Just a question

[Zoops]

yeah, I was talking to an old Black dude the day before yesterday and told him the whole story. Stupid as shit, í know.

But damn I miss that guy. Almost seems a bit gay for me to miss another man so much.

- Zoops

[Opus]

I witnessed something very similar to Sue, young father got selfish and offed himself, leaving a toddler. Kid is fucked for life, fucked from the day his mom told him what happened to his dad. He probably got some great genes from his dad too, two perfectly good lives fucked over some some temporary bullshit.

Just horrible.

[Anti-hero (OP)]

yeah, I was talking to an old Black dude the day before yesterday and told him the whole story. Stupid as shit, í know.

But damn I miss that guy. Almost seems a bit gay for me to miss another man so much.

- Zoops

That's not gay at all. There are guy friends that I have list that I can say I really loved them.

[Anti-hero (OP)]

I witnessed something very similar to Sue, young father got selfish and offed himself, leaving a toddler. Kid is fucked for life, fucked from the day his mom told him what happened to his dad. He probably got some great genes from his dad too, two perfectly good lives fucked over some some temporary bullshit.

Just horrible.

To borrow someone's else's line
Living in the shadow of a man I barley new
I know your you mother and your brother and your sister too
Man I wish that I knew you.

I think of this allot it's like how, what was going through their mind when they did it.

And it's the exact opposite for me. My sister is older and has memory off my dad.I don't our the ones I do have are not reliable
Bedside I was to young.
She has the normal life
Me I'm fucked form the get

[suboxstitute]

Wow. Hero I had no idea.   I am sorry for your loss, although that is lame it's all I've got.    Losing a parent young (or a child @any age) is MUCH harder in my experience than losing a spouse/partner.  It just is. 

And I am sorry for everyone who's had to go through something like this; I do understand pain (and I do understand suicide if there is no hope, as in a terminal illness). 

One could argue that depression is (in some cases) a terminal illness.  But it doesn't have to be.  And it is truly horrific what it does to a kid's self-esteem. 

[St. Theresa]

My sister just last week on a tri-polar drug induced episode basically made a noose, hung it in the garage and announced to my mother and her 8 year old son that she was ending it all. Because no one loves her, she is a joke and a bunch of shit that just isn't true.

Very sad and very sick. My little nephew looked at my mother and said that his mother is selfish. He said anyone who would do that is selfish. All my mom could do is tell him if she does it's not his fault.

Even threatening to kill ones self is damaging to loved ones. It's taking people's emotions hostage and fucked up as all shit.

[puppy]

Feeling for you guys...so sorry for all the loss...




I do have a question...Chops made me think of it...my brother's girlfriend has never told her children how their father died...I am concerned that they will find out by other means and be very angered by this...I do understand not telling the youngest at the time ( he was 5 ) but she has yet to tell any of them...the two oldest are in their early 20's now...I think she's making a mistake keeping it from them....

[suboxstitute]

Feeling for you guys...so sorry for all the loss...




I do have a question...Chops made me think of it...my brother's girlfriend has never told her children how their father died...I am concerned that they will find out by other means and be very angered by this...I do understand not telling the youngest at the time ( he was 5 ) but she has yet to tell any of them...the two oldest are in their early 20's now...I think she's making a mistake keeping it from them....

OMG she has to tell them!  Terrible if they find out by other means; I took my little boy (when he was 5 years old) to a child shrink and we were able to tell him "daddy's brain was sick and he did a terrible thing, etc. etc".     He didn't really process it until later - hell, he's in his 30's now and STILL hasn't really processed it - but those kids HAVE to know they can trust and depend on their remaining parent ... that she'll always be straight up with them.  Wonder how she's kept it quiet so long?   Again, imo terrible if they find out from someone else.

The more we talk about suicide (as in "depression kills") the less stigma will occur and the more education will happen. 

[puppy]

Feeling for you guys...so sorry for all the loss...




I do have a question...Chops made me think of it...my brother's girlfriend has never told her children how their father died...I am concerned that they will find out by other means and be very angered by this...I do understand not telling the youngest at the time ( he was 5 ) but she has yet to tell any of them...the two oldest are in their early 20's now...I think she's making a mistake keeping it from them....

OMG she has to tell them!  Terrible if they find out by other means; I took my little boy (when he was 5 years old) to a child shrink and we were able to tell him "daddy's brain was sick and he did a terrible thing, etc. etc".     He didn't really process it until later - hell, he's in his 30's now and STILL hasn't really processed it - but those kids HAVE to know they can trust and depend on their remaining parent ... that she'll always be straight up with them.  Wonder how she's kept it quiet so long?   Again, imo terrible if they find out from someone else.

The more we talk about suicide (as in "depression kills") the less stigma will occur and the more education will happen.

I totally agree with you...she told the older two he died of a heart attack...not sure about the youngest....I just feel they will resent and or not trust her after they find out...

[Jega]

My mom off'ed herself on Fentanyl. I've never publicly admitted that before out in the open like this. That was before but this thread hit me.

Do you hsve Kids?

This changed them. Forever. I know people say it doesn't. To be frank the are make the shit trying to make the best of a saturation.

[puppy]

My mom off'ed herself on Fentanyl. I've never publicly admitted that before out in the open like this. That was before but this thread hit me.

Do you hsve Kids?

This changed them. Forever. I know people say it doesn't. To be frank the are make the shit trying to make the best of a saturation.

