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Author Topic: Things we wish guys knew...  (Read 18701 times)

Offline St. Theresa

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #44 on: September 05, 2015, 12:17:07 AM »
Salt & water.  this was a great thread. I really think us women (members) would benefit with out any men in a future thread where we talk about feelings and speculate and maybe bitch and moan a bit.  Some men get it and others need to make it known that we are wrong. Where that was never the point!

So it'd be cool if we can have a closed women's thread. Women and women only.  Sorry to all you guys, the good guys that truly love and respect women. I love and respect men. But I would ask if a women's only area can please be considered. There will always be this argument of us generalizing men if we don't have one.

Thanks :)
« Last Edit: September 05, 2015, 12:18:52 AM by St. Theresa »
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I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs."
"I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking."
"Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."-BH

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #45 on: September 05, 2015, 12:24:11 AM »
@Z: I think she means "equal" from the perspective of truly mutual respect, that's how I interpreted that quote anyway..
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Offline St. Theresa

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #46 on: September 05, 2015, 12:28:31 AM »
If I may ask a question. Why do so many women lie about wanting a nice guy? I dont mean all women, but it definitely seems like a lot of those same women go with the guy that smacks their ass and tells then to make a sandwich and clean the house. Im using that sentence as sn example, for I feel everyone here has seen this happen. No generalization or disrespect meant. Just like I said, everyone has probably seen this.

It's not that they're lying.  They love the bad guy but want them to be nice to her. No woman wants to be abused.  The bad guys are just hot, but looks can be deceiving.  My husband looks like the bad guy. But he's the most gentle, loving guy, and empowers the women in his life. He loves his mother and respects women.  Woman do want a nice guy.

Hope that helps a little. Just my take on it.
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I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs."
"I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking."
"Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."-BH

Offline Shelley

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #47 on: September 05, 2015, 12:36:04 AM »
Nice guys are often percieved as weak

Also, a lot of guys who consider themselves nice are really just self absorbed misogynists who believe themselves deserving of sex and see it as the woman's flaw when she fails to give him what he thinks he has earned by being a such a nice guy. Furthering the stereotype that women hate "nice" guys.
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Offline St. Theresa

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #48 on: September 05, 2015, 12:47:23 AM »
Nice guys are often percieved as weak

Also, a lot of guys who consider themselves nice are really just self absorbed misogynists who believe themselves deserving of sex and see it as the woman's flaw when she fails to give him what he thinks he has earned by being a such a nice guy. Furthering the stereotype that women hate "nice" guys.

Yep, totally agree.

Wasn't Ted Bundy said to have been a real nice guy?  ;)
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I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs."
"I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking."
"Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."-BH

Z

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #49 on: September 05, 2015, 12:58:48 AM »
Nice guys are often percieved as weak

Also, a lot of guys who consider themselves nice are really just self absorbed misogynists who believe themselves deserving of sex and see it as the woman's flaw when she fails to give him what he thinks he has earned by being a such a nice guy. Furthering the stereotype that women hate "nice" guys.


Most people see themselves as Nice guys.  I never met someone who says they are not a nice guy lol.

@Z: I think she means "equal" from the perspective of truly mutual respect, that's how I interpreted that quote anyway..

Totally possible chops.  I wasn't trying to single anyone out, or argue against anyone.  I apologise if it seemed like I was.

I just wanted to give my perspective on the politically correct idea of equality, and how it effects relationships.  It wasnt directed at anyone.  It is just my personsl opinion,
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Offline Sand and Water (OP)

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #50 on: September 05, 2015, 07:12:50 AM »
Hey St T--  Thanks for bringing up a good point. It's what I was saying when I asked the guys to try to understand that not always, but a lot of times, when these sort of things are said, it's coming from a place of real pain.

I didn't realize the thread would turn in that direction, but part of me is really glad to find out many of the guys' responses, because it never hurts to know what *they're* thinking, especially when I heard them say things like they truly weren't trying to be disrespectful and how they view *their* role(s) in a relationship.

What do you (& the other girls) here think about maybe putting some sort of announcement in the beginning of sensitive threads asking the guys to just read? 

As Candy said, I agree that women have some pretty unique challenges, and I want us all to feel comfortable from being judged for talking about what we feel & getting good feedback from other women. I will say, I didn't really see a lot of that.  When one member was questioned, he made it clear that his intent wasn't to be disrespectful.

ETA: However, I don't want anyone to think I'm speaking for anyone but myself; others may read the thread differently, and that's is totally cool with me.

But your original point stands--where is the "right" place to draw the line in this subforum?  I truly don't know.

