Developing Benzo Relationship

[antidepressing (OP)]

So recently in order to reduce my long-term relationship with opioids, mostly oxycodone, methadone, and smoked tar, I have been using suboxone to block withdrawals and provide a small buzz. Small doses, the .5-1mg range method. Works ok for my lower grade opiate tolerance.

Problem is this: I recently started doing Xanax bars. Whites, greens, khakis, the works. I like the generic green ones, for some reason. Everyone is funny.

But my tolerance there shot up. Was a time when I could barely handle a single 2mg bar broken up over the nite. Now I can take 2 to 3 or 4 and retain consciousness for a while. Tho not without a lot of funny acting, disinhibition, and horrid forgetfulness.


Benzos are scary. For years I've stayed away but now I am having my fling with them. Recently tried a 2mg Kpin and it was nice too. Held me solid for a while. I like the calming effect. And I'm starting to learn to develop a nice pleasuarble buzz from it. Much like opiates, took time for body to learn to turn the chemical into pleasure or at least non-pain.

Anyhow, shit sucks. Does tragedies to my memory and behavior. Gotta get on the good path to cleanlieness. Peace all.

[Jega]

In the beginning benzo tolly shoots up super fast and it's great. In the end they pay a very very heavy price for all of that.

[Dhedmo]

Like any taper, you need to be dedicated and stick to it.

Benzo tol can soar very high very fast, but you want to drop down at a smooth even pace.


The hard part is remembering what you took and when you took it.
The other hard part is no "treats."

I've suffered sleep irregularity but not sleeplessness.
Benzos, especially combined with opioids, can act like a sleep switch, and create a psychological dependence.
I want to sleep--I need my alprazolam or whatever.

But as I've tapered and got off the benzos, while my sleep patterns were messed up, I did get sleep.

It was nothing compared to that week after stopping opis, when an hour of sleep is a miracle.

Benzos have their place. But no lie about the memory shit, and the walking stupidity.
It can be devastating. Good luck.

[neighbor]

it was DAK who scared the shit out of me about methadone

and it was chops who scared the shit out of me about benzos and their WD's

I am now fucking terrified to go through benzo wds cold turkey, whereas before I was just terrified.

[antidepressing (OP)]

Thanks for the input guys. Yeah, I am shocked at how fast my benzo tolerance shot up. A month ago a single bar would knock me out, now it's just the appetizer.

And the way I crave benzos is weird too. I even dream about then. I rarely even dream about opiates!

And the memory thing, it's worth nothing again, it like takes an erases to the brain, and then I found this:

"People who had taken a benzodiazepine for three months or less had about the same dementia risk as those who had never taken one. Taking the drug for three to six months raised the risk of developing Alzheimer’s by 32%, and taking it for more than six months boosted the risk by 84%."
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/benzodiazepine-use-may-raise-risk-alzheimers-disease-201409107397

[corlene]

Considering my grand parents have been on benzos for decades, aswell as almost 20 years myself, that study is almost certainly flawed.

[Snoop]

Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here....

[Sand and Water]

Thanks for the input guys. Yeah, I am shocked at how fast my benzo tolerance shot up. A month ago a single bar would knock me out, now it's just the appetizer.

And the way I crave benzos is weird too. I even dream about then. I rarely even dream about opiates!

And the memory thing, it's worth nothing again, it like takes an erases to the brain, and then I found this:

"People who had taken a benzodiazepine for three months or less had about the same dementia risk as those who had never taken one. Taking the drug for three to six months raised the risk of developing Alzheimer’s by 32%, and taking it for more than six months boosted the risk by 84%."
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/benzodiazepine-use-may-raise-risk-alzheimers-disease-201409107397

 CRAP!!!!   Thanks for the link--my daughters been on benzo's for PTSD after being drugged and sexually assaulted.  I REALLY hope these numbers are skewed & that Im just having a knee jerk fear reaction. Jega, Zoops (or the others already mentioned), if you're willing, I'd be really interested in your opinions.

[Thoms]

Snoop hit it like normal before you know it you will be eating ten mgs of kpin every two hours or so and driving two hours at ten oclock at night to go gold mining in the dark beside a fire because you forgot it would get dark.

True fucking story along with a full bottle of codiene cough syrup because thats all the opiates you could get.

That reminds me its time to eat four of them.

Take major fucking warning. There is nothing there for us but dependence.

[FreedomOrBust]

I used up the last of my xanax and valium about a month ago....I damn near hit the roof when I found out my supplier got busted, as I was about to email her for another order.  The federalistas were apparently monitoring her emails and outgoing mail before they kicked her door in.  I hope she is okay, best damn dealer ever and a good person that didn't deserve to be criminalized.

I decided there and then to quit playing around with benzos.  They are too damn seductive.  I've used them on and off (mostly off) for the last 2 years to treat my anxiety disorder (I have social anxiety/panic disorder as well as GAD), and for the opiate boost (xanax and PST is the shits). 

It's been a full month since I used any, and I still don't feel right.  I can't shake the rebound anxiety and, of course, that is pushing me to use more PST.  The feeling I have right now is like that queazy feeling you get when you are on merry-go-round, and you've just eaten a whole bag fried dough and popcorn.  No way off, but you don't want to keep spinning in circles.

[Anti-hero]

Every major drawback
I have had
There are benzodiazepines
In the story

Benzodiazepines go with jail
Just as well as they go with opiates

[FreedomOrBust]

Almost forgot the scariest part....I used xanax to keep panic attacks at bay when I need to be at work meetings.  Normally, my anxiety builds slowly during the day and peaks right at the outset of any such situation.  The dead giveaway is the sweats - I can hide all of the other symptoms, but ain't no way to will my body into not sweating when the pores kick into high gear.  It is embarrassing and debilitating and it really does a number on my self esteem.

Xanax is the best thing for this......but I have absolutely no recollection of anything that happens.  I can't even recall whether I was actually there, let alone what nonsense I may have said.  Only one time I recall anything, and it was because I got some damn strange looks from the people there after I spoke.  They must have known I was on something. 

I would rather deal with physical pain any day instead of anxiety.  Being keyed up all the time is no way to live.  In between the worst bouts, the depression takes over and makes me feel like everything is pointless.  I'm not suicidal, but I sure do understand and empathize with people that do take this route.  You can't just "shake it off" or "think positive thoughts" as the straights so often try to say.  Self help gurus are total bullshitters and no one that hasn't been down this road can relate one iota to those of us that live with this horror.

Good vibes and love to all of you that deal with this.

[Jega]

I'd agree I'd rather deal with physical pain then anxiety. At least with physical pain you can treat it better. I'm on 5mg of Xanax this morning and my Gabapentin and I still can't shake this damn feeling.

Now do I think they reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s and Dementia? I really don't know. I will say that when the pain attacks really start my memory just entirely locks up. It doesn't make me "loopy" it actually makes me more "normal". It's like giving a stim to someone with true ADHD. Where in the rest of us it acts as a stim, for them it calms them down.

That's my 2 cents.

[Reezy]

Thanks for the input guys. Yeah, I am shocked at how fast my benzo tolerance shot up. A month ago a single bar would knock me out, now it's just the appetizer.

And the way I crave benzos is weird too. I even dream about then. I rarely even dream about opiates!

And the memory thing, it's worth nothing again, it like takes an erases to the brain, and then I found this:

"People who had taken a benzodiazepine for three months or less had about the same dementia risk as those who had never taken one. Taking the drug for three to six months raised the risk of developing Alzheimer’s by 32%, and taking it for more than six months boosted the risk by 84%."
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/benzodiazepine-use-may-raise-risk-alzheimers-disease-201409107397

I know heavy alcohol use greatly increases demtia/alzheimers risks, but i think thats more because its a toxic solvent, than being a GABA drug.
Is it a coincidence it sounds like old-timers? As a kid i thought thats what the disease was named.


On the benzos, only if you are in a time in your life where you are only interested in basiclly keeping base level. I took 1-3mg a day of etizolam for close to a year daily. it was even easy for me to taper off. I've never had REALLY bad benzo w/d, besides nervousness, unability to leave the house ect. BUT. Reckless benzo intoxication = Jail. unless you just stay home, but you wont because your on benzos. you wanna go party, meet chicks wild out.........wreck cars, get in fights, regretful fucks, JAIL.

So yes, its possible. but not always. Some docs prescribe like #14 per month ment to be used only in a high panic situation. This is really the BEST way to use benzos. IF you can. Just forget they can even fuck you up.(RIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHT)  

[antidepressing (OP)]

Hey Ya'll,

Just wanted to thank everyone for their replies. To give you guys an update, the stars & planets, in their infinite mercy, have seen fit to break my benzo connects. I had a really good connect or two, which is what started my torrid affair with bars, but those disappeared and the other connects I know are either bitch-ass expensive or likely to be fake.

I'm off the bars! Yay! But let me tell you in a way the Benzos started to addict me stronger than anything ever has, and I've tried some of most things. The thing that shocks me is I dreamt about the fuckers, and quite frequently too! Once that benzo bug bites, it's a sonovabitch. Anyhow, I am grateful to be off that shit. I had the most bonkers experiences while on benzo blackouts. Scary, scary stuff.

I'm currently mostly on Suboxone now, trying to divorce myself from opiates. Using around 1mg max 2mg a day to keep the temptation away. Also the "cognitive behavioral therapy" is starting to kick in and I stop trying to take other opiates when within a day or two of suboxone. But now I am becoming dependent on suboxone, so gotta wind that shit down soon too.

Merry Xmas Ya'lls.