Author Topic: Quitting for a while  (Read 1772 times)

Offline dillydudeEL14 (OP)

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Quitting for a while
« on: October 11, 2016, 12:09:51 AM »
I've been using again for a couple months and it's time to stop.  I really need to stop for like a month or so at least, but I mentally can't.  I really don't wanna do methadone or bupe because my habit isn't even that big.  I'm at that point right now where I need to stop or people in my life will start noticing and then it will be a big deal and I'll lose all this trust I've built up and I really don't want that to happen.  I really only do like 8-16 mg dilaudid every day so the physical wd won't be too bad, but mentally I just can't kick it.  It's fucking insane\ how powerful that is.  I used to always think the physical stuff was the worst, but as I get older I am finding the mental aspect and the desire to get high the harder thing to manage.  I really need to stop for a while and I was wondering if anyone has any advice to beat that mental voice that always talks me into saying fuck it I'll go get a d.

Offline Chip

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2016, 12:54:18 AM »
if you are shooting your drugs and still are getting good highs, stopping is the hardest thing to do.

what works is when you are sick of getting sick, you can't really even catch a nod without risking an OD AND when you are on boring treatment meds, stepping down slowly and painlessly.

that's what works for me ... an old wise junkie said that the minimum run in the dope game is 10 years.

while getting high is still an option for you and you're still young,  it's very hard to deny yourself. I couldn't stop shooting all sorts of crap until it got too hard and I landed in hospital one time too many.

it will take all your strength, it's the nature of the beast ... pacing yourself is highly recommended as stopping altogether just isn't in our DNA but I never had access to the knowledge that you have because if I knew how it would be then I would've stopped much earlier.

just tell yourself that opiates end up taking more than they give - which is the truth.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2016, 01:00:19 AM by chipper »
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Offline Dog Food

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2016, 01:56:22 AM »
Ten years exactly for me before this month and a half sober since detox.

Yup. Gotta be sick of it and not get high anymore.  I had to have gone thru a couple thousand the week before detox, 150+ a day and never caught a nod just a lil rush then normal.  Its like it doesnt come back either,. I tried it once since and even pushed it in slow till i felt good.  Maybe halfa point later and i find myself on the floor 30 mins later.  Like theres just no high anymore just oding.   

Offline dysmorphic

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2016, 07:44:51 AM »
Positive affirmation. You know, stuff like "so glad I don't suck the glass dick any more or stick it in my arm, swallow it or pack it up my ass." That's what's taking me far in my current taper. Just keep mentally fucking with yourself. When you start telling yourself the fucked up honesty of the situation before you get fucked up or give up, at some point you'll start winning. It's working for me.

I'm tapering from 400mg morphine a day oral down to 160mg. Doing it in huge blocks, just what I can manage. I want to feel sick and hurt a bit. It makes a difference to suffer by your own hand rather then someone else's. Remember that sooner or later you'll be hurting and in trouble, but by your own hand it goes far far easier. Case in point, at the seven day mark I'll be chopping it in half or more again. I could make it easier on my self and perhaps I will at some point but I'm feeling pretty good now.

I think on the third or fourth day I'll feel better, I'm close to the bottom of this part of the taper. For right now I'm calling it a taper even though my goal is to get off of it completely. I just don't think about it much. When the monkey on my back turns into a four hundred pound garilla I fight right back with how the alternative is an 800 pound garilla. I know it's going there unless I stop.

I been doing this for more then ten years. Anything I wanted and trust me the list is long. My civilian doc was just an enabler of that caliber and the VA was over worked and would hand out 12 or 15 different types of medication. Crazy shit that had me far more waisted then I had ever been. Blacked out for days at a time. I hated that guy. Fucking hate his ever lasting mother fucking junky guts. There will, WILL, be a time when I'm going to need those drugs, we all will. I want them to work.

I am so lucky that I never had to jump on the RC bandwagon to get my fix. I have read the horror stories of that shit. Some of that stuff is an exorcist caliber nightmare fuel. Just the spice / synthetic ganja that is still going around if you know where to look was enough to scare me away from it. I saw those crazy fuckers running around the street out of their mind, or the dude rolling around on the street screaming like a child, or all of the naked people that popped out from what ever hell they were just enjoying, all embarrassed and sorry.
 Fuck. All. Of. That. Shit.

So when I am honest with my drug use and use it to counter the evil voice in my head I'm good to go. I'm not saying I won't relapse in the future. I'm saying I'll have no future if I relapse. It's enough for me. I'm not acting all gacked out, looking like a fucking bust, and it's that strait honesty that helps me achieve that. I have been working out and have gotten my health back on track. The more positive stuff I surround myself with the easier it is to make the right choices.
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Offline Chip

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2016, 08:15:14 AM »
they say that the more you suffer in a voluntary detox, the better your chances of staying off and for longer.

dropped to 7.5 mg 'done and the end is in sight !

exciting, it is :)

you guys inspire me !
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Offline dillydudeEL14 (OP)

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2016, 06:38:47 AM »
Thanks for the input guys. Yeah I still do get high so it's really tough. I've been doing a little better, but I did a d today so I definitely still have a ways to go. I wish I could just give it up and not look back, but it's difficult once you know how good it feels and how easy it is to get that feeling. I don't think that I'm realistically gonna give it up for good for a while so I just need to keep it under control and make sure nobody finds out to the best of my ability. based on the 10 year rule I'm halfway through if we're only talking about shooting, I've been doing drugs in other ways for about 12 years or so.

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Re: Quitting for a while
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2018, 12:39:06 AM »
they say that the more you suffer in a voluntary detox, the better your chances of staying off and for longer.

I completely agree with that. The longest I've been sober (to me at least) was when I voluntarily went from 120-160 mgs of 'done a day to taking 4-8 mgs of suboxone a day without a taper to let the done get outta my system. I was just tired of the hustle and tired of the clinic and the lifestyle so it seemed to work alot better than trying to quit when u ain't ready.

I took 320mgs of 'done on my last day then oxy 80's the next day or two. Then, i took a piece of a strip and the PWDs started but I didn't give up and go get more 'done or oxy or dope or anything to make me feel better except alot of good weed. I felt awful for a week and not good for another week. Then i started feeling normal but still achy on my 3rd week.

Since I had gone thru the worst WD I'd even been thru at that time, I stayed on 4-6mgs of sub a day for about a yr before I started fuckin up again and eventually had to go back to the clinic. I even got 120 'done 10's a month and wasn't the least bit tempted to take 20 of em to break thru the sub or take a break from sub then take 10-15 'dones.

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