dopetalk
Core Topics => Treatment, Recovery and Rehabilitation => Topic started by: nikita70 on July 16, 2016, 01:18:04 PM
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Sorry for looks I am ALWAYS such a selfish, selfconcentrated, exalted, ignorant, stupid slut
but I do really I mean REALLY need some help/support or maybe advice from you guys
I'm 12th day off the ' done, it seemed me I'm in position to make it, as I started it
still, today I'm done completely.
It's day 12th since I'm in a constant, ongoing, so to say, sleep deprivation,
plus
my Family pissed me off, and left me in my flat completely alone in such a state of mind,
excepting the cat I have to cere on and all
I'm overloaded with different pills and bupe but it doesn't work
I have no idea what the fuck happens to me
Just a bit of a real I mean real sleep not this letargy would help a lot and
turn all 180 degree
I don't suffering from any other symptoms
just seems me I'm getting insane, paranoid
forgetting words,
feeling dizzy.
My methadone is standing right next to me, at my fingertips,
I could end it up
and within one hour or maybe less I'd be like a newborn
I'm not sure about reasons
(excepting I was kinda forced to do it,
however, it wasn't
the matter of life and death then but just my dignity)
but
if it has already gone so far
I don't want to fuck it up
it is like a fight
starts as for some higher values or so
and always ends up as just survive
if I only were able to get some sleep
I'd be more than happy
12 days is definitely too long to me
I know some of you guys must have been going
through way way worse w/d
REAL, full blown cold turkey w/ds, as it's just insomnia.
JUST.
insomnia was always something what scares shit outta me
I hardly tolerate this kind of deprivation
plus this loneliness...
Sorry for being so exalted and emotionally
but hell
you've been there more (and probably "stronger")
then I whenever been (or I am)
This bupe works like a speed or so to me
there's not any place for RELIEF in it
I'm so much afraid I'm going to die here alone
or got irreversible insane
even if w/d, especially bupe assisted w/d isn't lifethreatened
Sorry again.
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nikita, can you find or get prescribed a HIGH DOSE of Seroquel (quetiapine) or another anti-psychotic and some Valium ?
i am surprised to hear you are on the bupe and you are still not getting any sleep.
I'd recommend that you leave the 'done alone and it may be wasted anyhow due to the bupe.
do you plan to come off the bupe too ?
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nikita, can you find or get prescribed a HIGH DOSE of Seroquel (quetiapine) or another anti-psychotic and some Valium ?
i am surprised to hear you are on the bupe and you are still not getting any sleep.
I'd recommend that you leave the 'done alone and it may be wasted anyhow due to the bupe.
do you plan to come off the bupe too ?
Agree. Don't waste the methodone if you have any bupe in your system. I don't know if you already told us or not but HOW MUCH bupe are you taking? Bupe just postpones full blown w/d and while you use it you may be "sober" but not really "clean."
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Sleep is not likely to happen naturally for a while yet. You need some pharmaceutical assistance in that department. Seroquel (quetiapine) is good, with some Rivotril (clonazepam) or just plain Rivotril - can you get that in Poland? What benzos do they have there? Get some!
Or maybe some Zyprexa or some other antipsychotic medication. Get something, but don't drink for sleep, you'll just feel miserable.
Are you drinking?
I hope you can get some sleep somehow.
- Zoops
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Man if I were you I'd be dosing TINY methadone doses, idk what done you have but if it's liquid you should know the concentration, if so, I'd be dosing like .5-1 mg doses every two or three hours until I got refielf. Then I'd wait as long as I could and then do it again. Rinse repeat.
I'd make myself a schedule and not force myself to take a certain amount a day, but instead wait until I felt terrible and take the a silt smallest amount I could tolerate, then every week drop that tiny dose by 50%, by the end I'd be dosing microgram doses, on that schedule set ur maximum dose per day, I mean u can take less if u get relief but not more, base it on the amount it takes u to get well on the first dose. That's what I'd do.
I don't advise people to take drugs when they're in legal situations, but as far as I know you just do t want to be on done anymore? Right? Becaus an issue with your clinic and the benzos u are on?
Anyway, what dose did u jump at? I think often ppl jump too high and then go through hell, u can bypass hell, but you have to be disciplined. As you have learned the hard way buprenorphine is not the magic bullet it is touted as.
Remember no one here thinks u are a self-centered egotistical whatever u called yourself, I for one enjoy your presence and I hope something I said helps. Even if it's just keeping ur mind off the hell u are feeling for 5 mins....
