Author Topic: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong  (Read 1024 times)

Offline Chip (OP)

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Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« on: September 18, 2018, 12:12:17 PM »
source: https://www.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/wdpa5y/hey-straight-people-youre-using-sex-drugs-wrong

EDIT: Australia set to ban Amyl Nitrite and analogs

Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong

The continued acceptance of homosexual men and lesbians by mainstream America means that some of the wonderful things that were kept in the darker nooks and crannies of the gay world are now seeing the light of day.

By Brian Moylan
Dec 19 2012, 7:15pm

The continued acceptance of gay men and lesbians by mainstream America is sort of a double-edged sword. Homosexuals can now serve in the military (everywhere), adopt children (in many states), and get married (in a few places). But that also means that homosexuals can now die in war, deal with snot-nosed brats, and get bled dry by that skank who cheated with a hooker and now wants a divorce and thinks he can take half of my money. Fuck him.

It also means that some of the wonderful things that were kept in the darker nooks and crannies of the gay world are now seeing the light of day and, like most awesome things that gay people started, straight people are now discovering and totally ruining them. Take poppers, for instance. My straight friend Tom (name changed) texted me the other night and told me he had just used them for the first time. "It was a few seconds of wooziness," he said. Unsurprisingly, he's doing it wrong. So, for all you straight people out there who want to get hip to the gay sex drug of choice, here's a little user's manual so you can dive right in without hurting yourself or, even worse, embarrassing yourself in front of the gays in your life.

What is a popper? Does it have jalapenos in it?
Ugh, straight people. No, it is not something you order at the Applebee's. Poppers are inhalants that homosexuals love.

If they aren't filled with jalapenos, what's in them?
Poppers consist of assorted alkyl nitrites, mostly isopropyl nitrite and isobutyl nitrite, but in the past, when poppers were first being explored by my homo forefathers, they were mostly amyl nitrite. But no one cares what's in them, what they do is the important part.

You're right. What do they do to me?
Mostly they make you feel dizzy and weird and headrushy. It's kind of like a whippit, but you don't get that WHAA-WHAA-WHAA sensation that is so common in whippits. Poppers also never made Demi Moore pass out and call the cops and then go to rehab, so there's that. They make you feel really warm all over, particularly in the face. You might even blush a little. The other thing you'll notice is, if you are using them in a sexual context, you will want every single one of your orifices stuffed at exactly that moment or to jam your various appendages into someone else's holes. They don't make you horny, necessarily; they make you want to fuck.

But I always want to fuck.
Well, duh, who doesn't? But this makes you really want to fuck that very instant when you're feeling all crazy.

Are they good for fucking?
Poppers are great for fucking. Why else do you think gays invented the stuff? They are especially great for getting fucked. What you won't feel is that poppers loosen up all of your involuntary muscles, making a throat, vag, or butthole super easy to fill with a bunch of man meat (or whatever else you want to stick up there). That, combined with an intense desire to have every crevice of your body filled, means poppers are awesome for boning.

So I can get my girl to take it up the ass if she does poppers?
Probably not. That's what jewelry is for. But once you get her to agree to it, this will make it easier.

What are the side effects?
There aren't any, really. Not if you're healthy. Personally they make me feel really dizzy and like I want to pass out, which is never a cute look. Poppers also dilate your blood vessels, so it can make your wood get a little bit softer. There can also be a headache, but it's usually nothing major.

Can I use it with other drugs?
Because of stupid people and lawyers, we can't comment on that. We will say, however, that you should DEFINITELY not do it with Viagra. Since they both mess with your blood pressure, you could end up with a heart attack. This was the number one cause of death at gay circuit parties in 2003.

What's a circuit party?
Ugh, straight people.

So is this shit illegal?
Well, technically. They were outlawed for personal use in the 80s but there is a stipulation for commercial use. They're now sold as "room odorizer," "nail polish remover," or, unironically, "video head cleaner." As anyone who has ever knocked over the bottle will tell you, do not use them to odorize your room. That shit is nasty. And if you actually have a video head to clean, then please get back in your time machine and go back to where you came from.

Where can I get some poppers? My dealer?
Hell no, straighty. Just go to like a gay book store or a porn shop or something like that. Or go to that little Google box in this browser window and get to work. You can even order them on Amazon. But, just like you don't go to a seafood restaurant for a steak, make sure you go somewhere gay to get your poppers. They always have the best kinds.

There are kinds?
Hell yeah.

What's the difference?
Oh, not much. They all basically do the same thing. But, just like there are different kinds of pot or alcohol that do slightly different things, the same is true with poppers.

What do the gays use?
Now you're asking the right question. Most have their own personal preference. Rush and Jungle Juice are probably the best known and both are pretty good. On the occasions I use them, I like Rush because it makes me feel like a queer at a pre-AIDS bathhouse. The leather daddies prefer what they call "English," which comes in a brown unmarked bottle. That shit is intense.

