My boyfriend just died from relapse

[Anyong (OP)]

Hey guys, haven't posted in a hot minute but the D and U/Ophile community has alway been super-supportive. Since Count Zero passed and Zoops left me for the safer pastures of a rural community, I just haven't been active (online.) After nearly a year on Vivitrol with one slip and after going in-patient for crack, life was looking up. Left the fucked up using relationship I was in and met an awesome Korean American guy I could bring home to the folks. He was one of us but doing really well. On Feb. 9 he turned 30, dropped me at home, and was found dead, still tied off, 12 hours later. We had just had the talk about about OD risk after periods of clean time, hence posting this under Tolerance. I've lost like 5 or so people to dope ODs or drug-related shootings in the past two years but this is just too much. One friend died off shit I got him a few hours after we saw a movie, Count Zero passed the day we were suppeosed to hang out, and now this. I know it's not about me and "we are self-centered in the extreme" but I feel robbed of all the plans Chris and I had made. I had no idea he was thinking about dope even though we spent erryday all day together. I was brought to the house, saw his body taken out, and the viewing is tomorrow. I just can't deal with this. I'm due for my next Vivitrol shot today in fact, so this could go one of two ways...and I really don't want to use but given everything, it's crossed my mind. I'm just so sad.

[puppy]

Damn Anyong I am so sorry...that is absolutely heartbreaking....but please please be careful...I be you're very fragile right now which totally and completely understandable...if you do decide to use please be careful...we're here if you need us...

Again I am so very sorry for your loss...

I missed ya being around...

[Guts]

The only time I've ever shot someone up, they ODed. I'm not going to lie... I was about to leave the guy. However, me and this girl ended up stuffing him in my truck and I took him to the hospital. He lived... after being in a coma for 2 weeks and suffering some brain damage. It was the only time I've seen an OD up close but it was a very real reminder about all the crooked characters (in this story, I guess myself) and slanted laws in the game we play.

I guess I'm just trying to say thag I can relate... somewhat at least. I know for sure I'd be using... but then again, you're not me and I haven't ever even come close to a month, much less a year. Whatever your decision, please be careful.

For whatever it's worth, sorry for your loss.

[nikita70]

I'm sorry for your loss...what else could I say?
Words seem to be so ridiculous unskillful.
 
Whenever some of my friends has been passed away due to an OD-it ALWAYS has occured as a result of relapse, after a longlasting period of being clean. Truly, I never heard anybody being taken away as a result of OD other than just like that.
Loads of drug related deaths, for sure, but an opiate OD in its "pure form", so to say? Only after a long lasting break.
Apparently the shit over here is not strong enough to kill a strung out one who has some decent habit developed, but lethal enough if the tolerance got reduced.

Please be as careful and prudent as it only possible in your position. Keep in mind your habit is reduced as well, as far as I grasped you correctly.
My   

[nick]

Condolences.

[Anyong (OP)]

  T minus 2 hours until viewing. My first open casket viewing. I can tell I'm really freaking out because my kpins (no, not the rxed dose) haven't helped. Going with my dad and two friends in early recovery, then going to my sponsor's 10pm home group.

Thank you for the support, where else could I find nonjudgemental people who've been through this same shit?

Love ya'll!

[Zoops]

Damn. Just. Wow. You haven't had it easy this year, that's for damn sure. But YOU are still here. That's a good thing. I'm glad you're still around.

People will be thinking about using, but not tell anyone because they don't want to disappoint. I guess he got a hold of some good shit. Is/was he from DC, run in the same circles?

[Flutterby]

So so sorry Anyong. Words are insufficient. I hope you are able to at least get some sleep soon, I'm sure you are utterly exhausted physically and mentally. Keeping you in my prayers.

[Zoops]

I'm due for my next Vivitrol shot today in fact, so this could go one of two ways...and I really don't want to use but given everything, it's crossed my mind. I'm just so sad.

Anyong, please post and let us know you're o.k. Thinking of you. And respond to my texts too, please! Worried.

[Chip]

that is so sad.

we forget how easy it is to die from using opiates then we get these sobering reminders.

I'm sorry for your tragic, seemingly pointless loss.

[hanna]

So sorry to hear this.

I write this on Valentine's day when everyone who wants a partner should be celebrating their love with them.

I get some people like to be alone, but I don't think you're one of them.

Please let us know you're OK and resisted the temptation to blast off.

[staystatic]

I'm sorry for your loss, both of them. I had no idea Count had passed. I remember him well from the other site. Always liked the guy. I hope your heart heals quick.

[Reezy]

Damn, sorry for your loss.



.

[Jega]

What can I say other then damn I'm sorry too.