dopetalk

Core Topics => Drugs => GABAergics => Topic started by: wanderingmind on May 31, 2017, 11:00:05 AM

Title: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on May 31, 2017, 11:00:05 AM
A friend has been hooking me up with anywhere from 10-20 2mg lorazepams for a couple months.  The last few times she's wanted me to pay her some cash for them (I'm still getting them really cheap).

Anyways, for a few months they worked very well.  In other words, the did what they did.  12-16 mg's would get me feeling really good.  Any more than that would be black out central which usually happened due to my compulsion to take more and more of any type of benzo.

Last week she got her new script.  I got 13 of them.  After ingesting 20 mg's and waiting an hour or two, I could feel some bit of relief, though mostly placebo.  I took the rest and bringing to total to nearly 30 mg's.  Nothing much to report.  I'd say it scored a 2 out of 10 on a scale (1 being baseline and 10 being black-ed out fucked).

Today, I got 15 from her and took all 15, so 30 mg's.  About 45 minutes in, some relaxation a bit of sedation, but that quickly went away. 

My benzo tolerance is inherently high (i.e., I need to take more than the average person to feel the same effects).  I have not been taking many benzo's lately.  Just her lorazepams maybe once or twice a month and it's been a GOOD month since I've taken any.

My question is this: is it possible the pharmacy had an old bottle and the lorazepam had degraded?  I recommended she contact her doctor and say that the Attivan had been working, but this script just seems off.

What do you all think?
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Snoop on May 31, 2017, 12:11:08 PM
Lorazepam is IMO kinda low on the Benzo efficiency scale. This varies from person to person. Given IV it's great. Has a good half life on it. Half a day if I remember right (12hrs).

Do you drink often..... I've never really mentioned this here. But I scarcely EVER drink alcohol. But when I do, I find that alcohol has reduced effect on me. As if there is a cross tolerance between Alcohol and Benzo. I'm sure there must be. But I'm Benzo dependent.

Once dependent, your all in.... and you're basically keeping 'that feeling' away, and trying to stay ahead of it.

My advice. Lower your doses. You're poppin em like jujubees. And you wonder why they ain't working no more?

Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: bignasty on June 01, 2017, 03:46:01 AM
I agree with Snoop. You're eating too many and too often to expect them to keep working good. Take a little break from them and they should work.....unless you're a big drinker.

I used to drink at least a 5th of whiskey a day and the FIRST benzo I ever took was 20mg's of valium and it didn't do much at all. I think it was because of my massive alcohol tolerance at the time because I was completely benzo naïve but 2 blue valiums didn't do shit for my anxiety.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: OpiXPO on June 01, 2017, 04:26:36 AM
Did the generics change? There are some seriously shitty generics that don't do crap.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Opus on June 01, 2017, 10:53:57 AM
Erm, your doses are *huge* -- I suspect it's a diminishing return kinda deal, ativan/lorazepam is usually dosed like a mg or two, not 10-20. Personally when I've had huge benzo habits, I didn't feel much from huge doses either, not to say I wasn't getting loaded tho -- I just didn't really notice it. They tell me it's called a tolerance.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Snoop on June 01, 2017, 11:22:37 PM
Whenever I'm absolutely loaded on benzodiazepines, I'll swear by Christ that I'm perfectly fine, and my behavior is completely in line....

When often in retrospect, I was all over the Goddamned place.

It's as if I'm in a crystal clear head, cool and calm as can be, but my outward behavior is that of the Village Drunk/Idiot (take your pick).

I'd like to believe that it's dope doing me in.... but in fact, it's the shit I get from a doctor on a slip. She just keeps on signing off for me. I can't foresee a life without the fucking bastards.

Not without a butt load of solitude and time. Neither of which I possess.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Dog Food on June 02, 2017, 05:39:30 AM
People usually don't realize that benzos are basically just alcohol in a pill, that they affect your body just about the exact same way that alcohol affects you. That's why they give valium to alcoholics and benzo addicts in detox to taper off a lil bit.

Them doses are huge tho. You're not in withdrawals when u don't have any? Says twice as strong as alprazolam, which even 1mg used to fuck me up with no tolly. 2mg is blackout for sure.

