dopetalk
Core Topics => Suicide and Ideation => Topic started by: Jega on March 09, 2016, 10:22:55 PM
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Does anyone else just desperately want a hug sometimes? If you don't count nurses I haven't had a hug in legitimately years....and it wears on you...It really does.
does anyone else ever feel this way?
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When I was in jail, and after I got out I had that feeling big time. It sucks to not be able to touch someone, especially since growing up me and my friends always hugged instead of shaking hands, it is such a weird feeling you just want to feel love, i remember the last 2 weeks I was in jail I had dreams about it sometimes. Hugs are therapeutic and when someone tells you they love you you don't get the same feeling as just a hug. Any time me and my brothers or friends had arguments growing up my parents made us hug it out its peaceful.
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That might be it. I've been in a mental prison for years and I finally broke.
Now we just see if I can pick up the pieces.
And no, I don't know if I can. I'm 28....I've been though a lot...too much...just too much death, too much illness, too much poverty, too much...just too much.
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Personally I have never had that feeling-- just never been a big hug person though.
I will say though that when my wife and I started to lose that connection needed to stay happily married I had a hard time with something similar. When my wife and I (were divorced now) were happy she literally wanted to text all day everyday. There were times when I would actually get annoyed because she just had to text me all day at work-- but she just liked to flirt, talk about her day and ask me about mine. She loved me and just loved it but when that stopped and she finally turned cold I actually started to miss it. Not necessarily the actual texting part but the thought that someone actually loves you and is in love with you enough to communicate literally all day.
Feelings are feelings.
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I completely understand; you're hurting badly.
no guarantees but I'm so sure that a guy like you, Jega, won't be overlooked forever so don't lose hope by isolating yourself.
one has to keep networking and circulating to catch whatever opportunities are out there.
it has to get better, just be the nice, smart guy that you present to us as.
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You probably don't want to hear this but you can get all the hugs you want, till you're actually tired of it, if you go to an AA meeting. Or even more so at an NA meeting. They ALWAYS hug at NA, whereas they usually will shake your hand when introduced in AA, but many people hug there too.
But I can totally relate with the jail thing. You just don't hug dudes in the joint! And the CO's are not huggable people, much less do they want to be hugged - it's against the rules anyway.
Well, there was this one cute little female CO at the prison where I did my time... I kind of had a crush on her. I could have used a hug from her.
I'd totally give you a hug if you were here right now. I understand where you're coming from. I really do.
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Thank you chip and zoops. Really. And I am who I am. This isn't an act. You know I don't have a fake online persona because I can't act...tried in middle school...absolute disaster.
I'm just sad.
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I've come to a point in my life where all my friends moved away or have died and I don't see family very often. I've managed to almost completely isolate myself through my drug use - I'm a hermit, and I completely relate. The comfort of a physical hug is a good feeling.
It hurts to be lonely, especially to wake up dope sick by yourself. It's something I've been struggling with a lot lately. Usually I'm pretty blunted and it doesn't really bother me, but since Xmas and New Years it's been rough.
A few days ago I was in line at the grocery store, and an old woman next to me, without me saying anything to her, told me that everything was going to be alright. It simultaneously comforted and destroyed me. She saw right through my skin.
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Human beings need some intraction and touch. IT's why solitary confinement might sound like a good deal but it drives people nuts.
I went along priod w/o a GF when I was chasing junk . Then an old GF started coming around and one day she unexpectedly reached ountouched my bare arm It was remarkable. I realized I hadn't ben touching other peolle for a coule of years and how much I was missing out on.
Hugs are nice and lthough breasts aren't really my "thing" gettting anice , strong hug from a girl with big pert breasts unexpectely after a group hang out had me walking home on a cloud.
We just need touch to stay fullly healthy. It's another reason to keep pets. You can get the touch ing w/o the complications.
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I have'nt touched or been touched by a person in over 16 months. I actually counted how many words I spoke to another person last month, it was less then 100, mainly spoken to cashiers and pharmacy techs when I go to the store. Its really starting to get to me.
So yeah, a hug would be nice.
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You guys get it.
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Damn.
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You probably don't want to hear this but you can get all the hugs you want, till you're actually tired of it, if you go to an AA meeting. Or even more so at an NA meeting. They ALWAYS hug at NA, whereas they usually will shake your hand when introduced in AA, but many people hug there too.
Pretty much. When I was going to NA frequently I found it weird at first, and then just more and more normal. Eventually it spread out until I gave a guy at work a hug one day when I said bye at the end of a shift. That pretty much put a damper on hugging, even though he was good about it. He might have said something like I love you honey in French.
Well, there was this one cute little female CO at the prison where I did my time... I kind of had a crush on her. I could have used a hug from her.
