dopetalk
Core Topics => Substance Usage, Management, User Experiences etc. => Topic started by: Sonary on November 27, 2017, 12:41:14 PM
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Hi every one. Hope your' ok.
Just quickly introduce myself, before explain purpose of this topic. I will introduce me really on the forum later, sorry for that and for my English level:)
I'm a French person 33 year old, sort of drug addict psychonaut since 15 year.
I have take big decision yesterday when I realized what I was doing, as blind, during the 3 last month. I'have change, hurting people around me, cheat and lie to me, prisoner of myself.
I relapse IV administration way.
Normaly I stop that 2 years ago before.
Now, injecting regularly buprenorphine, ritaline or cocaine
By this topic, I will (try to) post daily:
"I dont mainline anything today :) "
and what else I want to text.
I begin tomorrow.
Purpose is to help me to keep my decision right, sharing truly with you my thought, actions or anything.
And I don't want lie to you.
If you want follow me, give advise, info or anything, you are very welcome.
Is it a good idea? Could this really help me?
Some things:
Say me what you think, if it's ok and in the good topic.
My posts will begin tomorrow and everyday next.
The rule : I can't lie.
I promise to do that for me first and it will be ok too for all my relations.
Why? I see my bad twin take over my body and mind during this 3month, destroying me from inside, and lot things around, dancing madly with the death. My entourage was worried, my girlfriend was cheated and she don't understand what happen.
I already try to stop that 3 weeks ago but for someone not me and I have no success, no one dust of my will power. I don't do it during 6 hour.
I choose to begin stop tomorrow morning and describe objectives before, not too much, not far.
First time step: Stop IV of anything. I can continue taking drugs, but unfortunately, no more soon and no money for me mow :/
Second time, two weeks later, change my behavior with toxic who'is now compulsive and out of my control. Decrease dosage.
We see the rest later.
I go to sleep soon, post this text before. I'm a little bit afraid of my first stopping day in few hours. I'will be exhausted and painful soon.
But I will do it.
I want trust me as I did it before
Thank you for reading!
Have a nice day,
Bye
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Welcome to the board. Are you just trying to drop the spike or using all together? I know needle fever is a big thing. The good thing is snorting buperinorphine does the same as shooting it as far as I could ever tell. Good luck with dropping the shit though!
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Thank you,
and thanks for advice.
I'm trying stop the spike starting today, only this objectif during 2 weeks.
I authorize myself to take any drugs I want during this period but stop for true the intravenous way. (But fact is : I don't have money, no drugs (only mianserine for 1week), no friends in 15miles around so take what I want seems to be not easy ^^)
If I success to maintain that goal this two weeks, I will begin after to moderate my consumption of drugs, stop any compulsive way and take medical drugs as prescripted during two weeks too.
If I fail during the two first weeks, I really need, I think, total support, in clinic or rehab...
So now the methylphenidate is still in my blood for 6 hours maybe, buprenorphine until 12hour (1 just keep a small line for later). I don't have tobacco.
No medics (legal way) before 3weeks, and difficult environment to access any drugs.
I am a little distressed.
I go now with my last 1.5€ buy one hopeless drink, take fresh and cold air by the way and go back in this small room that someone lend to me.
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Salut mec. Welcome to our corner. Stopping injecting is a great start, and it'll make reducing your dose easier. Quitting maintenance meds that you abuse is hard.
Did you start using with subutex? So you get high from it?
Posting will help with being accountable. The more you do the more people will join in probably.
Ici c'est evident sue c'est anglais, mais tu peut la faire en grenouille au besoin.
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I don't mainline (is it the good expression?) anything since I wake up.
The real 24 hours first day is so begin now
Have a good night and thanks to you
Answer for Z : I start using IV first time 6 years ago with cocaine, using with heroine during one year, stop with subutex injected (I know it was not the good way but...) during 2or3 years. Stop it with a big travel and inject a second period cocaine during almost 3years compulsively. Stop it during 2years and restart 3month ago, bupe & cocaine. But for the first time, I definite the cycle and understand how I start them. I'll explain my plain toxic life in my presentation I think, soon.
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I don't mainline antything today. Drink two glass of wine and 150mg of tramadol...
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Not sure why I'm doing that. I loved living in the illusion I build. Reality is a sad and fool neverending mascarade where my choice are not mine.
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I just now preparing my next fall.
