dopetalk
Core Topics => Seniors, Geriatrics => Topic started by: Chip on September 09, 2016, 07:23:57 AM
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i am repeating myself but it's helping me by sharing it.
Dad died at 19:58, 8th September 2016 (Sydney time), a few weeeks from his 93rd. birthday.
Lucky guy had a great life and a great wife .. he went out on a cloud of Morphine and Midazolam, with all our goodbyes said and with much closure.
As i said, may we all be that lucky ...
Here are my parents, in love and for over 70 years !
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I'm sorry to hear that your father passed, but I am relieved to know that he is no longer in pain.
Hang in there Chipper.
I'm glad you were able to be with him up until the end.
My grandfather died alone in a nursing home because they never called us. It still pains me to think of it.
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you're serious, aren't you ? WOW -- man, that's just slack - there are some cold people out there; i can imagine how you must've felt - it's a type of emotional theft.
dying alone is my own biggest fear.
thanks, bro'
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I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father mate. Sounds like you and your family have been through a bit in the last few months with this. Good to hear he went peacefully.....may we all go like that. Just be careful with grief and using as it can trigger some pretty self destructive behaviour and noone can blame you if you went that way...I think we all have those moments at times like this.....easy to say fuck it and go extra hard on the gear.... Take care mate and i hope the next week or two are as good as they can be.
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Thanks, NZNG ... i have been playing this scenario over and over already so the grief can only improve and evolve into acceptance.
it hurts less knowing that this was his wish.
i've stopped injecting but a little bit of extra "P", as you call it, is all that's needed -- strictly therapeutic doses only.
i'm now being kind to myself and want to be more available for my currently accepting but naturally, a bit despondent mother.
we've had plenty of time to get used to this.
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Sorry to hear about your dad chipper. I'm so glad that he passed peacefully surrounded by those who love him. I lost my grandpa & my husband about a month apart in 2014. Heartbreaking as it was, I found a lot of comfort in the fact that they were both able to die at home with their loved ones there with them to the very end. I hope to be so lucky when it's my time as well.
Sending much love and prayers of comfort to you, your mom & your family.
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THANK YOU !
Your husband also ? I had no idea. That would have been extremely difficult, on top of your grandfather and so soon.
They also had a nice exit and that really make it easier on us who are left.
Thanks for the well wishes, they've been expecting this for a while and that's been a great help.
All this still makes me want to grow old but not too old like dad did ... all is ask for is another thirty years and if I can't get that then at least let our mother die before i do ... i feel that I owe them that.
I hope that you have found or are still looking for a partner.
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Chipper I'm glad that you are at peace with this. Losing someone is tough no matter how you slice it.
RIP
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Thanks Dizzle, I am at peace with it. It is also tough but we have to keep going forward and remember to keep making new relationships.
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My condolences brother. RIP
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RIP, please accept my condolenses.
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My condolences to you and your Mom and family. I'm glad you had a chance to tell him what
you needed to while he was still lucid. You'll never have to live with the dreaded "should have"
running through your mind.
I lost my Dad 10 years ago this December so I really do feel and understand your pain. Cherish
the good memories, you'll be surprised how certain things you see or hear will trigger a forgotten memory and eventually you will be able to think about him and smile. You'll always miss him but
it does get easier over time.
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Thank you all for your condolences.
I hardly knew him as well as I did in his final months.
I grew up very spoilt because I only have sight in one eye and I think my parents took on guilt for that.
He used to get me anything I wanted when I was only a kid so i am now so grateful for that.
I knew he would go first because he had dementia.
And he did so I was prepared.
The beautiful thing was that when I realised, I wasted no time, spending as much time as I could to comfort him.
My only regret was telling him I was an addict but I felt honesty to be the best policy and was hated for it, prior.
But he overcame that hatred when recently first hospitalized so that's the best thing ever about us.
He was a top bloke but very tough on me and was a health and exercise nut.
He spent his entire working life in New Zealand as a taxi driver but he was his own boss and we never went without. He worked from before I woke up to way past my bedtime.
What a guy. He truly was a busy but lucky guy ... only my sister, mom and I are left. He was cool with me never having given him my own children.