Dizzle
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Oh nikita, I'm so sorry you're still having such a hard time. I've been off the done for 3 weeks tomorrow, with 15 or 16 days of bupe. I have definitely noticed that my sleep isn't great, but I am sleeping every night with the help of lorazepam and weed. Do you have access to some weed and any benzos? Also, how much bupe are you taking? I'm taking 16mg a day, which a pretty big dose I guess. Maybe that's why I'm feeling ok for the most part. How much bupe do you have? Can you up your dose at all?
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I feel like i owe you one as far as sympathy when sick, because you and your writing has taken me out of more than one dark place when I've been too sick to want to live. I went through a horrible shit-uation two months ago involving me in cold turkey withdrawl along with my husband for 5 days. The internet, showers, and laying in front of the fan are the only things that gave me a moments peace. If I had any benzos those would have helped as well, so as others said get you some if you can.
If it makes you feel better, this may sound really stupid, but when I'm on the verge of panic and crazy times I try to calm myself. I focus on my heart pounding and envisoin the blood going through my body from it. Then I envision it as healing. The healing liquid flows through me. The liquid courses fast through me as my heart pounds as quick as it can, but that's ok, because remember we are trying to lie to ourselves here. It's healing. It is the bringer of life. Focus on just breathing and your heart. Theres no way you can ignore how your body feels at this time anyway, so you may as well rephrase it to yourself as something nice.
After you are in a state where you have made yourself be still and focus only on breathing and your heart, you can start visualizing the stuff that may be more personal to you, like what you want to use the good energy or healing energy to. Visualize people from this board or your real life who are going through hard times, feel your heart pounding your life energy throughout your body, which is part of the universe. The healing energy spreading out through the world, to others who need it. You are part of something good. You are valuable. You just made someone else have a better day.
Keep doing this as long as you can and you just might fall asleep if you are only kind of sick. If you are full on sick, you will at least be able to make some of the time go by in this way.
Another thing that actually helps is the brain wave generator apps or websites. They have different frequencys that are for sleep, relaxation, focus, sex, whatever mood you want to put yourself in. If you put in headphones and listen to some delta waves or whatever sleeping waves the generator has, those suprisingly work. The science behind the brain wave generators may be legit or not, I have no idea, but I have had luck with using them for calm and sleep.
The meditation thing with envisioning your healing life force coming from your heart and flowing to those in the world who may need you is kind of corny but seriously try it. We are all part of the universe and are connected through it, you might as well add more positivity and love to it, and be more open and able to recieve those good things when you take some time to try to make your mind and body still at the same time.
good luck. You are the best. i know we haven't talked ever yet but I really do admire you somehow from what I do know of you from opiophile. Feel free to message me if you want another girl in a similar life to talk to.
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I've read studies suggesting that large doses of melatonin (100mg+) works great for getting some sleep in acute withdrawal. I'm not a fan of atypical anti-psychs as sleep aids. When I'm sick they don't help me sleep, but make me feel worse instead.
I thought 12 days would be long enough for bupe to work. Maybe you need a higher dose?
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Thanks guys, with all my heart,
This night I was able to get some sleep, thankfully. It is like a Godsend .
I realize my post was so much impetuous, confused and pretty much hysterical, so, just to clarify things,
@chipper, @Zoops @DeadCat
Formally, I was on 25mgs as I left the MMT for my own wish, still, whole this last Winter and Spring I used to buy extras and tipping.
My dose was as unstable so I can't even tell exactly how big habit I had/have developed.
Plus, to shed some light on it, I used to drink the sirup even 5 times a day, as a remedy not for strictly w/d but my personal issues.
And, what might be crucial here, I developed a "custom" to take a sip before I went to bed, not being able to fall asleep (I mean a full blown sleep).
I think it's way more complexed and involves more factors than just switching.
Guys, I AM on benzos right now (Clonazepam 2mg, Estazolam 2mg), but since I'm addicted to them at least as strong as to opies (or even more), they just doesn't help, they only prevent me from another one w/d,
as for a sleep deprivation they're completely useless to me , no matter the dose is, I may as well eating vitamines,
what I fully realize, so I'm doing my best at least not to increase the dose and only increase my benzo habit, which is bad enough just now.
Maybe not somehow enormous huge but...they are just kinda indispensable "foundation/groundwork" I need and I don't even notice them to be working, if you get my confused drift.
I'm anindulging myself anyway, adding to my MENU midazolam 15mg/night,
plus
to makes matters worse
phenobarbital 200mg/night
what is another kettle of fish
Barbiturates are the last one sort of habit I'd "like" (huh), so to say, to develope...