But just like everything else, we use too much and it stops working almost completely.  Like dope doesn't do shit really but make me well and feel normal anymore. I quit for a week+ and half a point od's me
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Thoms on June 02, 2017, 05:48:32 AM
Ativan is half the strength of xanax/kpin. Not double.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Snoop on June 02, 2017, 06:52:38 AM
..... Not even close to 2x's

Not. Even. Close.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Raine on June 05, 2017, 03:10:14 AM
Whenever I'm absolutely loaded on benzodiazepines, I'll swear by Christ that I'm perfectly fine, and my behavior is completely in line....

When often in retrospect, I was all over the Goddamned place.

It's as if I'm in a crystal clear head, cool and calm as can be, but my outward behavior is that of the Village Drunk/Idiot (take your pick).


Yeah I'm exactly the same. I wouldn't have known I was acting that wasted unless other people told me...repeatedly and emphatically. Heh.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on June 23, 2017, 01:38:45 AM
Whenever I'm absolutely loaded on benzodiazepines, I'll swear by Christ that I'm perfectly fine, and my behavior is completely in line....

When often in retrospect, I was all over the Goddamned place.


I think your description fits 100%!!!

I thought I hadn't visited this forum in a good while and came on here to post a question about benzo's.  Low and behold, I'd apparently posted on here less than two weeks ago.  From what I can infer, even though I said that the 30 mg's only scored a "2 out of 10"...I was blacked the fuck out :(  This doesn't surprise me in the least.  Here's why.

In 2009, I got on methadone.  Before then, I'd never tried benzo's.  At the clinic, it seemed like everyone was abusing benzo's and had a LOT of good things to say about the combo (benzo + methadone = pure bliss).  I tried them and fell in love.  There was a good year period where I would take my daily 150 mg's of methadone and then pop 14 mg's of xanax.  I'd be nodded out all day, then pop more xanax in the late afternoon.  It got so bad I ended up having a seizure when I tried to taper off/quit the benzo's.  After that period, I quit the benzo's for a couple years and then started fucking around with them.  And did that for another year or so.

I must have done something permanent to my brain chemistry during this phase as I found it's nearly impossible for me to get good and fucked up on benzo's without blacking out.  For example, it takes me about 6 mg's of xanax (when "benzo naive") to feel really good.  However, that's also right around the same dosage where I could black out or I might stay lucid - it's a total flip of the coin.  This RARELY ever happens as I turn into a complete fucking fiend once my body gets benzo's in it.  I'll swear that it'll only be 6 mg's and I will end up coming to a few days later to find I'd taken a ridiculous amount.  Back when I was on MMT, I was prescribed 90 2 mg xanax each month.  Many times I'd tell myself, "you're only going to take 3 today."  I'd come to 3 days later to find I'd ingested the entire bottle in 24 hours!  I once found a video I'd taken of myself where I say something along the lines of, "I've just taken 80 mg's of alprazolam and I am somewhat coherent." 

I came on here today to ask a question.  For the last 4 months or so, I've been using a "high dose" of benzo's once or twice at the most a month.  Never more than twice.  A few days after taking the high dose, I notice that I've got mild-moderate benzo withdrawal symptoms that really mimic opioid w/d more than straight benzo w/d.  I've personally never heard of taking something one time and then experiencing withdrawal for three days or so.

Does anybody have any experience with this?

P.S. - I've never been much of a drinker.  I think the last time I got drunk was almost ten years ago.  I'm just not a fan, at all.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Z on June 23, 2017, 01:55:39 AM
I've heard stories like but had never had  happen first hand.  I think that reality that as addicts brain chemistry is messed  up.  You're brain makes connections and"shortcuts"four common memories, for frequent actions and responses.I'm not brain surgeon whatever, but I could an addicts brain having reward pathways quoted in from frequent use.  If all that's missing is drugs to fill it, then missing some after one use might be the same as a longer term addiction.


I've heard the line that when it comes to many aspects of addiction and the interactions it has with our bodies and brains,"all I know is that I don't know nothing."


