dopetalk
Core Topics => Psychology and Psychiatry => Topic started by: D_Dreamer11 on April 10, 2016, 12:10:39 PM
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I'm going in for a Vivitrol shot on Monday (I'm not happy about it but it's gotta be done) and knowing that I would be getting the shot I've done some pretty shitty stuff the past few weeks to get cash (and get high). This time around I almost destroyed my relationship with my girlfriend of 2.5 years for pulling out ridiculous amounts of money from our joint account... and also throwing the balance way negative. Have stolen from family members and pawned some stuff I really should not have. I haven't gone so far as to perform any sexual favors or anything like that. I haven't been so bad as I have in previous sobriety cycles but still damage has been done.
I'm curious as to how far any of you have gone to get high?
Wish me luck with the shot. Fucking needle is like 4 inches long....
D
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I blew 3 dudes once. Was a rough day. Well a rough morning. Had to blow 2 more dudes in the afternoon. High was nice though. Hope u did all the research because I was shooting subs couple days after trying to break through. If you aint 100 percent about it its gonna be living hell. I went straight cold tho no benzos or nothing
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@Nasty Sunrise At first I thought your avatar was a g-string on thighs, then it looked like maybe an arm getting tied off, then i clicked on it LOL.
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Well, I've done few shitty things as a street user...
Everyone of us did, as I guess. I don't trust someone telling me tales about being oh-so-flawless. I generally don't believe in an idea of "junkies innocent" (and even if there're here and there some exceptions, what I don't doubt to exist, I assume they're just to confirm the general rule).
I think my BOTTOM/my WORST is I become so ridiculous CHEAP (or EASY) since I'm getting dopesick, if you get my drift.
I mean, I'm getting "cheap" in sort of "aethical" meaning more than whatever/anything else.
CHEAP&EASY like being really mean person. Like taking an easy advantage and hurting your loved ones and those who are most vulnerable at the time instead of the strangers (if someone needs to get hurt at all). Like being cowardly. Like nefarious. Like stealing from my own family and trading some "gooddies" for a dope.
CHEAP&EASY like settle for nothing but just jewelry and make them go on the top first, 'cos they are MOST EXPENSIVE and therefore obviously EASIEST to cash.
EASY like getting the easiest way to get the edge off, instead of just getting laid, lol.
EASY like not having guts enough to get "easy".
Being a BITCH instead become a HOOKER finally and earn for myself.
Performing some CHEAP suicide theatre instead of performing sex.
Freaking out and blackmailing instead of shoplifting.
Asuming that, this ugly guy that has attracted me, compelled to go with him and then "underpaying" really really humbling was that single case I wasn't CHEAP&EASY, lol. OK, at least I was trying to play a fair game.
Being CHEAP&EASY seems to be the only real lame in this game, if you ask me.
...Anyway, looks I'm going never to forget this "giveaway"/"fail" or how it calls, what has happened to me as I took a visit to my relatives for a wedding party. I have run the house to earth, put it upside-down hoping to find something really precious and all I hit was an old, used one walkman (it was 20years before, lol) and some shitty golden chain, very tiny. I did really look for a better score in such a fucking wealthy house, so I put the shit under my hood cursing the damned honeymooners and went down to the car ready to leave... We have just sharing the last "good-bye" as I felt the shitty score literally "melting down"/running down my body with the cold sweat together... After it hits the floor I put it up with an expression I hoped to be a pokerface, pretending it's my property and left as if nothing has happened.
I must have been not too much plausible in my expression 'cos they stopped to invite me at all.
Well, another one example of how thin/CHEAP I was :-\
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Girl either your English got way better or it takes a two day coke binge to finally read them and them make perfect sense. As Always my dear friend your words are art and lovely to read but it's a mind blower reading it like it meant to read and understood. I totally understand your world and your game. Respect woman.
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I pawned my ex-partner's costly engagement ring after demanding it back for some 'peanuts' - a few points of meth.