I have an impression they just "cancel/delete my brain/mind", so to say, maybe evem more than benzos.
I'm afraid what happens when the time will come to withdraw those "extra menu items", lol. (midazolam and phenobarbital)
As for today, I attempt to focus myself on to just make it and make myself capable to "survive"/to go through this shit until things getting more stable without getting/putting myself forward??? (mentally) too far.
Especially as far as to consider ANY crucial I mean CRUCIAL matters.
Chosing/considering between prospective so called "sobriety" and "getting completely clean" is beyond of my range at at this moment, @DeadCat .
Things are way way too much fleety and unstable to me right now to undertake/make any significant decisions.
It isn't subject to ANY pattern and schedule, so to say at this moment.
@dizzle
Hey buddy,
The solution you mentioned about isn't unfamiliar to me, too.
And not as kinda "anindulge" or "excuse"/pretext to relapse, by no means, but as a part of "fair" game/fight, which isn't going to be lost (if you get me).
However, it is an ultimate solution, which, honestly, I'd rather prefer not to take into account, really.
This is what happened to my bf in the joint, as they put him straight from the jailhose hospital' detox (where he was given surprisingly,
I even think reckressly HUGE amounts of whatever he wanted, considering the circumstances, I mean) into a "regular" bunk/cell (I don't know how it calls in English),
and cut off of whole this "supplies" of benzos, tramadol etc. within just few days, as I believe.
He reported not to get ANY sleep at all for about one month long, just laying on the bunk, in clothes, like a zombie,
until they put some new inmate who has sneaked 1 clonazepam and 1 estazolam for his buddy inside.
The other inmates let the new guy give the pills to my bf immediately, as they were fed up of doing their time with a living dead.
He was strung out on benzos before we got caught, so it must have been a living hell, as I can figure.
Still, this pills he was given made kinda breakpoint, or how it calls.
The single benzo' episode, so to say, helped him to slowly regain strenght and relatively good shape.
Therefore I know it might be underestimate in some extremely positions.
Thanks so much for advice and your kindest words, @dizzle .
@LadyKalma , @Dopeless Hopefiend ,
Thank you so so much, girls,
well, formally I'm on about... 2.5 mg of bupe, but my doc suggests not to restrict and restrain myself in gathering pills, since I'm in such a poor shape, feeling so bad and uncomfortable on them, until things getting stabilized to me.
I'm basically finding myself to need really modest dose to prevent the w/d as itself (this bupe doesn't work as a soporific at all, even on the contrary, as if there were some stimulant component "built in", what I appreciate as a potentiator of some cognitive abilities or so, but for a sleep it's completely in vain).
@LadyKalma ,
I'm not too much familiar with what you are talking about (I mean I exactly know the theory, but when goes right down to practice, I am kinda obstinate.
I mean I'm with those who aren't able to anindulge themselves at all, I know that might be soothing and calming to me, still it's always hard to me to bring myself to things like meditation etc.
I am a workaholic, to make matters worse.
I think, it's what brought me to the dope, an "instant calming down/relief"...
However, since I had to face with all this shit alone, something has been changed.
I'm just trying to make it, so it kinda forces some primordial, intuitional behaviours which promote surviving or how it call.
I'm pretty spoiled, so this is sort of extremity to me.
I attempt to care on myself. Finding myself doing things I'd never do if comfortable.
Intuitionally. Listening to my "higher self".
Keep walking through the park, what I honestly didn't enjoy never ever before.
Breathe... I know it helps, since it happened to me (intuitionally again) to just synchronize it with my heart-rhytm, mutely saying OM-mantra, as I couldn't fall asleep.
Also, once I found myself being intrigued and wanting to learn more about those "piece of sound" (or how it calls in English, I forgot it) having this or that frequency, which kinda enter you in a desirable state of mind or so, but of course gave it up.
I can only guess about your "alter ego" on Opio :blank:.... glad to be sure if I'm right in it or maybe wrong :) .
I recognize some traits, but still not sure enough.
THanks A LOT all of you, guys.
Did I ever say you're underestimate? Yesss, I guess. Thosands times.
Time to put fingers out of the keyboard (just for a while ;), this is another one addiction) and try to occupy myself with something... more tangible?
@Z
Thank you, Z.
But I'm afraid melatonin is inavailable here, at least like "right now".
As for increasing the dose, it's in vain to me, it just doesn't work to me this way. I can feel I have pretty much enough bupe in my system, maybe even too much, this is more mentally and benzo' issue, than anything else, so far I'm having an insight into what happens to me.