It seems like there I isn't that much funding and what there is sounds like it goes towards validating meds to treat addiction and make loads of money. 
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on June 23, 2017, 02:30:36 AM

It seems like there I isn't that much funding and what there is sounds like it goes towards validating meds to treat addiction and make loads of money.

It's crazy!!!  I think it's gotten a bit better now, but for the longest time, doctors in medical school only received ONE HOUR of "training" on addiction!  Just blows my mind  :(

With opioids becoming an epidemic and wealthy white people are being affected, society/government is starting to take a look now.  I'm sure that now that Jared Kushner and Christie are top advisers on the Opioid Commission Board, things will get better  ::)  Ha, yeah right.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: MoeMentim on June 23, 2017, 07:47:03 AM
"all I know is that I don't know nothing."



 :)
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on June 23, 2017, 07:52:10 AM
Op Ivy!!!  Bringing me back to middle school  8)
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Chip on June 25, 2017, 12:36:05 PM
I seldom use Meth but when I do, I suffer mild but concerning opioid withdrawal symptoms a few days after I stop.

it's been 8 months since I stopped using Methadone and you would think that I was over any such response but it's not so.

it's something that I have recently observed and it's the sort of stuff that isn't documented often, if at all.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on June 26, 2017, 11:11:34 AM
I seldom use Meth but when I do, I suffer mild but concerning opioid withdrawal symptoms a few days after I stop.

it's been 8 months since I stopped using Methadone and you would think that I was over any such response but it's not so.

it's something that I have recently observed and it's the sort of stuff that isn't documented often, if at all.

Very interesting!

I would suspect it has to do with the re-wiring of our brains through opioid addiction.  The brain just goes on auto-pilot and is so used to opioid withdrawal that it just assumes that's what you're going through - even if it's meth or in my case benzo's.  I've noticed in the past when I have been sick (cold/flu) that my body/brain thinks it's going through w/d and I'll find myself getting RLS or anxiety for a few minutes here and there.  I've REALLY noticed it when I get the goosebumps.  I can be completely off all opioids (no MMT or suboxone and clean for a long time) and when I get the goosebumps, my flight or fight response goes fucking haywire!  It sucks because anytime I get goosebumps, my body automatically goes into mild to moderate withdrawal for a minute or two.  It's really freaky.  I'd guess this is because goosebumps are my litmus test for opioid withdrawal.  When I'm using, as soon as I start getting goosebumps, I know I either better get more dope in me or I'm going to be in for a rough time.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Chip on June 26, 2017, 12:58:32 PM
yep, i get the goosebumps too ! i put it down to dopamine issues ... i get the chills and when i try to mitigate that, i get the sweats.

all without touching any opiods. fucking irritating.

think again about the impact you make on your endorphin regulatory system -- it can stay with you for a long time. I'm still learning about exactly what sort of damage I have done to my system in my 4 decades of opiate and stimulant usage.

again, I'm not playing the reformed addict but rather,  am letting you know how it can impact your life in your 50's. you DO want to make it that far, yeah ?

at least I have a platform to speak of life after opiates- and let me assure you, i am not totally finished with them but for now, I try my best.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on June 26, 2017, 11:18:28 PM
I was going to make my own post about this, but many people here seem to suffer from something similar to me. A little over a year ago I started taking Gabapentin. I would only take it for 1-2 days at a time max. And spread my usage to once every 2 weeks.

After roughly 6 months of this, one morning I wake up in horrible withdrawal. I assumed I was just kicking off my normal kratom, and Injested my usual dose. Nothing happened. No relief at all. I took 4x my
Normal dose of kratom (upwards of 20gs) and it barely made me feel a thing. I was still having hot/cold flashes and anxiety to the point of panic attacks. Basically it felt like opiate withdrawal to me.

I proceeded to go through the most hellish withdrawals I've ver had over the next 2 months. It's been over a year at this point. If I take a single Gabapentin dose I go into withdrawal for 3-7 days.

Recently I took a soma, it somehow started up the withdrawals. One dose, and I had withdrawals for a week. That's impossible I thought.

Ive been scratching my head trying to figure it out and have landed on a theory.

