dopetalk

Core Topics => Suicide and Ideation => Topic started by: thetalkingasshole on January 16, 2016, 02:25:02 PM

Title: I'm done
Post by: thetalkingasshole on January 16, 2016, 02:25:02 PM
There is nothing left that brings me joy or happiness at this point
nothing left to even make me feel like life MIGHT at some point be worth it for me
I just try and try and try and just fall deeper and deeper

This site, and especially all you memebets have helped me to make it this far in life
to not be ashamed of who I am, a real love for each other, and understanding
but that can only take you so far

I'm sorry
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: dizzle on January 16, 2016, 02:34:48 PM
hey man. chill out.


I've been there. I know how shitty it can feel to feel hopeless, but I PROMISE you'll look back on this point years from now and realize it was a blip on the radar, thats it. Problems are fixable, mistakes can be corrected, there's a lot to live for, don't do anything rash, please!!!!!!!!!!!!



Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Z on January 16, 2016, 04:33:21 PM
If you think things are horrible and couldn't possibly get worse, then you should look at the positive side of that.  Things can only get better from here.  Are there concrete goals that you want to happen, but don't know how to start moving towards the place you want to be in?  Do you need some help figuring out how to achieve your dreams?


When things have felt hopeless for me I found it helps to start with small easy to achieve goals.  The kind of thing that you can't help but accomplish.  Just getting a bit of success under your belt really helps to change your viewpoint on things.  Start with simple stuff like I will go out and do "X" today.  Maybe talk to 5 girls that look interesting.  Nothing much.  Just say hi and see how it goes.  You get it?


Then you can start incorporating goals that are harder, but that get you going more towards where you want to be.  If you tell me what you want I can help you figure out some ways to achieve that.


The problem with suicide is that it's so final.  It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I can understand the frustration and the draw, believe me I can.  It's just not worth it.  Don't go doing anything rash please. 
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Illadelph215 on January 16, 2016, 05:24:48 PM
Hey man, I hope you just posted this out of pure frustration and anger and you've had time to think about it. I don't know you well but ever since joining I've seen and read your posts and enjoyed them. Just to this site you are a big contribution and we all appreciate your input and voice. Please don't be stupid and do something you can never take back. I and a lot of other people on here would be crushed without you a part of this site and that's just on here! Picture the amount of people IRL. You can always talk to me or plenty of others on here who would love to help or just lend an ear. Please get back to us bud.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Snoop on January 16, 2016, 06:19:19 PM
Brother, I know we don't keep up with each other much here.

But dude, I can tell that you've been in pain lately... Not physically. But the anguish is palpable. And I feel genuine concern for ya.

When I was your age... I just discharged from the service, lived on the streets of SF and Oakland for a spell. Then caught my first Prison Term. All between the ages of 23-25.

I was so despondent at the time... I didn't think shit could get any worse. Looking down the barrel of a 36 month term. Hopelessly hooked on Heroin. And NOT looking forward to ANY of it.

I came out the other side of it though... And u will also. Just keep going. Keep fighting. Fuck negative people that make you feel badly about yourself. That goes for women and 'so called friends' too.

This lifestyle loans its fair share of depression and self loathing. Try to remember that. A lot of this shit is just in your head.

Not that it makes it any less real... But it helps to know. I think.

Sometimes when I get that way, I force myself to do SOMETHING.Anything that will make me think differently. Read books, Punch the Living Fuck outta my Punching Bag, play with the dogs, focus on my kid.

Focus on something other than how badly you're feeling.

Also.... Happiness comes from within. Someone else can't MAKE you happy. Sure, they can give u a sense of belonging. But ultimately it's going to come from within.

Drugs can mask your feelings. Give us a false sense of security. Take us away from it all....

But those feelings are doing pushups in the parking lot, waiting for you when the ride is over.

That's important to remember also... We can  run, but we can't hide for long.

I really hope you pull through all of  this.

Sounds cliche, I know... But Life is too Short man. It really really is.

U need an ear... Shoot me an email dude.

Everything gonna be alright.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: adamn1t on January 16, 2016, 06:24:17 PM
There is nothing left that brings me joy or happiness at this point
nothing left to even make me feel like life MIGHT at some point be worth it for me

Hey man i might not know you very well but i know exactly how you feel, trust me i do. Ive literally said that exact same thing to myself countless times. All i know is that these are just emotions. Just chemical reactions in the brain that are not working in your favor. I suggest eating a meal, even if you feel you cant eat just shove anything down. Then sleep. Thats what I do, it helps in short term.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Snoop on January 16, 2016, 06:35:47 PM
HALT:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

I remember this from some NA meeting once upon a time.