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Man no joke there was a time I was so addicted to the needle I shot water.
yep.
truth is the needle is hard to quit, until your body makes you quit, I've got like 5 veins left, and if I hit them too many times in a small period of time they go bye bye. Then I'll have 4 good veins.
then 3.
you see where I'm going.
I've made myself get to the point where I only get high once a week, this way my veins get a rest, and I can actually feel the dope.
the rest of the time I'm on methadone.
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I've shot stupid H2o also.... And I've shot stupid Benadryl.
What else??? Hmmmm....
I've shot stupid Methadone. Oh yeah. That one.
Stupid stupid stupid.
But needle fever is for real. It took awhile and a lot of broke days, but I overcame it.
Finally.
Like many here with years consecutive use, I have precious few places I can even hit consistently. Or at all anymore.
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My arteries and 2 vein left.
I don't no why this fight is best.
If part of mine suicide slowly myself,
Maybe cause nowhere my mind be safe.
I wanna dozat, but I don't want
Tomorrow 12 I go, do what stop I can't
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Maybe for hope, I have to stop, saying my thinking with low vocabulary, cause people reading this line think, 4u 3nd me nothing things remain.
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Trying stop what? Impossible.
My life, as rat in a bubble.
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^^^Ugh Snoops I shot benadryl too (once was more than enough) . It was terrible. I felt like I was gonna die for a good half hour. Did your body involuntarily exhale like mine did, like you got the wind knocked outta you when it hit? It was beyond bizarre, scary, pointless and so stupid.
And Sonary, hang in there man. :)
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Blop,
60mg of methyphenidate and 4mg of jupe.
I looooose,
but I try to slow down,
It was a good expérience trying to stop,
I don't made 0% mistake at this.
So baaaad.
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Hey man, welcome. Even if you messed up you still have reduced your usage, and you should be proud. I look foreword to hearing more about what this kind of life is like in your part of the world.
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You can still stop. Don't let one fuck up slow you down when it's going so well.
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So, my veins remain seems grateful to me cause I think about them health . Just take one take per day. Bupe, just to limit side effects of limiting my blood toxic level. I no I'll not stop definitely something or another one in two weeks but I change my mind about autodestructhing, not a big but a step to wellness. Ok for me. Thank you all to support me this week. I'll continue, another path, on the same way.. Maybe evolute the point of this post to make it different.
Peace, live and laugh.
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Intox a cation, thats hell a troll is.
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Hey good for you man. I gave up on trying to get clean. I can’t do it. Maybe one day but not now. I admire your dedication.
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Welcome to our dysfunctional family.
Relapse is part of recovery. You still have all those days clean, you didnt lose anything. You just restarted a date.
Try something simple and easy to commit too first. Do 10 push-ups every morning first thing when you get up out of bed. Commit to this for a week. Ideally try for a month. Build that discipline and self control little by little. Set small obtainable short term goals that you are almost 100% going to accomplish if you put in the effort. Also it will help increase your health, and put on some muscle. (which pops veins out hahaha...im unhealthy.)
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i always thought that if you can't straighten out then at least lose the guilt.
a license to go nuts but a philosophy that i adopted.
... whatever gets you through the day -- it's not easy being straight so you might as well go easy on your conscience.
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Hi everyone!
Hope your fine.
Now, I'm in hospital, far from my loves, maybe lost my arm, maybe lost my life, streptococcus A eating my fleshes, staphylococcus aureus eating my power. Methylphenidate high dosage (120 to 240mg/day) and PICC-line in my neck to my heart for antibiotics 8 time in 24hours make my organism works fine for now and I still keep hope to lost nothing. Hope this message do something good to someone but for me, messages like this one I ever reed never make me stop. If I survive intact, this time, I'll now why I'll dont compulsive shoot anymore.
Love is da way.
Keep balance, stay focus, preserve peace'n ur life.
We are all fucking immortals but once by life.
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Best of luck man. I hope things turn out okay and that you keep all your limbs and shit. Chipper had some really seriously fucked up shit with his foot but the hospital helped him kick that. See what I did there?? Maybe this will help you on your way to recovery. Even if it doesn’t, that’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. The only thing that has to happen for absolutely everyone that gets clean is that they have to be alive. So as long as you are alive you have that chance to get clean man. Best of luck once again.
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Hang in there man. Hopefully you come through it better.
