Started MMT Today

[monkawat]

Hey everybody,

I know this might be an out of the blue thing but in reality, for me and my family, it is not. This has been a long time coming. In order to save face and make myself feel better about my addiction- I have underplayed/underexagerated my usage on here and to others in my personal life outside of my wife. I have been getting morphine, oxy, and hydro both from my doc and when I run out- from some vets I know, from my ptsd therapy group.

I also can't afford to spend another dime on PM and the methadone isn't gonna empty my wallet because it is through the VA. They have a 6 month waiting list but being a disabled vet, I got jumped to the top of the line and did intake today.

I dosed at 20mg and they want me to stay at that if at all possible since the doc is attempting to dually treated both my pain and my addiction problem and thinks the lower the better. I also have been having some GI troubles (IBS coming back) and the less opioids, the better. I was diagnosed with Chrohn's (sucks ass) also. I know I am gonna have WD symptoms for a while even on 20mg but it has taken the edge off minus the nausea.

I'm sure some will say that going on MMT when you are coming off 300ishmg morphine equiv. doses a day is unwise but it really has become my last resort.

I know there is another thread by oxyopanaalpha or whatever his handle is but rather than threadjack his story I wanted to start my own. I probably won't do the constant/ daily updates like he's doing (like anyone would care if I did, heh..) but still wanted to get any advice I can from my friends (and those I don't know well too) on the board regarding this transition.

I have finally come to terms with my dual issues of pain and addiction and this seems like the best option ATM. They seem to want to keep me low so I can taper off more easily (I know, not easy) than if I was up on higher doses.

Take care yall,
monkawat

[alpha]

Congratulations on coming to terms with where you really are at, I know we all play games telling ourselves that we aren't as bad of as "x" but in reality, the constant mind games can be exhausting.

Here's hoping that methadone will help you stabilize and reduce your intake without sacrificing quality of life. 

[nick]

Maintenance is what you make it,man. Much luck with it.

[Z]

Be patient with the methadone.  I'm sure you know that it can take a bit to peak.  It can take up to a week to feel dosage changes.  Don't be afraid to tell the doctor that it isn't holding you either.  Methadone doses don't always have a direct relation to how big your habit was.

I hope it goes well for you.  Being honest about your usage is liberating.  Like stepping out from behind a mask.

[St. Theresa]

Good luck, man. Hope this helps you and your family ... I think you made a great choice.

[Griffin]

Like z said don't be afraid to go up on your dose if its not controlling the drug cravings or lasting the whole 24 hours. I would give at least a week before going up each time. Don't chase that glow if your getting one as it will soon dissipate regardless of what dose your at. I was on 280 before I got arrested and had to C/T and even though I had a huge habit before starting MMT I probably would of been fine with half that or even less. I felt nothing on 280 the glow that I got for the first 2 months had me chasing it and believing that my tolerance was so high that I needed 200+ to feel normal just left me on a huge dose with more side effects. Being on 60 mgs I have a lot less side effects and weight gain. I have stayed at the weight I started at even though I have been eating junk food. I gained 80 lbs in less than a year being on such a high dose.

Griffin

[monkawat]

Thanks for the advice y'all. Means a lot coming from the only crowd I can truly trust when it comes to opinions on these matters.

[Narkotikon]

Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO. 

[monkawat]

Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO.

I was referring to my family when I said that dose amount. Sorry if that wasn't clear by the way I blended that and the dual diagnosis treatment stuff into one sentence. I've been exhausted today, running on low sleep. I want to stay <30mg myself if at all possible but we will see. I wanna be comfortable but maintain the lowest dose possible.

The clinic has no problem going up by 5mg a day until I hit 30 then I have to do something (I can't remember atm) but I think I can get to that or stay under and hold steady, at least for a while. They weren't scare tactic-ing me or anything, quite the opposite. They seemed willing to go up to a comfortable dose, whatever that may be. Sorry for the confusion, long day. Very long day.

Thank you for taking the time to respond Nark. I know you've been thru MMT and that gives me good insight on everything to know.

[Narkotikon]

Nothing to say really that hasn't already been said.  Good luck with it, and I hope this works for you.  Definitely try to stay low, but don't make yourself suffer if 20mg isn't holding you.  It's okay to go up to a dose where you're pain free and comfortable.  That's the point. 

Other than IBS and Chrohn's, why are they so hesitant to increase the dose?  I saw you said they want you to be able to detox easily, but that's not a really good excuse IMO.  Yes, if you're on a high dose, it'll take more time and effort to detox, but it can be done if done slowly.  I just don't see why they emphatically want you to stay at 20mg.  I don't see the harm in letting you go up to 30mg, or even 40mg IF it helps you.  This is maintenance.  Won't you be on this long-term anyway?

I'm not advocating high doses or reckless dosing.  It just irked me that they said you should definitely stay at 20mg.  It's like they think even 25mg is way too much.  Seemed like a scare tactic to me. 

Also, am very glad you confided in us.  Feel free to use this place for support, empathy, and even to vent.  We're here for you.  And great job on admitting this to yourself and others.  That's an important step in confronting addiction IMO.

I was referring to my family when I said that dose amount. Sorry if that wasn't clear by the way I blended that and the dual diagnosis treatment stuff into one sentence. I've been exhausted today, running on low sleep. I want to stay <30mg myself if at all possible but we will see. I wanna be comfortable but maintain the lowest dose possible.

