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Core Topics => Opiates & Opioids => Drugs => Methadone and Buprenorphine Maintenance => Topic started by: monkawat on September 23, 2015, 12:57:32 AM

Title: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 23, 2015, 12:57:32 AM
Hey everybody,

I know this might be an out of the blue thing but in reality, for me and my family, it is not. This has been a long time coming. In order to save face and make myself feel better about my addiction- I have underplayed/underexagerated my usage on here and to others in my personal life outside of my wife. I have been getting morphine, oxy, and hydro both from my doc and when I run out- from some vets I know, from my ptsd therapy group.

I also can't afford to spend another dime on PM and the methadone isn't gonna empty my wallet because it is through the VA. They have a 6 month waiting list but being a disabled vet, I got jumped to the top of the line and did intake today.

I dosed at 20mg and they want me to stay at that if at all possible since the doc is attempting to dually treated both my pain and my addiction problem and thinks the lower the better. I also have been having some GI troubles (IBS coming back) and the less opioids, the better. I was diagnosed with Chrohn's (sucks ass) also. I know I am gonna have WD symptoms for a while even on 20mg but it has taken the edge off minus the nausea.

I'm sure some will say that going on MMT when you are coming off 300ishmg morphine equiv. doses a day is unwise but it really has become my last resort.

I know there is another thread by oxyopanaalpha or whatever his handle is but rather than threadjack his story I wanted to start my own. I probably won't do the constant/ daily updates like he's doing (like anyone would care if I did, heh..) but still wanted to get any advice I can from my friends (and those I don't know well too) on the board regarding this transition.

I have finally come to terms with my dual issues of pain and addiction and this seems like the best option ATM. They seem to want to keep me low so I can taper off more easily (I know, not easy) than if I was up on higher doses.

Take care yall,
monkawat
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: alpha on September 23, 2015, 01:29:19 AM
Congratulations on coming to terms with where you really are at, I know we all play games telling ourselves that we aren't as bad of as "x" but in reality, the constant mind games can be exhausting.

Here's hoping that methadone will help you stabilize and reduce your intake without sacrificing quality of life. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: nick on September 23, 2015, 01:33:52 AM
Maintenance is what you make it,man. Much luck with it.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on September 23, 2015, 02:07:29 AM
Be patient with the methadone.  I'm sure you know that it can take a bit to peak.  It can take up to a week to feel dosage changes.  Don't be afraid to tell the doctor that it isn't holding you either.  Methadone doses don't always have a direct relation to how big your habit was.

I hope it goes well for you.  Being honest about your usage is liberating.  Like stepping out from behind a mask.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: St. Theresa on September 23, 2015, 02:27:21 AM
Good luck, man. Hope this helps you and your family ... I think you made a great choice.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 23, 2015, 03:47:34 AM
Like z said don't be afraid to go up on your dose if its not controlling the drug cravings or lasting the whole 24 hours. I would give at least a week before going up each time. Don't chase that glow if your getting one as it will soon dissipate regardless of what dose your at. I was on 280 before I got arrested and had to C/T and even though I had a huge habit before starting MMT I probably would of been fine with half that or even less. I felt nothing on 280 the glow that I got for the first 2 months had me chasing it and believing that my tolerance was so high that I needed 200+ to feel normal just left me on a huge dose with more side effects. Being on 60 mgs I have a lot less side effects and weight gain. I have stayed at the weight I started at even though I have been eating junk food. I gained 80 lbs in less than a year being on such a high dose.

Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 23, 2015, 11:34:24 AM
Thanks for the advice y'all. Means a lot coming from the only crowd I can truly trust when it comes to opinions on these matters.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on September 23, 2015, 11:45:46 AM
Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 23, 2015, 12:17:01 PM
Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO.

I was referring to my family when I said that dose amount. Sorry if that wasn't clear by the way I blended that and the dual diagnosis treatment stuff into one sentence. I've been exhausted today, running on low sleep. I want to stay <30mg myself if at all possible but we will see. I wanna be comfortable but maintain the lowest dose possible.

The clinic has no problem going up by 5mg a day until I hit 30 then I have to do something (I can't remember atm) but I think I can get to that or stay under and hold steady, at least for a while. They weren't scare tactic-ing me or anything, quite the opposite. They seemed willing to go up to a comfortable dose, whatever that may be. Sorry for the confusion, long day. Very long day.

Thank you for taking the time to respond Nark. I know you've been thru MMT and that gives me good insight on everything to know.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on September 23, 2015, 12:41:12 PM
Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO.

I was referring to my family when I said that dose amount. Sorry if that wasn't clear by the way I blended that and the dual diagnosis treatment stuff into one sentence. I've been exhausted today, running on low sleep. I want to stay <30mg myself if at all possible but we will see. I wanna be comfortable but maintain the lowest dose possible.

The clinic has no problem going up by 5mg a day until I hit 30 then I have to do something (I can't remember atm) but I think I can get to that or stay under and hold steady, at least for a while. They weren't scare tactic-ing me or anything, quite the opposite. They seemed willing to go up to a comfortable dose, whatever that may be. Sorry for the confusion, long day. Very long day.

Thank you for taking the time to respond Nark. I know you've been thru MMT and that gives me good insight on everything to know.

Thanks for explaining.  My bad for confusing.  It could have been my fault for reading too quickly.  But yeah, I'm glad the clinic isn't being like that.  It's good you're going into this with dosing rules for yourself (and how it could affect your family).  I don't think you'll give in to reckless dosing like some do.  Very responsible thing to do.

Yeah, I was in MMT for ten months back in Dec. 2005 to Oct. 2006.  I really shouldn't have been.  I had only been addicted for a little over a year, but was steadily going down hill.  My old boss (family friend) offered to pay for a steady supply of pods, or for MMT.  Being young, careless, and mostly ignorant about methadone, I chose the MMT.  I should have chosen the pods.  Such a bad decision on my part.  I was also careless when it came to dosing.  Ended up being on 140mg, which was way too high for me.  I felt and did much better on 95-100mg.  The clinic was partly to blame too.  Pushing people to go up, etc.  Profit and all. 

But anyway, there are tons of people who are much more knowledgeable than me concerning MMT.  I think sometimes I let my bad experience with methadone clouds my judgment when it comes to MMT.  It's definitely not for me, but I still think it's a good option to have, both for addiction and for pain.  Good luck with it.  I'm glad to see you're going into this with the right knowledge and attitude. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Blues on September 23, 2015, 06:13:31 PM
I am a CPP patient.as.well and wrestle with the same issues as you were. I have been also thinking about MMT but one question as lingers -

The pain that started you on the course to get a legit doctor's rx isnt going away so when you "detox" what are you going to do to control your pain?

Will being on MMT affect future ability to receive pain meds?
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on September 23, 2015, 10:08:28 PM
Monkwat
I really don't have much advice
I just wish you the best

You're a good dude
And it seems to me like you know this is what is right for you
I think when we know things like that
It makes these types of transitions a little easier

I
For one
Wouldn't mind at all
If you kept this regularly update

Much luck bro
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 24, 2015, 02:13:11 AM
Thanks again y'all.

I upped my dose by 5mg today, to 25mg. I feel better on this dose. I need to start eating a full meal and avoid caffeine before I go into the clinic to dose. I have noticed a weird increase in caffeine sensitivity in the past week or two. Not sure if it is WD related or something different though. Anyhow, I do get a bit woozy the rest of the day (goes away at night) if I take my dose on an empty stomach. I can eat a lot and it gets a little better though.

My wife and parents said they are proud of me for this decision and think it is the best one I can make for the sake of myself and my entire family unit. That felt good. I hadn't heard them say they were proud of me in this type of light in a long time.

I really like my counseling team. They do a very structured deal with weekly counseling sessions for the first few months, then it is only required once or twice a month (I believe). However, my counselor has an open door policy and is himself a Vietnam combat vet (also an 11B like me for you ex mil folks) so I really appreciate that he can relate to my PTSD, pain, and addiction issues. He is a former addict who got addicted to H while serving in SVN and Cambodia. Cool guy. Goofy and down to earth. Guy offered me coffee, kleenex, a blanket, and turned on a little portable heater since I was freezing from a combo of WD and the damn 60 degree AC in the facility and talked with me about some of my experiences overseas, which helped my start to trust what the guy was gonna say. He explained how I would soon appreciate that they choose to keep it that way since most MMT patients need to have it very cold.

I'm feeling good today. A bit tired since I could not sleep well last night. I'm still on 150-200mg of trazodone nightly for sleep but it didn't help much last night. I think it was because the 20 wasn't quite holding me through the night. I feel better today on 25mg and if I'm not experiencing any WD late tonight or in the AM when I wake up, I'll stay there for now.

I'm trying to avoid a fixation on a specific dose and just focus on the comfort level of said dose.

Oh- not a single bit of pain all day today. This stuff sure works well for pain control...




Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 24, 2015, 02:14:25 AM
How long did you have to wait before you got to do your intake? I am glad you got bumped to the top of the list same thing happened for me this year. They had about a 4 month waiting list but they weren't starting on that list until September and I was trying to get on in May. The only reason I was put on the list was because I was on probation. and

I was able to get in after only 3 weeks even though they weren't supposed to start until sept. because I had been a patient there before I got arrested and when I got out of jail I continued my drug therapy with my counselor with out methadone. When I decided to get back on it and they told me it I wouldn't be able to get in an intake date for at least 4-6 months my counselor talked to the doctor for me. The doctor got me in the week my counselor to him.

My counselor just told him my story of getting a DUI for methadone and that I was having really bad cravings and that if I used I would more than likely be going to prison. The doctor who is very cool and understanding just told me to come in and did my yearly physical and started me at 10 mgs sense I hadn't used methadone or anything else in almost 4 months. They let me go up to 30 before I had to see the doctor again he allowed me to go up 5 every 3 days. Same thing after I saw him and when I got to 60 I was completely comfortable and have been on that sense.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on September 24, 2015, 02:55:34 AM
200mg Trazadone nightly?

Dayum. You know about the priapism risk, right? I'd be afraid of waking up with one that won't go away, I don't want anything to do with that kind of pain thank you!

Quote from: MW
since most MMT patients need to have it very cold.

My klinik is never less than like 80-85F, I have no idea why it's always so hot in there. Just awesome when your counselor talks way too much (she's great, just.... verbose) and you're literally pouring fucking sweat from the hike there.

Mention the sweating as a symptom in that place and they're just clueless. Baffles me.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Zoops on September 24, 2015, 04:16:01 AM
Hope it's all you hoped for, Monk. And it was a good thing you did, man.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 24, 2015, 05:05:17 AM
200mg Trazadone nightly?

Dayum. You know about the priapism risk, right? I'd be afraid of waking up with one that won't go away, I don't want anything to do with that kind of pain thank you!

Quote from: MW
since most MMT patients need to have it very cold.

My klinik is never less than like 80-85F, I have no idea why it's always so hot in there. Just awesome when your counselor talks way too much (she's great, just.... verbose) and you're literally pouring fucking sweat from the hike there.

Mention the sweating as a symptom in that place and they're just clueless. Baffles me.

Yeah, my psych doc is big on traz but we tried everything first. I couldn't get good results with z type drugs and have always avoided benzos, even sleep specific ones. Sleep hygiene has added around an hour or two to each night's sleep.

I get fairly good results, anywhere from 5-8 hrs sleep a night. Only got about 10 hrs sleep last two nights total but that had to do with WD mostly, at least I think.
 
Fingers crossed but no priapism yet, haha.

And I am a person who likes it cold in my house (keep ac at 72 during day, 71 at night.) So I am now thankful my clinic keeps it real cold inside.

The traz caused a false positive on the dipstick pee test for m-amph. But they knew it was from traz since I told em up front and methadone doc said there was about a 75 percent chance it would result in a false positive, apparently it has some funky metabolite related actions that cause said results.

Anyways, I am a little tired today but doing well. The clinic doesn't care about weed for your drug tests which I found interesting. I don't smoke for legal reasons (cannot risk getting arrested out in the draconian land of east tx for pot) , but if I lived in a medical state or rec. State I would absolutely get a medical card and use bud for insomnia and nausea. I also have heard great things about ptsd and certain cannabis related products. I wish TX would go medical and they have passed a bill recently but (don't quote me on these specifics) only cancer pts. And epileptics (including pediatrics)can get what I think are relatively low thc and cbd containing products. Step in the right direction, considering the rediculous amount of $ we could put into our state's crumbling infrastructure from that type of revenue you can get from medical and especially rec. legalization efforts.

I really cannot explain how helpful you guys all are. This community is supportive beyond belief. Finding all yall and the phile a year and a half ago is something I am really thankful for, no way to describe it...

I hope everybody who commented so far is doing well in their own right too.




Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Lolleedee on September 24, 2015, 07:22:16 AM
Hey, Monkawat!  So glad you decided to belly on up to the clinic window with the rest of us! lol.  On a serious note, I hope that you find the relief you are looking for.  MMT has been wonderful for me and I highly recommend it.

It sounds like you are already starting to feel better and in a week or two it will be even better still!