I'm scared of leather daddies, but I want to try poppers. How do I do it?
Just open the cap and take a big old sniff, like you're holding someone's jock strap in front of your face.

Ew, why would I do that?
Ugh, straight people. I guess just substitute "used panties" for "jock strap" there. Better? Good. Now close one nostril, hold the bottle up to the other side, and breathe deep. Go easy at first. You don't want to take too much.

Why not?
Remember when I warned you about feeling woozy and wanting to pass out? That's why. Now give it a try.

Holy shit, man. I feel like... Damn, I want to fuck something! Yeah, right now. RIGHT NOW! Woah, my skin feels all hot. Oh, now I'm back to normal. That's it?
Yup, that's it.

Ah, OK. That's cool, man. Thanks.
No problem, buddy. That's what we're here for, to make straight people's lives better. Now don't go embarrassing us.

Requisite Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. The huffing of poppers is a stupid thing to do and people who do it are stupid. Don't be stupid, you fucking idiots.
« Last Edit: September 18, 2018, 12:28:05 PM by Chip »
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Offline MoeMentim

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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2018, 08:00:11 AM »
i think poppers are the same thing as the "Rush" stuff we used to pass around class in high school (80's).  just hope you don't get called on for a minute.  you could buy the stuff at head shops.

Offline Chip (OP)

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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2018, 11:22:46 AM »
i just ordered 10 ml of "FUCK pig" ... gotta love the gays 😊😎
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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2018, 04:15:10 PM »
here it is ... worth the cost and wait.

with the fun police ramping up their attack on comparatively safe activities, one has to act quickly.

mind you, for all the losses there are hidden gains if you know how to look.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2018, 07:09:56 PM by Chip »
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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2018, 08:33:43 AM »
Yep, gotta be the same, was also marketed as "boot cleaner" back then.  Shit's very much like whippets but lasts longer, a minute or three rather than 30 seconds or so.  Now that i think about it, years after high school I wandered from my fave dive bar in Vegas to the gay bookstore nearby & bought a bottle of the stuff there.  my bar was located on a city block where all the gay clubs were.  block was lovingly referred to as the "fruit loop."

Offline Chip (OP)

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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2018, 10:06:57 AM »
i recommend laying down when using it.

i learned this only today.

i see no addiction potential as it's a very short lived woozy thing ... but hey, anything for a buzz sometimes 💆
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Re: Hey Straight People, You\\\\\\\'re Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2018, 11:58:57 AM »
yeah, on a whim i bought some whip-its a few weeks ago, box of a hundred at the same restaurant supply place i get seeds from (they keep both seeds and whip-its locked in a case with the expensive knives etc due to theft) a charger from a headshop & dollar store balloons.  $35ish, i was all excited, did like 10 the first night, a couple the next two nights then said meh, put em away & forgot about them.  i might just go do one & i bet i'll only do one.  maybe two just on the principle that it is a "drug" & the last thing i want to do is under do it.  so at least two. 
 

Post Merged: September 25, 2018, 12:01:38 PM

you know what just occurred to me?  maybe i better finish my cigarette before i fill this balloon with nitrous oxide.

Post Merged: September 25, 2018, 12:35:08 PM
did two even though one was plenty.  and it's only a box of 50 thank god.  "hey man, i have a lifetime supply of whip-its"  "far-out, how many you have"  "eh, maybe 30" 

also chip, the auto merge has grown on me.  i see that i can still get the dramatic literary effect of say, me going to get my whip-its and coming back to having an interesting (to me) thought.  then i can go away again and come back again and it's all there in the same post complete with dramatic pauses.  watch what i do here.

  regular paragraph.  no auto merge there, totally different. works fine. 

Post Merged: September 25, 2018, 12:37:05 PM
i lied. i only did one whip-it
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 12:37:05 PM by MoeMentim »

Offline Chip (OP)

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Re: Hey Straight People, You're Using Sex Drugs Wrong
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2018, 02:35:21 PM »
i found this huge carbinator (CO2) that could take 3 bulbs.

i found that using it with pot would send me !

story time : some fools got a tank and let it blast out nitrous in a car with the windows up.

then some guy wanted a smoke (as you do) 》》》KABOOM 《《《

it's probably an urban myth but not totally inconceivable.

i've done my dash with N2O but i sure had me some fun.

FYI: post merge is an example of piece of unsupported code. some functions are now closed source and withdrawn software that i have to maintain and debug ... the site  hangs together with digital duct tape, bandages, glue and rubber bands.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 02:43:18 PM by Chip »
Over 90% of all computer problems can be traced back to the interface between the keyboard and the chair !

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