I apologize to anyone who was/is bothered in this thread. I guess maybe I should've posted it in General?  I had some other (mostly fun) things I was going to share, but if y'all think we should let the thread end, that's cool too.  I'll leave it at if others keep posting, I will too--and I hope anyone else who feels like you do regarding "women only" sections chimes in. (PM is fine too).
« Last Edit: September 05, 2015, 07:42:30 AM by Sand and Water »
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

Offline Narkotikon

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #51 on: September 05, 2015, 08:10:46 AM »
I don't see the harm in letting the thread continue.  I think it's informative and could also possibly be funny. 

I think it's important to realize that generalizations can be taken out of hand though.  Some may read them as offensive, and some may not.

Personally, when I hear someone make a generalization, I take it as them speaking from their own experience based on the people / things they've encountered. 

I don't view it as the person saying every single man or woman thinks / acts / feels like that.  But that's just my take on it.  Others may think differently.

I think if we're clear about those things, this thread has a lot of potential. 

As for a women-only thread or sub-forum, I think that's a good idea.  Women do need to talk privately among themselves at times.  That's why I've not posted in Candy's "Hello Ladies" thread.  I took it as for women / ladies only.

I thought it was okay to respond to this thread b/c it was about what men do to women, and what women wish men knew.  Plus, I think Sand and Water even said it was okay for men to respond. 
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Transparency is necessary to ensure decent staff members get elected. Members need to know when staff are misbehaving, so members can be informed voters.

Offline Sand and Water (OP)

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #52 on: September 05, 2015, 08:43:01 AM »
I don't see the harm in letting the thread continue.  I think it's informative and could also possibly be funny. 

I think it's important to realize that generalizations can be taken out of hand though.  Some may read them as offensive, and some may not.

Personally, when I hear someone make a generalization, I take it as them speaking from their own experience based on the people / things they've encountered. 

I don't view it as the person saying every single man or woman thinks / acts / feels like that.  But that's just my take on it.  Others may think differently.

I think if we're clear about those things, this thread has a lot of potential. 

As for a women-only thread or sub-forum, I think that's a good idea.  Women do need to talk privately among themselves at times.  That's why I've not posted in Candy's "Hello Ladies" thread.  I took it as for women / ladies only.

I thought it was okay to respond to this thread b/c it was about what men do to women, and what women wish men knew.  Plus, I think Sand and Water even said it was okay for men to respond.

Thanks Nark :)   I absolutely did say that it was ok for the guys to chime in. I was going with what Candy said about if/when guys want to post too b/c it made sense to me. 

I don't know if my idea about making it clear in *certain* threads (TBD), that under those circumstances it might be preferable for the guys to read but refrain from joining in is a good one or not. I hope the women in this subforum share their thoughts/ideas/opinions. I'm only sharing my thoughts on the subject.

In case anyone's wondering, I hope all the guys here know (again, just my opinion fwiw), that I wouldn't be offended if *they* decided it would be helpful for them to have their own subforum too.  I should've made that clear in my earlier reply.

Thanks again to St T for bringing up an important point. I'll add some of my lighter "wishes" later after seeing what people want.
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

Offline Narkotikon

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #53 on: September 05, 2015, 08:53:32 AM »
I think a men-only thread / sub-forum is a good idea too.  Just like women, men need a place to congregate for info they might not feel comfortable sharing or speaking about with women. 

I can definitely see the need for both women-only and men-only threads when it comes to physiology and the body in general. 

My only concern is what happens if some members don't feel comfortable sharing with their own sex.  Some women may feel more comfortable speaking only with men.  Some men may feel comfortable only sharing with women. 

I suppose in those cases they could make their own threads, where they lay out the ground rules in the beginning (i.e., I'd like responses from women / men only). 
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Transparency is necessary to ensure decent staff members get elected. Members need to know when staff are misbehaving, so members can be informed voters.

Offline St. Theresa

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #54 on: September 06, 2015, 02:03:14 AM »
That's fine too have a men only area..

I just don't want to come here to say men are such doofuses because I'm venting to my girls and have some dick swing in to remind me not to generalize. 

Everyone generalizes when emotions are involved and it's pretty easy to see if you have a brain. So I don't mind when people do to get their gripe across.
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I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs."
"I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking."
"Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."-BH

Z

  • Guest
Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #55 on: September 06, 2015, 02:09:57 AM »
Sorry if my comment was out of place.  I don't always check the subforum when I browse through new posts.

No harm intended.  Just being opinionated as always.
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Offline candy

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #56 on: September 06, 2015, 02:55:25 AM »
I will talk to Chipper and Nick about making it a women's only thread part of the forum. You know what I mean.
I just want to hear from the women here if that is what they truly want.