I'm so glad your family is on board and that they have expressed how prooud they are of you.  I know we all have to do what is right for us, whether or not our family is on board, but it is easier when they are supportive!

Keep us posted on how you are doing!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 24, 2015, 12:11:46 PM
Quote from: MW
Anyways, I am a little tired today but doing well. The clinic doesn't care about weed for your drug tests which I found interesting. I don't smoke for legal reasons (cannot risk getting arrested out in the draconian land of east tx for pot) , but if I lived in a medical state or rec. State I would absolutely get a medical card and use bud for insomnia and nausea. I also have heard great things about ptsd and certain cannabis related products. I wish TX would go medical and they have passed a bill recently but (don't quote me on these specifics) only cancer pts. And epileptics (including pediatrics)can get what I think are relatively low thc and cbd containing products. Step in the right direction, considering the rediculous amount of $ we could put into our state's crumbling infrastructure from that type of revenue you can get from medical and especially rec. legalization efforts.

Thats kind of funny but annoys me at the same time. Colorado just allowed people on parole and probation to smoke medical marijuana which is awesome but the state doesn't allow you to smoke weed at the clinic. My counselor said that it is a state level regulation why I can't smoke and that its not a clinic to clinic thing. I mean I can smoke but I wouldn't be able to get take outs and I would have to do one counseling session and 2 groups a month. I get my first phase Monday so hopefully this is the last Saturday I have to come in to dose. I tried to get a courtesy take home from the state so that I can go hike a fourteener with some friends next week but they haven't said anything back yet and my counselor said its probably not going to happen. I hate that I can't just get a take home for that day and come in that Saturday to dose sense they will be giving me the same amount of take outs I would just switch the days I am getting them.

They can't do that which screws me over if I get to go home on thanksgiving because I wont be able to get my Saturday & Sunday dose unless I am there Friday. Sense they are only closed Thursday for thanksgiving I can't just get my Thursday take-home and my Saturday Sunday take-homes and only have to courtesy dose for one day because it cost $25 a day to courtesy dose there. I will have to courtesy dose for 3 days which cost $75 and then my family would find out that I am back on methadone.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Riddick on September 24, 2015, 02:33:05 PM
Hey everybody,

I know this might be an out of the blue thing but in reality, for me and my family, it is not. This has been a long time coming. In order to save face and make myself feel better about my addiction- I have underplayed/underexagerated my usage on here and to others in my personal life outside of my wife. I have been getting morphine, oxy, and hydro both from my doc and when I run out- from some vets I know, from my ptsd therapy group.

I also can't afford to spend another dime on PM and the methadone isn't gonna empty my wallet because it is through the VA. They have a 6 month waiting list but being a disabled vet, I got jumped to the top of the line and did intake today.

I dosed at 20mg and they want me to stay at that if at all possible since the doc is attempting to dually treated both my pain and my addiction problem and thinks the lower the better. I also have been having some GI troubles (IBS coming back) and the less opioids, the better. I was diagnosed with Chrohn's (sucks ass) also. I know I am gonna have WD symptoms for a while even on 20mg but it has taken the edge off minus the nausea.

I'm sure some will say that going on MMT when you are coming off 300ishmg morphine equiv. doses a day is unwise but it really has become my last resort.

I know there is another thread by oxyopanaalpha or whatever his handle is but rather than threadjack his story I wanted to start my own. I probably won't do the constant/ daily updates like he's doing (like anyone would care if I did, heh..) but still wanted to get any advice I can from my friends (and those I don't know well too) on the board regarding this transition.

I have finally come to terms with my dual issues of pain and addiction and this seems like the best option ATM. They seem to want to keep me low so I can taper off more easily (I know, not easy) than if I was up on higher doses.

Take care yall,
monkawat
MMT Or Suboxone treatment is being even more enslaved. Now they tell you to not score or be clean....WTF? Money-grubbing scheme. I know its comfort and that it has helped a lot of people, but its just being stuck in the middle. You cant play the grey zone in this type of game.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Riddick on September 24, 2015, 02:36:01 PM
I guess you can...But you arent here for the high you came here or for the junk-freeness either. Your just taking your daily ritual. Unless your slinging them for 20 a peice, then its a different story. Just my opinion.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 24, 2015, 11:21:17 PM
Interesting griffin. Sorry to hear that about weed and your clinic.

It does kinda make sense though since CO has to keep weed totally on the up and up, know what I mean?

Still, it sucks for you man. Google "methadone maint. And marijuana use". It is a cool article saying that weed has positive effects on those in mmt, especially during their intake month.

----

Oh and riddick- fuck off.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 24, 2015, 11:37:45 PM
Interesting griffin. Sorry to hear that about weed and your clinic.

It does kinda make sense though since CO has to keep weed totally on the up and up, know what I mean?

Still, it sucks for you man. Google "methadone maint. And marijuana use". It is a cool article saying that weed has positive effects on those in mmt, especially during their intake month.

----

Oh and riddick- fuck off.

I second that motion he never contributes anything to any conversation, at least any that I have seen.

Colorado is definitely being scrutinized and heavily watched by all the other states and federal government so I absolutely understand why they are being as pre-cautious as possible. Hopefully the federal government at least changes marijuana from a schedule one drug and that way it would be legal for all states to impose medical marijuana laws with out any problems from the federal government. I mean we need to get it to that point so that more money can be spent on research to see what all the medical benefits are and see what types of medications can be made for those with serious illnesses like cerebral palsy, aids, cancer and everything else that it has clearly shown to help with.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 24, 2015, 11:52:27 PM
My wife and I wanna visit Aurora next year and hit up a dispensary for recreational purposes. Are there weed smoking friendly hotels throughout Colorado now??

My wife wants to try it for the first time (lol better late than never right?) But wants to try one of those sweet teas infused with thc, one of the lower lvl thc ones that is.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 25, 2015, 12:21:39 AM
I think there are hotels where you can smoke at now. They started doing weed vacations right after it was legalized so I am sure that if you look into the marijuana vacations on google you will find some places that let you smoke. There are now places kind of like bars where you can smoke at, they can't sell weed at these places but they sell different bongs, pipes, rolling papers, and have a lot of different glass work that you can try out. I believe they have mouth pieces that they give to each individual that way your not hitting a bong after a guy who hasn't brushed his teeth this year and because it is safer. When you do get here I would pick up the free weekly magazine its called the Westword and it has coupons for a bunch of different dispensaries and everything that is going on that week. Its a pretty cool little magazine you can pick them up at most street corners downtown or just type it in online and it will show you where the closest one to you is They come in the same thing you buy newspapers out of but are free and the metal boxes are red .


Also look up free days in colorado online and see if there are any places that have free admission during the time you are here. The art museum which has around 70,000 pieces of art and is really cool has one once a month, swell as the zoo, the science and nature museum, the botanic gardens, and a few other places they usually have one once a month or a few times a month in the slower seasons for like the zoo and botanic gardens. If you do plan on coming to denver PM me and I can send you a list of free things to do and fun things to do that are cheap that you should check out while you are here.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on September 25, 2015, 02:01:16 AM
My wife wants to try it for the first time (lol better late than never right?) But wants to try one of those sweet teas infused with thc, one of the lower lvl thc ones that is.

Try weed for the first time?

I wouldn't recommend oral cannabis for a first time user. It can be a heavy experience for someone not used to it, just my $.02..
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 25, 2015, 03:43:34 AM
My wife wants to try it for the first time (lol better late than never right?) But wants to try one of those sweet teas infused with thc, one of the lower lvl thc ones that is.

Try weed for the first time?

I wouldn't recommend oral cannabis for a first time user. It can be a heavy experience for someone not used to it, just my $.02..

Oh I know cannabis ingested that way isn't a good idea for a first timer because of the relative intensity of edibles, drinks ,etc. She just wants to try it at some point. I think the allure of not having to take in smoke just appeals to her and women like her who are offput by smoke itself.

I was wondering if vaping would be a more easy way for her to try weed since she doesn't like smoking? I do remember seeing a documentary about weed in CO where a certain company had begun making "beginner's level" infused drinks, snacks, etc. I think seeing that was what interested her in the idea in the first place.

They (IIRC) had relatively low THC content compared to most drinks and edibles on the market there which are apparently strong as fuck much of the time.

Either way, I know ingesting it orally can be pretty intense for the uninitiated. Hell, I remember visiting a friend in California in high school and they had acquired some edibles (these snickerdoodle weed cookies- fucking awesome) from a medical dispensary and they had way more potency than we had ever experienced with TX homemade edibles (still made with bud butter and chronic but not at this professional level this shit was at) and it was the only time I got borderline psychedelic effects from weed.   
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on September 25, 2015, 04:17:18 AM
Thinking more about it, most of the packaged edibles here (CA) are actually pretty weak, I haven't been that impressed by much of it. The lower dose stuff might not actually be too bad for someone who's never partook, but I'd tell her to be really careful, cos I know you know a hefty oral dose of THC can throw you for a loop even if tolerant.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Anti-hero on September 25, 2015, 07:36:23 AM
Didn't some reporter
Eat an edible in co
And lose her friggin mind

Would go with a low thc Indica
And vape faster onset and you can stop
Can't do that with an edible
Why someone would eat something not
edible is beyond me


Big props to Monk.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on September 25, 2015, 07:44:11 AM
Vaping is much different than combusting something, much cleaner..

Maybe try vaping a little and if she likes that then lower potency edibles. Oral lasts a long time, might not be much fun if she doesn't know what to expect. Some people panic..
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Anti-hero on September 25, 2015, 07:54:31 AM
Vaping is much different than combusting something, much cleaner..

Maybe try vaping a little and if she likes that then lower potency edibles. Oral lasts a long time, might not be much fun if she doesn't know what to expect. Some people panic..
True also the Indica
Sativa's way to heady
I smoked some sativa yesterday
Had to put it out
Get out the tin foil
And tape up the Windows.

Riddick: as aggravating as it is for a junkie to find a vein
ie-man that common core math is Riddick
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 25, 2015, 09:23:23 AM
Yeah I would definitely have her try some indica first not sativa as low thc as you can get that still has good taste. Maybe a vape pen like a quick one hit and see how she likes it or maybe have her try it with something you are getting in your home state and see if she likes the experience or not. I had a girlfriend who had only smoked a few times in high school it'd been like 5-6 years sense she smoked and I went inside to get some water and food. 5 minute later my friends carried her into the house where I was. She collapsed on the floor where they were smoking outside in the garage. Those assholes whom I love put hash on top of the bowl and had her take a huge rip and hold it in and that mixed with her really bad asthma was enough for her to stop breathing and collapse. She said she forgot how to breathe and mixed with being in a hot garage made her faint basically and we had to get her on a asthma nebulizer.

I almost forgot what those are called which is weird because I can't count how many times she woke me up in the middle of the night while she was gasping for air and couldn't breathe. I would have to get her nebulizer all setup and have the albuterol and everything ready to go. The first few times it happened I was so freaked out and nervous that I totally made the situation worse because I had never seen or used one before. I would be trying to put it together for her in the middle of the night all figidity and nervous while freaking out that she is going to die of lack of oxygen. So yeah if she is asthmatic definitely make sure you have her albuterol inhaler with you.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 26, 2015, 10:10:13 PM
Yeah I would definitely have her try some indica first not sativa as low thc as you can get that still has good taste. Maybe a vape pen like a quick one hit and see how she likes it or maybe have her try it with something you are getting in your home state and see if she likes the experience or not. I had a girlfriend who had only smoked a few times in high school it'd been like 5-6 years sense she smoked and I went inside to get some water and food. 5 minute later my friends carried her into the house where I was. She collapsed on the floor where they were smoking outside in the garage. Those assholes whom I love put hash on top of the bowl and had her take a huge rip and hold it in and that mixed with her really bad asthma was enough for her to stop breathing and collapse. She said she forgot how to breathe and mixed with being in a hot garage made her faint basically and we had to get her on a asthma nebulizer.

I almost forgot what those are called which is weird because I can't count how many times she woke me up in the middle of the night while she was gasping for air and couldn't breathe. I would have to get her nebulizer all setup and have the albuterol and everything ready to go. The first few times it happened I was so freaked out and nervous that I totally made the situation worse because I had never seen or used one before. I would be trying to put it together for her in the middle of the night all figidity and nervous while freaking out that she is going to die of lack of oxygen. So yeah if she is asthmatic definitely make sure you have her albuterol inhaler with you.


Griffin

She's luckily not asthmatic. I think it may just be a mild curiosity regarding her wanting to try weed-related products. She was saying that she wouldn't mind vaping to start and when we go visit my family members in Washington the week after Christmas, we are going to certainly hit up a recreational dispensary.

We still wanna go to Colorado on a vacation sometime next year though, because it is a beautiful state and I live the mountains and skiing even though I can't do it anymore.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on September 27, 2015, 02:35:44 PM
Well that is good that she isn't asthmatic, I would definitely still go with an indica for the first time though. I am sure you guys will have a blast and it will be a fun experience or memory. if she freaks out about if she is breathing and blinking right you can easily calm her down and let her know no one has ever died and that your body does all that stuff for you automatically and that you are just thinking about it for the first time. That usually only happens with sativa's though. Take her some place beautiful and have her try it.


