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Author Topic: Pen pals  (Read 10752 times)

Offline Griffin (OP)

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Pen pals
« on: September 11, 2015, 08:28:42 AM »
This girl who I have liked sense high school who is super beautiful, an awesome person who gets me, and is part Japanese which I really like (her grandfather actually bombed us at pearl harbor) just recently reconnected. I had the chance to actually start a relationship with her about 5 years ago and I am glad I didn't because I was in my musician/party phase and decided to date a girl who supported me financially. The girl I decided to date didn't want me to work she just wanted me to party, play music, and have fun. She made a lot of money as a bartender so she didn't mind me not working and supporting me because she wanted to be part of the lifestyle of being with a musician I guess.

 I ended up dating her for 4 years and the whole time after I stopped playing music and would work and try to do my end of the relationship she would always hold over my head that she supported me for a year and sense she made more money than me that I basically owed her. We got addicted to opiates at the same time and that is probably what kept us together so long plus she is cool as hell and we could hang out with each other all day every day and not get bored with each other but the relationship was very co dependent and we make awesome friends but terrible relationship partners. Back to the point.

 So the girl who I decided not to date ended up finding an awesome guy and dated him the whole time I was dating the girl I was with and we just recently reconnected after we were both have been single for a year. She wants to be pen pals and I have never done this we talk on the phone and Facebook and all that but she likes to have letters to send and receive them in the mail. I have never done it and thought it was a really cool idea because it's a lot more personal than just texting each other or whatever. I also want as much chance as I can for her to like me and want to date me even though we live in different states currently.

She has everything going for her she is a pharm tech and almost finished with college and could be a pharmacist in a little more than 2 years. She is an awesome, creative person and artist and she is one of the most gifted talented artists that I've met. She likes to make a lot of jewelry and furniture besides just doing paintings and drawings which I find super attractive. We get along great and I see her as the type of girl I would want to eventually marry just based on what my ideals of what a perfect wife would be.

Has anyone done this pen pal thing and have any tips for me. Or any tips on getting her to like me it seems she already likes me as  a person and sense we live in different states it would be weird to try and start a relationship but I would like of her to think of me as boyfriend material if that makes sense. She has even thought about moving to where I live as well as me moving to where she lives or us both traveling to see the united states or some foreign countries if we can come up with the cash to do it. So what do you think I should do with all this. I didn't know where to post this and I want all the advice I can get because I am terrible with dating, and meeting new people as well as not being awkward when trying to get someone to like me as more than a friend. So please any tips would be helpful I think once I lose weight and feel more comfortable with my looks it will be easier but I have time to do that and I want all this to go well.

Sorry if this comes off as incoherent rambling I don't know how to get my point across that I like a girl and I want her to like me back as more than a friend.

Griffin
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Offline NZniceguy

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2015, 12:31:35 PM »
I would say just be yourself. She obviously likes you already so there's no need to try real hard and risk scaring her away.
I've only written letters whilst in prison but it is a great way of expressing yourself and can be very romantic!

Just get writing letters and don't worry about it too much. I'm sure it will work out just fine.

Does she know about your history of drug use? How will that fit into her job etc?
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Offline jdub

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2015, 12:35:33 PM »
Why pen pals?
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Offline Sand and Water

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2015, 04:54:50 PM »
You're right Griffin, it's a lot more personal than texting. You asked for advice, so heres mine... You have to really think about what you each say when putting pen to paper, but that can be a good thing :)  you said you already know each other, so just build on that. Like Mr NZ said, just be yourself.

Tell her about your day/week and ask about hers. Then let her know you "hear" what she's telling you. Hopefully she'll reciprocate. Often, its the little details that matter. The best relationship I ever had started out with this sort of foundation :)  I agree, it can be very romantic too.  Who knows, if it works out romantically, you'll each have love letters to read at your anniversary - nothing ventured, nothing gained my friend :)
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

Offline _Enduser

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2015, 06:47:30 PM »
I'm going to go ahead and derail this because you said  something I found interesting and something Nark touches on a lot when gender roles are alluded to

Quote
She made a lot of money as a bartender so she didn't mind me not working and supporting me because she wanted to be part of the lifestyle of being with a musician I guess.

