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General => General Discussion for Everybody => Topic started by: Griffin on December 21, 2015, 11:21:27 PM
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So there is this guy I worked with for about a year, when I got arrested in March I lost my job and stopped talking to him. A few weeks ago he had a birthday get together at a bowling alley and I went. Now he has been texting me pretty relentlessly the last few weeks asking if I wanted to hang out. He text me twice this week and I didn't answer because I was busy.
Well the day after the 2nd text that I didn't answer he sent me this long text that he was all butt hurt because I wasn't answering his texts and not hanging out with him. He said something like fuck you for not answering, I do all this shit for you and you don't answer my texts fuck you lose my number and never call me again.
This is like the 3 time a guy has gotten all weird trying to get into a strict bromance with me. He is 10 years older than me and I am straight and is straight and married and has a few kids. I don't know where this is coming from or why the last 3 dudes that I started to hang out with started acting all weird and possessive like a overzealous girlfriend would. I just don't understand where it comes from, all of my friends that I grew up with are not like that at all.
I actually was going through some shit this last week and didn't feel like talking to anyone but usually I just don't text people back unless I want to hang out or talk to them anyway. I don't get how guys that I don't really know all that well get butt hurt that I don't want to hangout with them all the time. I can't drink now and haven't for the past few years so really there isn't much that I like to do besides go hiking or snowboarding and these dudes want to come over and watch a movie and shit.
Am I weird for thinking that is not something I want to do with another straight guy that I work with and have hung out a few times with? I am not trying to be a dick or pretentious I just am not a big people person. I don't like hanging out with people in situations I can't get out of or be in a situation that is longer than 20 minutes besides work. This has happened 3 times in a year where guys get all buddy buddy and then I don't want to hang out with them all the time and they go stalker ex-girlfriend on me.
Has this happened to you guys? Am I just being a weird anti-social dick? I was thinking about putting this in the dude thread but I figure the girls could relate as well and give me some insight. They probably have to deal with this kind of stuff a lot more and have some good advice. My friends I grew up with and have known for a long ass time are different, they are the type that come in to your house and eat all your food and take girls to when you are not around and shit like that, and I don't ever get that weird vibe from them.
I don't know I am in a state where I don't know to many people and all the people I hung out with when I first moved here I stopped hanging out with them when I got on MMT because they all get high which is cool but I can't fuck up my probation. I have tried to make friends and hangout with different people but I am a awkward anti social person. I hate being out, I am pretty much agoraphobic, and my anxiety and depression pretty much run shit for me if that makes sense.
Am I just hanging out with weird ass people, am I the weirdo, I don't know. I just want people I can hang out with that don't pop a tit when I don't text or call them back. That just doesn't seem normal to me, when people act like that, especially if I don't even really know them. One of the main things I hate about probation is not being able to drink or smoke weed because that is what I like to do socially.
Anyone got any insight? Am I just hanging with the wrong people? Is it me and that is the norm and I am weird? Any advice on making friends is definitely welcome cause I am getting pretty close to being a hermit.
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Bro, never think that your charming personality may not be the issue here.
people tend to attract those with the opposite personality type.
TBH, i get a bit upset if someone is ignoring my texts too but i forgive them quickly because they may be busy, have missed it or perhaps they just don't feel like chatting.
it usually means that they don't want to enter a game of text volley.
a quick way to stop it is to say that you're not feeling social and are going through a reclusive phase at the moment ... that way, they get their response and can't take it any further.
i'd say that it's all just a coincidence.
... but i must admit, i am surprised that you aren't more chatty via text as i know you to be verbose when on the forum.
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Yeah just as Chipper suggests-
Just shoot a quick answer back at least-its really hard to determine state of mind or emotions via text or internet. I think these guys are just wanting to be friends that's all. You do say you are lonely.
I think its nice of them to show interest. If you don't want to be bothered, just say your not feeling social atm or something, but if you totally ignore, its hard for anyone to know what to think.
I don't think anyone is really meaning to stalk you-if you just shoot back an answer, all should be well.