Jega....I'm so very sorry...I meant no disrespect in my posts....
As a matter of fact...night before last my Mom had another stroke...this is her second one...she can't walk without help and while it could have been a lot worse...tonight she was threatening to kill herself...her biggest fear is to be a complete invalid depending on someone else...

I'm sorry Jega....



Edit to add....yes I have 2 kids

[Riddick">Riddick]

My sister just last week on a tri-polar drug induced episode basically made a noose, hung it in the garage and announced to my mother and her 8 year old son that she was ending it all. Because no one loves her, she is a joke and a bunch of shit that just isn't true.

Very sad and very sick. My little nephew looked at my mother and said that his mother is selfish. He said anyone who would do that is selfish. All my mom could do is tell him if she does it's not his fault.

Even threatening to kill ones self is damaging to loved ones. It's taking people's emotions hostage and fucked up as all shit.

Do you want me to suffer or take my life? For a lot of people its not just a temporary thing. They cant find happiness on a daily basis. Here, Ill stay miserable everyday of my life so that lil Johnny can say his aunt didnt kill herself. If this truly affects me everyday from now till then, then how long is "X" gonna miss me after Im gone compared to the suffrage Im going to face to stay on this earth and pleasse the thought of him not having to go through " trauma".

[St. Theresa]

My sister just last week on a tri-polar drug induced episode basically made a noose, hung it in the garage and announced to my mother and her 8 year old son that she was ending it all. Because no one loves her, she is a joke and a bunch of shit that just isn't true.

Very sad and very sick. My little nephew looked at my mother and said that his mother is selfish. He said anyone who would do that is selfish. All my mom could do is tell him if she does it's not his fault.

Even threatening to kill ones self is damaging to loved ones. It's taking people's emotions hostage and fucked up as all shit.

Do you want me to suffer or take my life? For a lot of people its not just a temporary thing. They cant find happiness on a daily basis. Here, Ill stay miserable everyday of my life so that lil Johnny can say his aunt didnt kill herself. If this truly affects me everyday from now till then, then how long is "X" gonna miss me after Im gone compared to the suffrage Im going to face to stay on this earth and pleasse the thought of him not having to go through " trauma".

Hmm. Well, let's see ...were you threatening to kill yourself in this thread? I have no idea why you're even quoting me. I'm talking about a temporary issues, and if someone isn't even trying to help themselves then I can't help them either.

Kill yourself.

Feel better?

[Jega]

Kill yourself.

Feel better?

All the time.

[Anti-hero (OP)]

Kill yourself.

Feel better?

All the time.

La petite mort (the little death )
If you dint know what it means Google
If it was just that easy
Pretty sure that brings life

Yea when I posted this I wasn't talking about
The persons pain
It was more on what's
Left behind

Most of us who have been left behind
Well eventually come to the conclusion
That if it was that much pain

But when that person reaches that point
Are they aware of the collateral damage.
And if so does it push them more?

If it's not a medical issue
Then allot of these things can be corrected
Matter of fact if it's medical
Then I don't even think you should call it that

Emotional pain.
That's what drugs are for

[skramamme]

Sory Hero1, this doesn't answer your questions specifically but some of these comments just ugh, make me so mad.

My partner (my fucking soul mate) killed himself when I was pregnant with our only child 11 years ago and he wasn't selfish- he was sick.
Depression is an illness that can be fucking crippling, just as goddamn debilitating as physical illnesses can be.

His suicide absolutely fucked me up, but I get why he did it and I have also felt as if the greatest gift I could give my loved ones is to release them from having me as a burden in their lives when I have been in the grips of my depression... that's how you see it when you're in the pit. So don't talk about selfish this and selfish that- a person's mind isn't working properly when they are suicidal FFS.

I have an 11 year old and I am a fucking recluse because of my anxiety- you think it's good for her? I didn't expect my illness to get this bad and I sure as shit didn't expect my partner to gas himself when I was 4 months pregnant but it is what it is and I deal with it as best I can.
 
I am pretty confident that I will end my life when my beautiful daughter has moved out and has a fulfilled, adult life.
Why? Because my bipolar II and depression keeps coming back and I am already in my mid 40's.
And, unfortunately, all the meds and therapy in the world aren't preventing repeated depressive episodes and I can't live a fully functioning, happy life as a result (or hold down a proper job, or have a social life etc etc etc).

And FTR, how fucking selfish is it of you (general you) to expect someone to hang around hating their lives simply because you can't handle missing someone? Isn't that selfish too? Putting your feels before their chance at peace?

And as for the inevitable "you shouldn't have had a kid if you think like that" comments;
I didn't think I could fall pregnant, I was 34 years old and when my partner killed himself and I didn't have a termination because I had a breakdown and was incapable of making any sort of decision like that.
Plus, when my daughter came into my world she gave me a reason to keep going.

But she wont always be here, so I am ok with the use by date coming up.

It doesn't help that I didn't get a proper diagnosis until my kid was around 7 years old, so I didn't realise I had issues that getting my shit together wouldn't fix (ie, getting clean, moving to a better area etc... I thought that would solve the problems but it didn't).
I didn't realise this shit was for life.

Hindsight is always 20/20 vision and all that... would I have had my daughter if I had the chance over again? Maybe (she's fucking awesome and I love her so goddamn much it scares me sometimes) but maybe not, because my MI is hard on her too and she didn't ask for that.

Honestly, what are you supposed to do if the symptoms keep getting worse as you age? Drag your sorry arse through another 30 years of life feeling hopeless, isolated and miserable with chronic anxiety to spare other people feeling sad for a little while? Fuck that noise.