Basically all addicts are born in pain.

Pre and post natal exposure to stress hormones produced by the individual and their mother causes the Toll Like Receptors (TLR) to malfunction, especially during stress and puberty (lots of hormones flyin around) but this continues all your life, be you 5 or 50. That's why quitting opiates isn't actually fixing anything in your brain.

Getting clean from heroin is like cleaning a kitchen and thinking your kids aren't gonna mess it up ever again. Things can be done to mitigate  such as gym, healthy diet. But eventually it will be a mess again.

TLR4 in particularly causes proinflammatory cytokines to be produced. These cytokines, in particular TNF-a (there are many others) bind to receptors in our brain, in particular in Mu an Ku (opiate receptors) in the PAG, and gabba receptors. These chemicals in low level cause anxiety, depression and even joint pain and stomach problems, especially during stressful events.

Those exposed to physical and emotional abuse, be they rich or poor are born like this, primed, predisposed. They are born into pain but don't realise that its abnormal to be anxious and depressed.

So when exposed to opiates, and everyone will always end up getting exposed, one day finally you are relieved of a weight you never realised you were carrying.

When i was 14 I had my first shot. I thought the high was amazing.

What i was really feeling though was the giddy relief of life without pain. It was as if 100kg had come off my back.

This pain cant be fixed with panadol. Unless you want to be at gym junkie levels (literally producing a ton of endorphins, opioids that bind to Mu ans Ku) there are no easy solutions.

Heroin works well. But here is the kicker.

Heroin, morphine etc have two metabolites, M6G and M3G. The first relieves pain.

But the second, the M3G causes a problem. It activates, ironically enough, TLR4.

So your body makes more cytokines, so to stop them hitting your gabba, Ku and Mu you have to take more heroin hence tolerance.

Until the day you run out. And then your exposed to insane levels of toxic proinflammatory cytokines. The pain is like the flu x 1000.

The point of these cytokines at elevated levels, they make you vomit, give you fever and attack infected tissue, causing pain on a huge scale but killing the infection as well.

Nominally TLR4 is activated by signally from white blood cells. But for addicts, be you a meth head, drunk or a junkie those three drugs all cause, to certain degrees TLR4 to be activated.






Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: LadyKalma on June 29, 2017, 03:42:04 AM
Interesting stuff, thats a really good explanation of thibgs. I am the same way, like if i yawn or am overheated ill start feeling like withdrawal just cause im probably traumatised from going through it enough and my body interpretations of everything bad=dopesickness. This also happens when i don't feel good from having my period. Quite sucky but not unusual.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: wanderingmind on July 01, 2017, 02:39:08 AM
Mr. Pooper: interesting hypothesis.  It's human nature to want to find the reason why something happens.  It's perfectly normal to wonder why we get addicted.  However, I think where people get it wrong is that they look for the "single" reason why addicts get addicted.  The brain is complicated mother-fucker!  We've come a long way in understanding the brain, however - we have a LONG way to go.  I think the path to addiction has a bunch of different factors. 

I'm definitely going to do some research on TLR's.

One thing that I've always wondered about with addiction/alcoholism relates to evolution.  I'm fascinated by evolution.  I'm also fascinated by addiction.  I've always wondered how addiction is still part of homo sapien after millions of years of evolution.  You would think that over the last ~15,000 years of the "modern" human, that addiction would have been an evolutionary negative and thus the rate of addiction would have declined.  I say this because addiction shortens life-expectancy, wreaks havoc on child-rearing as well as many other negatives.

However, if anything, the rate of addiction has increased over the last 15,000 years.  So, there must be something positive evolutionarily.  I've got some hypotheses, but no real answers.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on July 06, 2017, 03:48:23 AM
Mr. Pooper: interesting hypothesis.  It's human nature to want to find the reason why something happens.  It's perfectly normal to wonder why we get addicted.  However, I think where people get it wrong is that they look for the "single" reason why addicts get addicted.  The brain is complicated mother-fucker!  We've come a long way in understanding the brain, however - we have a LONG way to go.  I think the path to addiction has a bunch of different factors. 