I remember my first time I ever smoked I was 18 and my best friend who has been my best friend sense the 4th grade came by with some weed he brought back from California. orange kush or something like that and I remember that I all of a sudden could hear all the noises going on outside like the cars going by, the refrigerator running, the air conditioner, and noticed everything in much more detail. By some weird awesome act of the pot gods the radio station we were listening to played the entire dark side of the moon album front to back and we were watching the smoke hit the light like how you can see dust hit the light and it was making all kinds of cool shapes that had us mesmerized for hours it was such a fun experience I will never forget it.

 The next day I went to my brothers house and he had some lavender kush that was just amazing all around and we listened to the mushuggah song bleed for the first time and just had it on replay because the drum beat for that song is one of the best I have ever heard in my life still to this day one of the best metal drumming and technical drumming ever up in par with dannny carey from tool. I then smoked schwag for the next 2 years I can't even imagine the amount of hours I have spent picking out all the seeds and stems in my life. I smoked swhwag until a guy we knew from high school who used to date the girl I was dating had moved to california and was bringing back large amounts of the best stuff ever and giving it to us.

I was making like a 1000+ a week(which is just great for any junkie just getting into pills) for hanging out at my house and having people come over and smoke. I did that for a year then I moved to colorado because I didn't want to get a felony charge for having some weed on me or in my car or something like that. That wasn't the only reason I moved to colorado it was to stay clean to because I had just kicked and wanted a new start. The weed was definitely a plus because I was a heavy smoker and the girl I was with smoked more than anyone I have ever met in my life. I mean me and my friends would wake up and smoke joints and stuff but that girl took it to a new level.

 She was the one who passed out or fainted the first time she smoked because my friends put hash on the bowl and she was asthmatic. She also smokes cigarettes her lungs hate her. I am glad i dont have to deal with that any more. Complaining about not being able to breathe and then pulling out a cigarette and smoking it. That would always drive me crazy even though I dip and I smoked cigarettes in middle school it is a big turn off for me when girls smoke I am a hypocrite.


Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 29, 2015, 09:41:58 AM
Hey everyone,

Quick update here-

I'm at 30mg now, feeling pretty good. The dose is holding me somewhat well. I put in for a 5mg increase because I feel that 35mg will be a stable dose for me at this point. I am having better pain control dosing 30mg of methadone each morning than I ever had with any pain meds I was scripted through my pain doc. Morphine ER, hydrocodone, oxycodone, etc. I can't remember the last time I had no pain for a whole damn week. I mean zero, zilch, nada. I'm also not kidding myself into thinking I will only be on done short term. I don't pay anything for it so I have no financial reasons to do so.

I interview for a new part time job this Thursday. It pays pretty well too, all things considered, 15/hr plus commission. It's in a field I have a decent amount of experience in, so that's a plus. Fingers crossed I get that one, since I do have a less important one tomorrow for a shittier job where I would be driving again. (but this time not in a delivery pharmacy where I had access to fucking every c2 pain med known to man)

So far this MMT experience is going well. I know I may not be saying this a year or two from now, but I can only work on myself and the future of my family at the moment and that is what I'm doing. I am dealing with some sedation but nothing going to bed earlier and a couple cups of coffee a day can't remedy.

take it easy y'all,
monk



Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: razor girl on September 29, 2015, 10:12:40 AM
I am very glad to hear this is going well for you Monk, big props on doing the right thing and making it work.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 29, 2015, 10:43:52 AM
I am very glad to hear this is going well for you Monk, big props on doing the right thing and making it work.

Thanks CZ. Means a lot coming from you since you have more experience with opiates/opioids and addiction than myself. Helps me place things in perspective and whatnot.

Everybody who has posted on here in support of me so far- it means a lot to me and I consider you all friends. I will try to update this thread weekly or as interesting or relevant things come up in the course of my methadone treatment/counseling.
---------------

I have my next meeting with my counselor on Friday where we are working on my long term treatment plan. They expect me to be with them at least two or three years but I am not placing any time limit on my recovery or treatment, especially given my pain issues. Probably will be a very long term thing which I am more than OK with. Slow and steady is best here it would seem...

Much love yall.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on September 29, 2015, 09:09:26 PM
Good stuff monk.  I know that for me methadone added so much stability.  It was almost an instant switch from the always sick, always scheming insanity to life coming together so much better.

Good luck with the job interview.  Take it easy and don't push yourself too much.  At the same time it is good to see you going out and achieving your goals.

You are smart not to put a time limit on it.  Wait until you are ready, and then see how it goes.

Keep kicking ass man.  This is definitely the right decision for you.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 29, 2015, 11:16:29 PM
Good stuff monk.  I know that for me methadone added so much stability.  It was almost an instant switch from the always sick, always scheming insanity to life coming together so much better.

Good luck with the job interview.  Take it easy and don't push yourself too much.  At the same time it is good to see you going out and achieving your goals.

You are smart not to put a time limit on it.  Wait until you are ready, and then see how it goes.

Keep kicking ass man.  This is definitely the right decision for you.

Thanks Z. You are a really good guy and I appreciate your input and support. Matters more to me than I can possibly express.

I love this damn community and folks like yourself man.

 That's why I tend to get so upset and pissy when people like Riddick undermine the supportive communal structure we enjoyed both at the phile and particularly (much more-so) here at DAU.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Snoop on September 30, 2015, 01:30:29 AM
Hey Monk,

Good to hear that you're finding your peace. CP sucks... Especially when you led an active life prior. I had decent pain control when I started MMT. But it seemed to drop off as the tolerance ramped up, and the honeymoon phase ended.

But.... Then it started working well again once I found my proper dosage.

I hope you continue to get the comfort and peace you deserve. Much love and luck bud.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on September 30, 2015, 03:26:12 AM
Glad to hear the positive update Monk! Fatigue can be dealt with, and your life and well being is totally worth it. I don't have any insight or advice on MMT, but you have plenty of great advice and insight from others here, so wishing you best of everything for you and your family.  :)

PS: Please keep the updates coming...we want to know.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 30, 2015, 05:16:50 AM
Hey Monk,

Good to hear that you're finding your peace. CP sucks... Especially when you led an active life prior. I had decent pain control when I started MMT. But it seemed to drop off as the tolerance ramped up, and the honeymoon phase ended.

But.... Then it started working well again once I found my proper dosage.

I hope you continue to get the comfort and peace you deserve. Much love and luck bud.

Good to hear from you man- you had dropped off for a  short
while and I am glad you are well and (iirc) your family issues are at beginning to resolve. Preciate your input about CP, good to keep that in mind.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on September 30, 2015, 07:04:03 AM
Hey Monk
I'm glad that you are finding a dose that is comfortable for you
And that you are getting really good pain relief

I know for me
When I was on done 40mgs was perfect for me
That dose kept me out of pain
And I was never tempted to take more
B\c I NEVER got high off of methadone
The only thing I didn't like about it
Was how much weight I gained
Even tho I worked out 4-5 days a week and walked my dogs 2miles everyday
I still put on about 20lbs

Please keep us updated with your progress

Glad to hear also
That you are meeting some of your goals

Go slow
And don't get down on yourself
You are doing what you believe is right for you and your family
It takes a real man to make those kinds of decisions
So good on you

Best of luck
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on September 30, 2015, 07:48:49 AM
Hey Monk
I'm glad that you are finding a dose that is comfortable for you
And that you are getting really good pain relief

I know for me
When I was on done 40mgs was perfect for me
That dose kept me out of pain
And I was never tempted to take more
B\c I NEVER got high off of methadone
The only thing I didn't like about it
Was how much weight I gained
Even tho I worked out 4-5 days a week and walked my dogs 2miles everyday
I still put on about 20lbs

Please keep us updated with your progress

Glad to hear also
That you are meeting some of your goals

Go slow
And don't get down on yourself
You are doing what you believe is right for you and your family
It takes a real man to make those kinds of decisions
So good on you

Best of luck
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you so much DOD, means a lot.

Do you attribute that weight gain (that seems so common in MMT patients) to unhealthy (ie high sugar or fat) eating habits or something else?

I know methadone is known to cause intense sugar cravings and my doc actually told me that when he found out I already have a serious love for candy and ice cream. I have cut out energy drinks and sodas with sugar and don't eat ice cream since my IBS has flared up again. But I have already noticed that candy tastes REALLY fucking good lately. Probably not the done this soon though- just a coincidence I bet.



Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on September 30, 2015, 07:59:06 AM
I'm not really sure what I would contribute the weight gain to
Other than the methadone
B\c I've always eaten healthy
And when I was on done I didn't drink soda
Almost everyone I've known that has gotten on methadone does gain some weight

But you're right about how good candy tastes when your on done

When I was on subs
I had really bad cravings for candy
And I was talking about it with my bff Nark
He told me that my candy cravings
Are more than likely me actually craving for dope (I.e. REAL opiates)
Which made a lot of sense to me

I appreciate your thanx
To my support
You deserve all the support this community has to offer
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 01, 2015, 10:19:12 AM
Quick little update-

Changed counselors today from the old vietnam vet dude to a badass old timer grandma type lady due to a highly constrained caseload with the previous one.

Met with the new one and we hit it off well. She has a lot of knowledge about the neuroscience behind opioid addiction which I think is very valuable for the course of my treatment and her understanding of opioids. She pretty much told me expect many years on MMT and due to my pain issues- possibly me becoming a lifer. I don't have any qualms about the first one, or really even the second. It's just the best way I can manage my "dual diagnosis", so to speak without spending any of my own money on stuff.

I (fingers crossed if the doc got a chance to approve the change) go up by 5mg tomorrow to 40mg.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 02, 2015, 08:05:54 AM
If these updates are annoying to y'all- please let me know and I won't do em so often: This will be the last one for a month or so.

I got the job for the part time job I interviewed for today. I go in Monday for paperwork finalization and schedule my training. I don't wanna be too specific but it is a job related to marketing and sales of home renovations goods. It is part time since I am in school full time and my wife is still making a good living at around 30 bucks an hour 40/hrs a week, but we need some extra supplementary income because we were highly accustomed to a different lifestyle back at the ranch when I was contributing about 40k a year in addition to her roughly 60k a year.

It is a big jump from 100k a year to 60k and while that sounds like some serious first world problems (as it truly is)- I still need to contribute SOMETHING with holidays, especially Hannukah inching closer by the day since early December ain't that far away... She is back in school herself and graduates when I do this May- both with our bachelor's. Hers is in visual arts-design type stuff (She doesn't like her job but it supports us ATM) and mine is in sociology with a business minor. I will be going to work in my family's business the summer after I graduate making good money again and she's gonna quit her full time job and just do some freelancing part time for graphic designing projects but in the mean time the 20k a year I'll be getting from this part time gig can't hurt things. I had lost my previous job because of my pill use and the fact that I wasn't showing up for shifts plus other issues related to the nature of that job.

All in all my real short time I've been on MMT has been a real life saver (maybe not physically at the point I was at but certainly financially and emotionally with for my family's sake).
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 02, 2015, 05:14:50 PM
If you ever check this, take care.  Good luck with everything!  You can always email if you want to.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 02, 2015, 08:53:59 PM
Best of luck with your new job Monk. When I logged on and saw you were a "Guest" I was worried, but now I see its for a good reason. Things are really looking up for you with your new treatment and new job. I hope you can pop in sooner than once a month or like Z said, throw a PM or email.

Going to miss seeing you around but that's just me being selfish.
Take it easy, breezy, but never sleazy  ;D
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 02, 2015, 11:07:20 PM
Maybe just a little sleazy.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 03, 2015, 12:20:50 AM
Maybe just a little sleazy.

Haha maybe a tad.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Zoops on October 04, 2015, 11:50:54 PM
Damn, Monk, you can't be a member here because you're selling home improvement stuff? And what does your family business do that requires you to have a sociology degree? Interesting stuff. I wish I had your chances, bro.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on October 05, 2015, 05:44:42 AM
Monk
I for one dig your updates
It's in fact one of the first threads
I check when I log in

I'm glad you got a decent paying
Part-time job

I didn't know you were in school
Full time

And I totally get where you are coming from
In regards to finances
We went from 10k a month
Down to 3k a month
So I know all about having
To downsize, so to speak
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 06, 2015, 06:51:42 AM
i can see that monk's really serious about his recovery: no forum presence and stabilizing on Methadone.

i wish him every success but secretly wish he returns as a mentor.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 06, 2015, 10:17:07 PM
i can see that monk's really serious about his recovery: no forum presence and stabilizing on Methadone.

i wish him every success but secretly wish he returns as a mentor.

Hey Y'all,

I tried really hard to avoid this place. Tried to erase it out of my memory temporarily until I get further into recovery. But seeing how some of my friends on here reached out to me off-site (Rox, and 2 others) made me think twice about this..

I think just casually lurking without very much posting is better for me than abruptly leaving this place. I think I got a little too invested in what one of my family members said (not my wife or parents) about how a forum like this would screw up my stabilization on MMT.