If you're down and out.... Take care of these four things.

Eat something. Relax your thoughts. Talk to a friend, your mom/dad/friend. Get some rest.

It's not the ANSWER to it all... But it's a start.

Anything worthwhile or worth having takes time. And all journeys start with just one single step.

Chin up, Chest out.

Overcome.

This pain will be useful to you one day.

Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Sand and Water on January 16, 2016, 07:36:11 PM
TTA--Im so so sorry. Please please, try to take all the good advice above--especially be sure to try to eat (i know you're prolly not hungry, but its a crucial part of starting to feel less horrible). Depression is a lying, sneaky bastard.  It's almost like ya keep having to get back in the ring for another round & you're already running on fumes :(

We're here for you, but is there *anyone* IRL you can talk to?  I don't mean a hookup, I mean like someone you trust to just let some of this out to?  It may sound silly, but if there isn't, would you consider calling a suicide/crisis line?  Sometimes just a human voice validating you aren't alone & just being *heard* can really help. We have a section Chipper started if you feel up to talking there too, but if not, it's ok. Just please don't isolate & stay in your own head too much.

I care & many others too. You're NOT alone or any of the other "bad" things that crappy voice in your head is telling you. You're smart, funny & have a TON to offer. It takes incredible STRENGTH to hang on & please keep trying cuz you are so worth it.   

Give a holler to any of us you feel comfy talking with ANYTIME--praying & sending you the best vibes possible. Please check back in as you can ok?  Much love
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Chip on January 16, 2016, 07:41:48 PM
firstly, please do not take any action.

secondly, try to understand and accept that the world is in a perpetual state of flux ... all you have to do is your best until situations change - and they always do.

my own issues are to with lonliness and coping with unemployment - so I understand your misery.

but I also believe in what I preach and from time to time, I force myself to go out and look for work, fun and companionship ... and it mostly works to different degrees long as you are persistent.

please don't underestimate your worth as you are a very popular member here - and this is a tough crowd.

listen to all the great advice already given here and please do not give up.

PLEASE ! you have a great personality and you need to be present and have to give others both the opportunity and time to discover that.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: candy on January 16, 2016, 08:10:17 PM
Hey man,
I am so sorry you are feeling the way you do.
As some members have already posted, many of us with addiction and depression have felt the way you are feeling right now.

I myself have felt like I just could not go on another day. I just wanted to end all the pain I was feeling, and the guilt I had for hurting my kids and making life harder for them.  I just wanted to feel normal, whatever that is, but I really felt I might make that move. 

It was so hard to let my bf know I wanted to end my own life. Then, my brother tries to hang himself, and seeing him hanging there almost to the point of death was so difficult and made me re-access my choices in life. Did I want my kids or bf to find me dead? No, not after my nephew, sister, and I pulled my brother down.

I think the key to finding a better option to dealing with this depression is to reach out to the members on this board who you feel close to. But first, you must find help in some way. I am not sure where you live, but I believe we have a national number to call if you are feeling suicidal.

I would be so happy to talk with you. Please take some time to think about what everyone has said.
If you would like to talk on the phone, send me a message and I will give you my phone number.
No one should feel lonely or hopelessness and not have someone to talk to who knows how you are feeling.

Please reach out to someone.
I am here!

Candy
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Tony on January 16, 2016, 10:33:26 PM
To the OP,

I don't post much these days. I have a lot of stuff going on and I have lots of fatigue and depression is rearing it's ugly head.

We are not close but I remember you from the Phile and always read your posts. I enjoy your posts a lot.

I hate to see you feeling so rotten that you may be considering not choosing life. I have been there as have most
of the folks that have posted in this thread. I am going to take some liberties and go out on a limb. Only because
this is a huge thing and I want you to make it till you feel better. As someone already said, if you wait, this time of
feeling better will come for sure.