What surprised me was his swift demise.
He's back "home" now, from wherever he came from.
The suffering is over and my new life began tonight.
Life goes on.
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You sound lucky to have had a good father. and without saying what already goes without saying, I know how you feel Chip.
I hope the process of his death from this point on isnt a pain in the ass. It's getting kicked while your down to be slammed by any bureaucratic bullshit after your loss.
and out on a cloud of midazolam and morphine. if only we were all so lucky.
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OH, Chipper, I am so sorry that you and your Dad had to say goodbye! Knowing that the time is near never makes it easier when the moment is upon us. I am so glad that you had closure with your Dad! I know as a parent myself, that all we ever want from our children is their happiness and well being-even if it is at the expense of our own. Honor your father by living your best and happiest life!
Just remember you have an entire "family" here who very much care about you! If I could give you a big hug from here, I definitely would!!! Lean on us if you need too!
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@Lolleedee, when you have no kids, virtual communites can certainly help fill that void.
you may not like the song but the sentiment is priceless.
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My condolences, chipper. It is comforting to know that your father died peacefully and is no longer in pain. I hope you're doing okay. Keep your head up!
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Mom and Dad, very much in love (for over 70 years and only a few weeks ever apart):
(No, they have never taken any recreational drugs ever, in case you were wondering where i get my urges from)
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Honestly some beautiful shit. RIP.
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My condolences, chipper. It is comforting to know that your father died peacefully and is no longer in pain. I hope you're doing okay. Keep your head up!
honestly, it couldn't happen soon enough for all involved ... i am handling it far better than i thought i would, probably because we all have to die and the happiest one wins. Thank you, Oxy.
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Honestly some beautiful shit. RIP.
Isn't it ? Plenty of junkies have big hearts and that makes many of us feel better about our chosen path. Good people abound. Thanks to you to, whoever you are.
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Can i just be honest? It seems like this whole thing is more about you than your dad. What about you? How are you holding up?
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My respects and condolences chipper.
He seemed like one tough cookie based on what I have read. I really do hope this time is as smooth for you and the family as possible.
Much love,
-Bass
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Can i just be honest? It seems like this whole thing is more about you than your dad. What about you? How are you holding up?
Thanks for checking up on me, i have been busy rebuilding my Intranet's Mail Server and fiddling with my DNS whilst backing up backups of this forum, my intranet, the router i built and even my desktop.
Keeping busy is the best medicine right now and the crystal is making it all tick over nicely.
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My respects and condolences chipper.
He seemed like one tough cookie based on what I have read. I really do hope this time is as smooth for you and the family as possible.
Much love,
-Bass
Thank you so much. i'm handling it very well and the sense of relief and knowing that it went smoothly all are helping.
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Can i just be honest? It seems like this whole thing is more about you than your dad. What about you? How are you holding up?
My sister has made all the funeral (very small affair, cremation only as we all wanted) arrangements for Friday, so that's sorted.
Well, thank you.
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Everyone deals with the death of a loved one in their own way and in their own time.
Just from what you and I shared, it seems to me you were able to find closure just as you shared here.
Keep sharing. This is still raw and you may experience some ups and downs.
Much love to you Chipper.
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I'm saying like "sorry for your loss, Chipper", because we, humans tend to emphatize with our friends'/buddies' suffering and grief.
However... what has happened to you, your Family and your Dad is the BEST way, the WORST could "appear", isn't it?
So maybe you are at least a little bit "privileged" at that point no one is able to be delighted, as a rule?
The best scenario ever one could expect, as the PERFECT one isn't available...
If one's life is fullfilling we are talking about "someone being lucky".
How to call the situation the person is taken away/passes away relatively smoothly, after a life well-lived, surrounded by the loved ones?
Should we really be to afraid/avoid the word "lucky" in this contest, since our culture used "not to settle for just the 'better one'" in its ongoing rush for ABSOLUTENESS and PERFECTION?
Since DEATH ISN'T PERFECT, as a rule, never, (it could be lesser evil the most), should we deny it, because it just "doesn't fit"?
Good to hear your Father has put His mind up to the fact you are an addict-I'm sure it has improved and straighten your relationship.