I'm not in an "acute w/d", this is JUST insomnia, depression and paranoia.
Thank you very much anyway ;)
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Nikita, I hope you start feeling better soon. It seems to me that 2.5mg bupe is very small to start off with. That's what I'd try to taper down to after starting on as much as 16mg or even 24 if needed. I was always coming off h though, never methadone. Although you were on a pretty low dose of done I wonder if you need more bupe due to methadone's long half life & higher binding affinity than most other opiates.
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That's what I thought too @MoeMentim. I transitioned off of 30mg of methadone and needed a higher dose to feel ok.
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I can mailing you some melatonin to you in the post, Nikita, if you are wish me to so do that for you.
Somehow, even though it's not that strong as a sleep aid, it help me IMMENSELY for that time when I wish to turn off my ever-tornadoing mind from spinning and whirls around, when I was in detoxing for alcohol. Three of the tablets, I think were 3mg each, so a total of 9mg, was what they gaved to help the patients to sleeping.
I remember I take the pill(s) - so what they were - so bluntly for giveing from the nursing's station, and like "whammo" it hit me like tons of brick. I fall sleep fast.
My treat. You don't pay the monies to me for favor of doing. The cost is practical nothing here in USA for a melatonin. Cheap to buy in any drugstore/pharmacy - event the store where food is buying for hungry people!
So, if you wish me to performing this favor for your illustrious ladyship, then do not hold back any single one thing let me know about it!
- Zoops (who is always being the friend to you my fine Polish lady)
...and now, in Polish, for your increased understandingness:
Mogę wysłać Ci trochę melatoniny w mail, jeśli chcesz spróbować.
To nie jest kosztowne tutaj w Stanach Zjednoczonych, a opłata przewozowa nie będzie zbyt dużo, jak również.
Mój prezent dla ciebie.
Kiedy byłem w detoksykacji alkoholu w marcu 2015 roku, trzy z tych pigułek mnie iść szybko spać! Myślę, że trzeba spróbować.
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@Zoops - that's fucking hilarious! You know, my dumb ass never even considered that Nikita types in Polish & uses translation. I still want to assume the endearingly broken english is her own, it's just too adorable not to keep the idea alive.
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@Zoops - that's fucking hilarious! You know, my dumb ass never even considered that Nikita types in Polish & uses translation. I still want to assume the endearingly broken english is her own, it's just too adorable not to keep the idea alive.
Hey, sure it's MY OWN English, @MoeMentim , I could swear for whatever you want!!!
No matter "adorable","endearingly" or not, (yep, I like this both words definitely, they're a really great input/contribution to my PERSONAL vocabulary),
my BROKEN ;D English is MINE, my own and I'm proud of it as hell.
I have developed it by my own , sinc I'm an autodidact in it , it's my original idea, so to say,
and even if I use that translator, which, btw, is almost (in)famous because of being soooo shitty, it's just to compensate, so to say, some "gap" (yeah, this word is coming straight from the translator) in my vocabulary.
However, synthax etc. is definitely my own.
I'm trying to learn/gain as much as possible following posts, reading English-languaged books (sometimes having Polish translation in one hand and an English version ("original") in another, that's how I went through "Requiem for a dream" by Selby.)
I use the translator only when in urgent need.
Therefore ALL RIGHTS to nikita's broken English are RESERVED :))
Is it REALLY so much "broken"??? I think it's getting better and better over time, isn't it?
I hoped I was successfull to be able to get this quasi-American "note" in it, I wish my English sound carelessly and nonchalant, because this is how American English sound in European's ear.
Besides, I'm way way BETTER and inventive than translator whenever been. ;D
@Zoops
Honestly, I've never ever been interrested in how is melatonin' status in Poland, I only SUPPOSE it's inavailable (not that illegal or so) in regular pharmacies. So I told it might be beyond of my range at this moment.
However, since I got your soooo nice and heartwarming proposal, I started to search internet and googled a lot online sites having melatonin offered.
What made me think it might be just in ANY pharmacy available,
I'm going to check it, definitely, before I'd dare to bother you.
You are a good person and reliable friend, really, Zoops. Definitely.
Thank you.
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Nikita, you need to bring yourself down off all those benzos as they all have different half lives and you are probably being kept awake by them.
I know that it's not going to be easy but if you want your sleep back then try to swap them for just Valium and then you can try to start a taper.