First off, you are a smart and very likable young guy. This means a lot. You have lots of time to turn your situation around and have the brains and
natural abilities to do it. No one knows for sure if there is an afterlife. But one thing is sure. This life is done. The finality of this is huge. So I appeal to
your wisdom. Please don't do something that has such a great magnitude to end pain that will most likely pass in a short time. Brother, I believe that
even though this world can be a huge shitpot, in fact there is love. It is sometimes easy to believe that it's not true, but you are loved. Someone loves
you man. Even if you are alone in this world you have people right here on this site that care for you as a friend and brother in arms. You probably either
have or will have a wife and kids. These people will love and depend on you. It can make life worthwhile. I say give it time and it will happen.

One thing that helps me when I am in a dark mood is to think of folks that are worse off than me. Little kids that are hungry and alone. People that are in
prison and over in Syria starving cause ISIS treats then as sex slaves and infidels because they were born the " wrong" religion according to them. Hell,
you I am sure are in a bad state. No doubt. But please try to think of folks that have it worse and think of how, that maybe, just maybe, if you can hang on
for the time it takes to let this darkness pass, you will be able to feel that life is worth it.

Good luck man. And fight the good fight. I believe in you.   

Peace,

Tony 2016
   
           



   

       
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Griffin on January 17, 2016, 04:25:40 PM
Shit gets better, it definitely hits the fan sometimes and it sucks dealing with but no matter what it always gets better you just gotta keep you head up. I went through a shit year pretty much the whole year last year, and I felt pretty hopeless and depressed my self confidence and self esteem were shit and it sucked hard, but you have a ton of good things going for you and you don't even know or realize it.

It definitely helps to talk about it for real, I bitched about pretty much everything that was happening last year on here and hearing everyones support and advice was very helpful. You definitely have people to talk to who care about you, you just gotta keep trucking, eventually it will get better. You just can't give up cause there is way to much shit to live for and do.

You are in your prime, and even though you might not feel like it or think about it and you worry that maybe the monotany and not doing anything is wasting away your life but it's not. There is like a million fucking things you still gotta do, you gote vote for bernie saunders, and smoke a fat joint on a mountain, and gnr is making a comeback show, there is a ton of cool shit that you need to do and you have a purpose you are a good dude.

Have you even seen the new star wars homie? Cause on the interwebs theres a website that you can stream it on for free you don't even have to download it and its pretty good quality like i am pretty sure the guy who filmed it in the theatre had like an iphone 6 at least... and he had hands like a surgeon.

Main thing I am saying is you are important and you got some important shit to do maybe not today or this year but you will fulfill that purpose whether its just helping the kid down the block take a different path so he isnt in and out of prison his whole life or becoming the president so i can have me some pharma H and some opanas you are needed.

You are way to young and way to cool to be put up the gloves so don't. You should goto the humor thread and goto the link someone posted that are emails from an asshole they are hilarious most definitely going to brighten your day. If you need anyone to talk to message me I'm your age i wont say i know what struggles you are dealing with or how to fix them but i will say that I have had some struggles myself and it never seemed like it would change or get better and it did pretty significantly and talking to people is something that made that happen.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Zoops on January 17, 2016, 05:28:00 PM
Shit man, just reading this outpouring to you ought to be enough to change your mood a little bit. If it was me, I'd be all like "people like me dammit!" So don't give up. Because that's exactly what you're talking about, just giving up, throwing in the towel, over some small stuff most likely.

I doubt you're responsible for any genocide or even one family losing its home. I doubt you have even killed a kitty cat before.

My point is, you haven't done anything to deserve to do to yourself what you're thinking of doing.

You said you don't have anything in life to look forward to. That might be true, but life has a way of constantly changing. My situation now is different than it was a year ago. Sure, I still deal with the substance abuse "issues," and I'm still the same person, but my situations and my moods are different than a year ago. I know from reading your posts over the years (damn... years, wow) that you've gone through quite a few changes - going on the road, getting some different jobs, different drugs, girls, a bunch of stuff. And I seem to recall you from time to time admitting having fun. It's not like you're just sitting around doing nothing. So, your life will change from how it is today, and therefore you can't say that "you don't have anything to look forward too."

Shit, and I also count myself among those who enjoy your posts. I laughed out loud before at stuff you've written, several times. And that's saying something, not like all these two-bit junkboxes on here (hahaha).

The only thing that really concerns me with you right now is that you've been talking about using meth recently, and I suspect that 's where this depression is coming from. So put the damn meth down , son!

And PM me if you want. I know it's not really worth a whole hell of a lot to someone who is in the grips of suicidal depression, but there's a whole lot of people on here that don't want to see you gone.

I have a homework assignment that is guaranteed to make you feel better: use your special drug-seeking powers to find some of that morphine you like to use and take a big-ass dose, maybe have a drink and call a lady (if you tell her about your feeling blue, they eat that shit up if you didn't already know) and enjoy life for a minute or two.

Man I really hope you're reading all this love people have for you right now.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: thetalkingasshole on January 17, 2016, 05:31:32 PM
i did try and act
and somehow it didnt work
i think the xanax i tried to use was fake because it had no effect

i have no plans of trying again
but i also am in no better of a place current;y
i appreciate so much you all have had to say here
but i think im not going to post much for a little while

you can email, i think, so if you feel the need to then go ahead
i cant promise i will respond but it helps a little to know that people
people ive never met, many ive never had a real conversation with
would take the time to share their thoughts

im sorry for making this thread and just being such a stupid asshole to you all

its nice to know that there are some people in this world who can empathize
and even show real concern for my well-being
but i am still alone in my life, still homeless, still addicted

i just need at least one person in my real life who could offer me some real love
not a love of getting high with me, or scoring from me
i just dont see how a change is possible

meetings, forcing myself to go out and meet people
eating four times or more a day, exercising
developing interests in hockey and world affairs and politics
none of it moves me out of my car, none of it heps me earn a living wage
none of it helps me to find a way to get throug life without needing opiates
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Specter on January 17, 2016, 08:53:32 PM
Can you get yourself some help? Rehab an option?

Dude I had a great job for my area making way more money than one should need and 3 weeks from getting married when my life came crashing down.  I spent several hundred thousand dollars and lost absolutely everything.  I was the same way-- literally nothing got me off my ass unless it was to procure narcotics.  Finally I couldn't fucking deal with it anymore and went to rehab.  I didn't want to go infact I hated the first few days of it maybe the first week of it... Then I just stuck it out did the work did the BS too and tried to smile.  It wasn't fun but 28 days later I felt like a new person.

I have feelings again, I care about shit again-- that's not drugs.  I still think about it, I still miss it but I don't fucking miss feeling like you're feeling right now.  This is cliche as fuck but nobody can help you but you-- I truly mean that. 

I truly wish you the best because this shit absolutely fucking sucks.  I'm thinking what the fuck do people do when they don't do drugs or drink-- especially on the weekend.  I will say though that I've tried this game every fucking way you can try it and I always end up miserable.  I'm not some fucking person that will sit here and tell you that you can't do what you want-- but I couldn't break that spell until I had 3 weeks of clean time in me.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Narkotikon on January 17, 2016, 11:37:20 PM
TTA, I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. I'm glad you decided to return to post, because it gave you a chance to read what everyone wrote. I also believe all the people who responded to this thread are genuinely concerned, and that they genuinely care for you.

I'm glad your attempt didn't work. Please don't try it again. I think it's s great sign that you said you wouldn't. I echo everyone's advice to get out and reach out to friends. Talk to them, use them as a support network. I promise getting this stuff off your chest will make you feel better, even if just temporarily.

When you're able, force yourself to get out of your car and do something. It doesn't have to be grand, or anything that costs money. If it's not too cold out, take a walk. Admire the scenery. Look at interesting homes and architecture if you're interested in that type of thing. Forcing yourself to get out there will help you feel better temporarily.

I don't leave the house much. I have no real desire to. I usually only leave once a week to go to appointments and run errands. At most twice a week. And it's exhausting, and I complain about having to do it, and I don't look forward to having to do it. But once I do, and after I get home, I feel much better. I also think of all the experiences I had that day, and how the world and people don't always suck as much as I think they do. It's the constant pessimism that's the problem, as well as the depression and the accompanying lack of motivation. I think you'd be similar. If you forced yourself to go out, you'd feel better. If only for a while. It's something at least. A little ray of light in a sea of shit.

I'm not sure what's around you, but lots of places have either free or sliding scale therapy places. Sure, you could start seeing a therapist. It's really not that bad. If you get a bad one, or one you don't like, you're free to switch to a different one. The point is that you'd have one advocate in your corner. Someone in your real, offline life that is supportive of you. That can be a lifeline.

Also, if you did that, lots of agencies have social workers that act as case managers. A case manager could help you find employment, housing, apply for benefits if applicable, etc. They work for you to help you get your life back on track. They'll know of local programs that could help you: temporary / emergency and eventually permanent housing; locations of food pantries to help you eat; and help you find other services and programs that might benefit you. In short, they can help you get out of your car and off the streets. It's just something to consider.