The clinic has no problem going up by 5mg a day until I hit 30 then I have to do something (I can't remember atm) but I think I can get to that or stay under and hold steady, at least for a while. They weren't scare tactic-ing me or anything, quite the opposite. They seemed willing to go up to a comfortable dose, whatever that may be. Sorry for the confusion, long day. Very long day.

Thank you for taking the time to respond Nark. I know you've been thru MMT and that gives me good insight on everything to know.

Thanks for explaining.  My bad for confusing.  It could have been my fault for reading too quickly.  But yeah, I'm glad the clinic isn't being like that.  It's good you're going into this with dosing rules for yourself (and how it could affect your family).  I don't think you'll give in to reckless dosing like some do.  Very responsible thing to do.

Yeah, I was in MMT for ten months back in Dec. 2005 to Oct. 2006.  I really shouldn't have been.  I had only been addicted for a little over a year, but was steadily going down hill.  My old boss (family friend) offered to pay for a steady supply of pods, or for MMT.  Being young, careless, and mostly ignorant about methadone, I chose the MMT.  I should have chosen the pods.  Such a bad decision on my part.  I was also careless when it came to dosing.  Ended up being on 140mg, which was way too high for me.  I felt and did much better on 95-100mg.  The clinic was partly to blame too.  Pushing people to go up, etc.  Profit and all. 

But anyway, there are tons of people who are much more knowledgeable than me concerning MMT.  I think sometimes I let my bad experience with methadone clouds my judgment when it comes to MMT.  It's definitely not for me, but I still think it's a good option to have, both for addiction and for pain.  Good luck with it.  I'm glad to see you're going into this with the right knowledge and attitude. 

[Blues]

I am a CPP patient.as.well and wrestle with the same issues as you were. I have been also thinking about MMT but one question as lingers -

The pain that started you on the course to get a legit doctor's rx isnt going away so when you "detox" what are you going to do to control your pain?

Will being on MMT affect future ability to receive pain meds?

[Daughter of Dionysus]

Monkwat
I really don't have much advice
I just wish you the best

You're a good dude
And it seems to me like you know this is what is right for you
I think when we know things like that
It makes these types of transitions a little easier

I
For one
Wouldn't mind at all
If you kept this regularly update

Much luck bro

[monkawat]

Thanks again y'all.

I upped my dose by 5mg today, to 25mg. I feel better on this dose. I need to start eating a full meal and avoid caffeine before I go into the clinic to dose. I have noticed a weird increase in caffeine sensitivity in the past week or two. Not sure if it is WD related or something different though. Anyhow, I do get a bit woozy the rest of the day (goes away at night) if I take my dose on an empty stomach. I can eat a lot and it gets a little better though.

My wife and parents said they are proud of me for this decision and think it is the best one I can make for the sake of myself and my entire family unit. That felt good. I hadn't heard them say they were proud of me in this type of light in a long time.

I really like my counseling team. They do a very structured deal with weekly counseling sessions for the first few months, then it is only required once or twice a month (I believe). However, my counselor has an open door policy and is himself a Vietnam combat vet (also an 11B like me for you ex mil folks) so I really appreciate that he can relate to my PTSD, pain, and addiction issues. He is a former addict who got addicted to H while serving in SVN and Cambodia. Cool guy. Goofy and down to earth. Guy offered me coffee, kleenex, a blanket, and turned on a little portable heater since I was freezing from a combo of WD and the damn 60 degree AC in the facility and talked with me about some of my experiences overseas, which helped my start to trust what the guy was gonna say. He explained how I would soon appreciate that they choose to keep it that way since most MMT patients need to have it very cold.

I'm feeling good today. A bit tired since I could not sleep well last night. I'm still on 150-200mg of trazodone nightly for sleep but it didn't help much last night. I think it was because the 20 wasn't quite holding me through the night. I feel better today on 25mg and if I'm not experiencing any WD late tonight or in the AM when I wake up, I'll stay there for now.

I'm trying to avoid a fixation on a specific dose and just focus on the comfort level of said dose.

Oh- not a single bit of pain all day today. This stuff sure works well for pain control...

[Griffin]

How long did you have to wait before you got to do your intake? I am glad you got bumped to the top of the list same thing happened for me this year. They had about a 4 month waiting list but they weren't starting on that list until September and I was trying to get on in May. The only reason I was put on the list was because I was on probation. and

I was able to get in after only 3 weeks even though they weren't supposed to start until sept. because I had been a patient there before I got arrested and when I got out of jail I continued my drug therapy with my counselor with out methadone. When I decided to get back on it and they told me it I wouldn't be able to get in an intake date for at least 4-6 months my counselor talked to the doctor for me. The doctor got me in the week my counselor to him.

My counselor just told him my story of getting a DUI for methadone and that I was having really bad cravings and that if I used I would more than likely be going to prison. The doctor who is very cool and understanding just told me to come in and did my yearly physical and started me at 10 mgs sense I hadn't used methadone or anything else in almost 4 months. They let me go up to 30 before I had to see the doctor again he allowed me to go up 5 every 3 days. Same thing after I saw him and when I got to 60 I was completely comfortable and have been on that sense.


Griffin

[Opus]

200mg Trazadone nightly?

Dayum. You know about the priapism risk, right? I'd be afraid of waking up with one that won't go away, I don't want anything to do with that kind of pain thank you!

since most MMT patients need to have it very cold.

My klinik is never less than like 80-85F, I have no idea why it's always so hot in there. Just awesome when your counselor talks way too much (she's great, just.... verbose) and you're literally pouring fucking sweat from the hike there.

Mention the sweating as a symptom in that place and they're just clueless. Baffles me.