Things we wish guys knew...

[candy]

St. T., I too wanted a place that was not only specific to the needs of women, but also a place where women could discuss things like menstruation, pregnancy and addiction, having children and addiction, and the things we as women experience.
Not only the things we experience as women with addiction, but just as women in general.

If the men want to chime in and discuss an issue issue regarding a woman in their life, no problem by me.
I have not discussed the issue with Nick and Chipper yet, but I will when I have some time.
If this thread should get out of hand and there are personal attacks on anyone, it will be closed.

I want the women here to feel safe and secure if they need to share a problem in their lives. I would imagine the gals would have to subscribe to this part of the forum, as we did with the FF on opiophile if we want only women to have access.

I don't see any problem with the men having a place on the forum to discuss personal issues as well. Maybe that is a good thing. I know how easy it can be for tempers to flare when we always don't see eye to eye on things and that is not just a member type issue, but an issue with the opposite sex.

I have not read through the entire thread, so I think it is best I do and then decide what to do next.

Just be respectful and that goes for everyone.

We are still working out the kinks and the idea of a women only area of the forum was something I wanted to see happen here.
So, let's make it work and until we change things and please keep posting.

[Thoms]

To throw it out there i bet there are a lot of men just reading this like me. After this little post i wont say anything else and go back to reading because i think this thread is a good place to learn something that i should know. I only care about pleasing one woman though and i hope i can learn something here that will help me be a better boyfriend to her. Thomus out.

[neighbor]

as a man I wouldnt want a 'mens only' area. this a forum for drug users. discussion is good.

if any women want a discussion without any input from men, I think a simple notification at the top of the thread would do the job pretty well.

and honestly, I'd cringe at the idea of an "Empowerment of Men" section, because of the ugly implications i.e. that we need to be more empowered.
and if I was a woman Id probably feel the same way. the same way if I was black, I'd cringe everytime 'black history month' rolled around.

the point being that there is an implied inferiority when you talk about empowering people who are already equal. (atleast in my mind. but then that might be the whole issue)


@shelley you seem so very bitter towards men, and I cant say I dont understand. you have no idea who the fuck I am but Ive been reading your posts for years so I know you as well as youve allowed yourself to be known. someone already said it, the men you spend your time with are probably not your average men. and while im sure youve spent time around average men, it probably wasnt nearly as long as the time youve spent around real pieces of shit. how could you not harbor any bad feelings towards men?

[Sand and Water (OP)]

as a man I wouldnt want a 'mens only' area. this a forum for drug users. discussion is good.

if any women want a discussion without any input from men, I think a simple notification at the top of the thread would do the job pretty well.

and honestly, I'd cringe at the idea of an "Empowerment of Men" section, because of the ugly implications i.e. that we need to be more empowered.
and if I was a woman Id probably feel the same way. the same way if I was black, I'd cringe everytime 'black history month' rolled around.

the point being that there is an implied inferiority when you talk about empowering people who are already equal. (atleast in my mind. but then that might be the whole issue)


@shelley you seem so very bitter towards men, and I cant say I dont understand. you have no idea who the fuck I am but Ive been reading your posts for years so I know you as well as youve allowed yourself to be known. someone already said it, the men you spend your time with are probably not your average men. and while im sure youve spent time around average men, it probably wasnt nearly as long as the time youve spent around real pieces of shit. how could you not harbor any bad feelings towards men?

Hey Thoms--thank you Sir

Hey Neighbor--please see post #57 in which I ask the guys to just sit back & "listen". If they have an opinion, please feel free to PM the poster, applaud or ignore etc.

 ****I put the exception to this request there****

Idecided itd be best to ask this because the thread has (& continues to) get derailed from the title and equally important, this subforum was meant not to exclude men, but to have a space where the women could feel to speak freely to other women without fear of judgement.

If you read my initial responses, (look starting around #50 I think), i hope I've made it clear how much I (& I hope others) have enjoyed what EVERYONE has contributed. I know I have!  But, given the derails and feeling from other women that they don't feel like they can just "let it all hang out", I posted what I thought was reasonable above in #57.

Thanks to everyone for being so respectful of this already. I'll see if I can somehow change the title. 

[neighbor]

my bad, I was going by what you said in your initial post. something like "guys opinions are welcome". I diddnt see the other disclaimer.

[Sand and Water (OP)]

my bad, I was going by what you said in your initial post. something like "guys opinions are welcome". I diddnt see the other disclaimer.

Seriously, no worries at all, my post wasn't meant in any negative way towards you (or the guys who posted).  Given the concerns voiced, I thought it would be reasonable to ask. I certainly didn't intend to come across as "no guys wanted" given I'd said initially that input from everyone was welcome. And had posted about things the guys had to say that I valued. (Post #57 was after hearing discontent and trying to find a reasonable compromise so the guys would know their input had been appreciated).  I sincerely apologize if you took it as me scolding or fussing.

Have a good one

Ok girls, am I the Lone Ranger as far as breast feeding "surprises"?! 

[St. Theresa]

Sorry, SW,  I have no kids so I've never fed anyone thru my boobs before! but my husband says he would die without them ...

You know when your tits gets all swollen before your period? Well every other month mine get like WHOA BABY, they're super full and tender...I often wonder how it is for lactating women and am sure it's much worse and even painful.

[Jega]

It's a biological response and I would have no problems with it.

If I had kids myself we would have bigger problems.

I had this discussion the other day and I think it's a generational shift in that we just don't care about breastfeeding.