I'm definitely going to do some research on TLR's.

One thing that I've always wondered about with addiction/alcoholism relates to evolution.  I'm fascinated by evolution.  I'm also fascinated by addiction.  I've always wondered how addiction is still part of homo sapien after millions of years of evolution.  You would think that over the last ~15,000 years of the "modern" human, that addiction would have been an evolutionary negative and thus the rate of addiction would have declined.  I say this because addiction shortens life-expectancy, wreaks havoc on child-rearing as well as many other negatives.

However, if anything, the rate of addiction has increased over the last 15,000 years.  So, there must be something positive evolutionarily.  I've got some hypotheses, but no real answers.

There's some sort of weird effect on the brain due to environmental reasons I believe is one of the big ones. They have replicated city lives for rats and they observed things like the rats would just shake in corners, and some started switching gender roles.

Also there was one study about the rats and cocaine. Given the different water sources one filled with cocaine and the other water. The rat will become addicted to the cocaine water like %100 of the time. But what they didn't factor in was their environment causing the addiction. They created the perfect
Rat sanctuary called Ratopia I think (this is all off the top of my head) and did the same cocaine water test. They found that the happy rats wouldn't use the cocaine very often given the same access.


Evolutionary advantage of addiction is the reduction of pain. Depending on what the pain level is, one cannot function. Be it mental or physical.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: traplord69 on July 10, 2017, 11:36:58 AM
I think it was called rat park, I heard about the same study, this guy named Carl Hart talked about it on a podcast, he's a really cool dude, he's a professor at Columbia University in NYC and is a huge advocate of responsible drug use and has done a bunch of studies on crack/cocaine/meth use among other things and gives talks around the world about actual drug facts, not the horseshit that we've been fed our entire lives. 

I've mentioned this before but I think the evolutionary angle comes down to the fact that we are so far separated from the things that made us who we are like searching for subsistence levels of food, fighting off predators, living in tight knit communities where everyone cares for one another.  Most of us have everything that we need, more so in fact.  Think about how easy it is to hop in your car and drive to super market and get anything you want, or a fast food place, or a restaurant, it takes almost no effort and historically, acquiring food was never this simple.  We simply have too much time on our hands to think about ourselves and thus have come up with ways in which to deal with it when we can no longer handle ourselves.  As an example, people from poverty stricken inner city's have a lower suicide rate than do rich or upper middle class individuals.  They have to fight to survive, which is exactly how we evolved, we basically were conditioned to go through some serious physical struggles, I think its the mental struggles that we're playing catch up with.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Indy on July 11, 2017, 10:00:42 PM
Of all people, "Dr. Drew" Pinsky had an interesting take on the genetics of addiction. He said that it was basically the "next step" of evolution for certain groups, namely tribal cultures that experienced war and other things like that. His explanation was, say the Celts, they would go to battle and out of a thousand people,  the 100 that survived would be the drunks, the addicts, because they were able to cope with things humans normally can't cope with, they used chemicals to do that.

Not sure how much I believe it, I think its worth considering but I'm not saying this is my opinion, just sharing the words of someone who normally seems really close minded with his ideas of his addiction. He's a big fan of the "if there's an addict in your life, help them get clean, and if they won't get clean cut them out of your life completely NO MATTER WHAT".

It's worth nothing that his take on addiction was during his Loveline days, before he got huge and had to become a family friendly mainstream TV personality first, doctor second. I have a lot of problems with Dr. Drew, but if you listen to some of his older talks, he isn't a stupid person. He also, just based on his not picking up on certain things like conversational undertones, isn't a genius by any means. But I digress....
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: nick on July 12, 2017, 12:43:58 AM
Yeah,there's a whole school of" addiction is the next step in human evolution" out there-total bullshit if you ask me.

Addiction is no more the next step in human evolution than it is a moral failing. Addiction is just addiction-opinions on addiction that go further than that says more about the person making the observation than addiction itself. 
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on July 13, 2017, 02:47:20 AM
Yeah,there's a whole school of" addiction is the next step in human evolution" out there-total bullshit if you ask me.

