"Oh by the way, I'm physically dependent on morphine."

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

So we had a bitchin thread in a past life regarding how to bring up being addicted

It had been a decent amount of time since I had been on a date before yesterday
and even longer since it was someone actually cool to me haha
Had such a good time, see some MC Esher woodcuts and lithographs
eat delicious tacos and beers and weed

then somehow she came to mention her brother is only 18 and hooked on benzos
She was visibly disturbed by having to share this info
not because she was ashamed but genuinely scared for him

i had to decide right then what to do, and as always, erred on the side of stupidity
"you should know that im physically dependent on opiates"
she did a good job hiding it if she was shocked
that lead to being told no worries, i understand these things can happen
but there is no way i can ever get emotionally involved with you as long as you use opiates


I do not get many chances at being happy with other people
hell even tolerating them is challenging more often than i care to admit
but the fucking thing that keeps me sane also keeps me completely isolated

should I have said nothing? I'm just so tired of being deceitful

[Sand and Water]

I'm so sorry this happened to you TTA.  Fwiw, I don't think you "erred on the side of stupidity"--if my ex hadn't lied and hid his use, maybe we could've worked it out. No way to know now though. It seems clear that it wouldn't have worked out with this girl given her feelings about your use.

For me, whether it's your situation, conflicting attitudes about money/race/religion etc, honesty & trust are critical parts of any romantic foundation. I think you did the right thing long-term, given you say you're tired of hiding.

Who knows, maybe you dodged an emotional bullet?   I hope you meet someone awesome soon who feels more comfortable & is more compatible.

[theluciddreamers]

You can't hid that shit forever man. I hid my addiction from everyone but my lady.  We live with her parents and I was hooked on seeds pills and anything I could get to stay well. Last winter her father was working on my car. I have very few friends I see anymore bc of life, jobs, people moving..  I had my dealer in my car at one point and he must of had been taking suboxone.  He left the package in my car and I never saw it.  Well after my car was fixed by.my future father in law I noticed he left some tools in my car. Underneath them was the suboxone package. That along with seeds in the trash and them buring our trash....  when you have pounds and pounds of seeds in your trash all dowm the side I'm sure he saw them.


Anyways I know my future in laws know something is going on.  So yeah it will come up eventually man. Everyone makes mistakes and at some point you would have forgotten something or left something around. Unless the person is in completely in denial you won't get away with it forever. 

The thing is addiction is your brain being wired differently so until you find someone who understands that, you might not be able to find love the way you want or think.  You definitely need someone who is understanding.  Even if you are clean you will always be a addict and addicted to opiates. So lets say you got clean a year ago and you told her about your addiction and she got into a relationship with yoy knowing you had been addicted and thought that was ok bc you are clean, then she wouldn't be right for you anyways.  Even if you get clean you will always struggle with addiction and you NEED someone who understands that...   

I'm a person who believes in being honest so that's just my opinion.  What would have happened if you got into a relationship with her and she found out a year later?  Would she leave you bc she doesn't want to be involved with someone like that?  Then you would be at a point way worse then what you think you are at now. 

The truth is you probably don't know this chick as well as you think.  The thought or idea of a relationship is always incorrect to what it really is or would be. Your mind makes you think all these great things would or could happen bc that's how we are and think.  I wouldn't be worried bc it sounds like she wouldn't be right for you just based off thst one sentence. 

Relationship are the work you put into them and not an idea in your head. When you find someone who fits you will be honest and they will love and accept you for who you are.  That kind of judgment is what makes people like most of us on here look like criminal, junky, no loving ass fucks.  That's not who you are and fuck whatever she thinks about. We all have baggage and some seems worse than others, but the fact is we all have it. What if you never did drugs and she smoked weed and drank?  That's a addiction and people who think that they are going to get into a relationship and its all love and butterflies is in for a rude awakening.   


Now i'm not saying everytime meet a chick you throw all your baggage on the table and see what happens.  No then we all would be fucked, but when the time is right you will know and say what you need to say. I would wait till I'm comfortable with the person before laying that shit out. A few months of talking and hanging out, and maybe dating....   Then lay that shit out, but make sure they can be honest with you about their past. Who knows she could of had a sex addiction and chrsted on every person she dated and struggles with relationships? 


Don't let this shit get you down. When you find.someone who is worth it they will be able to see through your addiction and love you for you.  Not the fact that you are dependent on morphine.   

This is just my thoughts man and my opinion so take some of it, all, or none.  Just don't beat yourself up because someone isn't understanding.  Your worth being love and giving that love to someone else. 

[Narkotikon]

Now i'm not saying everytime meet a chick you throw all your baggage on the table and see what happens.  No then we all would be fucked, but when the time is right you will know and say what you need to say. I would wait till I'm comfortable with the person before laying that shit out. A few months of talking and hanging out, and maybe dating....   Then lay that shit out, but make sure they can be honest with you about their past. Who knows she could of had a sex addiction and chrsted on every person she dated and struggles with relationships? 

This.  What Lucid said above.

I definitely think you should be honest.  But I also think there's a time to be honest, and a time to withhold information.  Drug addiction and being dependent on morphine isn't a first date topic.  Wait until you develop a rapport with the person.  Know that you can trust them, and they you.  Make sure you know their past transgressions.  When you find the right person, they'll understand and be open to your struggles. 