Isn't that the fucking life?  Where you went wrong in this situation, however, was the party phase.  A good, real musician doesn't party; he uses all his time to either develop his/her craft, or hit the road to bring in $$$.  We all do it as musicians, shacking up with women who usually work nighttime/nightlife jobs so we can begin to live inside ourselves and create new material.  However, if you don't play and gig not only do you not get paid, your career stagnates and eventually you lose the ability to get paid at all as interest declines with your act in proportion to the time spent away from playing.  It's like a careful equation; play too much people get bored, not enough and you become irrelevant.

But the above isn't a bad setup and many many many women are becoming comfortable breaking the gender mold and figuring out they want to have a career, and enjoy the instability of being with a professional musician because they don't need anyone (especially not a man_) to support them.  So, they are economically enabled due to modernity and our beautiful Western society/one of the only good facets of Protestant reformism (credit where credit is due guys) to be "breadwinners", and can be with a "burnout" they like who contributes in other ways. 

That being said, your propensity to have chosen this arrangement should speak volumes to you about what you really want in life; It has for me because I've done this repeatedly over the course of years.  And you know what, it was incredible and allowed me to reach an artistic intellectual height like I never thought possible, and this is what I yearned for my entire life.  Music is my craft, period.  I don't care about my own personal life or my body; my work is what I create and put out and that's who I am and the extent of who I want to be.  So, every once in a while I'll feel the effects of being self employed/not having a steady job via grinding ass poverty, and I will renounce my artistic endeavors to get a stable job and stable income and tyr to use my degree.  This usually ends in great unhappiness, pain, isolation, affairs, and drug addiction.  So, the implications of not living like a professional musician  to me, are really important for my life.  I can't not make music, but if I do make music sometimes I'll have lotsa money sometimes I'll be flat dead broke for tons of reasons.  However, when I have a stable job I'm incredibly miserable, and also not what I consider "truly productive" in that I don't see my work as part of any significant process and nothing is, literally created.  Nothing.  So I can't not be a musician. 

I heard you talk about your last girl, and honestly she sounds like a complete nightmare.  A complete,  100% nightmare.  So, just know you can be a crazy ass musician totally unstable and there will be shit tons of women who will put you up; AS LONG AS YOU ARE MAKING MUSIC.  And by making I mean like, really making it, recording the shit, putting it out etc.  Also though, if you take this path, you must realize as well that you take on the concerns of women homemakers in a way; not fully but a lot of the time. 

For example, for me to be not homeless, on stable ground, and have the economic security I need to know is there to produce new material for 5 months; I need to know my partner will find me viable.  She won't find me viable because of my riches; they don't exist.  She will find me viable because of what she perceives as who I am ie a "sexy contemporary musician".  So I need to be Mr. Sexy Rockstar, and I NEED TO STAY THIN.  Period, I can't gain weight like other men my age are starting to, nope.  I need to have a very sender boyish frame.  As someone who used to be fat and is now thin this is incredibly troubling and hurtful to me but it's necessary.  Also, I need to sexually satisfy my partner virtually on command, whenever she wants it and not just me; she's been sexually abused so I don't know if this has something to do with it but in comparison to other girls I've been with she takes a significant amount more time to climax, so at times it really does feel like work.  I need to always be attractive; sexual; also when she would get home food would have to be either 1. ready or 2. within 20 minutes ready.  The dog?  Me.  Cleaning?  Me. 

so yeah, I wouldn't have it any other way though; it enables my body to create and that is the point of MY life, not my happiness.  Whatever allows me to create my life's work is what is important; fuck my esteem fuck my comfort.  So, if you're a musician what I described above is either IN YOU TOO, or you are a shitty musician and should have a conversation about if you want to self-identify with this shit at all anymore.  If you do, then don't invest any feeling into the pen pal situation unless you are fine with getting your heart broken as a ploy to derive more inspiration for writing material.  If you don't, then by all means change who you used to be completely and try to woo this girl and while you're at it, don't even tell her about the drug issues you've been through, because shit like that is only really permissible if you're a musician anyways right?

