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http://www.theaustralian.com.au/life/health-wellbeing/addictions-no-longer-just-alcohol-drugs-and-sex/story-fnr5f5xi-1227525348489Addictions no longer just alcohol, drugs and sex
People at a music festival and New York Fashion Week answer to the call of the selfie.The recent controversy surrounding a Rockhampton mum who locked her ice-addicted son in a homemade cage shows how we are continually drawn to tales of addiction. Recovery still fascinates us, with television programs such as Celebrity Rehab and Sex Rehab with Dr Drew rating highly in countries across the world.But addiction is no longer just about alcoholics, drug users and gamblers, who were once the only participants in 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous-based programs.
Nowadays, the list is endless: sex addicts, overeaters anonymous, hoarders, gym junkies, workaholics, adrenalin addicts. And welcome to the newest spate on the block, Facebook anon. There is even a selfie anon online support group that follows the 12-step program; oh, and laziness addicts anon (think slob on the couch playing video games).
Apart from social media-related compulsions, other addictions have emerged due to changes in our lifestyles. Do-goodery has made the grade, thanks to the trend to take part in crowd-funding and set up online social campaigns.
Such people are “busybodies”, says US behavioural psychologist Shari Schreiber.
“(Some) people who compulsively run from their feelings are addicted to fixing, helping and rescuing others, because they run out of issues in their own life to keep themselves busy,” Schreiber says.
“They look for victim types who’ll happily supply drama and chaos to fill up their intolerable emptiness.”
The base belief is a hobby or interest becomes an addiction when we feel powerless against our problem and it is destroying our lives or harmful to those around.
It is a problem now more than ever. Online you will find a myriad support groups for cosmetic surgery addiction, spiritual addiction, binge sleepers anon and neurotics anon. The funniest one I came across in my cyber surfing was for people who can’t stop buying horses. “Horse lovers may quickly become horse collectors — with growing herds of real-live horses,” the site says. “Finally, there is a 12-step program for horse addicts.” The support group has a fabulous catchphrase: “Help is on the way. Never say Neigh.”
But it’s not a joking matter, Schreiber says on her GettinBetter website. “Addiction is addiction, whether it’s to alcohol/drugs, online social media, sex or porn, gambling, exercise, eating, work, co-dependency or scholastic/athletic overachievement — and the same root causes and recovery principles always apply, no matter what your drug of choice is — even if it’s needing to be in a relationship.
“Addiction’s the ever-present nagging you feel to avert feelings of emptiness or deadness, and fill that gigantic hole in your soul.”
Addiction is a symptom of needing to escape difficult feelings that have been too dangerous or scary to accommodate.
These feelings, such as frustration, sadness, rage, disempowerment, or feeling unsafe, usually start before the age of five, resulting in numbing and self-medicating as a form of self-soothing which may have worked then but not as an adult.
So what exactly is an addiction as opposed to normal if slightly compulsive behaviour?
It’s the degree to which people react and rage when you stand between them and the object d’amour (in my case, the biscuits and cheese). Neuroscience behaviourist Stuart Brown, recently in Australia and author of the book Play, differentiates between hobbies and passions on the one hand and addiction on the other. “Play is a state of being that’s different from our normal, everyday state. And it’s present in all of us. It’s a universal experience,” he says. “When we play, what we’re doing is more pleasurable and important than the outcome.
“Our hobbies are always engaging, purposeless and fun. It’s something we want to keep doing when we’re doing it — we don’t want to stop. Yet they can be interrupted by someone else. Whereas addictive or compulsive behaviour is hard to interrupt.”
With addiction there is a wild rush of anger and impatience. Is the reaction: “Hi, Betty. Can you just wait until I send this, two minutes?”, or is there a manic look with a frightful sneer. Singer-songwriter Alanis Morissette recently said during an interview about mindfulness that we can love our computer or devices and either become addicted, or choose to use them solely as a useful devices. She says she has learned to stay unattached.
Addiction also shows up in the propensity for someone to move from one obsession to another (addictive personality disorder). My friend “Bob” says: “I got involved in gym, then steroids, then tattoos and body modification, then an eating disorder to stay buff, then ended up with someone who loved the bod and sex, not me.” His health declined; he has since done therapy and has “gone sober” for the moment.
Addiction is marked by desperation. One sex addict told me as he clutched his hair: “There’s like this nasty psychopath inside my head, so I have to drown him out.” Dramatic changes in brain chemistry make it impossible to stop the craving. There is a need for the excretion of dopamine, the reward chemical, or other feel-good hormones because standing still and quietly feels like the monster within will consume you. The British-based psychologist Desiree Saddik thinks we have gone too far when we discuss love and intimacy addiction.
She says we over-pathologise the experience of yearning and broken hearts, and romance, which is normal social behaviour and the subject of great art.
But there is a spate of newcomers that include many addictions relating to toxic love — SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anon) and CoDA (Co-dependency Anon), where we cling to someone else. The beloved helps us escape from ourselves, our bodies, our self-loathing by immersing ourselves in another’s dramas.
Some love/intimacy addicts will often also look for people who treat them badly. Narcissist addicts are called inverted narcissists because they are enablers who need the uncertainty to get the same hit they experienced as children — otherwise known as repetition compulsion disorder.
“Addiction is at the core of every person’s attraction to a personality disordered individual,” Schreiber says. “Addicts have a desperate need to run from inner emptiness, agony and dissatisfaction … all the drama, chaos and strife distracts them from their very own personal discontent and anguish, which is central to why so many folks remain with impaired or toxic partners.”
With various programs and online forums designed to deal with the plethora of new anons, addiction is, if not curable, at least manageable.
And for those who form an addiction to the 12-step anon meetings, there is even a meetings anon (true!) group to help you to get over your addiction to addiction meetings.
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