I just hope you can find a doctor or clinic to help you with this. I have done it myself and they started me on 13 x 5 mg Valium and reduced it by 1 tablet every 3 days but my habit was tiny and you will have to go far slower.
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As a user who has had to kick both a healthy Heroin Habit & high dose MMT in the clink (jail) on separate occassions.... I'd take the H kick ANY DAY OF THE WEEK and TWICE on Sundays.
I totally feel you on the sleeplessness and EVERY other slow burning symptom of the kick.... I dosed myself stupid on a Self-Surrender (5x's 120mg doses and 8mg Xanax)
Didn't recall shit of the first two days processing in... But when the kick started up a few days later, I didn't get a wink of sleep for about 17 days straight (no BS)
I began to become restless in my 6x8, which I shared with 3 other 'otherwise' healthy dudes who despised me... Who could blame them.
I kept falling out, crashing my big ass into everything. It was really really bad. Really bad.
The fucking "doctor", I guess you'd call these goons. Finally saw me and put me on a MEGA DOSE of THORAZINE!!!
Omg, it knocked me down, but not OUT.
Made it worse in soooo many ways.
I guess what I'm getting at is..... God be with you.
Long ass MD kicks should be grounds for a Silver Star or some kinda shiney medal.
Good luck and be well... And go easy on yourself.
Its just part of it.
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Nikita, you need to bring yourself down off all those benzos as they all have different half lives and you are probably being kept awake by them.
I know that it's not going to be easy but if you want your sleep back then try to swap them for just Valium and then you can try to start a taper.
I just hope you can find a doctor or clinic to help you with this. I have done it myself and they started me on 13 x 5 mg Valium and reduced it by 1 tablet every 3 days but my habit was tiny and you will have to go far slower.
I hadn't really given it too much thought, but this is probably one of the best pieces of advice you'll get, Nikita.
Why are you on all those different benzos? They really don't have unique effects, just different half-lives. So, while you're coming off of one, the other is kicking in and so on. You're probably in w/d from one, while you're half-dosed on the other, so you're in a constant state of not having quite enough benzos in your system to feel o.k. and sleep.
You didn't notice this before because you were on methadone also, which is a pretty powerful drug. But now, without the methadone in your body, you're more sensitive to this benzo roller coaster you're doing to yourself.
Your doctors need to get you on ONE benzo, Valium (diazepam) is a good one, because it has a very long half-life.
I think this would go a LONG way to helping you to sleep.
(that and give melatonin a try too).
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(...)
Long ass MD kicks should be grounds for a Silver Star or some kinda shiney medal.
(...)
Its just part of it.
@Snoop ,
you (and the other Heroes who got into a fight with it and has beaten, no matter of one's own accord or being forced to do it) definitely deserve the GOLDEN STAR, not just a silver one (unless you prefer rather silver than gold, as I do ;)),
or maybe some Golden Poppy' would be more properly here if you want.
Hereby, I decorate You with a Golden Star/or Poppy.
@chipper ,
I fully realize that these damned pills might cause difficulties/complications which are way way worse than anything else I have to deal with right now.
Were it not, I'd be probably in a relatively good shape at this moment, or at least not so much concerned for the future so much, as I realize how long roughly road is still ahead of me.
I used to be on relatively low doses (like Clonazepam 2mg/day, Estazolam 2mg/day) before I threw myself into this transitioning.
Still, since I'm completely alone with all this shit (my bf left for just few days, feels to me like infinity right now) I need this temporary support.
I think I'm going to start drop them down (at least these "extra items" like midazolam and especially phenobarbital (what is an ultimate solution to me),
right after my bf comes back.
Thank you. :)
@Zoops
I know, Zoops, I know.
To shed some more light on it and clarify things
BASICALLY, I am on 1 Clonazepam 2mg/day plus
1 Estazolam 2mg/day , too.
That's how my previous "groundwork" was, before I started to switch.
I'm on them years long and NEVER EVER have increased the dose.
However, since I'm switching, I added 1x midazolam 15 and 1x phenobarbital 100, cos the "groundwork" didn't work, as I'm addicted to them.
I DON'T take massive amounts, never anindulge myself in it.
My sleep is getting better last days, still, I realize I "owe" it to those additional pills, 'cos clonazepam and estazolam doesn't have any "input"/"contribution" to beating my switching' induced insomnia.
Much love.