Can you post up some of your music?  With a year and someone putting the roof over ya head, and with drugs, you gotta have some good material no?

I just want you to realize, that you can still have a musician life style if you decide to, just because it failed with asshole mean ex girlfriend doesn'tmean it will alaways be like that. 

You just 1. can't party because you will fail.  Period. Drug use okay, party is fail.  Trust me, trust me, trust me.  when people "party" to self promote you should notice they aren't actually partying at all.  2. Find someone who isn't a cuntrag to live with, and someone who you can provide a service to for the support like a bartender/nurse/doctor/fracking worker/coast guard/service membber who works nights and needs to be with someone during the day; like a musician who works at night too. 3. stay beautiful because no one will put up a bald musician and support them, or an old fat one.  Ever.  it sucks but it's the truth

Quote
So what do you think I should do with all this.

If you're still using drugs, stop.  If you stop, then give an ultimatum, "yo ditch your man and come travel with me", then go out and take in all that new love feeling and new sights+sounds+rhythms+experiences cause it works great as an artistic motivator.

I just realized I'm so committed to music I'm thinking of getting a new girl cause I want to have black kids......jk but seriously if my kids are white kids with no rhythm I might just disown them
« Last Edit: September 11, 2015, 07:13:23 PM by _Enduser »
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Offline Griffin (OP)

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2015, 12:25:06 AM »
Enduser I know exactly what you mean! The paragraph where you talk about the dog and having dinner ready when she comes home was our first year together. Like that without the stipulation of me actually creating music she just wanted me to play and have fun which I love her for that but during our relationship she held the fact that she was the breadwinner over my head and there were to many things that went bad in the relationship for it to turn into anything that she wanted. She was 2 years older than me and always pushed marriage in kids and I didn't want to start thinking about either of that until I was 30 at the time. Now that I am 25 I see where she was coming from with wanting to start a life around this age. Our relationship was just awful for a lot of reasons though we both became addicts and that is bad for any relationship and we make the best of friends and get along amazingly but she's not the kind of girl I like to date nor could I ever trust dating.

 I dont play music anymore I haven't even touched a guitar in probably 2 years it was more of a phase I guess I got into for it a lot of the reasons but i had the passion and drive to do anything I wanted. I saw the behind the music of Guns N' Roses when I was 15 and the next week bought a guitar and didn't stop pursuing the dream of being like that until I was 22. A lot of things made me stop playing music and I never made anything of it because of the way things went. The last band I joined played music that sounded like the hard rock music on the radio now. The album I made with them was called King Me and the band was called Another Round if you want to get on spotify and listen to the album. They had no drive they were kinda just rich kids who wanted to be rockstars but didn't want to put in the work but I lived it night and day for about 2 years until I joined that band and completely lost all love for music.

I don't prefer that type of music I like bands like Blind Melon, Full Service, Circa Survive, Alice in Chains, and Slash's Snakepit. Thats the kind of band I wanted to make and pursue music as a career with but when I saw the bands playing that music never made any money or went anywhere It made me start to lose the dream of being a musician. I dont want a girl to put me up by any means but at the time thats how the situation played out I was couch surfing I lived in a barn without water for 9 months blah blah to make music my life. I was never a good enough musician when it came down to it and when I joined the last band I played for who had no drive and weren't going anywhere I quit music and picked up drugs full time. She didn't make me decide to not be a musician that was all me and the journey I am on I wouldn't mind getting an acoustic and playing for fun every now and then though.