Addiction is no more the next step in human evolution than it is a moral failing. Addiction is just addiction-opinions on addiction that go further than that says more about the person making the observation than addiction itself.

What do you think about the damaged TLR receptors theory?
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Michellebaines0419 on July 13, 2017, 02:56:49 AM
Oh fuck! I'm pretty sure I caused my own fibromyalgia with my IV dope habit.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on July 13, 2017, 07:13:05 AM
Oh fuck! I'm pretty sure I caused my own fibromyalgia with my IV dope habit.

How so? Is this common amongst IV users?
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Michellebaines0419 on July 16, 2017, 01:46:51 AM
I don't know if it's common in iv users, but fibromyalgia is basically an overload of abnormal cytokine responses. The body over processes and over reacts to pain responses.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on July 23, 2017, 08:46:32 AM
I don't know if it's common in iv users, but fibromyalgia is basically an overload of abnormal cytokine responses. The body over processes and over reacts to pain responses.

Interesting to hear about the fibro, I have heard Basically MS is what happens when you're chronically exposed to cytokines without the neutralising effect of opiates....literally the M6G(Morphine-6-glucuronide)somehow affects the cytokines.
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Raine on July 23, 2017, 10:00:44 AM
I got the flu a few weeks ago and I really kept thinking I was in withdrawal.
 It's like some wires got crossed
 BC I know I was *not* in withdrawal but the symptoms were similar
and it's like my body was just expecting the other symptoms and then mentally/emotionally it affected me the same way BC I kept thinking "oh no, not this again."
The worst was waking up- BC it was similar to waking up in full detox
and knowing you can't get well.
Worst part is, I know picking up would have made me feel a lot better or at least not care I had the flu! I didn't though.

It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. It also scares me that it might happen again. :(  was hoping it was my imagination, lol!
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on October 08, 2017, 08:05:58 AM
I got the flu a few weeks ago and I really kept thinking I was in withdrawal.
 It's like some wires got crossed
 BC I know I was *not* in withdrawal but the symptoms were similar
and it's like my body was just expecting the other symptoms and then mentally/emotionally it affected me the same way BC I kept thinking "oh no, not this again."
The worst was waking up- BC it was similar to waking up in full detox
and knowing you can't get well.
Worst part is, I know picking up would have made me feel a lot better or at least not care I had the flu! I didn't though.

It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. It also scares me that it might happen again. :(  was hoping it was my imagination, lol!

KRATOM! KRATOM! KRATOM!!! Makes my cold/flu symptoms almost none existent. There is some very potent kratom strains out currently . If the plain leaf doesnt tickle that itch enough, try a bunch of different extracts. With the extraction process its supposed to get closer to pure mitragynine  or the other opiod 7-hydroxymitragynine, (which depending on the source you're reading), is supposed to be 7-15x stronger than morphine. Its also nice that its relatively cheap, especaiily compared to the price of street drugs. ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS used to keep me good for ONE FUCKING DAY. Now that same one hundred dollars gets me 2 kilos of kratom that lasts 1-2 months. Now my habit costs $1.50-$4.00 a day...
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Raine on October 08, 2017, 10:58:32 AM
@Mr.pooper thank you!!
 I have about a kilo stashed for emergencies
 and plan to order some extract
 for when I come off the 'done completely, just in case it's bad. I'm down to 50, it will be 45 by Thu. Yay!
Title: Re: Quick story/question
Post by: Mr.pooper on October 13, 2017, 11:00:34 AM
@Mr.pooper thank you!!
 I have about a kilo stashed for emergencies
 and plan to order some extract
 for when I come off the 'done completely, just in case it's bad. I'm down to 50, it will be 45 by Thu. Yay!

FUck yeah, congratulations on all that hard work!  THATS a really hard one to kick, dropping even 1mg at a time. You are a very strong person. NOT very many people can do what you are actively winning at right now.

Once you jump it will def be nice to have the kratom. Glad to see you stocked up a little with that kilo! Stock it up now before they ban it. Like if had the foresight back when very strong poppy bulbs could be purchased online from US vendors for cheap, and bought bulk...Would have spent 5k-10k to stock up on a lifetime worth.
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