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Author Topic: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!  (Read 6575 times)

Offline SuBeGone (OP)

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Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« on: January 18, 2016, 01:22:59 AM »
Hello all, I recently just had a friend pass away due to a overdose. I just went to his funeral today.

I am VERY UNEASY with myself, reason being is many months ago my friend had asked me for my dealer's number and ever since I have been trying to get myself on the right path I have been thinking a lot more than just acting. I was put in a position where he really wanted the number and i sat there thinking to myself and questioning the act of giving him it, because psychologically he had some issues but in a way he could stop all together cold turkey but when he picked it up again he would be ALOT. I ended up giving him the number at that time. I believe he passed away from that person's shit.

So please be honest with me here, i've had some people say he would of found it his way one way or the other. But I beg to differ I think he would of done maybe something else.

Our last interaction with each other was him trying to get me to spend the night as his house begging me to spend the night, he was always very lonely. I had to run out of his house from the back thats how desperate he was.... this was my childhood friend. 4 months had passed of no interaction and this happend. I am in a very bad position, I have not been at peace and have nightmares.

Some comments please?
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Offline Thoms

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2016, 01:48:39 AM »
You lost your friend and for that I'm sorry. Let's draw parallels here. If you introduced your friend to a car salesman and he dies in a car wreck would you feel guilty? Maybe but you would know that it wasn't your fault as your friend was the one who wanted to buy a car. He was driving not you.
I hope you find peace
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Fear and self loathing in thoms.

Offline Snout

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2016, 04:11:21 AM »
Nobody sticks a needle in your arm. It wasn't your fault, I'm sorry for your loss.
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Offline SuBeGone (OP)

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2016, 04:24:11 AM »
I guess I am just asking myself what happens if I never gave him that # and he wondered off doing something else that is stupid and never planned on returning to dope since he had no one. That is what bugs me. Because he was that type of person who seemed like he could walk away and all I would have to have done was hang up. I don't know it seemed like I aided this...?
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Offline Morfy

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2016, 05:00:25 AM »
I'm really sorry for your loss SBG:


As other have already shown, the role you played was minor, and there are so many What-Ifs that you shouldn't let it weigh you down.


I won't try to list even the 1st hundred What Ifs, but here are some, right off the top of my head:


1- What if you didn't give him the dealer's number, and your friend went to try and score on his own?
     a- Maybe he goes to a bad neighborhood and gets shot during a rip-off (is that your fault?)
     b- What if he gets tangled up with the Po-Po trying to score on his own?
     c- What if he gets some crap dope that's been spiked with a lethal amount of fentanyl?

2- What if you gave him your dealer's number, and your dealer pass him on to someone else?  Maybe its this other dealer's product.

3- I don't know anything about your friend, except from what you've provided, so I say this with all due respect; but let's say your friend was really, really unhappy and was looking for a way out?  Maybe if he couldn't find a  relatively peaceful method like an OD, he would have found another way.  What if that other way didn't work and now he has to live the rest of his life severely injured?

4- What if you put yourself in your friend's shoes, and YOUR friend wouldn't hook you up with HIS dealer?  Would you let that stop you from trying to score?  No, you would find some other way to try and get what you wanted.

5- What it really comes down to SBG, your friend was an adult and he made decisions for himself.  There is not one person of sound mind who doesn't realize that using drugs--especially hard drugs--can be dangerous, even potentially deadly.  If you add shooting IV to this, it also ups the ante (I don't know if you friend injected, smoked, or ate the drugs).  The point is, adults weigh the pros & cons and make their decision.

There is an exception to #5, and that is if a person is NOT of sound mind.  An adult in this situation may make a bad decision based on an improper weighing of the pros & cons.  Unfortunately, if the decision being weighed has life and death consequences, then there is not much others can do.  There is involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital, which has saved a lot of lives; but far too many people slip through the cracks and can not benefit from such help.

This was his decision; your role was negligible. 
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Offline SuBeGone (OP)

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2016, 05:19:11 AM »
I'm really sorry for your loss SBG:


As other have already shown, the role you played was minor, and there are so many What-Ifs that you shouldn't let it weigh you down.