I don't want to derail this topic to much but I would love to talk to you more enduser maybe a chat pms, or emails because it sounds like you've done music a while and you sound like a really interesting, awesome guy. I don't know your age but it sounds like you have done the music thing long enough to know how it works and I just want to hear some of your stories and more about you. If thats no weird and something you want to do.

I am on methadone I am trying to figure out how to put that into this pen pal scenario as she has lived a very clean life. That's one reason I'm glad we didn't date the first time around 6 years ago. How have you all brought this up in past scenarios with friends and maybe people you wanted to date. I want her to know I was a drug user and am now on methadone and have been clean for 2 years, but don't have the slightest clue on how to bring it up. I am going to treat this as friendship and if anything else come from it great. I am going to let it go its own course instead of trying to make it into anything.

 I think the pen pal thing is a great idea I told her my letters would mostly be typed because my hand writing is pretty much illegible. I told her one short one would probably be hand written and if she could read it and prefers it that way than I can do it like that. She has terrible pain problems her spine is like a scary roller coaster amongst other things wrong with her she has to stretch everyday for quite a while just to help her deal with the pain but has never ever resorted to using pain killers which is awesome. She said a lot of her letters would be typed to because her hands cramp and hurt when she writes. Thanks everyone for the info so far I love this community and all the support I get from it.


Griffin
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Offline Güey

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2015, 02:15:04 AM »
Hey. I don't have any relationship advice- and if I did, you wouldn't want it from me haha- but I just wanted to say 'fuck yeah!' on the pen pal idea :-)

I have a good friend who has been in prison in Texas since 1995. I've written to him pretty regularly most of that time. Obviously, its waaaaay more intimate/personal than texting, or F'book.

Id say just be yourself, be honest, and write away...!
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¡No mames!

Z

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2015, 03:48:57 AM »
I don't want t be offensive, but I have a feeling this will come out that way.  Sorry in advance.

You guys are taking the worst of the housewife tropes.  I have to stay skinny and sexy, I have to have dinner on the table.  I have to clean the house.  It's like turning so far towards gender equality that you flip around the circle and start on the gender roles reversed, except in the worst way.

If it makes you happy then cool.  It sounds like it does, and I am truly nit one to judge.  It just makes me think that in 40 years we will need men's lib.  I'm not sure whether that should make me laugh or cry.

Oh, and you should definitely talk about the drugs.  Go through the whole story.  It will make an interesting letter, and she will feel closer to you because of it.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2015, 03:51:41 AM by Z »
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Offline Griffin (OP)

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2015, 01:31:11 PM »
Z that made me laugh I was not at all offended I did kind of feel like a 50s housewife when she would talk to me in those first years but she was abusive and had a fucked up history of abuse so I understood kind of why she was the way she was. That was more of what the woman expected than what happened at least she didn't get banned from band practices like a few of the other guys in the bands girlfriend hah. All the other girls weren't like that but I was with that one for 4.5 years so we had a lot of crazy shit happen and were still cool so thats always good.

As far as coming out with the drug talk I don't know how that is going to go I got a letter coming in the mail now so I guess I will just play it by ear I hope it makes us closer friends instead of having the opposite effect but I won't know until I do.

Guey that is very awesome of you to keep in touch with your friend in prison. I know for a lot of guys in prison having touch with people on the outside world makes a world of difference in there every day life and I bet he looks forward to your letters. You definitely get cool points in my book for that.


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Offline _Enduser

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2015, 10:29:07 AM »
If I sounded like a terrible housewives trope, I don't see why because it's a situation I willingly engaged in.......If she was supporting me, naturally, I should also put in some kind of work.  It's irrelevant to compare my situation to the 50s because

a. this was my choice, whereas females didn't have a choice and found many avenues of professional development closed off to them outside the house. 

b. if someone you're with spends time at work to contribute towards being together, by bringing in money (which is necessary), then it's obviously your duty to contribute back in some way or another, with equal effort + work being put in as key.  Thus I don't think I was complaining about being a female "homemaker", more just trying to explain how it worked for me when I was doing this.  If anything, implying that there is a radical reversal of gender roles that is some dystopian vision of feminism isn't right, because, as stated earlier, the option to CHOOSE this arrangement speaks volumes and is contrary to the experience of a 50s homemaker who had no choice. 

c. If you are in a relationship, and don't feel the pressure to stay attractive for your partner either through how you physically look, or how much economic security you can provide, you must be naive or not care much about your relationship.  These are natural concerns.

d. I don't understand how gender roles are pivotal to my situation; I could just as easily been with a guy and had the same situation play out.  I was merely making a small comparison that didn't embody the gist of my post, I was mostly trying to explain the pressures and expectations this arrangement brings.   The idea to the "musician's arrangement" is that your partner, who you care about deeply and vice versa, is supporting you TEMPORARILY until you establish a circuit to play/residencies with regularity that allow you to bring money and enter financial commitments you are certain you can uphold.  I made a comment about gender roles, only a few comments, but to infer that the "musician's dilemma" is merely about the reversal of "gender roles" would be more minsogynst than not; because you've relegated two partners supporting each other into this social arena/social movement that it's not about.  Instead of a partner who doesn't work and is establishing an income through being self employed (playing+making music_), now, it's supposed to be about some grand social statement?  Not for me. 

e. ) I do work and am currently employed.  So it's not about me trying to reverse gender roles.  It was more about needing to develop new material and ways to play it live and work on my stage show. 

 
Quote
  It's like turning so far towards gender equality
Men cleaning, having food on the table for their partner, and raising kids when they are around the house shouldn't be about gender equality, it should be common sense. 

Quote
You guys are taking the worst of the housewife tropes.

So what are the better/good "housewife" tropes?   IDK I view it more like a system of Renaissance patronage, where an estate would support intellectuals/musicians/artists in the service of pushing humanity forward through critical thinking, and artistic expression, and creative development. 

Yes, I did take offense to this, because something about your post, Z, implies that I'm some dude who refuses to work and is actively trying to campaign for liberation from the house role, even though it was chosen by me and my girl, and chosen because I was working on a body of work that would allow me to bring in money.  Also, your 40 year concern is strange to me and I'm confused at this statement; do you feel like "gender equality" is this movement which threatens to dethrone men?  I don't get it.  Do you feel that more men deciding to let their woman be the careerist is threatening something about society?

@Griffin;

Quote
Thats the kind of band I wanted to make and pursue music as a career with but when I saw the bands playing that music never made any money or went anywhere It made me start to lose the dream of being a musician. I dont want a girl to put me up

By making any money do you mean making a living?  It's totally possible; If I can do it playing electronic music live that, as Chipper has once told me, "do you have any songs you can dance to?" (merican's like syncopated rhythms I guess....), you can too.  It's just you have to diversify your revenue streams AND make sure your material is extremely competitive.  If you imagine you will play some gig one night and a A&R rep will spot you and sign you and then your band is signed and becomes rich etc, it is likely it won't happen. Even if you do get signed, 90% of bands fail to even recover the cost of their album on major labels.  so, it's almost safe to say that you're more likely to establish a succesful career by NOT getting signed to a major label. 


You said "im not a good enough musician".  FALSE.  To be a succesful musician, you need to be A GREAT SONGWRITER and NOT A VIRTUOSO.  Trust me, no one gives a FUCK how good you play your instrument as long as you are playing something people can relate to.  You know how many people have gotten HUGE by just playing chords D-C-A-G-Em x 5?