I'm gonna try this melatonin, if it's only within my range. (if not I'm going to bother you ;) )
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@nikita70
I'm sorry doll
But I don't have much advice
To offer
That would help you
Get some much needed sleep
I will say one thing
There is no fucking way in hell
I'd give up benzos
If I were in your shoes
That's just me tho
I wish you the best of luck
And hope you get some real sleep soon
I have to say
Props to you
For doing something constructive
In the midst of wds
I never could
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Nikita-
Is it possible to just quit 1 of these drugs at a time instead of ALL at once? Maybe I missed it if you said this situation was being forces on you and not your choice like you had one supplier and that ended?
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Chiming in support of DOD and Deadcat's advice. I think earlier posters also said it in so many words. To NOT try to kick benzos or even reduce your benzo dosage but to transition to an equivalent dose of a SINGLE benzo, preferably valium. But keep your benzo intake steady until you're well down the road with your MMT WD.
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@nikita70
I'm sorry doll
But I don't have much advice
To offer
That would help you
Get some much needed sleep
(...)
I have to say
Props to you
For doing something constructive
In the midst of wds
I never could
@Daughter of Dionysus ,
This is not true that you don't have anything to offer or so, by no means, really. Even if you don't give me any particular advice, You ARE here for me, right now, at this moment, when I'm in need, I mean your presence itself is helpful enough, as I find myself feeling soooo lonely, confused and at the verge of panic...
Nevermind. Self-pity doesn't help.
I got into this inner, personal fight, and since it has already gone so far (14 days), I don't want to fuck it up,
evenings/nights are the worst, I'm finding myself losing my grip, which is poor enough in this state,
if you get me.
I need something to have to "cling" to...to go through the next one... time interval. It lasts infinity. Definitely the longest days in my life, especially since my "partner" just left...
As for the "doing something constructive", it's funny coincidence, cos I JUST right now beat myself for not having guts enough for doing this.
Searching internet. Watching so many creativity. I realize it's FAKE and in many (mostly) ways, just glitter and razzle-dazzle (hey Raz, btw, if you're lurking somewhere, over there ;)), but still... Young gals... Healthy... Digital Beauty...but still...
Thus, you hit the nail to the head,
Thank you, Sis, if I may...
(have you ever watched OITNB serie?
"Don't sistah me, bitch") 8)
@DeadCat ,
Hello,
nice to heard from you, you nomad. Still in Colombian'/South America' pandemonium?
You are partially right-I got kinda forced to do it.
Since the new so called "doc" in MMT took the helm, so to said, and changed/turned the previous, not perfectly, bit still liveable rules
into some tragifarsa or so,
it became simple impossible/unbearable and pretty humiliating to stay there at the clinic.
People used to joke, kinda humor noir, that Obama didn't make a mistake or slip of a tongue saying about POLISH DEATH' CAMPS,
on the contrary, it was like some dark prophecy, as the past got confused with the future,
because there's one existing in Poland, Krakow,
MMT, BLOKHAUS UZ (abreviation for a Polish word for describing addiction).
However, my ability to convey things must be pretty much diminished, so confused and blurry, cos I'm not so insane to kick two habits at once,
I'm not even going CT,
since I'm on bupe 14/15th day, on the contrary, my problem is I'm taking few different kind of benzos and they seem to work pretty poor to me,
plus, this insomnia makes me I'm oh-sooo-tired and deadbeat and paranoid. You know the game for sure.
Completely alone in my flat
with cat
(still not dead :()
Thank a lot for your concern, it always means a lot to me and helps me to... just survive.
@chemicalchart ,
thank you,
this is EXACTLY what I'm going to do, as my partner will back home in few day (in the middle of the next week, I believe).
I definitely need to make myself stable on one of them, not 3 different ones plus phenobarbital,
this is just for an ad hoc basis, just to make it as rainy days. Temporary, I hope.
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Hang in there Nikita. Lots o love for you here, and I'm hoping that you're feeling better and pulling through.
Personally I would try taking away one benzo and seeing what effect it has. If nothing then take it (or stay off it) and try removing another one. Slow and steady so that you don't hurt yourself. I couldn't stand the thought of something bad happening to our polish dynamo.
Hopefully things settle down for you and you start feeling human again.
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... the Phenobarbital can last up to two days and if you have enough you can use it to taper provided you stop using the others.
The Midazolam is also another potent benzo so don't take them nightly.
Nikita, you're playing with fire with those two alone and the more you add them to the mix, the higher the risk of seizure if you are caught out.
You don't want to be the next Michael Jackson of Poland, either.
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alcohol, nikita.
its gonna be hard to get it down, but alcohol aways helped me.
god methadone w/ds are the worst... i feel for you.
alcohol and benzos...