Best Drug Rehabs for Married Couples? (Going together)

[gnossos (OP)]

Sucks how I only get serious about going to rehab when I get high, but I'm pretty fucking determined at this exact moment... Anyway I figured Opiophile would be a good place to ask for advice since you guys have helped so much in the past... My hubby and I are seriously considering going to in-patient treatment together after finding one that says they allow married couples to have their own room together. Anyone know of any other ones? They seem to be hard to find...

Sounds crazy but I kind of want to use this as a reason to get out of the country or at least far away from places where it's easy to get drugs, etc... Idk. Just curious if anyone knows of what rehabs have the best success rates, etc. cause if I'm gonna do this I wanna actually go somewhere that'll work.

[Pullmyhair.]

I think you're going to be pretty hard pressed to find many rehabs that will take you guys as a couple. Most rehabs recommend couples that are both addicts to essentially split up until you've both been sober for a while. Most couples that use together are very codependent and that can be a huge obstacle to getting sober, I imagine it's much harder to do the work you'll need to do to get sober when you've got another person's baggage/wants/expectations/etc to deal with at the same time (and in person, not over the phone, through letters, or short visits). If you both are really serious about getting sober, you might consider going to seperate rehabs (that might be your only option anyway). If you can't stand to be apart for a little while, that's a true sign that you probably are codependent and would benefit from some time apart to sort out your issues. If the relationship is otherwise healthy and has a solid foundation, it'll be there when you both get done with treatment. Anyway, that's my two cents, I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

[Bhoris]

The first time I went to my rehab of choice there was actually a married couple there going through the program simultaneously while I was there. It seemed to work for them because they could have their individual and couples' therapy there along with the standard group therapies and stuff. However, they weren't allowed to room together. The facility was co-ed so they could see each other during the day and spend time together when they didn't have individual therapy or groups, they just weren't allowed to sleep together in the same room. The wife was put with another female roommate and the husband another male roommate. That's probably the best you're likely to find. I don't think there's a rehab in the entire country that will allow you guys to room together while going through the program unless it's one of those 100k per month places that basically cater to and spoil their clients.

[Griffin]

I am with pullmyhair on this one, I think going to separate places for treatment would be your best option. It is nice to be able to have someone you love help you through it and to be able to feed off each others progress. However that is not the case usually, most of the time you ended up dealing with all of your problems and cravings along with theirs. Getting sober is a very emotional time and it is very easy to take an argument to a full blown fight quickly when you are in that state.

I know it is hard to be away from your loved ones for a while, but you both have issues you need to work on. After you both complete a program get back and do some out-patient treatment together and even couples counseling. I think you should both get over the hurdle of getting clean by yourself and then you can work on staying clean together. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but going this route is your best chance at staying clean.

One thing I have noticed when dating people I used with is that my feelings changed drastically when I was sober. When I was going through withdrawal it exacerbated all of the small problems we had and made them into huge fights. Sometimes you can help each other fight cravings but a lot of time having approval to use from someone else and dealing with their cravings as well as yours can make for a quick relapse.

You should definitely get sober and work on all of your issues as well as him by yourselves. After all that then you can start thinking about whether you want to stay together and if you think it will help or make it harder. like pullmyhair said if you have a good relationship with a solid foundation then you have nothing to worry about and you both will come out the other side happier.

Most of my partners I used with were extremely codependent some so much to the point I couldn't take the dogs out to piss or goto the gas station without them going or freaking out. Which makes for an awful, unhealthy relationship, and a whole set of different issues to deal with. Being independent and having a life out side of your relationship is a very important thing. If you don't think the relationship will last through you guys getting clean separately or getting clean at all that is a big indication that it wont work out in the long run.

Have you looked into medication assisted treatment? Sometimes that is the best option, it gives you a chance at being clean without the withdrawal and PAWS. Once you get used to not getting high, and have all your ducks in a row, then try detoxing and going for complete sobriety if that is what you want. Methadone has been a life-saver for me. It works great for some people, but everyone is different. Subs didn't work for me, but I know a lot of people who used subs with great success. What works varies from person to person.

I tried subs for 10 months and wasn't able to get past 3 weeks in a row of clean time. I lost my insurance and tried methadone and having gotten high since I started 2 years ago. I got arrested this year and had 3-4 months of clean time before getting back on it. I wasn't ready to be taken off. Even though I had gotten past the huge hurdle of the physical withdrawal from being on 280 mgs daily the PAWS was just to much for me to handle.

I had been on it for 1.5 years at the time I got arrested. I was used to not getting high and eventually did want to come off but I hadn't worked on my depression, anxiety, insomnia, relapse prevention, and I wasn't ready to be taken off. It gave me my life back the only side effect was being arrested for a dui for being on it. Not being ready is why I failed to stay clean, I had gained so much from getting on MMT I went from unemployed and homeless to a dream job, apartment, started school again, paid off debt, and I lost the urge to get high.

I think if you are not committed and determined to do it for yourself than it will be very difficult for you. There is a huge chance at failure if you are doing it for anyone but yourself. I think the theory that you have to hit rock bottom is bs. You just have to want it more than anything else. Would you goto treatment if he didn't go? Or if you had to go separately? What are some of your reasons for getting clean?

I hope you are able to find a place for treatment it is very hard to find these days. Often times they are too expensive, have a long waitlist, along with a million other hurdles you have to jump through to get in. You should watch the movie gridlock'd it is the perfect depiction of what happens when you try to get sober. Good luck with everything I really hope you and your partner are able to get sober, stay that way, and have a long, healthy relationship.

Keep us updated on how everything goes. I am very interested in where the treatment world is at as far as price, ease of getting in, how long it takes, if they accept couples, there method of treatment, and how everything works out for you. With a lot of hard work, patience, and an open mind you can accomplish anything. It won't be an easy road but it is one that can have lots of benefits.

[nick]

Firstly,this isn't opiophile. Secondly,there's an old junky axiom that runs along the lines of "couples who kick together tend to have short relationships." I doubt there's stat data to back that up,but I've heard it many times from people who've been around a lot longer than I.So,take it for what it's worth.

[puppy]

Just out of curiosity how long have you known your new husband? And you've been married for? Having been in and out of therapy for years (not drug related though) I think you would be making a big mistake doing this together...I think the reason you're having difficulty finding facilities for couples is because they don't recommend doing it that way...you're two separate people...you need separate help...

[Smacky-Doodle 2.0]

I can tell you that me and the SO are crazy about each other, obsessed and make everyone else either sick or awkward feeling

BUT

When we are in ANY form of w/ds, we don't want anything to do with one another.  That's a tough one, but echoing everyone else, you aren't going to find any treatment program OR counselor that's going to condone doing it together.   You have separate issues...different reasons for using in the first place, different triggers.  I think the most important thing is that you are going to have different rates of success, as far as backpedaling and relapses go.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's gonna be nearly impossible to be successful using the group plan.

[Opus]

Marriage is for life, a couple months in rehab is nothing in comparison over the grand scheme.

If you really think you need inpatient rehab, then you're gonna need to surrender to the rehab. You gotta do it their way, not yours.

Relationships in facilities are pretty common, but I seriously doubt you're gonna share you're own room unless you're paying out the ass. All programs that i've been in that were co-ed kept the guys' and girls' dorms pretty well separated, and generally with a minimum of 2 bunks per room, but then I've only been to mostly pretty seedy rehabs.