Sure. A hug. Ok 8)
Damn.
Yeah. I was going to make a joking post about how I have to fight my kids off. Literally peel them off me so they stop hugging me and let me get things done. My girl is always very affectionate too. Not in a constant I love you way, but more in a holding hands or resting a hand on the other's shoulder when we're near. Standing close, and giving some mutual support in the face of The Shit.
I do get it though. I could see how that would feel so absolutely isolating and saddening. You have to remember that at heart we are primates, and primates are social creatures. They touch each other, they groom each other, and they care for their troop. I wish you guys had a bigger troop, or that the troop you have expressed itself a bit better. If this wasn't an internet troop I would give you guys a big, long hug.
Psychology is pretty clear about what happens when we are deprived of affection. I don't hesitate to say that it makes things worse. It goes beyond simple hugs too. This isn't about hugs, but look at the netherlands approach to lack of affection in disabled citizens (hint: government sex/affection workers): http://mic.com/articles/85201/the-surprising-way-the-netherlands-is-helping-its-disabled-have-sex#.UKW2iDDBv
A hug probably would make everything feel better. I've certainly given out random hugs. Maybe it's a cultural thing. In quebec men and women don't usually shake hands, but instead greet and say goodbye with hugs and kissing cheeks. I hug my friends, and it's not really that unusual. Quebec male culture is pretty macho, but it's just not a big deal. Maybe we need to be less shut down emotionally and physically and interact with each other the way we used to. I don't like a culture that is so sterilized that we don't touch each other any more. It's nice to feel like the people around you are picking the fleas out of your fur.
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@Jega wow, thanks for bringing up something soooo hard to speak... Yes, for me. Even tho sometimes it hurts like hell when im bunched up with spasms..YES
I get that you feel ancient at 28, but you're so smart, always happy to share the huge knowledge you have & I think you taking care of your dad speaks volumes about how big your heart is. You haven't even hit your full stride yet. I think it'll definitely happen. It's trite but true (imo), it'll happen when you're least expecting it & whoever you end up with will be the lucky one :)
@10kites-- wish it was in person (sorry not in perky way; nuthin wrong with it at all, but in my case, more of a mom one lol)... Sending you the worlds biggest cyber hug! Deadcat is so right--we *need* that connection.. it's why touch is so beneficial to preemies & babies, (but yeah, to the overdoing thang, I'm w/the "thanks but no thanks group lol).
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So weird this is what I am reading today because I was thinking the same thing this morning on the way to work. We do need to "touch" each other!! thanks
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I swear I wish I could reach through the monitor and hug some of you. And I'm not even a "hugging" person at all, don't really like to be hugged or even touched beyond the arm, outside of a close relationship. But physical contact means so much and it's something we can't give each other over the internet, unfortunately.
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and you still never accept my offer to video chat whenever I ask you
though I can see not wanting to videochat when you arent feeling well.
either way you still have my email. youve been on my mind bud
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@neighbor, you mean Jega not me, right..? Or else I've been missing a lot.
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I don't know your entire situation Jega, only what I've read, but do you think getting a puppy would help/be a good idea?
I know pets aren't for everyone but it's just an idea... trying to think outside of the box a bit. You definitely would never be short of drool (just think of it as love water) and cuddles!
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I would second the puppy/dog suggestion. I was absolutely shattered after my divorce, and can't state how much help it was for my state of being once I adopted a rescue dog. Having an animal that is reliant on you, and that is always happy to see you and feel your warmth and touch does wonderful things to your perception of the world.
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@Roman Totale why do you always act like we havent been video chatting and emailing for months?
and jega email me if for no other reason than to remind yourself of my email address
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(((((((( @Jega ))))))))
I sometimes hug my gay friends because they're often really nice to me - it's always received well.
I also like to hug old good friends that I haven't seen in years.
Jega, that's the best I can do since I am so far away and we will never meet.
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This thread - wow. I seriously need a hug, so yeah.
@ the AA/NA discussion earlier: I chose AA over NA at 18 because I could shake hands all day but recoiled at the idea of being expected to hug whoever happens to walk up to me with their arms out. This sounds fucked up on my part now - who's to say who might really need a hug that day? I was kind of a dick as a kid. Textbook masked insecurity.
Dogs - Norvin, here at my feet, saved my life on an ongoing basis for years. He's old now and has difficulties, I worry.
This last year I've slowly dropped most of my meaningful human interactions/support & I'm pretty isolated aside from my immediate family. I trade small talk a bit at work but mostly work alone.
OH! I get MAJOR HUGS from my two nieces several times each weekend & start craving them around Thursday. that's a good thing.
Anyhow, I wish everyone here all available peace, comfort and companionship this evening & forward.
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*bump*