You must have been really tight after your Dad got a chance to overcome His prejudice and resentment, as you took "a risk" of being honest with Him.
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It's over three years since my own Dad passed away, He got taken away completely unexpectedly, just left the hous, drove away by His car to the hospital for dialysis and we didn't see Him no longer alive.
He left His laptop turned on in His office, work in progress on the screen...
It was startling and tough enough itself, but what made things even worse was we didn't even know exactly why and how He actually passed away that night, did He suffering or not, was aware of He is dying...? He may have had some special last wish or just a wish to see someone, talk to, to explain what left unexplained the entire life... There's no way to find out anything excepting cold, official info about His last hours, since my Mother picked up the call after everything was over.
I also know for sure that being a tough guy as for the matters of life, so to say, my Dad was still kinda secretly scared of death, decay etc...
Being busy and creative all life long, He seemed not to be able to wrap His head around the idea one day He's going to simple fade away and all His work gone, like that-just turn off, as the world is still going on...or maybe the contrary...
It makes me feel so uneasy... to deal with the loss/missing one's presence, face, words etc. is one thing (and belongs to those who stay alive) but there's also some more unsettling, darker side of the mourning-I can vague feel it every time I kinda "take the departed one perspective".
The sense of loss is always somewhat selfish, one way or another, more or less, as this oddly feeling I'm talking about is completely selfless.
It's like mourn the departed person IN THEIR OWN NAME, as they aren't in position even mourn themselves anymore... I think it concerns people we know for sure they were scared of passing away and wanted to cling this world for any price.
I'm like "Oh God, poor my Dad, if He only knew He died (or is dying) He would be really scared".
Really hard to explain, as it's paradoxically itself and refers to inexpressible...
Sorry for rambling, it has to be some really modest, non-self focused post...
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what a sad way for all involved to see him go.
I'm sorry for all the loose end your own dad left you, that can't be easy.
I'll wonder how i will cope with the mourning, now that you brought it up but thanks for your thoughts on the matter.
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Hello Chipper,
I have not logged in for a while due to my own health problems. So when I saw this it really hit me. I can only imagine the
grief and pain you must feel. Please accept my sincere condolences.
You are kind man. Your folks did a good job in raising you brother.
Kindest regards,
Tony 2016
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Much love chipper... I love old pics... people used to dress so classy.
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Hello Chipper,
I have not logged in for a while due to my own health problems. So when I saw this it really hit me. I can only imagine the
grief and pain you must feel. Please accept my sincere condolences.
You are kind man. Your folks did a good job in raising you brother.
Kindest regards,
Tony 2016
Well that's one he'll of a compliment to my parents ! Thank you for that. I'm coping well but I am medicated and just waiting for the funeral to pass so closure is complete.
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Much love chipper... I love old pics... people used to dress so classy.
Thanks. Those original black and white, blurry shots have character, I agree.
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Sorry that I missed this somehow Chipper. My condolences. I'm sure you have lots of great memories to remember him by, and that he will live on in you for many years to come.
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Sorry that I missed this somehow Chipper. My condolences. I'm sure you have lots of great memories to remember him by, and that he will live on in you for many years to come.
Thanks, Z. I didn't know him all that well but i will keep on trying to make him proud. He had a fabulous life so i'm at peace with it.
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I don't know my own father very well either. I think that we all have our levels of comfort as far as being close to people. We all express it in different ways as well. For one person it is being close and intimate, and for another it's making a sacrifice to work all the time in order to do what needs doing. I think that no matter what we are all a little unsatisfied with the form our childhood took. The grass is greener and all that.
I'm sure that your Dad loved you all a great deal. Older generations of men showed their love through their actions. Spending 14 hours a day driving a taxi to support you guys is right up there with the ultimate declarations of love in the world. He might not have known how to be there in a different way for you guys. I know that it's only now that I have kids of my own that I understand my own father better. Ironically it's only now that his father has died that he seems to be reaching out to me in a different way.
I think that you have to take people as they are. I'm sure that your father showed you what he could of himself, and shared with you what he was able. Remember the good times, and chalk up the rest as a human being doing the best that they are able with the circumstances they are given. If we all had TV lives, then we wouldn't need the tv to lie to us and create fantasy.