[_Enduser]

"in which I ask the guys to just sit back & "listen"-  Men wish ladies knew that men are incapable of just shutting the fuck up and listening sometimes/most of the time. 

I really don't feel like a woman or a man, personally, so I shouldn't respond to this thread buttttttt I've got one!!!!!! 
(The whole hunter gatherer theory on women being caregivers and why they "want to be homemakers" is complete bullshit and full of so many logical fallacies I don't want to address them; but it's obvious to me gender roles have nothing to do with nature; as anything doesn't anymore when you're talking about actual people and not animals....)


I wish men knew that having sex with a girl on her period is NO BIG DEAL, a little bit of blood never hurt anyone!  JUST THROW A FUCKING TOWEL DOWN!!!!!!


Makes for a good photo-op on white sheets even!

I like this thread, because it lets me know who is female and who I should hit on

JOKING JOKING JOKING

[Sand and Water (OP)]

Lol St T--it's kind if like that--only it happens several times a day. Ya feed the baby, they go down...ya *cant* get to baby when you're "full"...ooops!  Tenderness only until you nurse (& for me nowhere near as much as pre-period!). At least when you're swollen before your period, nothing leaks out!  I'm still holding a grudge about nobody warning me lol. Soooo embarrassing to be in public & everyone seeing your shirt while pretending NOT to see lol.

Jega, is it that you don't want to breast feed (which is your business of course), or are you not aware of the benefits to baby & you?  I'm just curious, so please don't feel like you have to reply.

[Jega]

Breast feed all you want! I appreciate if you do it secretly, but we're all mammals. This is how children are raised.

[candy]

What I want to know is why so many men are grossed out at seeing a woman breast feed her baby, but don't mind seeing a pair of tits hardly covered at the beach.?
Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do to feed and nourish her baby, not to mention the bond it creates.
Men can't do that!
Anyone care to explain how you feel about seeing a woman breast feed in public?

Did you know that if you place a newborn on their mother's belly, the baby will do this sort of push like motion to find the breast all by itself?
And it really happens. Seen it with my own eyes.  Babies just know what to do, it is mother's who are fucked over by the medical field and have their babies taken from them right after birth. I am all for home births if the mother and baby are both healthy and their is an emergency backup plan.
A new mother and her baby need to bond and there is no reason to rip the baby away after a few minutes.

[Sand and Water (OP)]

What I want to know is why so many men are grossed out at seeing a woman breast feed her baby, but don't mind seeing a pair of tits hardly covered at the beach.?
Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do to feed and nourish her baby, not to mention the bond it creates.
Men can't do that!
Anyone care to explain how you feel about seeing a woman breast feed in public?

Did you know that if you place a newborn on their mother's belly, the baby will do this sort of push like motion to find the breast all by itself?
And it really happens. Seen it with my own eyes.  Babies just know what to do, it is mother's who are fucked over by the medical field and have their babies taken from them right after birth. I am all for home births if the mother and baby are both healthy and their is an emergency backup plan.
A new mother and her baby need to bond and there is no reason to rip the baby away after a few minutes.

Lol JUST SO IT'S CLEAR & NO ONE THINKS THEY SHOULDN'T REPLY--THIS QUESTION IS THE SORT OF "EXCEPTION" I MEANT IN POST #57 SO FEEL FREE TO SHARE GUYS

I'm curious too about this too. I HAD to nurse my daughter; she was allergic to everything except Alimentum & I still remember her father saying "sure it's natural, but so's taking a dump & you don't do that in the living room do you?"   ::eyeroll::

[Opus]

Doesn't bug me at all. I'd rather see a kid being fed naturally than exclusively on formula..

[candy]

I used to get the ugliest looks when I would breast feed my son when we were out. I kept both him and my breast under a receiving blanket, but people would still look at me like I was the most disgusting thing they just fed.
Maybe I should of just let my baby cry in the restaurant or feed him in the hot car?

What would always get me was when other mothers would not only seem disgusted, but would make the stupidest comments. "How can you stand that?" How can I stand to feed my baby? What the fuck?
"It is so much easier to just bottle feed." How so? I didn't have to get up to make a bottle or warm on up. I didn't even have to get out of bed if I didn't need to."

Part of the problem is education from medical professionals. There are hospitals and OBGYN's who are starting to hire and have on staff, lactation specialists that work with pregnant mom's and dad's if they can be there to go through education to help a woman be successful at breastfeeding.

Yes, there are cracked nipples, leaking, babies not latching on well, and so much more to deal with, but the nourishment and bond are worth it.
Breastfeeding can also improve the immune system of babies mom, improve her mood, and increase her sex drive.

Of course there are many women who deal with terrible PPD(Post Partum Depression), illness, or other physical and emotional problems that can prevent her from breastfeeding.

While I agree that the breast is best, no woman should be shamed if she does not breastfeed.

And now father's can get the feeling of breastfeeding. A very tiny tube attached to a nipple is then attached to a bottle. The tube is taped to the area above the father's nipple, so that the tube is lying over the nipple. The baby is helped to latch on and with the taste of formula the baby will start to suckle and then dad gets to know what breast feeding is like.
It was how I had to start off my youngest feeding from the breast because he was in the NICU and my milk wasn't coming in well due to stress.

[Chip]

I use my talk less and listen/watch more.

drugs for sex is such a cold, cold transaction.

nope, not a cool transaction - I like real money for those types of transactions, it's wiser and seems less exploitative.