benzos are best enjoyed where they are rarely used.
once in a blue moon is the go.
^This 100%
OP, at 22 you are setting yourself up for a lot of confoosion.
I know it must seem 40 and 50 are in the remote future, but time effectively speeds up as you get older.
And it's a one-way trip; there's no going back to the invulnerability of 22.
Benzos impair memory, and some of that shit's permanent.
I really overdid it when I was kicking, did my month of alprazolam the weekend I stepped down from methadone to hydrocodone.
I was SO worried about wds
I ate my xanax like M&Ms.
I had managed my 'done taper so well that the drop to hydro was just a blip
But the benzo tear was nearly catastrophic
Aside from the lost weekend
(I actually had a xanax mustache)
I couldn't remember
shit...about anything.
I remember lying there, practically being able to feel encephalopathy develop, like wormholes in old books
Started writing out my life (to recall it)...then lost the damn notebook I was writing in!
Oh, it was pathetic
Forgot learning someone close to me died
Forgot almost all short-term memories
Lost the
when in when events of the last year (that I did remember) happened
Forgot the names of things
alzheimers.png
I thought all the damage was permanent, but luckily (and it was so bad I DO feel lucky) I was able to recover, although there's some permanent impairment.
And I haven't completely quit benzos, either (although I didn't forget to quit).
I've gotten a small number the past few months due to the stress of Grace's injuries and moving twice.
Did switch from alprazolam to lorazepam
No bliss despite their double equivalency, but adequate fearkillers
and easier to quit. Been off a week and had NO wds whatsoever.
WIW
$0.02
Good luck, OP
Hope you are able to get off/stay off the benzos is a tough row to hoe
Reezy's right, not just about the anxiety, but all the other ancillary bs from quitting takes a long time to work itself out.