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Z, those are very thoughtful words and you are right about so many things.
I never had kids so i have that disadvantage but i always felt that there was plenty of love there; he just came from another country, another time and another culture and couldn't accept my/this lifestyle that brings us together, here.
But he was a top bloke and made people happy. He developed dementia in the last decade and that made him more unpredictable and less understanding but like i said earlier, he eventually forgave me.
That has made a huge difference to how i see him now and i am so thankful for that; it ended far better than i ever imagined.
Seeing the person and not the addict was a breakthrough moment.
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(...)Older generations of men showed their love through their actions. Spending 14 hours a day driving a taxi to support you guys is right up there with the ultimate declarations of love in the world.
I think that you have to take people as they are. I'm sure that your father showed you what he could of himself, and shared with you what he was able. Remember the good times, and chalk up the rest as a human being doing the best that they are able with the circumstances they are given. If we all had TV lives, then we wouldn't need the tv to lie to us and create fantasy.
That's what my own Father has always emphasized, He was like "talk is cheap, the deed is what really matters."
He always pissed me off with it. So well, maybe my logorhea started as rebellion against it, lol.
Much love chipper... I love old pics... people used to dress so classy.
That's what I thought, too, as I saw this photo.
And, in many ways (not saying always), they also used to BEHAVE/act classy-I mean they have known what rules and respect mean etc.
I'm sure that your Parents was this case.
Such a beautiful pair of people who loved and respected each other. It's visible like with a "naked eye".
So rare nowadays.
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Chipper, I am sorry to hear of your father's passing. I just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my thoughts. I wish I could give you a hug.
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Thanks. I have people who are supporting me and now I'm more accepting of my loss.
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I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier Chipper. I messaged you about this topic before I saw it so check for that. I know you know why I didn't respond here sooner.
I hope that in the coming days those who knew him from before you were even born come forward and share good things about him with you. That was one of the best aspects of my grandfather's funeral.
It sounds from what you have written here that if he were alive and lucidly talking to you he would tell you to "chin up" or "keep a stiff upper lip" because that sounds like what he did himself.
On a side note, it always amazes me to think of the things people who lived alost all of the last 100 years have seen. My grandftather went from deliving lumber from a horse drawn cart to leading a strike in the Depression to being a front line medic all the way across Europe to watching the moon landings and more. Change happens so fast and accellerates all the time and I am sure anyone reading this will die in a world completely different than the one we were born into.
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DC, we are keeping the funeral attendees down to a minimum, as per my dad's wishes and neither of us kids will be speaking; i have done it before and I just can't compose myself to do it without bursting into a blubbering mess.
He came from Hungary and escaped to NZ during the revolution in '56, I think it was and was nuts about soccer ... and HATED drugs and drug users so you can imagine how strained our relationship had been in the last couple of decades.
What he didn't see or comprehend was that I was a high functioning addict all throughout my working life so I never felt good enough for him.
As I said, he forgave me when I stuck by his side as soon as he started ailing so we ended the best way possible.
But don't worry about me, you now have to focus solely on your mother and her deteriorating condition.
DC, you have been good support via our PM's, I wanted to make that known. When you use a subcultural social tool like a drug HR forum, you never expect to get REAL support from the members but the conflict that drugs and family create is universal so I shouldn't be surprised.
This thread is almost over but I only just dreamed about my dad last night and it was totally cool ... the memory will always live on.
My mom is slowly ailing too now so I'll be spending much more time with her but it's quite a way to drive so there's that.
DC, keep us all posted about your mom, it really helps to share with not just myself, if you wish.
It's all about your mom now, my journey ends with tomorrow's funeral.
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And now it's all over. There is just the lingering sadness that seems to get worse as my dose wears off.
Farewell dad, I'll never forget you.
Thanks guys for sharing my journey, it's been a great comfort to me.
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:'(
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:'(
:'( :'( :'( x 100 for me ! But it helps to work through the grieving phase, a family first for me.
Sorry to invoke a sad response.
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It sounds like he had a rich and beautiful life. Thank you for sharing Chipper. I'm sending love your way my friend. X