You may be just taking it the wrong way-people are wanting to be your friend is what I get.
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Without knowing either of you or more details It's hard to say where he is coming from. I will say this, with all the shit you have been going through having some friends is one of the best things you could do for yourself. You can set boundries.
Almost EVERYTHING good that has happened to me has come out of friendships. When I was in Las Vegas writing about trying to make a living at the tables people would look me up and eventually start throwing money at me to play for them, it was always their idea. I never, ever asked. It was never my intention or plan. I just didn't say "no" to people who wanted to meet. Some of them I clicked with others I ony met once.
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I get where you are coming from
Personally I think it's kinda weird
That after knowing someone for a short time
They get butthurt if you don't text back
Immediately or in a time frame
Deemed appropriate by them
I would say tho
It is probably good for you to make need friends
Kinda inform them of your mindset
And how you feel about being social
I have an issue with girls that try to be my friend
Becoming possessive
This one girl
I was kind of friends with
A couple weeks ago
Kept telling me how awesome she thought I was
That I was the neatest person she knows
Seriously fawning all over me
It was like I couldn't tell if she wanted
To be me
Or
Be with me
I politely told her that I appreciated the sentiment
But it made me uncomfortable
So she picked a fight with me
This isn't uncommon
I have a hard time being friends with women
For this wee very reason
Sorry for the long Ass story
I just thought it related to your issue
Just kinda tell these new people
That you go thru very anti social periods
That it's you
Not them
Even if it is them
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I'm very awkward and uncomfortable in social situations too. So I understand where you're coming from also. I think all of the advice you've gotten so far has been good, and I hope you implement some of it. Especially if you really do want some friends.
As for his reaction, I think it has more to do with him being frustrated with your lack of any response than it does any kind of stalking or romantic interest. That being said, I do think his response was a little extreme. His frustration seems to have turned into anger because he was most likely imagining the worst possible reasons why you weren't responding to him. When people worry, it's very easy to let normal reasons snowball into worse and worse reasons for why you weren't responding to him. I think that's what happened I think.
If you liked hanging out with him, and if you want to keep that friendship, I think you should apologize for not replying to his texts and also let him know the reasons why: that you're not a social person, you weren't trying to be rude, and that you were busy and have been going through a bad time. I'd send it to him via email because you'll be able to explain yourself easier and more fully that way. Texts are too broken up, and he could misinterpret something before you have time to text the next sentence. I'd only text if you don't have his email addy. That's what I'd do to rectify this situation at least.
In the future I'd also suggest you text back a short reply when you can't talk or even want to talk. There are even settings that allow your phone to reply with a message when you're away. You could set it up to say "I can't talk / text right now." That way the person would know you're not simply ignoring them.
About your friends growing up: those are the types of people I would not want to be friends with. To me, coming over, eating all the food, and bringing strangers back to your place without you being there amounts to being rude and abusing your friendship. It's very inconsiderate behavior IMO. I think friends should respect each other and be considerate of each other. I wouldn't call the people you grew up with friends. I'd call them assholes and rude thugs. Stereotypical frat guy behavior IMO. To each their own I guess.
Good luck.
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Thanks for all the advice I appreciate the honest answers. I will definitely try some of it out and I am sure it will yield better results. I get a lot of anxiety when people call and text me and a lot of the time I am thinking about it to much to answer, it is hard to explain but I am going to try to answer people and let them know the truth instead of worrying about it until I forget to do it.
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Thanks for all the advice I appreciate the honest answers. I will definitely try some of it out and I am sure it will yield better results. I get a lot of anxiety when people call and text me and a lot of the time I am thinking about it to much to answer, it is hard to explain but I am going to try to answer people and let them know the truth instead of worrying about it until I forget to do it.
