dopetalk does not endorse any advertised product nor does it accept any liability for it's use or misuse

This website has run out of funding so feel free to contribute if you can afford it (see footer)

Author Topic: Just a question  (Read 27859 times)

Offline skramamme

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Oct 2015
  • Location: Australia
  • Posts: 133
  • Reputation Power: 9
  • skramamme is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Female
  • Last Login:May 25, 2023, 12:28:14 PM
  • Our Community Board
Re: Just a question
« Reply #29 from previous page: October 16, 2015, 08:10:07 PM »
Sory Hero1, this doesn't answer your questions specifically but some of these comments just ugh, make me so mad.

My partner (my fucking soul mate) killed himself when I was pregnant with our only child 11 years ago and he wasn't selfish- he was sick.
Depression is an illness that can be fucking crippling, just as goddamn debilitating as physical illnesses can be.

His suicide absolutely fucked me up, but I get why he did it and I have also felt as if the greatest gift I could give my loved ones is to release them from having me as a burden in their lives when I have been in the grips of my depression... that's how you see it when you're in the pit. So don't talk about selfish this and selfish that- a person's mind isn't working properly when they are suicidal FFS.

I have an 11 year old and I am a fucking recluse because of my anxiety- you think it's good for her? I didn't expect my illness to get this bad and I sure as shit didn't expect my partner to gas himself when I was 4 months pregnant but it is what it is and I deal with it as best I can.
 
I am pretty confident that I will end my life when my beautiful daughter has moved out and has a fulfilled, adult life.
Why? Because my bipolar II and depression keeps coming back and I am already in my mid 40's.
And, unfortunately, all the meds and therapy in the world aren't preventing repeated depressive episodes and I can't live a fully functioning, happy life as a result (or hold down a proper job, or have a social life etc etc etc).

And FTR, how fucking selfish is it of you (general you) to expect someone to hang around hating their lives simply because you can't handle missing someone? Isn't that selfish too? Putting your feels before their chance at peace?

And as for the inevitable "you shouldn't have had a kid if you think like that" comments;
I didn't think I could fall pregnant, I was 34 years old and when my partner killed himself and I didn't have a termination because I had a breakdown and was incapable of making any sort of decision like that.
Plus, when my daughter came into my world she gave me a reason to keep going.

But she wont always be here, so I am ok with the use by date coming up.

It doesn't help that I didn't get a proper diagnosis until my kid was around 7 years old, so I didn't realise I had issues that getting my shit together wouldn't fix (ie, getting clean, moving to a better area etc... I thought that would solve the problems but it didn't).
I didn't realise this shit was for life.

Hindsight is always 20/20 vision and all that... would I have had my daughter if I had the chance over again? Maybe (she's fucking awesome and I love her so goddamn much it scares me sometimes) but maybe not, because my MI is hard on her too and she didn't ask for that.

Honestly, what are you supposed to do if the symptoms keep getting worse as you age? Drag your sorry arse through another 30 years of life feeling hopeless, isolated and miserable with chronic anxiety to spare other people feeling sad for a little while? Fuck that noise.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Of all the things I value most in life
I see my memories and feel their warmth
And know that they are good,
You know that I should

Offline Chip

  • Server Admin
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Join Date: Dec 2014
  • Location: Australia
  • Posts: 6648
  • Reputation Power: 0
  • Chip has hidden their reputation power
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:Yesterday at 05:53:23 PM
  • Deeply Confused Learner
  • Profession: IT Engineer
Re: Just a question
« Reply #30 on: October 19, 2015, 08:21:21 AM »
<snip>
I am pretty confident that I will end my life when my beautiful daughter has moved out and has a fulfilled, adult life.
Why? Because my bipolar II and depression keeps coming back and I am already in my mid 40's.
And, unfortunately, all the meds and therapy in the world aren't preventing repeated depressive episodes and I can't live a fully functioning, happy life as a result (or hold down a proper job, or have a social life etc etc etc).

<snip>

Please don't be such a fatalist but if that's your plan then PLEASE revisit this thread and contact me, WELL BEFORE you take any action.

Things will change, NEVER forget that.

LIFE, fleeting as it is, is still PRECIOUS. it took me a couple of attempts at my own life to appreciate that.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Our Discord Server invitation link is https://discord.gg/jB2qmRrxyD

Offline makadone7dayz3

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 76
  • Reputation Power: 15
  • makadone7dayz3 is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:April 30, 2017, 04:20:58 AM
  • Welcome to our community forum ...
Re: Just a question
« Reply #31 on: October 29, 2015, 07:00:27 PM »
If your single and unattached then i think you have a right to kill yourself. [if i were to factor in my religious beliefs, i would say noone ever has a right to take their own life because your life is mot your own]. If you have any kids or people who depend on you for care, then you dont get to kill yourself. I think you never stop being a parent, so once you have kids you cant kill yourself.

Killing yourself when you have young children is one of the most selfish acts i can think of.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Elevated

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Oct 2015
  • Location: WA State
  • Posts: 72
  • Reputation Power: 4
  • Elevated is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:January 26, 2016, 11:16:17 PM
  • Our Community Board
Re: Just a question
« Reply #32 on: October 29, 2015, 07:16:33 PM »
I just really wish I knew what happened when you die.  That would solve so many problems.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Zoops

  • Filius non bonum de canis femina.
  • Deceased
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Join Date: May 2015
  • Location: Nodsville-on-Patawomeck, Virginia, USA
  • Posts: 1684
  • Reputation Power: 58
  • Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.Zoops has got loads of potential.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 29, 2017, 04:49:02 AM
  • Keeping the wolves at bay with a sharp stick.
Re: Just a question
« Reply #33 on: October 29, 2015, 07:46:23 PM »
I just really wish I knew what happened when you die.  That would solve so many problems.

Part of the design is that we don't get to know that. But there are tons and tons of NDE reports of things. Look up the book "Proof of Heaven," by Eben Alexander, MD. Not a religious book by any stretch.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
"The future ain't what it used to be."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
- Yogi Berra

"Drugs are so fucking good....that they'll ruin your life."
- Louis C.K.

Offline Elevated

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Oct 2015
  • Location: WA State
  • Posts: 72
  • Reputation Power: 4
  • Elevated is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:January 26, 2016, 11:16:17 PM
  • Our Community Board
Re: Just a question
« Reply #34 on: October 29, 2015, 11:26:47 PM »
I just really wish I knew what happened when you die.  That would solve so many problems.

Part of the design is that we don't get to know that. But there are tons and tons of NDE reports of things. Look up the book "Proof of Heaven," by Eben Alexander, MD. Not a religious book by any stretch.

I understand that and I understand I will most likely never fully understand what happens after death until it happens to me (and even then, I might not understand it because I might not be there to understand it) - it's just a wish.

As for NDEs, I've read up on them a bit - but I just don't buy that if someone can be brought back that they were ever really dead to begin with.  Doesn't make them uninteresting or anything, I just don't think it's a full "death" experience.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Chip

  • Server Admin
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Join Date: Dec 2014
  • Location: Australia
  • Posts: 6648
  • Reputation Power: 0
  • Chip has hidden their reputation power
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:Yesterday at 05:53:23 PM
  • Deeply Confused Learner
  • Profession: IT Engineer
Re: Just a question
« Reply #35 on: November 03, 2015, 05:09:09 PM »
i support euthanasia BECAUSE it's all about timing.

get your affairs in order, slowly peel off and remove all the various social circle layers of your life.

slowly drugged off to death, hoping to return again one day.

by demand.

Suicide is just lose-lose, i now see it as.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
Our Discord Server invitation link is https://discord.gg/jB2qmRrxyD

Offline corlene

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Location: Ft. Lauderdale
  • Posts: 371
  • Reputation Power: 12
  • corlene is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 30, 2016, 08:32:51 AM
  • I alternate morphine and dilaudid in my PCA
Re: Just a question
« Reply #36 on: November 03, 2015, 05:29:43 PM »
@elevated,

I've been dead for over 45 seconds. I didn't see a light at the end of a tunnel.
I had no pulse, 0 blood pressure, obviously no respiratory action.

I was shocked 4 times, when I woke up 3 days later my sternum and 9 ribs were broken from the chest compressions.

Not fun, especially waking up and trying to rip the breathing tube and urinary cat out at the same time.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Riddick">Riddick

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Banned!
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 310
  • Reputation Power: 4
  • <s>Riddick</s> is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:December 23, 2015, 10:59:01 PM
Re: Just a question
« Reply #37 on: November 06, 2015, 03:08:51 PM »
@elevated,

I've been dead for over 45 seconds. I didn't see a light at the end of a tunnel.
I had no pulse, 0 blood pressure, obviously no respiratory action.

I was shocked 4 times, when I woke up 3 days later my sternum and 9 ribs were broken from the chest compressions.

Not fun, especially waking up and trying to rip the breathing tube and urinary cat out at the same time.
I definitely wanna know what happened now...Car wreck or a savage beating?
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline corlene

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Location: Ft. Lauderdale
  • Posts: 371
  • Reputation Power: 12
  • corlene is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 30, 2016, 08:32:51 AM
  • I alternate morphine and dilaudid in my PCA
Re: Just a question
« Reply #38 on: November 06, 2015, 04:40:20 PM »
Stroke.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Riddick">Riddick

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Banned!
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 310
  • Reputation Power: 4
  • <s>Riddick</s> is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:December 23, 2015, 10:59:01 PM
Re: Just a question
« Reply #39 on: November 06, 2015, 04:46:57 PM »
Stroke.
Right. Well, if you need help, in whatever fashion, pm me.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2015, 04:49:00 PM by Riddick »
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline corlene

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Location: Ft. Lauderdale
  • Posts: 371
  • Reputation Power: 12
  • corlene is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 30, 2016, 08:32:51 AM
  • I alternate morphine and dilaudid in my PCA
Re: Just a question
« Reply #40 on: November 06, 2015, 04:57:21 PM »
Thanks for the offer. Suprisingly the only lasting effect from that is a shake in my left hand that isn't noticeable unless I stick out both hands and you compare them.

I lucked out on that one. Apparently it was caused by traveling on planes for extended times, all the pressure and such dislodged a clot in a leg or something.

friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline Riddick">Riddick

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Banned!
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 310
  • Reputation Power: 4
  • <s>Riddick</s> is new on the scene.
  • Last Login:December 23, 2015, 10:59:01 PM
Re: Just a question
« Reply #41 on: November 06, 2015, 05:29:55 PM »
Thanks for the offer. Suprisingly the only lasting effect from that is a shake in my left hand that isn't noticeable unless I stick out both hands and you compare them.

I lucked out on that one. Apparently it was caused by traveling on planes for extended times, all the pressure and such dislodged a clot in a leg or something.
Your doctor said the leg-clot was dislodged by traveling in a airplane?
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline corlene

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2015
  • Location: Ft. Lauderdale
  • Posts: 371
  • Reputation Power: 12
  • corlene is new on the scene.
  • Gender: Male
  • Last Login:September 30, 2016, 08:32:51 AM
  • I alternate morphine and dilaudid in my PCA
Re: Just a question
« Reply #42 on: November 06, 2015, 05:41:49 PM »
That's what the neurologist suspected at the time, or at the very least caused them to form.
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions

Offline makita

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Location:
  • Posts: 255
  • Reputation Power: 26
  • makita is now quite familiar.makita is now quite familiar.
  • Last Login:March 07, 2019, 05:50:39 PM
Re: Just a question
« Reply #43 on: November 06, 2015, 05:42:15 PM »
Wow so much raw pain in this thread.  I admire all of you for your honesty.

I agree with what skramamme said about how a suicidal person's brain is broken and they are not capable of thinking clearly, or foreseeing the pain and trauma of others who may be dependent on them.  This is not a great example but sometimes I think about it like how you can have these great lofty plans and reasons to quit, but then when you're really dope sick all of those things can seem unreal, or less important, than your current agony.  It's not at all logical and that is the point--very few people who are suicidally depressed or for other mental illness reasons are capable of seeing their situation logically while in the depths of their pain (as opposed to those who have made a conscious, planned decision to die). 

I also think there's a difference between suicidal depression or transitory suicidal thinking, and people who have recurring mental illness and have made a conscious planned decision to die that makes sense to them when they are NOT in the throes of their illness.

I dont know you well enough to think which of those you fall under, skramamme; it sounds like there are some aspects of your plans that are thought out over the long term, and others that may be distorted...Like the idea that there is some threshold your daugher can pass after which she would be safe from the trauma of her mother's suicide, and would merely grieve for you like any other normal death, instead of being shattered by it.  That seems like something you tell yourself when you don't feel you have a choice in the matter. 

So what seems like a clear and matter of fact situation on the surface may be filled with the same uncertainty, fear, and regret on the inside that is so upsetting for people in the middle of an irrational suicidal cycle.

I think its likely that your daughter alreadys feels on some unconscious level what you're feeling and planning.  And I don't say that to make you feel guilty at all, but just to acknowledge that you can't be holding something this huge and not have it be present in that relationship in some way.  Its like how the kids always start acting out when the parents are getting a divorce, even if they haven't been told yet, and then when finally its explained to them they calm down because all the tension and anxiety in the house makes sense finally.  The problem with never acknowledging the elephant in the room is the kid starts to think she's the one with the trunk.  Maybe as she grows a different way of holding onto these feelings will become possible for both of you, and that release of pressure and loneliness could be a tremendous relief.

No matter what I have huge respect for your time and your commitment to your daughter, and I would never call you selfish.  Most parents have no idea what you've gone through and what it took to keep you from losing it already. 

I hope when she grows up maybe something will have shifted for you, but if it hasn't, I'm sure you will ultimately do the best you can for your daughter and also for yourself.  People who kill themselves are almost always doing the best they can, even if it doesn't seem like that from the outside. 
« Last Edit: November 06, 2015, 06:03:24 PM by makita »
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
something something drug war, social justice blah blah

Offline Daughter of Dionysus

  • HeAd Is The Shit Up In This Bitch
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Join Date: Jun 2015
  • Location: In the calm of the eye of the Storm
  • Posts: 788
  • Reputation Power: 38
  • Daughter of Dionysus is working their way up.Daughter of Dionysus is working their way up.Daughter of Dionysus is working their way up.
  • Gender: Female
  • Last Login:August 12, 2017, 11:25:29 AM
  • Don't Laugh, I'm Being Cool
Re: Just a question
« Reply #44 on: November 06, 2015, 05:42:52 PM »
Stroke.
Right. Well, if you need help, in whatever fashion, pm me.

Well that was
The post I have ever seen you make
friendly
0
funny
0
informative
0
agree
0
disagree
0
like
0
dislike
0
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
No reactions
We are all curious about
The things
That may harm us

-Federico Garcia Lorca

Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity!
- BulletTooth Tony

Tags:
 


dopetalk does not endorse any advertised product nor does it accept any liability for it's use or misuse





TERMS AND CONDITIONS

In no event will d&u or any person involved in creating, producing, or distributing site information be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, punitive, special or consequential damages arising out of the use of or inability to use d&u. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless d&u, its domain founders, sponsors, maintainers, server administrators, volunteers and contributors from and against all liability, claims, damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from the use of any part of the d&u site.


TO USE THIS WEBSITE YOU MUST AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS ABOVE


Founded December 2014
SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal