So... I'm back on MMT.

[Güey (OP)]

I'm not sure who all remembers my story. I had a pretty long 'taper thread' on opiophile. To sum it up: I was on MMT for 20 years. Was doing great, and decided to slowly taper off. Even by going down 1ng per month, it was hell, especially when I got down below 20mgs. But, I finally did it... and went right the fuck back to IV heroin.

I've been on a pretty good run for the past few years. Lost everything but my job. Became homeless. Ruined my finances. The whole nine...

I guess I've known going back on MMT was my only option, but I fought it pretty hard. Nothing else worked tho. And I tried everything. Rehab, detox, suboxone, cold turkey... all spectacular failures. Tapering off was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.

Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone.. I'm glad to be back on, but the everyday visits and jumping through all the hoops sucks. I kick myself in the ass for giving up my twice monthly take-homes

[Chip]

Good for you.

Tapering is a funny business; deciding that one should get off but not really having a GOOD reason for doing so almost always fails.

It took a lifetime for me to come up with a good reason and all 3 other tapers had failed because i knew that deep, deep down, i wasn't serious.

Still thought that i could be a chipper again (ha, still am one, in a sense  ) and we all know how that ends.

You sound resolute and happy. Excellent !

I hope you can rebuild and bounce quickly and Methadone is one of the great tools that we have available ... some of us just prefer full agonists because they usually both eliminate cravings and gives you something to look forward to, in an odd way.

Much luck and i also hope that you can also find a good job now.

[bonedust]

Good luck Guey! I'm rooting for ya.

[Lolleedee]

Before you know it, you will have take-homes and all will be well again!  It does suck having to go everyday in the beginning, but for me it was waaaay better than using.

I'm on my second round of MMT...this time I started on October 23, 2013.  I never should have stopped either.  When I am not on maintenance, I screw up in spectacular fashion!  I go down hill and go down fast!

I have finally decided this time around that I am not even going to entertain coming off.  I don't care how far my recovery has progressed and how good my life is, when I am not on maintenance, I go right back.  The cravings and depression kill me!  If taking a dose of meds once a day gives me the kind of life I want to have, then why go off?

I have seen a ton of people at the clinic wean and then come back in the door defeated and beaten down...usually in less than 6 months.  It amazes me that when people on MMT are doing well, their first thought is "it's time to get off this shit!"  What they feel to realize is they are doing so well BECAUSE they are taking the medication!  People have to remember that it only controls symptoms and in a huge portion of addicts on MMT, those symptoms come back with a vengence when the stop taking the methadone.

It is a very small price to pay for me.  I know some people have bad side effects or just can't manage to follow the rules of the program.  I guess I am one of the lucky ones who have had nothing but success on it!  Good luck!  I'm sure you will do well as soon as you get stable again...and the takehomes will come before you know it!  Hang in there!

[jmorri2nd]

Good luck to you. I think in 4 or 5 weeks you should get take homes not really sure its been so long since i got mine.

[theSWPK]

At least (ime) driving there is as fun as to the dope man in the morning. Good luck. I'm trying soon.

[traplord69]

Have any of you guys/gals who are on mmt been on suboxone before?  I have never tried mmt but have been on suboxone twice.  Both times I have had periods (3-6 months) where I will abstain from all other opiates while continuing to drink occasionally, but I always end up chipping at some point.  While on suboxone I haven't developed any serious habit, but have had several instances over the 4-5 year period of being on it where I will use once a week, or twice a month, something like that, and then when I feel like its getting to be too much am usually able to abstain again for several months.  Other then keeping withdrawals at bay, I feel like subs do little to nothing to curb cravings, although I am on a relatively low dose of 4mg/day.  It seems like people who are on mmt and adhere to it are much more successful.  I am totally willing to adhere to dosage guidlines and not smoke weed or do anything else so long as I feel well enough from my maintenance meds.  I recently graduated from a nursing program so staying clean is of paramount importance at this point. Anyone think I should give methadone a shot?

[Thoms]

I think you should traplord. I tried subs and I felt like dog shit. If you really want to stop using done is the shit.

[Lolleedee]

@Traplord..Before you jump to methadone (which, I for one, found superior to subs in every single way!) check with your state's Booard of Nursing for their position on methaddone.  Here in New Jersey, anyone on methadone maintenance is not eligible to sit for the nursing boards.

They will let you sit for the test if you are on it for pain management.  They require an affidavit from your doctor if you are taking it for pain.  If you are on MMT through a clinic, they will not allow you to take the licensing exam.

Every state is different, so call the Board of Nursing (I would call anonymously) and ask what their requirements are when it comes to MAT.  I know some states also include Suboxone in their list of no-no's.  I would find out ASAP so you can plan your next move.

I think it is really sucky that they are allowed to exclude those on MAT, but they can and they do.  Also be aware that any pre-employment drug screen for a nursing position will likely end with them not hiring you.

I personally find that very fucked up!  I would rather have a nurse on MAT, then a nurse who is hiding his/her  addiction by stealing meds and shorting patients etc.

All the nursing stuff aside, I too had tried Subs a few times early on in my addition was still in it's infancy and my tolerance was very low and I found it didn't do anything for my cravings.  I didn't go on methadone until my habit was ruining my life!  I think if people tried methadone sooner in their addiction, it would mitigate a lot of the damage that addiction inevitably does to a person.

If subs aren't getting you where you want to be, methadone might be the answer.  Methadone was the ONLY thing that kept my body and mind from screaming for the drugs.  It was such a relief! 

I know people sometimes bitch about MMT, but those are usually the people who two years later still have to go every day because they are still pissing hot and using on top.  Those who use it as a recovery tool are the ones who sings it's praises! It is the only thing that ever worked for me long term.

[candy]

@Guey, Don't beat yourself up. I know how easy that can be, but you are back on MMT and will feel stable before you know it.
I do remember your detox well. Keep letting us know how it goes.
I am once again detoxing. Going up and down for years now in the hopes of completely getting off MMT.

@traplord69, I am not sure if one has to drug test before taking the nursing board's. When I took my board's back in the early 90's, you only needed to submit fingerprints and have a clean record.
I surrendered my nursing license when the CA BRN would not allow me to complete probation unless I was off of methadone.
Be advised, if you do get into trouble once licensed, most states do not allow methadone or Suboxone maintenance. It is usually abstinence, 12-step treatment only once out of the in-patient setting.
No matter how hard you fight it, the BRN will always win, unless you can afford thousands in lawyers fees.
Licensing agencies tend to be are very pro AA and unforgiving.


 

[traplord69]

Wow thanks everyone for the advice, that was one of my biggest fears actually, since I am on suboxone and was not sure how that would work while looking for employment.  I know that they typically do a drug test prior to offering employment in addition to prior to taking the boards but was thinking/praying that they wouldn't test for suboxone since it isn't usually tested for on a standard screen.  I was sort of hoping that HIPPA might protect me from having to disclose what medications I take (suboxone being the only one) but was unsure.  Thanks again and I certainly need to figure out what the laws are in my state, which is NY where I will be taking the boards, although I plan on moving to Massachusetts shortly thereafter. 

[theSWPK]

Just got back on mmt myself. Place hasn't changed in two years. Same nurses still remember me and still mispronounce my name.