Good luck, and much respect for having the courage to post this topic and your feelings. If you really don't want to post, I at least hope you come back to read the subsequent posts after your last. Another thing for future reference, is that you can set up your account to have replies to your posts emailed to you. You can also have your PMs forwarded to your email. So even if you don't want to log on, you'd still be notified when someone is trying to talk to you. Stay safe, and feel better soon.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Zoops on January 18, 2016, 12:56:56 AM
Yeah man, what Nark said is good advice. Sure, eating three meals a day won't help you to find someplace to live, and having some new friends won't either, or exercising, or learning about world politics, but if you do stuff like that, you won't feel so down in the dumps. And that's how stuff happens in people's lives. They get out there and interact with others.

That's how people find a place to live, a job, a pussy rider, everything.

But you know this already. I've seen you do it.

And you needn't spend a dime on food. If you're in any type of city-ish/suburban area, they most likely have some resources like a food pantry. If you don't have food stamps, GET THEM! It was pretty easy, and even a dyed in the wool conservative like me applied for them and got them. It's not much money, or even enough money, to eat with, but that combined with the free groceries from the food pantry ensured I didn't starve, if only for one day. I mean realistically, there was no way I was going to die of starvation where I was living, but it helped me not to have to go a day or two without food, which would have been a real possibility. And let me tell you having to go a full 24 hours without some sustenance is not pleasant.

And shit, if you get enough food from the pantry, then you can flip your food stamps to get cash for drugs or alcohol (which I did most of the time anyways - when I wasn't shoplifting my beers!). The free groceries were enough for me to survive on, just enough, and the selection was the pits, but it enabled me to not have to spend ANY money on food!                                       Occasionally, they'd have some really nice shit at the food pantry, like whole chickens, sausages, real nice samwiches from Whole Foods that was marked like $8.00, ice cream, and gourmet shit like hummus. We got a wide selection of pastries every week.

IDK why I went off on that little tangent. But damn, don't get so down on yourself. You can actually have some fun, you know.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Chip on January 18, 2016, 04:04:23 AM
TTA, you are a tough mofo. ... you will not only get through this but I predict that you will look back at the strength you displayed during this severe low point.

things can only get improve ... you HAVE to stay with us.

... besides, the site needs you - regular, high value posters are exactly what everyone wants.

please, please, please stay with us !

you will bounce back if you just hold on ... I attempted suicide twice and a passer-by saved me ... I am forever grateful.

you are much loved here.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Griffin on January 18, 2016, 12:54:31 PM
I am going to reiterate what zoops said cause that is great advice. Definitely look into all of the food pantries and homeless resources you have close to you. When I got arrested the 1st time and lost everything I was feeling pretty shitty I had just everything I own, my job, house, girlfriend, car, etc, and i only had the clothes on my back and couldnt leave the state even though i had no family or friends for 700 miles. It was a struggle no doubt, it was winter, and besides kicking rocks I didn't what to do.

It took me 4 months to get into a homeless shelter, and it was the best thing that has probably ever happened to me. The saying it isn't what you know it is who you know is so true, every single job that I haven't gotten off craigslist I got from someone I knew. Same thing with the homeless shelter, my temporary MMT counselor-in-training used to work at the homeless shelter, and after she saw me going once a week for a few months with no success she called the lady who ran the thing and got me a spot.

Reach out to the people you know, before I got into the homeless shelter a friend got me a job at a pizza hut and someone I worked with there let me sleep on their couch for $50 a week, for a month. The homeless shelter gave me a bus pass, clothes, a home, all of my food, and a lot of knowledge. I had my own room and it was really nice all the food was donated from whole foods. I didn't have to spend a dime and I stayed there for 2 months until I saved up money and found a cheap place to live that they recommended.

Just going out and looking for homeless resources, and a job is very satisfying. It kills time, you meet a lot of people, and every person you meet is really an oppurtunity. If you don't have food stamps, or medicaid goto the HR office and get them, or atleast sign up online if you can so you don't have to make a day out of it. I get like 100 a month for food its amazing and medicaid is the best insurance I have ever had by far its almost worth staying poor for.