I too am weary of meeting new people irl
Some people will worm their way into your life
And wreak havoc
But you just have to be firm and draw lines
When they cross them let em know
If they keep on cut them off
You can't live in a walled off house all your life
Well you can
It's just lonely
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Here some perspective from an old dude. I think you are in your 20s? When I was a younger junkie I got in a habit of isolating so I could shoot dope and not have to hide it. The isolation leads to more dope which leads to more isolating . I know u are not using right now, but having normal friends is a good thing, you may need their support later, you've mentioned your family is in a different state.
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Dude probably doesn't have much going on besides his wife and kids and you seem like a cool dude, nonthreatening, to hang out with. Sometimes people get desperate for "Friends," just dude friends, and they can let it get out of hand.
Cut him some lack, and take the advice given on how to let him know you're no interested in hanging out with him, or anyone else. He may be under the impression that you're out hanging with all kinds of people and cutting him out just because he's not "cool" enough.
Battery low. Gotta go.
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Yeah bro, people are fucking weird.
That's all I can say on it.....fucking.weird.
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Honestly dude, 3 texts doesn't really qualify as stalking imo. I think even just sending a short text saying you can't talk right now and you'll text him later would've helped a lot. On the flip side, maybe he was going through something and just trying to reach out to someone?
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Dude probably doesn't have much going on besides his wife and kids and you seem like a cool dude, nonthreatening, to hang out with. Sometimes people get desperate for "Friends," just dude friends, and they can let it get out of hand.
Cut him some lack, and take the advice given on how to let him know you're no interested in hanging out with him, or anyone else. He may be under the impression that you're out hanging with all kinds of people and cutting him out just because he's not "cool" enough.
Battery low. Gotta go.
LOL Just going on appearances here, but I don't see any scenario in which those two guys would be friends. One is a preppy, professional looking guy. The other is a bad mishmash of stereotypical gay and stereotypical frat guy bro. Basing their interests and goals in life solely on their appearances, they both seem worlds apart. Certainly not friends.
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LOL Just going on appearances here, but I don't see any scenario in which those two guys would be friends. One is a preppy, professional looking guy. The other is a bad mishmash of stereotypical gay and stereotypical frat guy bro. Basing their interests and goals in life solely on their appearances, they both seem worlds apart. Certainly not friends.
They come together, cause opposites attract.
I would get irritated if somebody never replied to me either. There is no bromance there. It's just a bit of common courtesy.
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They come together, cause opposites attract.
Dude, I LOL'd hard at that one. I'm not afraid to admit I had quite a crush on Paula Abdul during her heyday, had the cassette tape, knew most of the songs by heart, and I would boner out big time whenever the video for cold-hearted snake would come on MTV. I must have been 7 or 8 at the time.
and then there was the video for the song you mentioned with the cartoon cat voiced by who I thought was Arsenio Hall of all people.
ah....memories
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LOL Just going on appearances here, but I don't see any scenario in which those two guys would be friends. One is a preppy, professional looking guy. The other is a bad mishmash of stereotypical gay and stereotypical frat guy bro. Basing their interests and goals in life solely on their appearances, they both seem worlds apart. Certainly not friends.
Duh! That's why it's a bad bromance!
I think Griffin ought to listen to my comment about the guy probably is under the impression that you have hella friends and are real popular and are ignoring him because he doesn't cut the mustard for you insofar as being "cool" enough goes.
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Dude, I LOL'd hard at that one. I'm not afraid to admit I had quite a crush on Paula Abdul during her heyday, had the cassette tape, knew most of the songs by heart, and I would boner out big time whenever the video for cold-hearted snake would come on MTV. I must have been 7 or 8 at the time.
and then there was the video for the song you mentioned with the cartoon cat voiced by who I thought was Arsenio Hall of all people.
ah....memories
Mc scat cat. My favorite animal rapper. Lol
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Thanks for all the help, it is much appreciated, the guy was texting me a few times a week for the past month, and this was the first time that I hadn't replied to him within a day. I am just going to leave it alone, and take the advice for making new friends and being up front, about my anxiety and agoraphobia. I think starting school again will give me all the social satisfaction I need for a while, and hopefully next year isn't full of shittyness like this year and I can start becoming less worried about getting arrested every time I leave the house.