I was gonna get it out but never did and I regret that move so much, it hurts.
petulant behavior. never again.
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One of my top 3's is kinda like what you did chip, I pawned a girlfriends ring that was given to her mom by her dad when they got engaged and after they divorced her dad gave it to her and I didn't get very much for it, I felt horrible I was able to get it out though without her knowing but it was awful.
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and I didn't get very much for it,
saddest part of the whole story
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Easy
(https://forum.drugs-and-users.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2Fc9%2Fdc%2F03%2Fc9dc03f8d0fcd54537804b8a2ab0806e.jpg&hash=40ea1a0ad108b1cd5326b3bc31734db780680944)
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Lied to loved ones whilst fully appreciating the pain it would cause them.
We have an amazing ability to compartmentalise , rationalise and justify bullshit
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one of the best things we can do is to not let our problem affect others, i.e. if it'still all self-contained (as much as possible) then people can't really condemn you.
drugs are the classic conflict of interest.
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Was in NYC seeing Sub Dr..
Did shit with this dude hwo came up to me let him suck my cock for 60$
feel diusgusted by it now.. Stolen whatever.. Put a gun to my own head and played russian roulette i guess to show i was in NEED pof bags and pappi gave em to me...
Gave a duded a ride, next thing i know he's shooting out the window at a house... Scariest shit ever..
Robbed houses,,, My boy was OD'ed out he still doesent knoqw but hwen he did his shit, He dell out, i came over and found him liek tghat i had jsut went to McDs doiwn the street to buy him a ice crream whatever the fuck they are., Mcflutty. He had aobut 2k in cash on his bed grabbed a was, Grabbed his sub bottle took 2 out and 2 subutex there were like 30 strips and 10 tex, all in all i got 300$ and the subs.. Feel bad but he be doing some cheap ass shit ALAWAYS.
ugh.
My gitlfriend who lost her job was brtoke andshti ofund 100$ bill she lost, i snuck in her purse she was so happy as she was telling me on the way back to my ohuse how happy she was i had my hand in the purse it was night time she dident notice since driving i took it...
She freaked,, Next morning i told her htat id ofund it in my driveway but fucked up my lie somehow she knew but hasent said a word aobut it to this day. I havre her 30$ back the next day,,,
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Was in NYC seeing Sub Dr..
Did shit with this dude hwo came up to me let him suck my cock for 60$
feel diusgusted by it now.. Stolen whatever.. Put a gun to my own head and played russian roulette i guess to show i was in NEED pof bags and pappi gave em to me...
Gave a duded a ride, next thing i know he's shooting out the window at a house... Scariest shit ever..
Robbed houses,,, My boy was OD'ed out he still doesent knoqw but hwen he did his shit, He dell out, i came over and found him liek tghat i had jsut went to McDs doiwn the street to buy him a ice crream whatever the fuck they are., Mcflutty. He had aobut 2k in cash on his bed grabbed a was, Grabbed his sub bottle took 2 out and 2 subutex there were like 30 strips and 10 tex, all in all i got 300$ and the subs.. Feel bad but he be doing some cheap ass shit ALAWAYS.
ugh.
My gitlfriend who lost her job was brtoke andshti ofund 100$ bill she lost, i snuck in her purse she was so happy as she was telling me on the way back to my ohuse how happy she was i had my hand in the purse it was night time she dident notice since driving i took it...