[Chip]

I commend you.

[chemicalchart]

Unfortunately there is no pat answer to that one. When I find my self being duplicitous I stop and ask myself why and how fucking long am I willing to keep it up. There are ways to make your stance clear. To feel out the other person. Personally, I find myself liking the other person more if they cop to some kind of addiction. Most people I care about know of my proclivities. I don't measure them against my acts, but by their reactions. The good ones can tell right off the bat anyway. At least in my experience.

[makita]

I put coded info about having had "an interesting past" and harm reduction philosophy into my OKCupid profile, and usually out myself early on, but I have the excuse of being a CPP who also uses a bit for other reasons so thats a much easier sell.  Still there are people who say "no hard drugs" or things like that and I avoid them because if thats their attitude, fuck em, we prob wont get along in the long term. 

Also it may be that queer people are more tolerant of this kind of thing in general since so many of us use....outside of the segment of us who are super big on 12 step recovery that is.

[thetalkingasshole (OP)]

Man even people who I consider close long time friends give me shit
I asked my friend last night why he doesnt wear a seatbelt
and he asked me why I was a junkie wbo had to use morphine everyday

This is why I feel more and more secure in who I am
people are just fucking fools through and through
and im no different
but shit at least my foolishness isnt rammed down anyone's throat

[Riddick">Riddick]

Just do some speed dating and throw out your addicted to opiates on each " date". Someone thats cool with it will holler at you. Just an idea.I like to have them fall for me before I drop that bomb on em.Its more fair for both of us. And I know what you mean about the isolation. Although I dont know about " not cramming it down anyones throat".

[makita]

Man even people who I consider close long time friends give me shit
I asked my friend last night why he doesnt wear a seatbelt
and he asked me why I was a junkie wbo had to use morphine everyday

This is why I feel more and more secure in who I am
people are just fucking fools through and through
and im no different
but shit at least my foolishness isnt rammed down anyone's throat

dude, your friend's a dick.

[Riddick">Riddick]

Man even people who I consider close long time friends give me shit
I asked my friend last night why he doesnt wear a seatbelt
and he asked me why I was a junkie wbo had to use morphine everyday

This is why I feel more and more secure in who I am
people are just fucking fools through and through
and im no different
but shit at least my foolishness isnt rammed down anyone's throat

Nah, your friend just doesnt understand. Dont label him and give up.

dude, your friend's a dick.

[Narkotikon]

Man even people who I consider close long time friends give me shit
I asked my friend last night why he doesnt wear a seatbelt
and he asked me why I was a junkie wbo had to use morphine everyday

This is why I feel more and more secure in who I am
people are just fucking fools through and through
and im no different
but shit at least my foolishness isnt rammed down anyone's throat

dude, your friend's a dick.

I think it's more like he's ignorant and insensitive.  Perhaps maybe not interested in expanding his mind (i.e., since he's so ignorant, he probably doesn't have a lot of curiosity to learn). 

[hanna]

Man even people who I consider close long time friends give me shit
I asked my friend last night why he doesnt wear a seatbelt
and he asked me why I was a junkie wbo had to use morphine everyday

This is why I feel more and more secure in who I am
people are just fucking fools through and through
and im no different
but shit at least my foolishness isnt rammed down anyone's throat

i'm curious,

Do the laws in your state allow the police to pull you over because an adult passenger isn't wearing their seatbelt? If yes, then do the police have grounds to search your vehicle?

What are the paraphenalia laws like? Strict?

TIA

[sk8phaze]

I stopped telling people about my addiction a long time ago. Yes it sucks living a double life but i now have people that respect me and I know most wouldn't if they knew. But im a good person. Just cause i use doesn't make me a terrible person, so i just hold the information back. So i dont lie but i dont tell. People don't mind me smoking weed or drinking so ill just keep it at that.

[AllNightLong]

Now i'm not saying everytime meet a chick you throw all your baggage on the table and see what happens.  No then we all would be fucked, but when the time is right you will know and say what you need to say. I would wait till I'm comfortable with the person before laying that shit out. A few months of talking and hanging out, and maybe dating....   Then lay that shit out, but make sure they can be honest with you about their past. Who knows she could of had a sex addiction and chrsted on every person she dated and struggles with relationships? 

This.  What Lucid said above.

I definitely think you should be honest.  But I also think there's a time to be honest, and a time to withhold information.  Drug addiction and being dependent on morphine isn't a first date topic.  Wait until you develop a rapport with the person.  Know that you can trust them, and they you.  Make sure you know their past transgressions.  When you find the right person, they'll understand and be open to your struggles.

Absolutely not a first date topic.  That is like asking if she wants to get married or have kids after the first date.  I think it is only right to bring it up at the right time, otherwise you are taking yourself out of consideration before you are even being considered. 

This seems to me to kind of being like telling someone if you have an STD on the first date.  Sure, they want to know but if you aren't fucking is it important to tell them on your first date?  Probably not, so I would keep that info in my pocket until it is time to tell them.  Don't get me wrong I wouldn't keep it a secret for ever but there is a right time for everything.