
  • puppy is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Female
  • Last Login:December 06, 2019, 07:10:37 AM
  • Miss you Chem...
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2016, 12:56:15 AM »
Has nothing to do with "rednecks"....I deal with the same thing with my Mother...she isn't a redneck or uneducated...it's the generation gap...it's a different time...I avoid all those subjects that get her worked up...because she will never change...and as we all have the right to the feel way we feel so does she...right or wrong...
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline whiteheat (OP)

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Jun 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 89
  • Reputation Power: 8
  • whiteheat is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:August 07, 2019, 07:06:35 PM
  • Welcome to our community forum ...
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2016, 08:51:55 PM »
Sorry not trying to bump this thread just reading through the replies now (not really a social butterfly) and I have to say I'm impressed and warmed by this community.  Nark, jega chipper, zoops it is much appreciated and I love the detail and truth to all response's.  Thanks guys, you gave me the words I need I hope one day to do the same for each one of you.

friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Online Chip

  • Server Admin
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Join Date: Dec 2014
  • Location: Australia
  • Posts: 6502
  • Reputation Power: 0
  • Chip has hidden their reputation power
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:Today at 06:05:24 AM
  • Deeply Confused Learner
  • Profession: IT Engineer
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2016, 09:00:43 PM »
bump your thread any time. no need to apologise - looks like you're in a better place right now.

cool.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
I do not condone or support any illegal activities. All information is for theoretical discussion and wonder.
All activities discussed are considered fictional and hypothetical. Information of all discussion has been derived from online research and in the spirit of personal Freedom.

Offline Guts

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Join Date: Oct 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 1034
  • Reputation Power: 36
  • Guts is working their way up.Guts is working their way up.Guts is working their way up.
  • Last Login:April 25, 2019, 10:04:31 PM
  • Our Community Board
Re: People that don't understand
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2016, 12:13:01 AM »
So I'm 27 and, just over a year ago, had to move back in with my dad. I had to rent out the house I own... well own half of, drive a truck with a cloth bench seat and roll up windows because I can't afford to fix my BMW V12 coupe and... just shit like that. It's definitely humbling. Benzos were my ultimate downfall too but I guess it all boils down to addiction.

I'm working through the stress, the depression, and the addiction the best I can to get financially stable again and it's tough. I hear a lot of what I should've done or what they would've done or what I should do now. I take a lot of verbal lashings. The way I deal with it? I give them back. I maybe a broke addict but you're short fat and bald. Things like that. Even pettier. Oh I get quite petty. And it's stupid but it makes me feel better for the moment. I honestly don't think I'm going to win this war about addiction so sometimes I try to win a battle or two in whichever dirty, witty way I can. Sometimes it's about staying alive...

Everyone is telling you to move out... and I agree to an extent. I'd just say save that money you'd spent on rent instead and stay as long as you can bare it. Well not as long as you can bare it but just make sure you don't move out too quick. Make sure you're on firm financial footing. Better to deal with it a couple more months now than to redo the process...

Disclaimer: I'm not giving advice.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2016, 12:14:42 AM by Guts »
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Tags:
 


dopetalk does not endorse any advertised product nor does it accept any liability for it's use or misuse





TERMS AND CONDITIONS

In no event will d&u or any person involved in creating, producing, or distributing site information be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, punitive, special or consequential damages arising out of the use of or inability to use d&u. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless d&u, its domain founders, sponsors, maintainers, server administrators, volunteers and contributors from and against all liability, claims, damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from the use of any part of the d&u site.


TO USE THIS WEBSITE YOU MUST AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS ABOVE


Founded December 2014
SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal