"Oh by the way, I'm physically dependent on morphine."

[Chip]

everybody is on their own trajectory.

true sync. is rare I'd hazzard a guess.

[40mgtofreedom]

So we had a bitchin thread in a past life regarding how to bring up being addicted

It had been a decent amount of time since I had been on a date before yesterday
and even longer since it was someone actually cool to me haha
Had such a good time, see some MC Esher woodcuts and lithographs
eat delicious tacos and beers and weed

then somehow she came to mention her brother is only 18 and hooked on benzos
She was visibly disturbed by having to share this info
not because she was ashamed but genuinely scared for him

i had to decide right then what to do, and as always, erred on the side of stupidity
"you should know that im physically dependent on opiates"
she did a good job hiding it if she was shocked
that lead to being told no worries, i understand these things can happen
but there is no way i can ever get emotionally involved with you as long as you use opiates


I do not get many chances at being happy with other people
hell even tolerating them is challenging more often than i care to admit
but the fucking thing that keeps me sane also keeps me completely isolated

should I have said nothing? I'm just so tired of being deceitful

if you're just looking for a stabbin, then yeah lie your ass off, but i think you, like me, are looking for something more, something genuine, and that requires honesty,  you dont have to lead with the confession obviously but yeah....

the alternative is to go two - three years down the road with that girl that you love, lying to her, promising to quit, being a scumbag etc, and totally hurting both of you.  thats what i just got done doing in my last relationship.

it really says a lot about you TTA that you care enough to think about this, that alone gives me confidence that you will find what you're looking for someday... before you die, lol just kidding about that last part.

[Thoms]

Its been working for over a year of living together but the choice was made together to kick. Its what we both want and we will succeed.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

Well fortunately I have had no shortage of new people to talk to
So I've been able to try a few different approaches

Casually mentioning that I USED to be addicted
(after being handed a homemade kratom drink SHE MAKES AND SELLS AT FESTIVALS!)
well her Mom just died, like her funeral had been two days prior, from "drug abuse"
you can pretty much guess how this one ended


So far I haven't said shit to anyone else, not even a hint
That hasn't stopped things from not working out for other reasons

I don't think I would mention it to someone if I were just looking to bang
which of course is part of my motivations
but I dont like to fuck people I wouldnt also date
 


there is some hope
in that I am talking to a truly amazing woman
who very clearly does not stand for the fuckery perpetrated against non-normals

I havent mentioned it yet because I do really like her
and yes, some stabbin may be in order
before she gets to find out about my affinity for stabbing myself
I'm just not sure at what point that needs to happen

Maybe I should just follow my heart....

Or just keep listening to a bunch of likeminded individuals with my best interest at heart
 

you guize maek me so heppy

[skramamme]

I sincerely hope you find someone who loves and supports you regardless of your past or current situation.
Em xox

[corlene]

Despite me being real I'll and all I've had my luck with all the girls from Philly ND jersey comin down here for so called treatment, this is the halfway house and treatment capital of the world.

Guess u can say I'm a poacher? Who cares

Even normal girls understand I take drugs, fuck I'm dying, altho I don't look like I am currently.

I find being honest about things is akin to flipping a coin.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

Once I start to see a doctor
and get a legitimate script of my own
It might be a lot easier

I can treat it like it really isnt any problem
or shouldnt be at least
in not mentioning it specifically

I could just say I have to take medicine for my spine
which would be true
not saying it'd be guaranteed smooth sailing
but probably easier than explaining I am addicted to illegal (for me) drugs

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

so i have pretty much given up on trying to meet any women
for any reason

unfortunately my mom literally just went through my phone
and saw my  texts to my dealer

so yea, i told her the truth
that the only reason ive been able to keep a steady job
NOT spend days on end lying in bed depressed
to be able to even have the desire to leave the house to do something social
is because I have been on maintenance

"so you'd rather take illegal drugs than get real help"
clearly she has forgotten the past 15 year of my life
and how much modern psychiatry has "helped" me to deal with these issus

and now just silence
and disgust

i didnt bother to mention trying to ween down
or looking for a doctor to legitimize my treatment
because there is no point
i will always be deceptive and a hurtful person in my actions to them

all that being said, i dont care any more
i cant be bothered by what other people think about me
even if they are my family
im not going to let their shitty judgement ruin my life again
i have FINALLY reached a point where I can function like a real person
and nothing, no amount of guilt they try and impose on me, is gonna make a difference this time

[Anti-hero]

Lone ranger hit that shit on the head. Love is two junkies who dont hide their stash from each other and trust each other to not lift any pills. Love is giving your dopesick partner your wash or the fent patch thats been partially cheeked. Is shaking and shivering and stinking like rotten humans together when your both sick and being empathetic to each other even when they burned through their drugs faster than you.

But things work different for everyone.

is that REALLY possible ? it sounds wonderful in theory but the addiction is a personal trip, too.

Yea it happens.
When we score it's just left on a plate in the privy.
I was to lazy to get up last night.
Told her just don't wait on me if she is sick.
She does hide the benzos from me.
But other than that we are both sick.
Or half well
Or full blown high as fuck.

There out there. To many trees in the forest though

[Zoops]

I'm a king bee,
Buzzin' round your hive,
I'm a king bee,
Buzzin' round your hive,
I can make a pretty honey,
Let me come inside.

Oh, I'm a king bee,
I can buzz all night long,
I'm a king bee,
I can buzz all night long,
'cos when you hear me buzzin',
There's some stingin' goin' on...
- Muddy Waters

[Junkette]

You know, maybe you should try switching over to PST. It's "legal" and easy to pass off as some weird natural health beverage. Everyone at work is convinced I make a recipe of herbs and teas to help with my back and mental state. Shit, when I start getting grumpy my boss actually sends me to go have a "tea time". No one looks at me any different but they also don't realize I'm slugging down an infusion of opium, which is technically protected under the Laudanum laws (since it was invented in the 1600, Laudanum has a grandfather protected status...and essentially PST is laudanum without the alcohol or extra herbs like wormwood).

Also, don't give up. I know how much it sucks to be lonely. I was pretty much on a downward spiral of suicidal usage and had given up on my life when I met my wife. Some people are able to look through/past the "drugs". The life I have right now is something I never thought was possible when I was in my 20's. I honestly expected and wanted to be dead by now.

When it is meant to happen for you it will. You just can't give up on it. You never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. The best thing you can do is meet new people and try to get involved with other things you are passionate about. I first ran into my lady on New Years Eve at a scummy dive bar, she was drunk and crying...I thought she was super intense and I tried to avoid her...but she never forgot my compassion towards her during her drunken public breakdown. I mean, I had no idea who she was but I went up to her because I saw she was in bad shape to see if I could help. Later that year my wife saw me performing at a noise concert and the rest is history. We had enough things in common that the drugs weren't an issue. I was able to show her what kind of person I was before she knew the extent of my drug dependence.

[Riddick">Riddick]

You know, maybe you should try switching over to PST. It's "legal" and easy to pass off as some weird natural health beverage. Everyone at work is convinced I make a recipe of herbs and teas to help with my back and mental state. Shit, when I start getting grumpy my boss actually sends me to go have a "tea time". No one looks at me any different but they also don't realize I'm slugging down an infusion of opium, which is technically protected under the Laudanum laws (since it was invented in the 1600, Laudanum has a grandfather protected status...and essentially PST is laudanum without the alcohol or extra herbs like wormwood).

Also, don't give up. I know how much it sucks to be lonely. I was pretty much on a downward spiral of suicidal usage and had given up on my life when I met my wife. Some people are able to look through/past the "drugs". The life I have right now is something I never thought was possible when I was in my 20's. I honestly expected and wanted to be dead by now.

When it is meant to happen for you it will. You just can't give up on it. You never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. The best thing you can do is meet new people and try to get involved with other things you are passionate about. I first ran into my lady on New Years Eve at a scummy dive bar, she was drunk and crying...I thought she was super intense and I tried to avoid her...but she never forgot my compassion towards her during her drunken public breakdown. I mean, I had no idea who she was but I went up to her because I saw she was in bad shape to see if I could help. Later that year my wife saw me performing at a noise concert and the rest is history. We had enough things in common that the drugs weren't an issue. I was able to show her what kind of person I was before she knew the extent of my drug dependence.

" The best thing you can do is meet new people and try to get involved with other things you are passionate about". Ok, well Im in Indiana and have enough money to take care of you... Are you just purely into girls or do you go both ways? If you go both ways then you and your girl can come here...

[Riddick">Riddick]

Or if you have trust issues, then I can accommodate that.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

Uppy up update!

Met a new woman on the tinder
talked the last few weeks on and of like I have a million times with others
none of whom bother after two weeks
let alone even consider meeting

Well she was totally game
and I wasted no time slipping in that I see a doctor and am scripted morphine
"For some health issues I developed in high school"

She didn't give a fuck!
And even felt bad that people shit on me for a medical need!

So naturally I ate that pussy like it was free nilla wafers (similar smell)
(Also I love nilla wafers)
No boom boom but thats ok
shes got some heavy baggage herself, at least some would see it that way


Wow its just SO FUXKING REFRESHING to be myself
and be jerked off for it


OH MUH FUCKING JEEZ!
At some point after we started fooling around
She said in the most serious, almost mystified way
"Ive never seen a dick so pale"

I pretty much died right then and decided I must marry this woman ha

[Specter]

So you getting morphine scripted now or did you just tell her that?  There are a lot of people that think getting pills scripted is completely 100% fine but if you buy them off the street then its the end of the world.  When you say "your dealer" is this person truly a dealer or just a person that gets a morphine script?

My fiancé used to freak the fuck out when I bought pills from the street even though I was scripted the same drug as well.  I used to get 15mg oxycodone IR pills every month and I would run out the last 3-4 days every month... well someone I knew got a similar script so I would buy 8-10 every month to hold me over.  I lied about it because telling the truth to my fiancé caused more problems than it was worth... even though I was scripted the exact same pills.  The last 3-4 days of the month it was like I was kicking the shit out of her dog every day or something.

There's a stigma about being a "pill head" even though I was with her for 6 years prior and never took pills and only started after a car accident left me injured.  I can't even imagine what it would be like if I was telling someone new...

[makita]

I mean I think the secret is to find someone with the perspective and critical thinking skills to examine "what we know" (ie drug war propaganda) for all drugs, not only the ones they themselves do/have done.  Fortunately that seems to be rising among younger people. 

The first part of that is to have done that work yourself, so when you're explaining it to them that there really is no meaningful difference between the drug your Dr gave you on Thursday and the same exact drug you buy from your friend next Friday, you have the strength of your convictions.  For me that means not putting up with someone else's projections and hysteria, and making them understand that that shit is a thinking/feeling problem on their end, not a behavior problem on mine, and I wont lie about it because to me that's like agreeing that its my problem and complicates the issue for them with issues of betrayal, etc. (although I will omit information if we BOTH agree that's better for both of us, sort of like a dont ask, dont tell open relationship agreement).

But I get its more complicated if you're already in a relationship with someone. 

TTA: congrats on the Nilla wafer experience (yum, it's been awhile).  Glad she sees you as the victim in this whole drug war game, hope it stays that way.