my friend was sexually assaulted by her doctor

[makita (OP)]

(warning: graphic description of sexual medical violence)

My friend from school (who I have kind of a crush on, although she seems too much of a hot mess in general for me to be serious about it) told me on Thurs that she had been sexually assaulted by her obgyn.  She had hysto surgery and had her vag internally tacked to the inside of her abdomen, and she's been having pain from the placement of the tacking relative to her intenstines, so he was supposed to be checking her out to figure out if she needs another surgery. 

Instead he brutalized her vagina.  He did things like ripping out the speculum without closing it, and doing other painful and brutal things during the procedure despite the fact that she repeatedly told him and his attending nurse that the pain was too much, and to stop, and that she actually passed out and threw up from the pain at one point.  Her episiotomy scar was ripped open and she has multiple bruising, swelling, and lacerations down there that she didn't have before she walked into his office (the surgery was months ago so there wasn't any remaining scars or anything from that, plus her incisions were through the abdomen anyway).

He had said something right before he started this about how frustrated he was with her, due to his failure to figure out exactly what was causing her post-surgery pain.  Not frustrated with the situation, or his own inability to figure it out, but with her.  Seems like he took his frustration out on her poor body.

She is not pursuing formal rape charges because, well, rape culture/small town justice system fail; but she is reporting him and he'll have his license revoked hopefully.  Turns out he was already on probation for another sexual misconduct charge, for having a sexual relationship with a patient who he would fuck on the exam table and give her a bunch of benzos and opiates to keep her compliant.

I just had to tell some people cuz it's fucking disturbing and I'm feeling really awful about the whole thing, and maybe I'm experiencing some vicarious traumatization too.  Or maybe it's affecting me greatly because she sort of fits into my girlfriend archetype--she's married so it's not gonna happen, but I still feel some familiarity and protectiveness that I prob wouldnt feel as much of if it wasn't there. 

[candy]

Wow, that is awful. I am so sorry for your friend to have gone through this.
The trust between a woman and her Gynecologist is one that should not be broken.
To blame her for his frustration over hisfailure to figure out what is wrong is just not at all professional.

I know your friend does not want to press charges and I understand why, but please yes, encourage her to contact the right agencies at once to report this fucker.

Maybe she would do better with a female Gynecologist from this point on. I prefer to see a female out of choice, but not all women care.
After an experience like that, she may feel more comfortable with a woman.

I would also encourage her to take some photos of the area if she can. Maybe with the help of a friend. This way she has documentation of this abuse. If this surgery was done months ago, just as you stated, she should be healed. Now with the lacerations, tearing, and bruising, she should be able to take this asshole down.
Obviously, the nurse in his office who was in the room at the time this was happening is not going to risk her job by giving a statement, but your friend should call and request her medical records. Do it very nicely, and if they ask why she is requesting them, just have her tell them that she likes to have them for her own records.
These are all suggestions for your friend. But the more information she can send to the proper channels to have his license taken away to practice, the better. If she can, she should also sit down and write down everything that went on at that appointment while it is still fresh in her mind. It helps as time goes by if she should need to give the facts of what happened again.

I went through a surgical procedure which my doctor performed with no anesthesia, stating it emergent he get it done. Long story, but it still leaves me with problems of trust to this day regarding most any doctor.

I would also urge her to maybe seek some emotional counseling. This type of assault can be very traumatic emotionally as well as physically, and talking about it with a professional might ease up some anxiety and anger. If she is not feeling anxiety and anger now, she may start to in the near future.
Any type of assault is hard, but when it comes from a "trusted professional" like this monster, it may just be even that much harder to deal with. It was for me.

It just makes me sick to hear of women being treated this way. We are often seen as being weak and when some man can't control his anger, doctor or not, he takes it out on someone who is in a vulnerable position. Being in stirrups, naked from the waist down, doesn't get much more vulnerable.

Just be there for her and listen if she needs to talk. I would hope she has shared this with her husband. I imagine she has, but not all men can understand the emotional affect of being assaulted such as your friend was.

My best to your friend. Hang in there!

[St. Theresa]

I'm not shocked but outraged this bastard treated her like this.

I completely agree with everything candy stated above and really hope she gets herself right with counseling or even just making it a point to talking about what happened and not blaming herself.


He was frustrated with her.  Pfft. What a fucking dick.


*this guy can't lose his license fast enough imo

[Sand and Water]

Makita--may we ALL feel as protective as you. I hate that in the year 2015 i have to help my daughter (who now has PTSD, anxiety & depression) try to get over being sexually assaulted at college as well as warn her about truly evil men who use a white coat who may be looking to hurt her too. I hope he never has the chance to touch another patient again & gets sued til he doesn't have a pot to pee in.

Obviously since she's married, you have to monitor your motives, but t doesn't read like anything wrong to me at all. Maybe your heart hurts more b/c you know & care for her vs a TV news report?

[candy]

I was reading through this post and just could not help but think back about an experience I had when I was 13 years old.
Walking home from school and 4 older boys caught up with me and grabbed me and dragged me into the drainage ditch that ran just beside the highway.

I fought hard and they only touched me with their hands. It was still very painful and they were not exactly gentle.
What made it even worse was that they wanted to know what a "Jew pussy" looked like.
I took a lot of shit from these assholes because I am Jewish, but being sexually and physically abused at 13 sure changes the way you see men and sex as you get older.

I remember coming home all dirty and bloody. Told my Dad, my mom being at work and all he could say was, "What did you do to provoke this?"
My dad was a real fucker then and I just wanted to forget it happened. Going to the police scared me. I was afraid these guys would just make it worse for me.
It is still a painful memory that is still with me. It isn't as bad as it was when I was a young teen, but I sometimes just ask myself, "Why Me?"
It's such a shame that as women we are often put in situations where men will abuse us for their own pleasure. They don't understand the emotional turmoil it leaves us in. How can they not know they are causing us pain?

Having a vagina can be a real bitch. While it can bring us pleasure when we are alone or with someone else, it can also be used as a tool to humiliate us and cause years of painful memories.

Lorena Bobbitt had some guts cutting off her husbands penis. Yeah, he lucked out and had it attached, but I wonder if he felt the humiliation and emotional pain that so many women go through.
Not that I advocate cutting off your partner's penis, but if you are in a relationship where you don't feel like you are treated with respect and dignity, get rid of the guy.