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i always thought that if you can't straighten out then at least lose the guilt.
a license to go nuts but a philosophy that i adopted.
... whatever gets you through the day -- it's not easy being straight so you might as well go easy on your conscience.
I agree. OWN THAT SHIT. I find its the lying that usually damages the relationships the most. That loss of trust is detrimental. Sure their might be some hurt feelings about using, but those will heal rather quickly, and can be worked on together. But once trust is lost, its hard to get back. if ever.
Im either clean and sober, or Mr.Pooper the Heroin addict. No shame. Ill introduce myself as that when people im meeting say who they are along with their career. for example, Some random guy says "hey there,im Greg, Private first class" and ill respond with "Mr.Pooper, Heroin addict, unemployed and aint lookin."
I always thought it was pathetic when i was in out patient rehab, and grown men would go to speak anD cry "OMG, I RELAPSED!!!!WHY ME???NOOOO!!"....its usually the same people every other week. using isnt the end of the road or life. Just have to find a balance and maintain. Not to say there wont be consequences. Health issues are very real for chronic drugs users. Hope you make a speedy recovery @Sonary . What do u compulsively shoot the most?
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... Methylphenidate high dosage (120 to 240mg/day) ...
@Sonary, i hope you get through this quickly - the antibiotics should work well.
I was wondering why you are on such a high MPH dose ? I have never heard of such a large number.
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Agree with you, I'm not guilty, but people around me don't. Mostly think I'm week, bad or mad man and they wondering why I'm using drugs again and again.
I'm using psychoactives plants, chemicals or drugs since almost 20 years and pationated of medicinal plants since I was child.
When I choose to use needles, it turn in a compulsive habit relatively quickly ...
I smoked heroine during some years, stop it, took it again and shoot up it, then stoped it with buprenorphine I used during 3 years in intravenous .
I went to Philippines and Indonesia to stop that usage with a friend, and we reduced dosage to nothing, with crystal meth, kratom and lot of alcohol to help. This trip lasted 3 months .
When I came back in France, I worked at Spain border and found good and cheap cocaine plan I used almost 4 years, intravenous way, with 4 to 5 month break by years to rebuilt my veins. At the end, I'v loosed my girlfriend and quit my job to go back in the town I lived before.
Here, I stop cocaine. Just using LSD massively and alcohol, but that make me broked my femoral neck, exploded one heel, cracked in powder the other one and torned my hand. So I gone to the hospital who put me under morphine for long time (I also tried fentanyl during this stay) and I was released in society with only one tramadol medical prescription. 3 month later, my doctor estimated that I didn't need it anymore and just stop the prescription, unfortunately forgetting that I needed a weaning for reduce opiates slowly. I went directly to buy some "bupe-shit" in the street, then poor cocaine what I injected until those two last weeks .
MPH was prescripted to me 4 month ago by a psychiatrist that a nurse recommended to me during my hospital journey. I'm sure sort of hyperactive and she sayed to me MPH could help me.
Of course it help but I inject this as all methamphetamine and derivatives I used before. I've saw addictologist and related to him my toxic story. He turned my ritaline prescription to concerta (LP non injectable MPH), doubling dosage ( 60 to 112mg/day, but the 2nd doctor who made wrote prescription misunderstood the call of the addictologist and double it again to 224mg...) and sayed me I maybe need methadone to quit bad bupe usage. I will normally see him again in one week for the meta prescription but I'm in a hospital 400 kilometers far from him.
This night my abscess has perforated releasing enough juice to fill up adriatic sea. Thank's to antibiotics, I think the hole will finally clog during next weeks if I don't screw up .
I apologize if I made to anyone who read my hopeless word's, a bad day .
Now, I'm thinking I'll don't lose anything except, in a pinch, time.
Thanks for reading and replies.
Have a nice day...
😊
(If you want correct my grammar and orthograph in private message your welcome ^^)
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IMHO, a shot of 50+ mg of MPH is the best rush and feeling i have ever experience.
Pity it isn't long or sustainable.
I have been hospitalised at least 4 times and come very close to death also.
I have also spent much time of almost every IV antibiotic so don't feel that you are doing this alone.
it comes with the territory.
sincerely wishing you a "speedy" recovery with the best possible outcome.
after a recent hospitalisation i gave up the needle forever so it can be done if that is any help to you.
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Thank's a lot