I won't try to list even the 1st hundred What Ifs, but here are some, right off the top of my head:


1- What if you didn't give him the dealer's number, and your friend went to try and score on his own?
     a- Maybe he goes to a bad neighborhood and gets shot during a rip-off (is that your fault?)
     b- What if he gets tangled up with the Po-Po trying to score on his own?
     c- What if he gets some crap dope that's been spiked with a lethal amount of fentanyl?

2- What if you gave him your dealer's number, and your dealer pass him on to someone else?  Maybe its this other dealer's product.

3- I don't know anything about your friend, except from what you've provided, so I say this with all due respect; but let's say your friend was really, really unhappy and was looking for a way out?  Maybe if he couldn't find a  relatively peaceful method like an OD, he would have found another way.  What if that other way didn't work and now he has to live the rest of his life severely injured?

4- What if you put yourself in your friend's shoes, and YOUR friend wouldn't hook you up with HIS dealer?  Would you let that stop you from trying to score?  No, you would find some other way to try and get what you wanted.

5- What it really comes down to SBG, your friend was an adult and he made decisions for himself.  There is not one person of sound mind who doesn't realize that using drugs--especially hard drugs--can be dangerous, even potentially deadly.  If you add shooting IV to this, it also ups the ante (I don't know if you friend injected, smoked, or ate the drugs).  The point is, adults weigh the pros & cons and make their decision.

There is an exception to #5, and that is if a person is NOT of sound mind.  An adult in this situation may make a bad decision based on an improper weighing of the pros & cons.  Unfortunately, if the decision being weighed has life and death consequences, then there is not much others can do.  There is involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital, which has saved a lot of lives; but far too many people slip through the cracks and can not benefit from such help.

This was his decision; your role was negligible.

Thank you everyone for there time in replying. Truly does help.

As far as Question #2 he tried suicide while he was away from college which I ended up saving him, he ODed later on and had a hole in his throat as well as lost part of his hearing... he was unhappy yes but I don't think he was looking for a way out but was simply doing X amount based on emotions and it just kills me.
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Offline Sand and Water

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2016, 08:54:27 AM »
^^^everything Morphy said x1000. Im so sorry for your loss SBG. It's particularly hard when its someone you have real close ties to. It's super easy for me to think "well, if I'd done X or Y, things might be different", but the truth is, I'm really *only* in charge of me. From what you're saying, he would've found another avenue, so it really isn't on you. (Just my take on it)

Sincere condolences on the loss of your friend. I hope your heart hurts less and some good memories come to mind as time goes on :(
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Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2016, 12:12:03 PM »
Losing friends is rough.  Especially with a suicide.  It can make you question things you did, and if you could have seen and helped.  THe truth is that it doesn't really matter, because you couldn't change things even if you wanted to.  Beside that, none of it is really your fault. 


Try to calm your mind, and remember the good times you had together. 
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Offline Specter

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2016, 08:40:22 PM »
If you OD'd would you blame the person that introduced you to the dealer you got the product from?

All of us have dealers, connects, whatever but someone had to introduce us the first time right?  Definitely not your fault-- it's always the addicts fault to put drugs in their body... Period.
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Offline DeadCat

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2016, 09:27:33 PM »
If you OD'd would you blame the person that introduced you to the dealer you got the product from?

All of us have dealers, connects, whatever but someone had to introduce us the first time right?  Definitely not your fault-- it's always the addicts fault to put drugs in their body... Period.

"Fault" is a little harsh I think. People use drugs for many reasons. More people die from prescription overdoses than illegal drugs. Some were trying to get high some were seeking relief from unending pain. Big Pharma floods the country with oxy and then the DEA strong arms doctors into witholding adequate pain relief and people are caught in the middle and some will buy heroin or other drugs to ease pain or dependence that a doctor will not.

It is a very HUMAN thing to want to get high. Criminalizing and stigmatizing people behaving as people have always done. Every time I read about some drug tragedy in a news websiteand then read the comments section to see ignorant heartless comments by brainwashed "straight" people who can't see the drug dependent as human as themsleves.
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Offline Chip

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Re: Close Friend Just Passed Away! Very Uneasy With Myself!
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2016, 10:18:49 PM »
maybe one of the worst things we do as users is that we often inadvertently propagate addiction so i cannot judge ye.

there is a duty-of-care line somewhere but it's slippery ... as are the bad personal choices.

more education and warnings can't go amiss.

keeping aloof helps, of course.
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