The thing is that, it doesn't require a dream to be rich; what it requires to make a living doing music is the earnest desire to create
work which impacts something about people's lives.  What it impacts about their life is up to you, but unless you are fine struggling and living rough to just play music because nothing really makes you feel happy and content, then I wouldn't suggest it.  But I do think you have the drive, you just got disillusioned because of how fucking hard it is to make a living doing the music thing.  This happens to all of us (musicians), and you can easily get back into the game.  I know there is a market for your music, and the biggest hindrance to getting forward is OFTEN your bandmates and their lack of desire or ability to do what else it takes to bring money in other than being successful.  YOU ARE RUNNING A SELF EMPLOYED BUSINESS>.  That's how you should look at it.  But yeah frustration with other people and their lack of discipline pushed me towards production and electronic music.  I don't think you are done with it, and give it some time before you give up all together.  Most people have their break in this industry in their 30s, after 15 years of struggling.  Also, keep in mind that the music industry and recording industry have been taking NOSEDIVE PROFIT LOSES for a long time.  However, PM or email me and I'll explain a good way to diversify your revenue streams.

 Personally, I became really disillusioned with the industry and stopped producing for nearly 1.5-2 years.  The most recent material on my soundcloud is 2 years old.  I became "Mr. Breadwinner", tried to be "Mr. Stable yuppie with money" and I found that I was fucking miserable, and after a while I turned to heroin and cocaine because I was so fucking miserable, and eventually I had no money and found myself in a WORSE position,  because not only was I broke again I also felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything.   

BTW, you do realize that by having recorded material and shit on Spotify you are already ahead of nearly 50% of other "musicians" out there..........

 Hit me up and we will talk; I've been playing music for a long ass time, only in the past 5-6 years have I figured out how to make money doing it.  I don't wanna post it on here, because I DON'T want to be helpful to other musicians; the industry is already extremely competitive and when you help people, they usually steal your material and then stab you in the back in one way or another is what I've found. 

 But if you PM me or email me I'll go over my findings with you.
Yeah you can totally PM me or whatever, email what not if you wanna talk about it, or we can go into the Tiny Chat room
« Last Edit: September 13, 2015, 10:36:15 AM by _Enduser »
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http://www.soundcloud.com/lexproduca

Please Check out my music!

Offline Spore

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2015, 05:43:28 PM »
I'm a musician too and would love the arrangement of having a gf who was the breadwinner and let me make music. But being chubby/fat and disabled crutches/wheelchair I feel like something like that would never happen. I have nothing to show for, no college only music I've made since 2002 and on. I learned lots about synths and how to make sounds I want. I'm great at sequencing in a digital audio workstation, I use reason personally. I haven't made music since 2011 or so tho because the opiates gave me anhedonia and I just feel like there is something in the way/no passion for anything really. I do still love music, and music videos. I have two vaporwave music videos I made on youtube. Also some others for my other electronic music.

I used to be in a group home as a teen and had a gf and we sent letters to each other all the time, it's nice recieving one and also writing one out. I was kind of cringey tho and sent poems/songs too. I used to play guitar and bass and be in a band since middle school till high school.

But yeah here is my music if you care to check it out > http://forum.drugs-and-users.org/index.php/topic,1305.new.html

Hope all goes well with your penpal.

Offline Chip

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2015, 11:41:42 PM »
Spore, we have a Music section so i moved your work there and updated your post.

i had a listen - i'm into House so it's not my trip but it's still good.

we have a few hitech musos here.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2015, 11:46:38 PM by Chipper »
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I do not condone or support any illegal activities. All information is for theoretical discussion and wonder.
All activities discussed are considered fictional and hypothetical. Information of all discussion has been derived from online research and in the spirit of personal Freedom.

Z

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2015, 03:33:50 AM »
Hey end user.  Not sure why the accusations of mysogyny and fear of women usurping men comments were needed.

It was just a droll observation that you seemed to take way too seriously.  I don't actually have a 40 year fear, and I certainly never implied you were unwilling or unable to work.  In fact, half of that seems to come out of nowhere.