She freaked,, Next morning i told her htat id ofund it in my driveway but fucked up my lie somehow she knew but hasent said a word aobut it to this day. I havre her 30$ back the next day,,,
You win
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What is fucked is 4 days ago is the kid who i took the 2 subs and tex from and cash I OD;ed off 3 fent bags i had taken sub that day andd justdropped... He saved my life i think by slipping a half sub under my tongue when i dropped.But he got that bread back that i took cus he had a 100$ worth of meph/Bathsalt and he sold me 30 bucks worth ATLEAST 10 times ATLEAST!!!!! just 2 ,oomnths ago and all shti i get off this dude but still it is fucked up and i feel bad im benzod out so i guess its easier to tlak aobut it... Trust. Some that shit makes me went to hang it up. Im nto gna bull and keep shit everyone has secrets,, Theres more there's ALWASY more u all aint sharing em yet some of you. We all did hsit if we were actually that desperate that bottom the life of chaos that addiction brings u dont have any options besides get clean but htats SO easy to do. Dont wanyt to be hated he asked worst htign ya did i answered shitt.
Got few more but they are bad.
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Where do you find these guys? I'd let a guy pay me to let them suck my dick and I'm straight... that sounds like a business plan.
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Name was ralph lived in queens and im striaght aswell hust was on xanax and thinking of hwo ot make money mothercuedkr approched me andbought me cigars foood a banana smoothie and i said id sell him my boxers for 20 bucks he said he wants... Ansd he actjually called it i guess in the gay community u call a dick ur pussy so he "i want to see your pussy he say" I hjad a knife ready to clomombioan necktie his colombian opr whatever the fuck he was if he tried anythign plus i got height not syaing itd help if he had a gang at the hotel but yeah queens
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There was a time when I too sold my spelling and grammar skills for dope.
Just pulling your leg, I realized you're probably benzo'd up.
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Ansd he actjually called it i guess in the gay community u call a dick ur pussy so he "i want to see your pussy he say
I don't know much on the subject, but in my opinion, it sounds like your pp was not his first choice
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Lol i heard some dude used to let this older gay guy shave his ass for like 20 bucks cus thats all he knew hed let him do so idk id pay so eoen easily not even for dope as long as they don't try to pull a in ur cheek sneak.
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on May 26, 2016, 07:27:24 PM
Ansd he actjually called it i guess in the gay community u call a dick ur pussy so he "i want to see your pussy he say
I don't know much on the subject, but in my opinion, it sounds like your pp was not his first choice
Lo fucking l
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I see this thread hasn't been active lately, but it's not really necro'ing a thread when it's a timeless question, right?
I haven't stolen or anything, but there are so many people I've blown off engagements with because the time came to do those things and I was still busy dealing with getting what I needed that day so I couldn't go. So many times at my husbands parents house when we've only been by for an hour or so cause of holidays when they expect us to spend time, only going by a few times a year living in the same town. Not being close with any friends who arent our "using friends" anymore, because what would we do with them? lol, no, we do stuff with the other friends too but its always like, oh, clean up the house, make sure nothing incriminating is here, be careful what you say, so and so is coming over.
The whole inherent dishonesty that comes with doing things people don't know about creates a wall between you and other people, and that makes me sad sometimes. Like my relationship with a drug is more valuable with those people or something because I'm willing to not behonest with them about something that isn't just a habit, it has a huge impact on how my life has been, what I know about, what I think about, its a part of who I am and all. I can't really have other people think they know me or can relate when theres so much they don't know or I cant tell them.
I always think about that when people ask me what I'm up to lately.
So, though it dosen't count as worst thing i've done to get high, its a shitty effect of the things that I do and the time that it takes me to do those things. I suppose is what I'm trying to get at. Anyone else have this feeling?
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I've done some really bad shit. I whored myself out on Craigslist, while engaged. My fiance found out because I left my ho email open. That was an awkward conversation. Needless to say we broke up. Went to visit family, my dead dad's sister, and tore up the house looking for pain pills. Found and took a script of shitty hydro, but she knew, even though she never said anything I could tell. i never got invited back either. Stole wedding ring from a trusting friend and pawned it. Stole pills from old people that needed them. I'm really a horrible person. God there's even more but I can't being myself to say it even here. Fuck me.
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LadyKalma you sound quite normal to me, don't let it bother you.