If you ladies want a place on the forum that men cannot access, I will see what I can do.

Sorry I have been away from the forum...Having a real rough time!

I will let you know when I have discussed it with Chipper and Nick.

If things should get out of hand, we can close the thread, but no need to right now. Maybe some other will chime in and we can see where it goes.
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Harm Reduction...
Enables choices, possibilities, and opportunities without imposing change.

Offline Sand and Water (OP)

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #57 on: September 06, 2015, 03:29:45 AM »
That's fine too have a men only area..

I just don't want to come here to say men are such doofuses because I'm venting to my girls and have some dick swing in to remind me not to generalize. 

Everyone generalizes when emotions are involved and it's pretty easy to see if you have a brain. So I don't mind when people do to get their gripe across.

Z--no worries at all. I think the guys have done an overall great job of communicating their intent regarding disrespect and such.  I have appreciated the (wonderful & unexpected) replies from a lot of the men a lot.

Having said that...  St T just summarized the basic premise I read in Candy's thread. When I'm talking with my girls, it's going to be different than when both sexes are present. Just like a lot of guys (including the ones here tend to "tone it down" if they're not just shooting the breeze amongst themselves).   I don't see this as a negative at all. It shows awareness & sensitivity of the very differences we're talking about.

****How about from now forward in this thread, we ask the guys to just sit back & "listen"?  Unless of course, it's a question like "why does my girl do/say XYZ?"  This way, everyone is welcome to laugh, maybe learn, or applaud (or ignore) a post if they like without anyone feeling they need to worry about being seen as disrespectful or whatever? 

I would hope guys that wanted to would also feel free to PM the posters--I would welcome that for sure.  I also really hope the guys know how much they added to the discussion.  Im only speaking for me, but do want to say a big Thank You to each and every one--big respect to all for contributing & communicating in this kind of thread :)

What do you think girls??  Given the concerns I'm hearing, I'll go ahead with that understanding unless I hear from a bunch who don't want it this way.

On the lighter side:  I wish men knew that I've often wondered which is worse, being a teenage girl w/all the hormones, periods etc OR being a teenage boy and having all the hormones, unexpected erections (like during math class), and wet dreams!!  Although it happens for a week, my period was at least fairly discreet & expected lol.

--i wish men knew what it's like to breast feed their child.  One the one hand, it's really awesome; it's very primal and soooo physically & emotionally awesome. On the other hand, kind of like an unbidden erection, it was a challenge sometimes lol.  I will NEVER forget when my daughter was 6 weeks old, my sis came to babysit so I could have a break. I went to get groceries at Costco...in a heat wave, I was wearing a light t-shirt. Was at back of the warehouse getting diapers & heard a baby cry.

NO ONE warned me about that "reflex". Looked like I'd dipped my breasts in cups of water :(   Oh yeah, & unlike an erection, couldn't hold something against my chest to hide it b/c ANY pressure = MORE leaking lol.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2015, 03:33:18 AM by Sand and Water »
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

Offline St. Theresa

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #58 on: September 06, 2015, 04:46:00 AM »
Fine by me. Sounds fair and I wouldn't want discourage any of the guys from asking questions but I just want a chick only forum for the sake of womanhood and not being pointed out for emotionally charged girl talk by men who aren't even be talked about.

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I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs."
"I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking."
"Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control."-BH

Offline candy

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Re: Things we wish guys knew...
« Reply #59 from previous page: September 06, 2015, 02:31:09 PM »
St. T., I too wanted a place that was not only specific to the needs of women, but also a place where women could discuss things like menstruation, pregnancy and addiction, having children and addiction, and the things we as women experience.
Not only the things we experience as women with addiction, but just as women in general.

If the men want to chime in and discuss an issue issue regarding a woman in their life, no problem by me.
I have not discussed the issue with Nick and Chipper yet, but I will when I have some time.
If this thread should get out of hand and there are personal attacks on anyone, it will be closed.

I want the women here to feel safe and secure if they need to share a problem in their lives. I would imagine the gals would have to subscribe to this part of the forum, as we did with the FF on opiophile if we want only women to have access.

I don't see any problem with the men having a place on the forum to discuss personal issues as well. Maybe that is a good thing. I know how easy it can be for tempers to flare when we always don't see eye to eye on things and that is not just a member type issue, but an issue with the opposite sex.

I have not read through the entire thread, so I think it is best I do and then decide what to do next.

Just be respectful and that goes for everyone.

We are still working out the kinks and the idea of a women only area of the forum was something I wanted to see happen here.
So, let's make it work and until we change things and please keep posting.
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Harm Reduction...
Enables choices, possibilities, and opportunities without imposing change.

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