Drug testing for job placement

[Joseph Hopeless (OP)]

So I lost my last job and today I began a job placement type of thing: non profit, at a church, where U take a week long course and they help get u a job. I didn’t know but I guess the lady there said everybody will (randomly) get drug tested there.. My question(s) are: 1) would u think these would be monitored (ie someone stands there and watches) or not? 2) how do/would u prepare for this? Would u tape the good piss to ur leg and microwave it everyday before u go in? 3) do you think they even will get around to testing all of us?


Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

[Chip]

if it were me then i would avoid that situation altogether rather than risking the consequences of being caught out ... find another gig whatever it is and without  that stupid testing.

but that's just me.

[dizzle]

Bro they won't be monitored. No fucking way.


They'll send you into a bathroom and probly put coloring in the toilet water and somehow disable the sink.




Get hand warmers from Sports Authority or other outdoor apparel shop.


The hand warmers will have the MAX temp in the fine print. The ones I used were 110 max. I used two of them, and they (conveniently!) had a sticky surface on them. Stuck them right to the 5 hour energy bottle!


Also, I brought a digital thermometer with me so I could verify it was the right temp. DON"T put that shit in your pocket! I used 2 giant hair ties (like the ones chicks use to hold their hair back when they wash it) around my thigh. This way theres no tape and the risk of them hearing the crinkling of packing tape when you remove it.


IF it's NOT the right temp, just dip the thing in the toilet till it cools. Also, don't verify the temp until you pour it into the specimen vial. It'll lose temp tranfering from one container to the other.


Finally, you want the temp to be around 90. That's about perfect. It cannot be above 100, and below like 80 is a fail as well I believe (may be different at differnt places)


Now, if you have a place that actually watches you, like for probation or something, you are in trouble. The only way I know around that is some very crafty plumbing with a bag of piss at your waist, a valve taped to the underside of your nuts, and aquarium tubing connecting it all and taped to the underside of your dick. you hold your dick with one hand and the other is next to it flicking the valve under your nutsack. Even then, you must run SEVERAL test runs beforehand to make sure you have a solid system (ie no leaks!) and can access all the components properly without them coming off or being exposed. That's no joke right there.




good luck. I'm happy to give advice if you have anything specific you'd like to ask.

[Joseph Hopeless (OP)]

@dizzle — Cot damn ur a very clever/thorough cat, I didn’t even think about the crinkling of tape on my leg and them hearing it. If you don’t mind could I drop u an email? I might have a couple more questions. Thank you for your help too, that was really good advice.

And @chipper — Naw I can’t really bag this, it’s impossible for me to get a call back anywhere I apply to; and this place has glowing reviews, especially from friends of mine who also have records.

[Chip]

@Joseph Hopeless, i understand ... what drugs do you use ? if it's just Heroin etc. then maybe it's a good idea to switch to MMT or Bupe until you get a job ?

[dillydudeEL14]

what dizzle said.

And fwiw I beat a gcms test withone of those flush drinks from a head shop.  just follow the directins on it. the test was for walgreens and it was at a lab so I have to assume it was gcms and not a dipstick.  I was a heavy weed smokdr and still psssed that shit.

They csnnot stop us from usimg with drug tests. resistance is futile!!!

[MoeMentim]

ive used hand warmers too, if driving to place in a pinch stuff container in car's floor heater vent.  a harbor freight infared thermometer is like 15 bucks.

[Joseph Hopeless (OP)]

Yeah last time I used someone else’s piss it was way too hot so I failed but I for some reason never figured to bring a fuckin thermometer, or try cooling it with the water in the toilet.. thanks for all the responses everyone, is just decided to call the bluff and they didn’t end up testing anyone. I usually do manual labor, cash at the end of the day sort of work so now I’m only worried if I get “on the books”, an official paycheck from somewhere. I only do dope and drink really, so everything gets out of me quickly. But well see what happens, thanks everyone.