Lone Ranger, I can't condone your actions but want to remind you that by not repeating those things, everybody wins. Try to minimise your regrets and I have done shit that I am not proud of but the feeling of being trusted by those I spend time with beats any short term gain.
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Sent my 16 year old sister to my dope dealer's/current fuck buddy for drugs house just for one fucking shot. (I was hoping she could trick him into just bringing it to her, but she wound up at his place with him chasing her around the room with a syringe). She's a tough fuckin cookie though, made it home safe but I'm lucky... Of course I immediately went after her and my brothers consequently showed up at dude's place and fucked him up, but it doesn't make me hate myself any less.
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I've never done anything I was truly ashamed of before or after being a junkie.
While I was really "in it" though
Is when I did the worst stuff of my entire life.
I indulged strangers fetishes for $$. Drained one of my mom's cards.
I took advantage of so many kindnesses other people showed me.
So many loans that didn't get paid back.
Made the people who cared about me worry way too much.
Lost some good friendships over my drug use.
Oh and as for the fetish thing...here is one example.
I had a guy who wanted me to play dead. He wanted me to just be in underwear and bra and he wanted to move me around and like pose me different ways and I just had to be floppy and not move or open my eyes.
Seriously. Playing dead.
He was really old too like I would guess in his 70s, but
Small and fit/active. He was as uncreepy as someone making that particular request
Could possibly be.
And it paid well.
There was this one dealer.
I convinced him to deliver to me a 30 min drive each way in a hurricane.
He was bitching and ranting "I must be crazy driving all the way out there
In a damn hurricane for a dope fiend" lmao.
What I didn't tell him was that I actually didn't have any $$ on me.
Bc I knew then he REALLY wouldn't come.
So when he got here I somehow convinced him to front me.
I don't even remember what I said to get that to work. I felt bad
About that one afterwards though.
It's def not "the worst thing" though.
I came really close to snatching a lady's purse in the grocery store one time.
She left it in the top part of her shopping cart
And stepped away
She had been in front of me in the pharmacy line and said she was paying cash
So I knew there would be cash in there. But with my luck I'd get caught on camera
And by cops
And it would haunt me
I couldn't do something like that, I suppose.
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playing dead ? that's not such a leap to what was once the most punishable crime - necrophilia.
that's a new one to me. I'd like to know how that fetish was conceived ... it's also not that far from murder for sexual gratification in extreme cases.
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When I was like 16 I randomly stole a *used* rig that I found in the beer fridge in my neighbors garage/shop. To this day I have no idea what he used it for (or how many times for that matter) but it was one of those HUGE ones like they use at the hospital or vets office, not an insulin syringe.
Anyway I used it to bang a 1mg xanny of all things. Of course it didn't break down correctly, and I had no fucking clue what I was doing so I just blasted this watery, milky, blue liquid. Did I mention I was a very reckless young man once upon a time? Nothing ever happened.....I didn't contract a flesh eating microbe or anything but I remember being VERY nervous for a while about what that thing could've had growing in it.
Dumbass kid. If I ever run into 17 yr old ME, I'm beating his ass cuz he really needed it.
That was one of the worst things I remember doing to get 'high' or at least try to. Of course there are other stories which I'm reluctant to share, cuz hey I don't know you people. lolz
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Made the people who cared about me worry way too much.
^My parents are old and I know I've caused them a lot of stress that probably doesn't help their health.
Worst thing I can think of is selling a bunch of fake sub strips that were for demonstration purposes only. They have L4 on them instead of N8 if anybody ever runs across these. I stole every one the doc had at a pain doc's office after he only gave me 20 hydro 10's for $275 office visit fee cause I failed my UA for weed.
I had to take them out of the package because it says "no active ingredient" and "for demonstration purposes only" all over the strip package. It helped me make my $275 back that the doc charged me. Most folks didn't even notice is what's crazy. Amazing what placebo effect can do.