I will just write it off as misunderstanding my comment despite the disclaimer, and add in the probability of some chemical interference. 

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it griffin.
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monkawat

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2015, 12:10:30 AM »
I'm a musician too and would love the arrangement of having a gf who was the breadwinner and let me make music. But being chubby/fat and disabled crutches/wheelchair I feel like something like that would never happen. I have nothing to show for, no college only music I've made since 2002 and on. I learned lots about synths and how to make sounds I want. I'm great at sequencing in a digital audio workstation, I use reason personally. I haven't made music since 2011 or so tho because the opiates gave me anhedonia and I just feel like there is something in the way/no passion for anything really. I do still love music, and music videos. I have two vaporwave music videos I made on youtube. Also some others for my other electronic music.

I used to be in a group home as a teen and had a gf and we sent letters to each other all the time, it's nice recieving one and also writing one out. I was kind of cringey tho and sent poems/songs too. I used to play guitar and bass and be in a band since middle school till high school.

But yeah here is my music if you care to check it out > http://forum.drugs-and-users.org/index.php/topic,1305.new.html

Hope all goes well with your penpal.

Don't let his post make you feel lesser man. You have a lot of shit to deal with in your life and I doubt your music is at a lower caliber than anyone else on this thread. Most folks probably wouldn't even have the drive to maintain the hobby/passion if they were physically disabled. Ain't no big names on here who get to look down on anyone else, ya know?
« Last Edit: September 16, 2015, 12:12:11 AM by monkawat »
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Offline Griffin (OP)

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Re: Pen pals
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2015, 01:58:05 PM »
So i wanted to update everyone and get some advice. I got a letter yesterday with a bunch of pictures. The post office cut the bottom about half way across and ripped off the sticker that sealed it and didn't even bother taping it back so the pictures wouldn't fly out. I also have no idea why they are going through my shit. That is beside the point that I am writing this though. I found out she is a chronic pain patient she has rheumatoid arthritis and has had two surgeries on her feet for bone extractions and reconstruction. She only takes hydrocodone and gabapentin but I was wondering if I should tell her I am on methadone?

I definitely want to warn her of the dependency side of it because I am not sure she knows but I think she will need something for her pain for her whole life and she is one year younger than me. She hasn't abused it at all which I don't see how people have such control I mean I guess I kind of do. When I was getting 2 weeks at a time I never dipped in to the next days dose. When I was getting pain meds how ever I would eat them like candy and had zero control. She has a lot of pain and medical problems I am kind of surprised she isn't on something like fentanyl or morphine.

We are most definitely in the friends zone and I am okay with that she moved here from japan when she was 10 which I find very attractive she is gorgeous and very cool with a heart of gold. She is the kind of girl you have meet your parents. She seems perfect but I kinda don't want to be in a relationship cause I suck at them and I need more people like that in my life. I don't want to ruin a good friendship by trying to make it a relationship but I guess if it happens I will just go with the flow and hopefully I have learned from my mistakes with women.

So what would you guys do in this situation? Should I let her know that I used to take oxycodone and oxymorphone and couldn't control myself and then got on methadone and keep the heroin out of the story. Heroin just seems to have such a stigma to it that maybe if I just say I was a pharmer and leave it at that i wont have her running for the hills. I guess I am torn because I want to be honest. I haven't taken anything except methadone sense November 2013 so I kind of have a lid on it. I was able to be completely clean for a little bit when I got out of jail before getting back on MMT.

I keep going back and forth about everything I write to her. I guess cause I like her and don't want to run her off but I think she would be very understanding of everything that I have done and gone through. Any advice would be nice I definitely like keeping people on a need to know basis especially about being on MMT but it would be nice to just be honest and have someone that I can talk to about it sense I haven't told anyone in my family that I am back on it. I can trust her and she wouldn't say anything to anyone if I told her the dirt. She only knows my friends from when we dated for a very short time 5 years ago.


Griffin
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