When people give me shit about being on it and relying on the government and all that I just explain my arrests, the fines I have to pay from them, and how much I pay each year in taxes and tell them I getting my shit back. I've had to pay over $5000 from my arrests and until I feel like I have been paid in full for my pain and suffering I am not going to feel bad at all about it, if you feel bad about it you can chalk it up to my tab of me getting mine back.

They really help a ton, just being able to save 100$ a month on food is so nice. Financial stress is one of the worst things to deal with it sucks hard. Also being able to get medical care and get my methadone for free is another thing that helps me tremendously to stay on my feet and not have to worry as much about financial bs. So please sign up for both and see if you can get a little help with it if you haven't already. That is why it's there for people struggling.

Finding food pantries, and homeless resource centers is another big life saver, I lost everything twice, and being able to get clothes, and little shit for my apartment, having someone help me with jobs, housing, food, and everything in between was a huge help. Keeping your mind occupied while doing things to better yourself is the best way to get through this. Find a shitty job, a shitty place until you can find a better one, and be where you want to be. I really wish the best for you, its not easy out there and you deserve it! Keep your head up!
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: candy on January 22, 2016, 03:15:40 AM
Hey TTA,
Please check in with us and let us know how you are doing.
I know you may not feel up to posting, but we all do care for you and to lose you would be another great loss for us.

I wish I had something to say that would make things better for you, but I can only tell you that you are a valuable member, friend, and human being, so please just let us know in a few sentences that you are OK.

I will keep you in my thoughts...Sometimes all we can do is take it a minute at a time and if that is all you an do right now, we all have been there at one time or another. Know you are not alone as you can see by the responses of people who care for you.

Hang in there...Sometimes it does get worse before it gets better, but that is just the way it goes for so many who deal with the problems we do as addicts/mental illness/CPP. Keep reaching out, because support is always so helpful when you are in the place you are right now.

Take care and please do reach out before you attempt anything that may have consequences that cannot be turned around or treated.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: thetalkingasshole on January 24, 2016, 12:22:40 AM
Im still doing shit and am hanging on by using slightly more
of course this is going on credit card so I am gonna end up super fucked but idc

I met some more people,
Some dudes (mostly super cool)
Some ladies (both couldn't possibly fit more :drama: in their lives)

That being said I did have 4hrs of totally fucking depraved sex
you know the kind when you use juuusst a lil too much dope
(Hence 4hrs lol)
With a crazy beautiful girl who turned 18 less than 10 days ago
and has only had one bf, a :fuckboy: as they say

These women mean nothing to me though
the other is a junkie of the benzo and vyvanse variety
who actively steals from her mom

I was gonna move in to a place but got no help from family or any hours this week
still in my car, still feeling hopeless
and my parents just keep making it worse

Im past hurting myself
I just still have no reason to get out of bed tjese days
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: Reezy on January 24, 2016, 02:39:18 AM
The only advice I can give is to fake it. Hear me out. When I was down and out I kinda forced myself to do things. Making up little false situations like "if you do this then this will happen(somthing good you want) basically it had a snowball affect. I can say I never felt more confident in my life than as of recently. And now I'm the back of my mind when I feel my self slipping I try and say wtf are you doing shut the fuck up and ride. It's harder said than done I know, otherwise why haven't I done it years ago. Another thing on dreams that played a part in what I just said, is them seeming unachievable is that if another human has done it, you can do it. I saw a post on Facebook I believe that said 97% of people who gave up there dreams are employed by the 3% that didn't.now that's just some inspirational bullshit.. But what ever your dreams may be fake it and treat it like this is fact. Believe it.
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: DeadCat on January 24, 2016, 01:35:14 PM
TTA-

I spent a few years in the 90's in Hollywood, FL shooting dope and smoking rock. I even was a guest of Broward ANS Dade county jails at different times. I learned quite a bit about the scene si ci=ontact me if you have questions or justwant to shoot the shit.

-DC
Title: Re: I'm done
Post by: thetalkingasshole on January 24, 2016, 06:04:52 PM
idk why
but i slept 14hrs last night
and i woke up today feeling actually optimistic about things overall
circumstances are all the same, but for some reason, its just ok now

ive been trying to do the right thing at every opportunity
especially helping out other kids and people in my situation
rides to shelters or food or even money
even gave a TINY bit of my dope to someone who was also clearly sick
just want to try and make the best of this time because i guess like reezy said
its a time of life when you have to fake it if even just to survive

i guess thats the nice thing about a steady source of morphine ;)
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