My wife's only concern was how much time I spent on here so that will have to be signifcantly cut down, but I just love all you guys way too much to leave yall for good.

Chipper- You said you saved my rep and whatnot but when I registered again it is gone- can you update it if it isn't too much trouble/hassle for ya?

Specifically these folks are why I cannot leave DAU permanently- Zys, chipper, DFC, chops, opi-ette, roxstar, count zero/razorgirl, tony, DOD, Hero, and Zoops- you all have shown me a kind of caring that I didn't think was achievable on an internet forum alone- but you all seem to genuinely care that I get better and into a more stable stage in my MMT treatment and overall recovery from opiates/opioids.

That means a lot. DAU's community means a lot. I mistakenly thought cutting out a place where some were actively using opiates would somehow make ME crave more opiates. But I'm stronger than that mentally/emotionally. After some of the mental shit I've had to deal with and still deal with on a daily basis- this ain't gonna handle a candle to it.

Once again, I love y'all, for real. I know I look like a huge fucking tool/overreacting idiot for "leaving" and quickly returning. I really don't mind some criticism about it if you feel it is necessary. But the pull from such a great place was too strong. I really did feel a void of sorts without this place. I also lost everyone's emails except the few who emailed me and I need this support network more than I ever would've imagined.


Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on October 06, 2015, 10:49:58 PM
I knew you'd be back ;)
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 06, 2015, 11:02:03 PM
I knew you'd be back ;)

I dig the new avatar haha.

hope you're well chops. I lost your last private message about Aberdeen.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Sand and Water on October 07, 2015, 01:35:23 AM
Glad to see you decided to drop back in.  Whether a little or a lot - do what works for you, k?  :)
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Jega on October 07, 2015, 03:46:32 AM
Glad you're back! We bite buy only slightly  ;)
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 07, 2015, 09:19:03 AM
monk, your rep. and post counts have been restored (standard practice for anybody who wishes to leave, for whatever reason) ... yep, we'll keep the door open for you, just in case.

it's like you never left.

remember, you are only talking about drugs and thus, hopefully finding a way to make your lifestyle choices work better.

dope talk is often one way of coping, it need not be a trigger BUT a big trigger, it most certainly is ... so be honest with yourself if you want it to pay dividends.

welcome back and i hope the MMT works for you - it does for me as my slow taper continues ... 15 mg. today, ORAL !
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on October 07, 2015, 11:04:53 AM
I hope you can stick around as well but definitely keep maintaining your sobriety first. Congrats on getting your life in a stable place it isn't easy. I can't imagine having a family to support on top of everything else so you are definitely kicking ass. Hope the new counselor works for you I really like my counselor and I think having a good counselor makes a big difference. My counselor has been doing it 17 years and his brother was an addict who died from complications of HIV/aids. He seems to know a lot and is very down to earth so it he is easy to talk to and very helpful with all aspects of it. Keep us informed how everything is going if you can. We all wish you the best you deserve it keep your head up.



Griffin
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: ptbell on October 07, 2015, 12:15:38 PM
There was a guy starting at my clinic this morning, he looked rough, in bad shape. Anyway MMT is and can be used for pain management its just a question of getting to the right level. A good nurse/doctor and a open line of communication between yourself and councilor and staff w/ go a long way to help that. Try to not focus too much on other peoples dosage amounts, your personal tolerance is not theirs. Good luck the program it is a lifesaver, your lucky you got to the front of the line.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 07, 2015, 12:25:43 PM
There was a guy starting at my clinic this morning, he looked rough, in bad shape.
<snip>

yes, that reminds me - visiting the clinic is always interesting because it's full of colorful characters and some worse for wear ... it can even resemble a zoo if the queue gets too long.

it can even be a scary place with intimidating types ... all in all, i don't mind my weekly clinic visit, at all.

may your takehomes come quickly and in abundance.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 10, 2015, 03:00:59 AM
Nice to see that avatar again Monk! I really missed you. Come and go as you see fit, no one is gonna break your "chops" hehe. Wishing you the best with your treatment and new job.

We love you more!  ;D
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 10, 2015, 03:48:02 AM
Hugs, but no kisses.

Hey, at least you actually did leave.  Most people just seem to say they are leaving when looking for attention.  Glad to see you around again!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 10, 2015, 10:25:12 AM
Hugs, but no kisses.

Hey, at least you actually did leave.  Most people just seem to say they are leaving when looking for attention.  Glad to see you around again!

Thanks man. Hope you're doing well these days.

--------------------------

Quick update- still on the same dose but going up to 50mg as soon as I can next week. Started my new job and the pay structure is so much better than I thought in the beginning of the hiring and training process. I'll hopefully be making around 2.5-3k a month, but my boss thinks a little more than that. Definitely excited.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 10, 2015, 11:03:36 AM
I'm glad you came back Monkawat. 

It's understandable that you'd be worried about this place causing you to crave.  Like you said though, it is a great place for support, and a great community.  Don't feel bad for changing your mind.  I doubt anyone is going to hold it against you. 

Feel free to lurk and to post as much or as little as you'd like.  Enjoy.   :)   
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 11, 2015, 08:06:40 AM
Well I am a bit disappointed. I had to quit the door to door sale of home supply shit. It was a big scam. Clasroom training seemed great and i get to the field and it is a bunch of scam artists tricking the poor elderly retirees into losing tens of thousands of dollars to low quality windows and patio doors that arent worth half of their sale value.

I was disgusted at my field trainer, forced him to take me home a bit early,i called the manager and quit. I am turning in my shitty company polo and training info on monday afternoon.

Luckily i have another interview with a family friends little business. It would only be 9 or 10 an hour for 30 hrs a week but its part time $ to just supplement the actual good money (30/hr range) my wife supports us on... still...i feel like a loser right now but i cannot support thieves let alone steal for them.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: ptbell on October 11, 2015, 09:01:42 AM
You did the right thing. Selling false goods to people isn't worth the bad Karma. Glad your piece of mind was worth more than a few dollars. There is not to much of that going around these days. And like they say, when one door closes, two open. Keep up you self respect and well being, that's what is important in the end. ;)
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 11, 2015, 09:20:02 AM
I'm glad you quit that job.  Selling shitty products to seniors is horrible.  I hope those scammers get caught. 

Hopefully you'll get the new job.  Every little bit helps. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 11, 2015, 10:53:52 AM
I'm glad you quit that job.  Selling shitty products to seniors is horrible.  I hope those scammers get caught. 

Hopefully you'll get the new job.  Every little bit helps.

Thanks man. I appreciate your input always as well as your encouragement. I need all I can get these days, as I am trying to stop getting down on myself too much. Shit can get rough at times when you're constantly doubting yourself and whatnot too.

And thanks ptbell, I don't know ya, but welcome to DAU and thank you for your kind words.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Tony on October 11, 2015, 10:58:34 AM
Well I am a bit disappointed. I had to quit the door to door sale of home supply shit. It was a big scam. Clasroom training seemed great and i get to the field and it is a bunch of scam artists tricking the poor elderly retirees into losing tens of thousands of dollars to low quality windows and patio doors that arent worth half of their sale value.

I was disgusted at my field trainer, forced him to take me home a bit early,i called the manager and quit. I am turning in my shitty company polo and training info on monday afternoon.

Luckily i have another interview with a family friends little business. It would only be 9 or 10 an hour for 30 hrs a week but its part time $ to just supplement the actual good money (30/hr range) my wife supports us on... still...i feel like a loser right now but i cannot support thieves let alone steal for them.

Great choice Monkawat! You can always get another job, but if you loose your integrity it can become very hard to regain!

I am proud to call you a friend...

Peace,

Tony
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 11, 2015, 11:44:18 AM
I'm glad you quit that job.  Selling shitty products to seniors is horrible.  I hope those scammers get caught. 

Hopefully you'll get the new job.  Every little bit helps.

Thanks man. I appreciate your input always as well as your encouragement. I need all I can get these days, as I am trying to stop getting down on myself too much. Shit can get rough at times when you're constantly doubting yourself and whatnot too.

And thanks ptbell, I don't know ya, but welcome to DAU and thank you for your kind words.



I know all too well what you mean about shit getting rough at times b/c you're down on yourself.  I've been there too, and it definitely sucks.  Depression, even just situational depression, is a beast. 

I know it's much easier said than done, but try to remember all the positives about yourself and your life.  Those things that you're thankful for.  When you become depressed and get down on yourself, it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.  The lower you get, the more you believe you're that way, and it spirals out of control. 

Talking about this is a great start.  Even if you don't go the professional route, talking to friends and family is great too.  Use your support network.  And never feel afraid to post about your struggles here, if you feel comfortable doing it.  We're always here to listen and give support. 

Take it easy, and feel better soon Monkawat!  You're too nice of a person to be dealing with this stuff.   :)   
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on October 11, 2015, 01:58:10 PM
I know what you mean about not wanting to sell shit door to door. I worked for comcast when I was 21 and they started me out at $65000 a year for doing door to door sales. I swear every other house I went to got screwed and they taught us to not tell people about the install fees, and the fees for each box and channel. I felt horrible about it and I was way to honest to be good at that job I ended up getting fired for not selling enough. I was definitely caught between making 30+ an hour and being able to support my habit which was quickly spinning out of control and my conscious.

I was always upfront about everything and usually only sold internet and told people how to get better deals by calling in and threatening to cancel. I got caught a few times for giving old customers the new deals we were offering only to people who didn't have comcast. They had to honor the deal I made for them but I got quite a few warnings. It is hard to have a flyer offering what a person is paying 250 for 80 bucks and just tell them no sense they already had our service. I could get away with not working and sit at home all day getting high so it was hard for me to find the motivation to go out and scam people. I hope your next interview goes well and it is something you are happy doing. Even if the money isn't the same being happy with your job makes a huge difference. Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: St. Theresa on October 11, 2015, 10:11:38 PM
I have much respect for you monkawat...you did the right thing leaving the scam. And you're in a tough spot, that says a lot.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 13, 2015, 12:55:58 AM
So today I got a new job!

This one pays only 10 an hour but I get to work around 20-30 hrs a week and it is low pressure customer service at a family friend's small business. The jobs are so much more plentiful moving from the rural areas to the urban ones I've found.

I start later this week and I am looking forward to this job a lot as the owner has known my family many years and they are more than willing to work within my school schedule and stuff.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Jega on October 13, 2015, 01:04:17 AM
Hey congrats on the new job! and $10 is nothing to sneeze it!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 13, 2015, 01:19:26 AM
monkawat, ever since you've been on this forum, you have been going from strength to strength.

see ? we're not all just one big fat unhealthy negative influence ... i'm glad you came back because it's doing you good, so far.

and now you can spend your money on something tangible and have something to show for it ... as it should be, as it should be.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on October 13, 2015, 02:12:31 AM
$10/hr, after taxes (I figure %25) @40hrs a week would only barely cover our rent in this shoebox 1 br. apt.

I'm not trying to hate at all, but the degree of wage stagnation in this country astonishes me sometimes. $10 was a pretty good wage in the 80s, but today, I'd be insulted.

Again I'm totally not hating on you Monk, I'm hating on the system..
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 13, 2015, 02:25:59 AM
it may not be a fortune but at least he's got a foot in the door ... which is heaps more luck than i am having.

my problem is that i'm on the wrong side of 50 and my resume started before most employers were born ... having old school IBM Systems skills is no help at all, either.

i have applied for an entry-level tech job just very near my MD clinic, wish me luck !
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: St. Theresa on October 13, 2015, 03:39:42 AM
Good luck chipper!

And congrats monk!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: makita on October 13, 2015, 04:41:05 AM


Thank you so much DOD, means a lot.

Do you attribute that weight gain (that seems so common in MMT patients) to unhealthy (ie high sugar or fat) eating habits or something else?

I know methadone is known to cause intense sugar cravings and my doc actually told me that when he found out I already have a serious love for candy and ice cream. I have cut out energy drinks and sodas with sugar and don't eat ice cream since my IBS has flared up again. But I have already noticed that candy tastes REALLY fucking good lately. Probably not the done this soon though- just a coincidence I bet.

I gained a lot of weight initially on methadone, and the sugar cravings definitely didn't help (I was on an ice cream only diet for like 6 months, and thats only a slight exaggeration) but I think it was really more the metabolic changes and being on a higher dose than I needed (60-80mg).  If you're around 35-40 you shouldn't have the same issue, you may put on a little weight but not much.

As for pain control, I did find it not working as well for my IBS pain after a LONG time (like 10 years), but it could also be that it got worse and I had other sources of pain I hadn't had before.  Even so, rotating to another primary opiate (morphine, then fentanyl) helped temporarily, and then as I've rotated back to methadone I've found it works better again. 

I feel like I am learning that there is really no such thing as permanent receptor exhaustion, as long as you are willing to take some tapers/breaks and be uncomfortable for a little while you can refresh those receptors and get back the good effects (maybe not like you had them the first few years, like the energetic high, but the other stuff like pain control).  You just have to get creative. 

But you should have plenty of years ahead of you on methadone as a great painkiller before you have to worry about any of that. 



Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 13, 2015, 07:03:23 AM
$10/hr, after taxes (I figure %25) @40hrs a week would only barely cover our rent in this shoebox 1 br. apt.

I'm not trying to hate at all, but the degree of wage stagnation in this country astonishes me sometimes. $10 was a pretty good wage in the 80s, but today, I'd be insulted.

Again I'm totally not hating on you Monk, I'm hating on the system..

My wife makes 30 dollars an hour and works 40 hrs a week and that is what we live on. We are also blessed that I have very well off parents that have helped us along the way.

She makes, with overtime and a yearly bonus, 63k a year. That lets us afford a 1300 dollar a month apt and have nice cars and our kids get whatever they need.

I just cannot live with myself if I don't bring in SOMETHING but taking 6 classes a semester limits my earning potential significantly. And taking anymore handouts from my folks will damn near kill my pride.(what I have remaining that is...)

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 13, 2015, 09:58:58 AM
Congratulations on the job Monkawat!  Even though it's not a ton of money, I think just going to work, being constructive, and bringing home something will do wonders for your mood.  It will give you a sense of being helpful, motivated, and a boon to your self-esteem. 

I know you said it hurts your pride, but I really wouldn't worry about taking help from your parents.  If they're offering, and willing, then let them help.  I'm sure their thinking is that they don't want to see you and your family suffer. 

There's too much of an attitude in this country concerning turning 18/21 and being expected to be completely on your own and self-sufficient.  Most young adults do need help.  And if they have family who are willing and able to help, I see no problem with it. 

Is it fair that some have that help and others don't?  No, of course not.  But I also don't think it's fair to expect someone who does have that help to turn it down.  I usually can't stand the "you need to pay for everything yourself, you're 18 now" people.  Yeah, 18 and making minimum wage.  No one can live on that without help. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 13, 2015, 07:54:55 PM
Congratulations on the job Monkawat!  Even though it's not a ton of money, I think just going to work, being constructive, and bringing home something will do wonders for your mood.  It will give you a sense of being helpful, motivated, and a boon to your self-esteem. 

I know you said it hurts your pride, but I really wouldn't worry about taking help from your parents.  If they're offering, and willing, then let them help.  I'm sure their thinking is that they don't want to see you and your family suffer. 

There's too much of an attitude in this country concerning turning 18/21 and being expected to be completely on your own and self-sufficient.  Most young adults do need help.  And if they have family who are willing and able to help, I see no problem with it. 

Is it fair that some have that help and others don't?  No, of course not.  But I also don't think it's fair to expect someone who does have that help to turn it down.  I usually can't stand the "you need to pay for everything yourself, you're 18 now" people.  Yeah, 18 and making minimum wage.  No one can live on that without help.

Thanks Nark. A vast portion of the financial help they gave us was when we were young, I had just gotten out of the military after being injured (well, a couple years later actually) and being an e-5 I still wasn't making much $. As a result- we were living paycheck to paycheck and I was an armored car driver and my wife was in school full time for her associate's in dental hygiene. We were struggling- with a lot of overtime I was only making 15/hr total once I got to a supervisory courier position, but considering the bills we had, her school, etc, a newborn, a toddler, I HAD to reach out to my parents for help. They got me out of a shitty rental house where the landlord was kind but far too old to understand the need for repairs and being available for contact.

They helped us with a down payment on a little house out in Longview- then years later, after I had better jobs come and go and had saved up a fairly substantial amount in order to get the down payment handled on a ranch a couple hours away from Tyler/Longview. They also put our kids thru private school for a few years until my children decided they despised everything about religious private school and I got them into an area public school. However, I soon realized we needed to get them back into a private school or move to a bigger city or a suburb for the public educational system there to be sufficient.


Then we had to sell it and move towards where my family all lives (extended and immediate) so that I could get into treatment at a VA MMT clinic. But we like living in the city in a nice (somewhat upscale but nothing super fancy as the apts are very well maintained but probably 15 years or 20 years old- 1350 for a 3 bed/3 bath) apartment where I have no worries about the damn lawn, etc. I can call maintenance for shit that I don't feel like fixing myself. At least the public school my children go to is top-notch nowadays...educationally speaking.




Anyways, I just wanted to give u some background Nark.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 14, 2015, 10:40:51 AM
Thanks for the background.  I always enjoy reading about other members' lives.  It gives me insight, and enables me to relate them to their posts.  It puts them in context. 

It sounds like you've got a solid foundation for a great life.  I'm glad you moved back to the city.  I'm a city person too.  I'd hate living in the country. 

Right now I live in the suburbs of Cincinnati, which is fine I guess.  In some ways I think it would awesome to live downtown, especially since there has been a huge renovation trend the past ten years or so.  But on the other hand, some aspects of life aren't exactly convenient if I were to live there.  There isn't a convenient grocery store close to downtown.  I'd have to drive.  Plus, I'm not exactly able to move out on my own now, nor do I really want to.  I'm happy enough here. 

Anyway, glad you found the new job.  You'll definitely start to feel better!   :)   
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 14, 2015, 10:55:58 AM
Best of luck Chipper! Sounds right up your alley  ;D

Congrats on your new job Monk. Between that, your new treatment and classes you have more than earned plenty of pride. Don't ever think any less of yourself for doing your best. You da shiz my friend  ;)

PS: I sent you a lengthy pm the other day, I hope you got it and I didn't accidentally delete it, like I have been doing with a lot of posts lately  :o I know you are busy, and don't feel obligated to reply, just wanted to make sure you got it.

Cheers!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Sand and Water on October 14, 2015, 11:25:28 AM
So today I got a new job!

This one pays only 10 an hour but I get to work around 20-30 hrs a week and it is low pressure customer service at a family friend's small business. The jobs are so much more plentiful moving from the rural areas to the urban ones I've found.

I start later this week and I am looking forward to this job a lot as the owner has known my family many years and they are more than willing to work within my school schedule and stuff.

Yay Monk!  Big congrats on the job working with your school schedule.  I know what a logistical nightmare that can be! It's awesome that its also low-stress with folks you know. Personally, I'd take less money when the other factors are addressed b/c i can always buy from consignment stores, do sales or coupons etc. Money is important, but so is feeling a little more relaxed ;)  Can't edit to hear how it goes!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 15, 2015, 11:51:48 PM
Thanks sand and water. . It's a low stress job. My wife got bumped to part time and it began this Monday. I didn't wanna mention it cuz she reads my posts and would have been offended if I didn't say this until she ok'd it just now. She's only picking up 30hrs a week from now on. But her dentist made it right. She raised her pay to 35/hr. So that's still sufficient. A drop from 63- 56ish. But she's full time in night school for her bachelor's so...Yeah we gotta make due.


Nark- I reached out to my parents and they said they'll help us with whatever we need. One thing is that my wife's car needs new brake pads and possibly rotors so my mom reached out to my uncle who owns a small garage back in our old town and he is gonna do it for somewhere like 1/3 of what the dealership would charge. It would go from 240/axle to about 100 ish. But if we need new rotors it'll still be around 245 an axle as opposed to the dealership's 350.

You were right man- it is not something I should be ashamed of. My mom wanted to help. So she got the ball rolling. It's not a true handout as I am still paying for the brakes and oil change but I get a family discount. I appreciated your advice as it spurred me to reach out and it is gonna help.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 16, 2015, 06:05:39 PM
Thanks sand and water. . It's a low stress job. My wife got bumped to part time and it began this Monday. I didn't wanna mention it cuz she reads my posts and would have been offended if I didn't say this until she ok'd it just now. She's only picking up 30hrs a week from now on. But her dentist made it right. She raised her pay to 35/hr. So that's still sufficient. A drop from 63- 56ish. But she's full time in night school for her bachelor's so...Yeah we gotta make due.


Nark- I reached out to my parents and they said they'll help us with whatever we need. One thing is that my wife's car needs new brake pads and possibly rotors so my mom reached out to my uncle who owns a small garage back in our old town and he is gonna do it for somewhere like 1/3 of what the dealership would charge. It would go from 240/axle to about 100 ish. But if we need new rotors it'll still be around 245 an axle as opposed to the dealership's 350.

You were right man- it is not something I should be ashamed of. My mom wanted to help. So she got the ball rolling. It's not a true handout as I am still paying for the brakes and oil change but I get a family discount. I appreciated your advice as it spurred me to reach out and it is gonna help.



I'm very glad I was able to help.  It's great that you'll get a family discount. 

It's also great that you know now you have a safety net should you and your family ever need it.  It's great to do things for yourself.  It gives you a sense of self-worth, accomplishment, and pride. 

But it's also nice to know that you've got your back covered in case something happens.  Support from family and friends should be a vital component in everyone's life.  It's a shame that not everyone has the kind of family you have. 

Good luck, and keep up the good work!  You'll feel better in no time.   :)   
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 18, 2015, 11:21:50 PM
Thanks sand and water. . It's a low stress job. My wife got bumped to part time and it began this Monday. I didn't wanna mention it cuz she reads my posts and would have been offended if I didn't say this until she ok'd it just now. She's only picking up 30hrs a week from now on. But her dentist made it right. She raised her pay to 35/hr. So that's still sufficient. A drop from 63- 56ish. But she's full time in night school for her bachelor's so...Yeah we gotta make due.


Nark- I reached out to my parents and they said they'll help us with whatever we need. One thing is that my wife's car needs new brake pads and possibly rotors so my mom reached out to my uncle who owns a small garage back in our old town and he is gonna do it for somewhere like 1/3 of what the dealership would charge. It would go from 240/axle to about 100 ish. But if we need new rotors it'll still be around 245 an axle as opposed to the dealership's 350.

You were right man- it is not something I should be ashamed of. My mom wanted to help. So she got the ball rolling. It's not a true handout as I am still paying for the brakes and oil change but I get a family discount. I appreciated your advice as it spurred me to reach out and it is gonna help.



I'm very glad I was able to help.  It's great that you'll get a family discount. 

It's also great that you know now you have a safety net should you and your family ever need it.  It's great to do things for yourself.  It gives you a sense of self-worth, accomplishment, and pride. 

But it's also nice to know that you've got your back covered in case something happens.  Support from family and friends should be a vital component in everyone's life.  It's a shame that not everyone has the kind of family you have. 

Good luck, and keep up the good work!  You'll feel better in no time.   :)

Thanks Nark. You, jega, st. t, zys, opi-ette, chops, and S & W have without a doubt been the most supportive folks on the boards in regards to my recovery with MMT, along with some others too for sure. I appreciate you guys all so much. This has been my safety net of support, so to speak.

Also- I've decided I'm gonna go to grad school y'all. I will discuss the specific major/career path  but I'ts in a counseling-related field. I can go into more detail once I have solidified everything and know for sure this is the school for me- as 3 or 4 offer it online and all are accredited. The program doesn't require a GRE (Awesomeness) and my GPA is way higher than the required minimum. I'm excited as the program/school is both accredited and well-known in this particular field of study. It's entirely online and that is an absolute requirement for me. It's just 24 credit hours and my current sociology degree is a perfect undergrad degree to branch into this field.

I went up on my dose and am now at 55mg and feeling better. I can tell I am very, very close to a stable dose. I think around 60-70mg I will be good to go for a good amount of time.

Nark/Chops/Zys (only 3 on here I know for sure have been or are currently on MMT)- When you guys reached a "stable" dose early on and later wanted to go up- was saying you have cravings generally enough to go up later on down the road?


______________________________________________________________

Oh and on a random note- I finally quit using Zicam. It's like Afrin- it has oxymetazoline in the spray. It makes you severely and I mean SEVERELY physically dependent on its usage to breathe at all. After 15 years of using this shit- I'm off of it. I see an ENT doctor this week to get some nasal passage damage cauterized and I hope I have no septum perforations or a deviation. Nasal surgery fucking SUCKS from what I've heard from my cousins who both had it done. This shit is nasty and while it sounds super lame to say I was super physically dependent on an OTC nose spray- look it up. This shit causes horrific rebound congestion when you use it for more than 5-6 days at a time. I am on about 15.5 years of daily, constant use. I was spraying this shit up my nose every hour for that whole time. I tapered off it with a method I found on the interwebs. You stop in one nostril at a time, giving the other one time to heal while still using in the other one. It has been a week without in one and 2 or 3 days in the other. The one going on 2-3 days is what needs cauterization. It's fucked up. Both had fire engine red nasal passages, frequent bleeding, scabbing, and pinpoint bleeding all over. Also, burning pain, discomfort, and an inability breathe at all.

I'm hoping if I have to have repairing surgery the pain won't be too bad. Any experiences on here with this from either a patient or nurse/doctor perspective? (I know we have a doc and many nurses on here with lots of experience in all facets of medicine)
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: suboxstitute on October 18, 2015, 11:54:30 PM
Wow - you're doing so well; that's really great.  My daugher has a masters' in a counseling related field and she really likes it.  She's had lot of flexibilty, ranging from working in community based/homeless mental health (god, SO HARD) to now working for a major health care system on the phone triage/suicide line since she had a baby recently.  She isn't working full-time right now (she and her husband both work 3-4 days a week so one of them is home to take care of the 6 mos old little girl they have.)  Anyway, her earning potential is upwards of $60-70K w/the masters so it's SO worth your time for the grad degree.

Re:  taking help from your parents.  Let me say this:  when we could (now we no longer can  :(  :(  )  .... we did help our two kids as much as we could.   And it made me feel so good to be able to help (put one thru undergrad, put the other one through an expensive inpatient mental health stay that probably saved his life).   

But I digress.  I can tell you that if your parents are anything like the "average" parents who are the first generation in a while to be better off than their children, they see no better way to spend/invest their money than on you and your family, especially since you have kids.    And you're working so hard at it; they must be super proud.  And relieved! 

Reading your thread again really brightened my Sunday morning (esp. with the sadness we've had around here this weekend). 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 19, 2015, 12:51:06 AM
Sometimes a stable dose isn't so stable after a bit.  Generally saying that I was feeling had before talking my dose for a visit or two ans my d'oc is suggesting a small increase. 

I did have a period where I relapsed a lot.  I took my done quicker then I should and ended up using on top to fill in the missing days.  I never pissed dirty, but I came clean to the doctor and asked for his help to fix it.

I told him honestly how much I was using, and we figured out a new dosage from that.  I am probably lucky with my doctor.  Addiction medicine is all that he does, and he is probably not typical.

Good stuff with thinking about a masters.  You would do the course work, and then write a thesis or what?  I know that most masters include a funding component where your are well paid as a teaching assistant.  Maybe a traditional programming would be good for you.  Why online only?
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opus on October 19, 2015, 03:22:31 AM
@Monk: I could walk into my klinik and say: "traffic sucked driving here this morning, can I have a dose raise?" and they'd do it. My klinik is ridiculously easy like that. If you want a raise, it's generally not a problem. I pretty much set my own comfort level with maintenance in regards to dosage, I didn't have to make much of a case for raises aside from "it's not holding me", but then why would it hold me when I'm still shooting dope and eating pills on top of the 'done?

It took me quite awhile to find a stability point, but really it wasn't ever *that* stable 'cause (for me), dosing every 24hrs didn't work out so well.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 19, 2015, 03:46:32 AM
@Monk: I could walk into my klinik and say: "traffic sucked driving here this morning, can I have a dose raise?" and they'd do it. My klinik is ridiculously easy like that. If you want a raise, it's generally not a problem. I prett

y much set my own comfort level with maintenance in regards to dosage, I didn't have to make much of a case for raises aside from "it's not holding me", but then why would it hold me when I'm still shooting dope and eating pills on top of the 'done?

It took me quite awhile to find a stability point, but really it wasn't ever *that* stable 'cause (for me), dosing every 24hrs didn't work out so well.

Interesting. I am planning on going up to 60mg soon. What dose are you on chops if you don't mind telling me? And how long if an adjustment period was there to get stable?

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 19, 2015, 10:02:35 AM
Monkawat:

My experience with MMT was comparatively short and ten years ago (very end of 2005 - Oct. 2006).  So I'm probably not the best one to give advice regarding the clinic.  Also, things may have changed since then. 

But no, it didn't require anything major to get a dose increase.  The clinic was private, so not nearly as strict as the public clinic in the city I was living.  The only reason people had to give was "I'm having cravings."  They'd go for it. 

The only other thing was that anything above 100mg/day required a peak and trough test.  They drew blood to measure your methadone levels.  Depending on the results, which were very liberally interpreted, you got your increase. 

I say liberally interpreted b/c I frequently skipped a dose about every 10 days or so.  I just was way too sedated on that shit, and I had to skip every once in a while to get one functioning day in. 

Anyway, the day they scheduled my trough was the day AFTER I had skipped.  They didn't say anything about that, and I took the test.  I even asked them after if missing the previous day would matter.  I was sure it would, but I thought I'd do the right thing and remind them.  The head nurse told me it wouldn't. 

I knew that couldn't be true b/c this was gonna measure by methadone levels, and I hadn't dosed in 48 hours b/c I had skipped the day before.  They also do the trough before you dose that day.  So yeah, gonna have low methadone levels. 

Of course the trough showed I had low levels, and I got my dose increase.  That was to go from 100mg/day to 105mg/day.  I ended up on 140mg/day for the last six months, and never had to take a trough again. 

The trough also cost $25, but I get the sense that won't be a problem for you. 

Good luck.  I don't think you'll have a problem getting a dose increase.  Especially if it's a private, for-profit clinic, and also b/c you're way under 100mg/day. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 19, 2015, 11:07:15 PM
Thanks for the input/experience nark.

I had several issues arise lately. My parents have essentially said that they cannot ever get right with me being on done. This will likely eliminate any relationship or help we might get from them, but that is ok. I hope they'll come around.

With my wife's hours cut we can still survive but they are starting to lay off a lot of hygienists at her clinic. Luckily, those bumped to PT seem to get to stay it is all full timers they've cut in the past week or so. I am looking for another part time job. Fedex Express is hiring in the Dallas area and I am considering it. The shift is allright, only 4-5 hours and a little under 20/hr. It would be a stretch getting to the clinic when they open and then getting to work on time but I may be able to do it. My counseling is what takes a while so that might make me go for another armored car driver job. A couple big companies are hiring part timers and with my experience in the field and military wise, I'll get the job no doubt. The shifts suck balls for part timers and it only pays 13/hr but whatever- gotta pay the bills and shit. My wife can usually find a good job quickly in her field- I'm not skilled yet so that kinda eliminates anything over 17-18/hr.

I'm pretty fucking depressed right now. My family was never a good support network for my recovery but were financially. I honestly hope they get divorced ASAP cuz that will allow me to only deal with my Dad, who I get much more help and support/care from. My mother has always been a very difficult person to get along with. I never did a single thing good enough. She thought and still thinks my military service was stupid and often says derogatory things about those who join today and how they are just "uneducated poor people". I hate her mentality. She thinks she is better than everyone else- particularly addicts. You all would've died if you had heard the way she spoke about opiate addicts and all addicts in general last night when we talked in person at her home.

She told me that drug addicts are just "weak people" and that she "might have a failed marriage and career but at least she's not a fucking drug addict". I had to leave before I said some things I could never take back or recover our family relationship from. She also said that I was still an "addict to drugs and methadone" and that classic BS argument that I'm just "replacing one addictive drug with another". I attempted in vain to explain to her that physical dependence and addiction are two very separate concepts but she wasn't having it. That traditional, conservative, judeo-christian crap she's been force-fed her entire life won't ever dissipate. She thinks abstinence-based recovery programs are the only things that work. I pointed out the frequent failure rate my large amount of family members who are addicts have dealt with with these insanely expensive, failures of programs.

I'm upset and sickened at this point. I cannot believe the person that brought me into this world could have that attitude. I am praying that she turns her mentality and approach to this whole ordeal around- but I'm really not sure she will. 

I told her to have compassion for me for the sake of her relationship with my wife and her grand-kids and she seems to think she will still see my wife and kids if she cuts off emotional ties with me. Um, no. Not a fucking chance.

I just need to get through school and get a good full time job making at least 30-35k or more a year and I am not even going to think about getting off methadone in the next few years and she cannot come to grips with it. My wife has. She supports me being on it. But she's it. My only network of support is my wife and you guys on here. That is more than enough for me but still saddening that my family refuses to be a part in my recovery process.



Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 20, 2015, 12:20:01 AM
My mom did a masters in sociology. Like I said above, she received what is called funding from the sociology department.  She was paid the equivalent of 28/hour to be a teachers assistant as part of her masters.

From my understanding this is normal at all universities except online.

Why do you only want online, and have you thought abou5 applying to traditional masters programs just to see what they offer you?  It might just be very benedicial.

She made over 39k a year, and worked very low part the hours. Plus making contact with profs and academic peers.  Win/win.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 20, 2015, 12:41:27 AM
My mom did a masters in sociology. Like I said above, she received what is called funding from the sociology department.  She was paid the equivalent of 28/hour to be a teachers assistant as part of her masters.

From my understanding this is normal at all universities except online.

Why do you only want online, and have you thought abou5 applying to traditional masters programs just to see what they offer you?  It might just be very benedicial.

She made over 39k a year, and worked very low part the hours. Plus making contact with profs and academic peers.  Win/win.

Masters are different here. There is no teaching period as an assistant for my degree. And TAs at my college make min wage pay.

I have to do online because I have to work full time while going 2 school and not a single school in my state offers a masters degree specifically in addiction counseling. Also, the price is good at only 22k for the whole program.

I take my 24 hours all online and then take my certification as a licensed chemical dependency counseler in the state of texas and i am good to go. They waive all clinical training hours (a whopping 4000 supervised hours) for those with a masters in addiction counseling.

So online makes sense.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on October 20, 2015, 01:55:11 AM
That is great that you are pursuing to become a LAC, maybe you can start up your own clinic. I am sure there is quite a bit of money and plenty of patients out there. Plus with you knowing this side of it you would probably be a lot more compassionate instead of money hungry. Do you know if it is just in your state that they waive the supervised hours for people with masters degree? I will probably look it up but I hadn't heard that before. I would still want to do the 2000 supervised hours just to have some more experience and clinical knowledge but I understand how not getting paid and having to do 4000 hours would not be beneficial especially sense you have a family to support.

I was planning on being a CAC I or CAC II if I got off of methadone and was able to stay clean. I am still going to get my associates of arts for sociology and take all the addiction classes. I plan on getting a bachelors degree for business management instead of going 4 years into social work or addiction counseling. I wish you luck with it all, and please keep us updated if you do start your masters program because that is something I am very interested in hearing about.

I decided not to tell my parents when I got back on methadone after getting arrested and getting clean. I lasted 4 months before I decided I couldn't handle it anymore. My quality of life was shit, I was so depressed and anxious 24/7 that I did nothing. I had no motivation and would only get out of bed to eat, piss, or goto work. One of the main reasons I got back on MMT is kind of stupid but I have such bad anxiety that it causes freakish amounts of arm pit sweat. I had to change my shirt at least once an hour because I would sweat all the way to the end of the sleeve within an hour. It made my social anxiety that much worse and made work almost unbearable because I couldn't cover it up.

My parents were semi-supportive when I first got on it. They were more supportive of subs, I had been on subs for 10 months and I didn't get past 3 weeks in a row of clean time and I really wanted to stay clean. It just didn't help with my cravings, depression or anxiety. I ended up selling most of them to support an even bigger habit and I was making way to much money at the time which wasn't helping. I went from being homeless, unemployed, with absolutely nothing to having a dream job, car, apartment, and being back in school within a year of starting MMT. I figured that would speak for itself sense I haven't used once sense starting MMT in Nov. 2013.

They blamed me getting arrested again on MMT which is understandable because it was a DUI for methadone and I got 2 drug charges over having my anxiety meds in my blood pressure meds bottle. They thought I was using again even though I would of gone to jail for failing a UA. They didn't understand why I needed to be on MMT after the physical withdrawals subsided. I started trying to convince them about 3 months after getting arrested and being clean that I needed to be back on it to no avail.

When I finally got back on it I decided not to tell them because they would just start the nagging and asking when I am going to get off it. The way the viewed me would be completely different as well. They see MMT as the same as being strung out just coming from a legal source. They are very supportive of me and I have always been completely open with them about everything it just was not worth the hassle. I am sorry your mom feels that way I completely understand how it feels to not have the people you love most not understand why this is the same as being clean or in recovery.

You have a ton of support here and please reach out when you start getting down. I hope you get to a stable dose and that everything works out for you. 60 mgs is what my dose is and I have felt perfect sense getting on it. I am glad you are giving each raise in dose time to settle before going up. Are you still craving or having any withdrawal symptoms at night? Keep your head up and please reach out to us. When I decided not to tell my family about being on MMT it sent me into a little bit of a depression. I asked about it here and being able to talk to people who understand and get the support I was looking for brought me right out of it. There are so many caring people with amazing knowledge here it is way better than any counseling I have gotten IRL.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 20, 2015, 02:22:19 AM
I like the canadian method better  ;D  the one you describe seems almost hostile towards the students that it is supposed to be helping.  Unbelievable.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 20, 2015, 07:57:09 AM
And the plot thickens:

Now I have to have surgery for a deviated septum next month...

I get out the same day if everything goes right but who knows what they do for the methadone maintained as far as IV meds go if I have pain immediately post-op?

Obviously I'll be on my methadone and tylenol when I leave-but the in-hospital shit is what I wanna get an idea of.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 20, 2015, 08:04:46 AM
what happens if you don't get the procedure done at all ?

just being nosey ...
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 20, 2015, 08:57:36 AM
what happens if you don't get the procedure done at all ?

just being nosey ...

Then i will continue to be unable to breathe thru my nose..i am about at 30 percent thru each nose maybe 20 out my right nostril.

 And it is getting worse daily unfortunately it is why i finally went to an ent2day
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 20, 2015, 09:47:11 AM
i see. yeah, get it done. i have that problem at bedtime.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: suboxstitute on October 20, 2015, 09:55:33 AM
Wow - sucks about your parents; I totally misread them from your other post.  Well, at least your mom.      God.  She sounds really judgmental. 

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 20, 2015, 11:06:17 AM
i see. yeah, get it done. i have that problem at bedtime.

For sure.

A lot of people said they needed meds post op but it was some weak ass shit like hydros which don't work 4 shit anyways. I don't want or need anything pain med wise to take home -my done and otc will be fine-but I'm worried about in-hospital pain before discharge.

Nurses on here or morfy- do you know if patients maintained on methadone are given any IV pain meds post op immediately after coming to the recovery wing? I know this shit will hurt then but probably won't be bad after that first day.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 20, 2015, 01:10:19 PM
I'm not an expert in the field by any means, but you're not on a blocking dose of methadone yet.  I can see them either giving you more methadone for the pain, or possibly giving you another opiate for the hospital stay.  I'm more inclined to think it'll be more methadone, b/c while your dose may not be fully blocking, it may still blunt the effects of other full agonists.  And I doubt any doctor is going to be okay with giving you higher doses of other opiates to compensate. 

I'm really sorry to hear that your relationship with your mother has always been rocky.  I admit, I misjudged her too based on your previous posts.  I always assumed you came from a really loving, non-judgemental, entirely supportive family.  It sucks b/c I think so many kids in those situations end up being negatively affected by it well into adulthood.  It's another form of child abuse / childhood trauma IMO. 

I won't go into details, but I can relate to your situation with your mother.  Mine is extremely morally conservative and judgmental too.  Not usually rational when it comes to core beliefs.  But honestly, things have gotten better between us over the past couple years.  Especially over this last year / year and a half.  We don't argue nearly as much.  Sure, we still have the occasional screaming match, but it's nowhere near the daily bitch-fest we once had. 

I'm just trying to say that things can always change.  I know it hurts feeling like your parent isn't supportive, but she may yet come around, at least to some extent.  Have you thought of taking your mother to the clinic, for a Q&A with the doctor?  I did that when I was in MMT.  My mother and one of my sisters were concerned, so I took them to one of my doctor appointments.  He alleviated a lot of their concerns.  Would she be willing to do that? 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: suboxstitute on October 20, 2015, 01:21:21 PM
i see. yeah, get it done. i have that problem at bedtime.

For sure.

A lot of people said they needed meds post op but it was some weak ass shit like hydros which don't work 4 shit anyways. I don't want or need anything pain med wise to take home -my done and otc will be fine-but I'm worried about in-hospital pain before discharge.

Nurses on here or morfy- do you know if patients maintained on methadone are given any IV pain meds post op immediately after coming to the recovery wing? I know this shit will hurt then but probably won't be bad after that first day.

I've had two surgeries, one was back surgery when I was using a helluva lot and had a high tolerance and then a more minor surgery when on bupe... actually, three, since I had gallbladder surgery late in 2013 when I was clean-ish but still had a decent tolerance. 

Anyway... I was really worried about pain control in the hospital, like in the recovery room right after surgery especially. Not so much at home, since I figured I could take care of that one way or another. 

Each time, I told both the anesthesiologist & the surgeon that I had a HIGH TOLERANCE to pain meds and that I was concerned about immediate post-op pain. 

I didn't get into details; they seemed used to this and they "got it".   I didn't even tell them I was using or that I was on bupe for the one surgery.. altho' it was in my chart I suppose..  and I stopped taking them for a few days before... anyway, neither here nor there on that. 

Make sure to tell whoever is putting you under that you have a tolerance,the anesthesiologist has a LOT to do with pain control post-op, surprisingly, sometimes more than the surgeon.    They can give you something long-acting in your IV during surgery.   Anesthesiologists are all about pain control. 

I didn't have ANY trouble in the hospital w/pain control for any surgery when I was on stuff/had a tolly; in fact they tried different things (i.e. dilaudid didn't work so they tried morphine, etc.)   But I did tell them in advance about tolerance. 

HTH a little.

Now - post op might be a different matter but that's not what you're concerned about.  You'll probably be fine afterwards. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 20, 2015, 11:18:41 PM
Thanks Nark/Suboxstitute.

I am having both a septoplasty and a turbinoplasty done at the same time. About 1-1.5 hours total which is great. My doc says she trusts her 2-3 anesthesiologists she uses. She only performs her surgeries at actual hospitals, not those BS outpatient surgical centers. Those places fucking suck. Plus a lot of em use nurse anesthetists (not happening- I will always happily pay for a board certified anesthesiologist for my surgeries- not worth the risk) and I don't play that game. Nurses here do not take offense please. I have simply worked with both as a surg. tech and would only allow a doctor to handle my anesthesia. With the amounts surgeries cost these days- there is no point IMO in cutting vital corners to shave a grand or so off your total bill.

She said she hand picks her anesth. docs and they're board certified and have all done general anesthesia and breathing tubes on people on methadone and other powerful long acting opioids with no problems. I'm a little freaked out about breathing tubes. I have had surgeries with it before but this time I am really freaked the fuck out. I know it is out before I wake up, but it still worries me.


I am gonna ask the anesth. if I can just have IV methadone only. I just want a shot or two immediately post op once I wake up if I'm in pain. Most people online say that's the most pain and by the 2nd or 3rd day they are only using motrin (only can use 800mg a day unfortunately bcuz of potential for bleeding risks- which sucks cuz ibuprofen is the shit for a lot of types of pain) A lot of videos of people post op on the day of and the 2-4 days after seem like a bunch of pussies (excuse my use of the term ladies). Having dealt with serious pain post op after having my entire glenohumeral joint reconstructed- I'm less worried about the pain then I probably should be. But then again, I was on dilaudid, morphine, and valium and maybe even fent during that time....so yeah.

But still- I want something given to me in the hospital when I wake up in pain. I don't wanna pay thousands of dollars for a surgery and have my pain go untreated. A lot of articles online (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1892816/) say that it goes untreated for fear of inducing respiratory suppression or relapses. I hope that isn't the case. I will get a feel the day before when my anesth. doc calls me and I will switch to another one she has approved if I think he's gonna leave me in pain with it totally untreated post op.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 21, 2015, 09:48:18 AM
I realize opioid dependence and addiction are hot-topic issues these days, but I think doctors who knowingly and willingly let people suffer in pain (especially after a legit surgery) are unethical assholes.  They should be held accountable by the medical board IMO. 

I'm sure it happens all too often, but I don't see the harm in giving people pain meds IN the hospital.  It's a highly controlled environment, with staff dispensing the meds.  They can't knowingly foresee whether a person is going to relapse after being given pain meds.  And even if there were respiratory complication, you're in a freaking hospital!  That shit could be planned and accounted for. 

Now, for giving them pain meds to take at home, that's a little different.  But even in those situations, I still think everyone deserves adequate pain control, especially after surgery.  You simply shouldn't be allowed to perform a painful procedure on an opiate addict (or any addict, since they assume all addicts will use any drug, regardless of effect) and expect them to grin and bear it.  They should at least warrant pain control for the first few days home after a surgery. 

To leave a patient in pain is just barbaric IMO. 

Since the doctor said her anesthesiologists have performed on methadone patients before, I'm guessing you'll be in good hands.  It doesn't sound like they're inexperienced in this type of thing.  But, as you said, if you hear differently from them the day before during your phone call, definitely call the doctor back and demand another anesthesiologist.  I'd also tell the doctor your specific concerns, but that's just me.  I wouldn't want to risk it. 

Good luck, and hopefully you'll receive adequate pain control, especially in the hospital post-op. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: LoneRanger7 on October 21, 2015, 06:11:13 PM
Hi Monk.  I had major surgery while on subs. I made sure everyone knew. The hospital called in a pain management doctor to work with me. Some of the nurses were real bitches about it, but that lady made sure I was ok, and didn't judge. Damn nurses tho, worse than fuckn pharmacists IMO. All I had to do though was page the pain doc and she'd help me out. I did ok, they controlled my pain. Then once I was out I just took care of things on my own. Sounds like you have a good doctor so I think you will be OK. Just have to advocate strongly for yourself and if the nurses are bitches about giving you your meds complain. I got one bitch in trouble bc she stood over me and basically told me to suck it up. I confronted her with the charge nurse in the room, she got TOLD and reassigned to another patient, which brought me joy because I am petty. Good luck!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Sand and Water on October 21, 2015, 07:21:01 PM
@LoneRanger--wow. Im sorry you had to deal with that. As an RN, it's my job to treat my patient holistically--it's most certainly not my role to judge a patients' perceptions of pain/etc. if I believe something is amiss and that for me to give a med is contraindicated, (could be warfarin, could be morphine; doesn't matter), I have a chain of command to follow in order to protect myself legally as well as ensuring the safety and continuity of care  of my patient.  Im glad you reported the nurse who told you to "suck it up".  SO not cool.

@Monk. I know how you feel about the breathing tube, Im the same way-- obviously they need access to an airway as they'll be working on your nose etc, but I hate the idea too!

As for pain control immediately post-OP, it doesn't sound like you'll have to worry. Typically, the anesthesiologist calls the shots (pardon the pun) right after due to the anesthetic and in consultation with your doctor, but you'll be monitored-- heart rate O2 sat etc, and usually your pain control will be tailored to what meds you're currently taking. Since you're NOT opioid naive, you'll likely receive prn IV short acting meds in doses w/your tolerance in mind, to keep you comfortable.  I hope everything goes smooth as silk and you're breathing easy soon!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 22, 2015, 01:35:48 AM
@LoneRanger--wow. Im sorry you had to deal with that. As an RN, it's my job to treat my patient holistically--it's most certainly not my role to judge a patients' perceptions of pain/etc. if I believe something is amiss and that for me to give a med is contraindicated, (could be warfarin, could be morphine; doesn't matter), I have a chain of command to follow in order to protect myself legally as well as ensuring the safety and continuity of care  of my patient.  Im glad you reported the nurse who told you to "suck it up".  SO not cool.

@Monk. I know how you feel about the breathing tube, Im the same way-- obviously they need access to an airway as they'll be working on your nose etc, but I hate the idea too!

As for pain control immediately post-OP, it doesn't sound like you'll have to worry. Typically, the anesthesiologist calls the shots (pardon the pun) right after due to the anesthetic and in consultation with your doctor, but you'll be monitored-- heart rate O2 sat etc, and usually your pain control will be tailored to what meds you're currently taking. Since you're NOT opioid naive, you'll likely receive prn IV short acting meds in doses w/your tolerance in mind, to keep you comfortable.  I hope everything goes smooth as silk and you're breathing easy soon!

Hey thanks S & W. I don't want any meds to take home. I have no problem using OTC meds and my normal methadone daily dose to control my pain after I get out of the hospital. I just don't wanna suffer when I wake up from the anesthesia, ya know? I was wondering- they can give you IV methadone, right? That might work really well for me if it is available in most hospitals.

If I can gut it out even then- I will- but if not- I'm hoping I get at least some help on their end.

--------------------------

BTW Y'all- As long as the doctor approves it, I will start getting a Saturday take-home as well as my normal Sunday one beginning next Friday!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on October 22, 2015, 02:02:03 AM
That is great news monk how long did you have to wait to get that first take out? How long until you get your next one? My clinic gives you Saturdays after 90 days of no missed doses, appointments, and clean UAs. You get phase 2 30 days after that and phase 3 60 days after phase 2. I'll get a take-home Wednesday as well as Saturday starting Nov. 1st. It makes a huge difference even though it is just one day.

 At my clinic Saturdays are the busiest because everyone gets a take home and they only have 3 hours for dosing instead of 6. It is nice to not have to go in early on Saturdays and deal with the longer waiting times. This is also the last month that I have to do a group session. If you are on daily's you have to do 2 groups and a counseling session a month. Phase 2 you have to do one group and one counseling session. After that you have to do either one group or one counseling session. I do the counseling session because my counselor is really cool and I get to pick the day and time I want to do it.

What are the requirements at your clinic for getting take outs and how often do you go up? When I hit the 6 month point I will only have to go Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. At 9 months its one week at a time and a year is 2 weeks at a time. I will be on phase 3 at christmas so I will only be doing 3 days a week. I have always wondered what the requirements were at different clinics. They just switched the policy for take outs here when it became free for medicaid patients. When I first started you weren't required to take any groups and could get your Saturday take home after 30 days.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Narkotikon on October 22, 2015, 10:48:56 AM
I think it's kinda fucked up that each clinic has its own rules regarding take-homes. 

When I was at the clinic, it was incredibly strict.  You had to go 90 days totally compliant (good UA's, counseling, no missed days, etc.) to get 1 take-home.  Another 90 days for 2, another 90 days for 3, etc.  You could get up to 28 days worth of take-homes, but that would take years. 

I couldn't even get one take-home, b/c I missed a day every 10 days or so.  At that point, I was also going home a lot.  So some days when I wanted to miss, I wasn't even in town.  I tried to get them to let me guest dose.  They said it would okay, but I highly doubt they even sent the paperwork.  I gave them like a month's notice, and all they kept saying was they never heard back from the clinic in Cincinnati. 

I hated that place, and I hated being on methadone.  Other people seem to do much better on it. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 23, 2015, 12:51:12 AM
Little (actually big) update:

1) My wife lost her job. The new guy who bought her clinic a month ago laid EVERYONE off including the fucking dentist this week. I kept it private and attempted to downplay the situation on here for her privacy's sake (she reads all my posts about her/our living situation cuz she likes to get an idea of what's going on with me) until now because they first cut her to part time earlier but her last day was Monday..

2) I got a great raise because my mom (remember she is friends with the owner of the little family operated business I currently work at) called the owner and she bumped my title up to evening assistant manager. I now make around 1.5 times my old salary. I was making 10/hr as a normal employee and my mom explained that my wife lost her job and wants to switch to a full-time mom type lifestyle and get into a work-from-home type gig once she graduates this year. One call, a week of working there, and a family tie changed everything for the better...insane yet amazing. I'm still in total shock y'all........

I now make 16.70 an hour (effective Monday) and will work 35 hours a week, Tuesday-Saturday from 1-8pm. I can provide for us on my own now. I'll make around 32k a year before taxes. Not a lot to some people on here I'm sure- but it will work until I get graduated with my undergrad and get my master's in addiction counseling and go to work as a LCDC. My boss called me this AM and assured me I'll have a job here until I no longer wish to work there. This business makes superb profits daily and has no worries about going outta business. Plus, we are a very small operation with an amount of employees one can count on one hand so each of us are vitally needed.

3) I went up to 60mg today. I feel good. This may very well be my long term dose. I'm actually fairly sure that 60-65 is perfect ATM, for at least 3-4 months at least.

4) My mom is making relationship progress with me. She proved it by taking the initiative to call my boss and get me that raise since she and the owner are friends and were once pseudo-business partners too. She said if I have to be on MMT she hates it, but will accept it to maintain our relationship as best we can. She and I both know it won't be quite right, but we're making at least some progress y'all.

-------------------------------------------

So yeah, my wife doesn't have to work now until she gets her new bachelor's degree and can work in the field of graphic design that she's long dreamed about getting into. She only wants freelance work from home type gigs and I would love that for her because it's what SHE wants and that is all that matters to me. I'm so happy for her. She didn't care for her peers but her dentist was a great person. The dentist is moving out of state to open up their own clinic and I'm glad for them. They treated her right. They deserve it.

Anyhow- things are looking up again- my life is a real rollercoster lately. I still can't believe that in a matter of weeks the new owner of my wife's old dental office bumped her from full time, to part time, and then fired her. What a piece of shit...Whatever, it's all gonna work out and happened for a good reason IMO!

I'm so happy my mom was able to do that for me. Showed her heart is still in the right place. One phone call and my life situation just got 300 times better! I'm eternally grateful to her for this.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: suboxstitute on October 23, 2015, 01:01:38 AM
Good for your mom!   Amazing what your wife has been through at work; crazy.  Can she pick up part-time, fill-in work in her current field until she has her new degree?  A friend of mine does that and makes a really good hourly wage.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 23, 2015, 01:22:18 AM
Good for your mom!   Amazing what your wife has been through at work; crazy.  Can she pick up part-time, fill-in work in her current field until she has her new degree?  A friend of mine does that and makes a really good hourly wage.

She really is tired of working to be honest. She wants to be a stay at home mom now. She'd do that if I lost this job- but I highly doubt that'll ever happen considering who my boss is and their relationship with my family.

She is excited to start freelance work from home only type work projects once she's degreed in the field of GD.

We are going from the 60k's to 30'sk but we've lived on less and I also get military related money for being disabled at a high service connected % plus I get combat related special compensation pay too. We'll be in the high 30s/low 40s with that added.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: suboxstitute on October 23, 2015, 01:27:19 AM
Yeah it is surprising how little you can live on when you have to, especially when it is temporary.  I lost a really, really good job due to drug use etc. 8 years ago and I have never gotten anything comparable... and we're able to make it on a lot less, although my husband wishes it weren't so (he got used to my income).   I don't have my whole life ahead of me like you guys do, though, so I know you'll make it. 
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 23, 2015, 01:45:58 AM
Sounds like you are positive about everything.  Hang in there.  It might not sound like much money, but if your wife can supplement then you can get by.

We had to go over the family expenses and trim all of the fat, and even some of the meat.  My wife started back at school now that the boys are all in school, and the savings we had that let her stay at home are gone. 

I worried about my kids having less, but as long as they have the basics they survive.  I think the benefit of having their mother at home weighs against it as well.  Your wife can look into saving by cooking more as well.  There are things you can do that take time, but cost less.  Being around the house lets her take advantage of that.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 23, 2015, 10:00:01 PM
Sounds like you are positive about everything.  Hang in there.  It might not sound like much money, but if your wife can supplement then you can get by.

We had to go over the family expenses and trim all of the fat, and even some of the meat.  My wife started back at school now that the boys are all in school, and the savings we had that let her stay at home are gone. 

I worried about my kids having less, but as long as they have the basics they survive.  I think the benefit of having their mother at home weighs against it as well.  Your wife can look into saving by cooking more as well.  There are things you can do that take time, but cost less.  Being around the house lets her take advantage of that.

Thanks Z. Your advice is special in a way because you are a married man with children, as am I.

But everyone's advice here is seriously appreciated. Means so much to me to know that I have a solid support system here!

As for trimming the fat, I know whatcha mean. Luckily, we have a lot of savings and quite a decent amount of money in our checking account. We are very frugal when it comes to a lot of expenses.

Our splurges used to be my car restoration and motorcycle restoration projects. That is over though, and I'm glad. It was too hard on my back and wallet.

It did hurt to sell my recently acquired jeep grand cherokee srt8. We actually sold my wife's lexus gx and got her a 2014 grand cherokee laredo with only 36k miles on it and no accidents. We got a lot for her trade-in and she wanted a new model vehicle anyways as hers was getting older. She kept great care of it and doesn't drive far or much at all really, so it only had 52 k on it after many years of us owning it.

No car payments now. We had to finance our home but put a lot down so our payment is fairly low. We don't plan on making this our lifetime home whatsoever though. We want a bigger home at some point when I have a job making better money, like 50k.

 I got rid of a lot of my guns recently too. I started 2014 with 80 something. Started 2015 with about 50. Now I have 10 or 11 left and won't be buying anymore for a long time, except maybe a new handgun or two in a year or so, maybe sooner. I just love me some handguns, despite having 7 of em right now.


Anyhow- our monthly expenses are relatively low so things are looking up somewhat. I hope one day I land a great job and can move us into the home we've always wanted in a really good suburb.













Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on October 24, 2015, 01:26:28 AM
Glad things are looking up
For you Monk
I love that you can see
The good
In the difficulty you have been thru
That's what I try to do

I hope things only get better for you

Holy shit about how many guns you had
We have a few
I REALLY REALLY want
A Desert Eagle .50 cal
Israeli Military issue
The one I want tho
Is $5,000
And at this point I cannot justify
Spending that much on a handgun
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Anti-hero on October 24, 2015, 08:22:07 AM
Many props to you Monk
You IMO are a true vet because you were in the shit. ( had a nephew who was in Korea during the war and says he is a vet. Not in my book)
You over came that and numerous other reasons to use.
All very legitimate and hard.
And are getting sober/maintenance.

Not an easy task. Even if you had all the support in the world.
You would still be fighting a up hill battle.

You give me hope. That this next try me and DoD  we might succeed.

My problems are  petty when it comes to what you are overcoming.

I guess it's a testament to soldiers all around.
How really strong you guys are.
So hats off to you.
You deserve all the success and respect in the world.
I hope there is a karma monster and you get what you want in spades.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 25, 2015, 01:39:36 AM
Glad things are looking up
For you Monk
I love that you can see
The good
In the difficulty you have been thru
That's what I try to do

I hope things only get better for you

Holy shit about how many guns you had
We have a few
I REALLY REALLY want
A Desert Eagle .50 cal
Israeli Military issue
The one I want tho
Is $5,000
And at this point I cannot justify
Spending that much on a handgun

Thanks for your support. It means so much 2 me y'all. I had a Desert Eagle. It's really just a novelty firearm and not fun to shoot in my book. My favorite large caliber handgun to shoot is a .454 Casull. But quite frankly- I enjoy simple firearms.

My favorite handguns are my xd9,my cz99, and zastava m88a. They are all reliable, fun to shoot, highly efficient 9mm's. I have said before I think that I only carry 9mm handguns and actually do not own any 357's, 45's or 40s (I hate 40's- worst handgun cartridge in my book but that would take a small essay to explain why). My wife carries a smith and wesson airweight 38 and my daily carry is either my keltec p3at 380 or my xd9.

Sorry about the derail - I love firearms and can talk about em all day. But I never have fucked with the gun forums. I do enjoy lurking on one though- the highroad. Ar15 is full of morons.

Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 25, 2015, 01:45:00 AM
Many props to you Monk
You IMO are a true vet because you were in the shit. ( had a nephew who was in Korea during the war and says he is a vet. Not in my book)
You over came that and numerous other reasons to use.
All very legitimate and hard.
And are getting sober/maintenance.

Not an easy task. Even if you had all the support in the world.
You would still be fighting a up hill battle.

You give me hope. That this next try me and DoD  we might succeed.

My problems are  petty when it comes to what you are overcoming.

I guess it's a testament to soldiers all around.
How really strong you guys are.
So hats off to you.
You deserve all the success and respect in the world.
I hope there is a karma monster and you get what you want in spades.

Thanks man. I appreciate those words- especially considering the lack of respect the current administration (especially the republicans in the senate/house) has for veterans lately.

I am steadfastly supporting Bernie Sanders. http://vetsforbernie.org/

That man has the nuts it takes to change stuff with the VA and for vets in general. Not to mention the BS state of healthcare in this country as a whole and income inequality/a fucked up distribution of wealth today. I think overwhelming amounts of TX vets are actually supporting him, at least the vets I know.

----------------

Oh and opie cunningham- I see you follow this thread regularly but never post- I remember your name from the phile but you didn't ever post there either I don't think. What's up man? You should introduce yourself!
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 25, 2015, 01:52:35 AM
Hey Monk so glad to see you posting  :)

Anything new or is everything status quo?
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 25, 2015, 05:15:35 AM
Hey Monk so glad to see you posting  :)

Anything new or is everything status quo?

SQ. I'm on 60mg of done doing great. I don't plan on going up for now. This dose controls my pain well and I don't wake up sick. I am gonna be so grateful if my doc approves me going up to getting saturday and sunday takehomes instead of my current sunday ones alone.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on October 25, 2015, 07:37:45 AM
Take homes make the difference in stability, and making methadone work.  For those of us with jobs and families, we can't go yo a clinic every day.  Hopefully he approves it.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: monkawat on October 25, 2015, 10:29:30 AM

so to whoever was bagging on the 10/hr pt gig I started on (I don't wanna go thru 9 or 10 pages on this thread to find them)- GO FUCK YOURSELF

and this site
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 25, 2015, 11:29:38 AM
Hey Monk so glad to see you posting  :)

Anything new or is everything status quo?

SQ. I'm on 60mg of done doing great. I don't plan on going up for now. This dose controls my pain well and I don't wake up sick. I am gonna be so grateful if my doc approves me going up to getting saturday and sunday takehomes instead of my current sunday ones alone.

That's great, so you think 60 is the sweet spot?
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 25, 2015, 11:30:44 AM

so to whoever was bagging on the 10/hr pt gig I started on (I don't wanna go thru 9 or 10 pages on this thread to find them)- GO FUCK YOURSELF

and this site

Monk don't give that a second thought. You do you.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Chip on October 25, 2015, 02:51:39 PM
monkawat has now left the building and i doubt  that he is coming back. he wanted me to delete this thread but i said that i cannot due to everyone else's valid posts.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Opi-ette on October 25, 2015, 11:35:06 PM
Ugh no :( I hope not because of the money comment. Who cares? We want him here. This is really upsetting.

Please Monk if you are reading this, come back. We all care for you.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Riddick on November 06, 2015, 04:35:15 PM
monkawat has now left the building and i doubt  that he is coming back. he wanted me to delete this thread but i said that i cannot due to everyone else's valid posts.
He wants the thread deleted dude...whats your problem?
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Griffin on November 07, 2015, 04:30:18 AM
I think everyone wants you deleted riddick be happy that chipper has compassion. Maybe you should spend more time training for your police academy test and less time annoying the DAU users.
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Daughter of Dionysus on November 07, 2015, 04:35:12 AM
monkawat has now left the building and i doubt  that he is coming back. he wanted me to delete this thread but i said that i cannot due to everyone else's valid posts.
He wants the thread deleted dude...whats your problem?


What's your problem?
Why are you so rude to EVERYONE?
REDDICK
Title: Re: Started MMT Today
Post by: Z on November 07, 2015, 04:37:10 AM
Riddick has been warned, and I don't think anyone expects a response.  The thread won't be deleted, but I'm going to lock it now.

Feel free to start a new thread for methadone questions.
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